Help me understand this ENFJs actions.
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INFP here in desperate love/hate with an ENFJ...so here we go!
I've been interested in an ENFJ boy for a few years now and due to a lying INTP friend he now knows (even though he always had some idea) that I had strong feelings for him. He was very enthused to hear this as he always had a thing for me as well. He was highly flirtatious with me which tickled me pink and even went through the trouble of buying a tux with his own money and such even though he's out of school and saving up for college. He tells my friends that I'm the most beautiful thing that's ever lived and finds my innocent nature absolutely charming.
Then he runs off with a skank lol, but the reason for this is apparently because a friend of mine told him that I am clueless about sex and am unwilling to have it with him before marriage...which is untrue...so the relationship with skank (sorry but she is...she's like our town whore hahaha ). Lasted a week. When I talk to him again he tells me that he's not I'm the mood for dating and that I should let my "schoolgirl crush" blow over. That hurt. Yet he still talks to other girls like he's interested but in a very apathetic way. Like he's extremely hurt...that's how he always sounds now. I'm afraid he may have taken it that I was never really interested in the first place. I hate seeing him so upset and not being able to help him.
The weirder part is while he really doesn't talk to me anymore...if he ever sees me anywhere and has to be around me for an extended period of time he just umm...like attaches himself to me like he never said anything about me having an immature crush on him. He gets extremely attentive of my feelings above any other person in the room...then when its time for me or him to leave he completely ignores that I'm alive.
I still have very strong feelings for him and want to help him...but he acts like I no longer exist. Should I just move on (though I will be seeing him every once in a while) or is there anything I can do. Just what is up with this guys actions?
I've been interested in an ENFJ boy for a few years now and due to a lying INTP friend he now knows (even though he always had some idea) that I had strong feelings for him. He was very enthused to hear this as he always had a thing for me as well. He was highly flirtatious with me which tickled me pink and even went through the trouble of buying a tux with his own money and such even though he's out of school and saving up for college. He tells my friends that I'm the most beautiful thing that's ever lived and finds my innocent nature absolutely charming.
Then he runs off with a skank lol, but the reason for this is apparently because a friend of mine told him that I am clueless about sex and am unwilling to have it with him before marriage...which is untrue...so the relationship with skank (sorry but she is...she's like our town whore hahaha ). Lasted a week. When I talk to him again he tells me that he's not I'm the mood for dating and that I should let my "schoolgirl crush" blow over. That hurt. Yet he still talks to other girls like he's interested but in a very apathetic way. Like he's extremely hurt...that's how he always sounds now. I'm afraid he may have taken it that I was never really interested in the first place. I hate seeing him so upset and not being able to help him.
The weirder part is while he really doesn't talk to me anymore...if he ever sees me anywhere and has to be around me for an extended period of time he just umm...like attaches himself to me like he never said anything about me having an immature crush on him. He gets extremely attentive of my feelings above any other person in the room...then when its time for me or him to leave he completely ignores that I'm alive.
I still have very strong feelings for him and want to help him...but he acts like I no longer exist. Should I just move on (though I will be seeing him every once in a while) or is there anything I can do. Just what is up with this guys actions?
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Two approaches. 1. Just lay it all on the line be aggressive and tell yourself if he doesn't bite you will move on.
2 . Ask him to him to go somewhere really fun and memorable. Then ask him after the really good time. Usually that is the window of oppotunity!
2 . Ask him to him to go somewhere really fun and memorable. Then ask him after the really good time. Usually that is the window of oppotunity!
This probably isn't very helpful....sorry!...but my initial thought is "sheesh, if he's that easily put off, you're better off without him." He abandons you at the first lie he hears? He goes with a "skank?" Clearly easy sex is important to him. Just something to consider. If he's attracted to that sort of person, do you want him to be attracted to you?
I'd probably confront him about everything and lay it all out in the open. Say where you stand, tell him what he heard was wrong and ask what made him change his attitude towards you.
I'd probably confront him about everything and lay it all out in the open. Say where you stand, tell him what he heard was wrong and ask what made him change his attitude towards you.
Actually I was going to say something similar... It's a hard word to hear but yeah, I agree.
Ditto. Don't ignore the signs. We tend to blow these things off if we really like someone and our idealism takes over blocking the truth. The reality is....later, it could be him cheating on you after marriage, and blaming you b/c the sex wasn't "good enough". (for example) It takes two to tango.....they are both skanks. Run and don't look back.
Thanks for the help guys. I guess I'm just a little too idealistic. He once wasn't like this at all...but I guess people do change for the worst sometime. If he asks for my help with anything I wont refuse though...
Why????????
Because he has helped me with my problems in the past as a friend! Should I avoid being just friends with him too!? I'm sorry...I just can't stop helping think he could be the person he once was I guess...ahhh my stupid idealism lol
Well.....the reason I asked you what I did, was to kind of help you see that your idealism is still holding out for hope here. Since he's not good relationship material, it would probably be best for you to put a strong boundary there. Think of it as the alcoholic who cannot have just one drink.:wink:
We secretly desire that we are going to be THE ONE to make all the difference in the world. We're "special" and "different." Once they get to know us, they will see our uniqueness and all others will look like mushy trash compared to "us." (insert love songs here.) Movies have made millions being crafted around this belief enticing us that much more.
Know what the hardest thing is about discovering infidelity in a relationship? It's not gathering evidence or those types of things. It's getting past the "love like ours" mentality. For the betrayed individual to be willing to face the fact that..their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend was capable of doing such a thing is THE biggest hurdle. Once they do accept this, and look back into the past? Suddenly the idealistic glasses come off, and they see all the signs they failed to see before. This guy is giving you signs here and well......we're just trying to help you see them for the reality that it is.
We secretly desire that we are going to be THE ONE to make all the difference in the world. We're "special" and "different." Once they get to know us, they will see our uniqueness and all others will look like mushy trash compared to "us." (insert love songs here.) Movies have made millions being crafted around this belief enticing us that much more.
Know what the hardest thing is about discovering infidelity in a relationship? It's not gathering evidence or those types of things. It's getting past the "love like ours" mentality. For the betrayed individual to be willing to face the fact that..their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend was capable of doing such a thing is THE biggest hurdle. Once they do accept this, and look back into the past? Suddenly the idealistic glasses come off, and they see all the signs they failed to see before. This guy is giving you signs here and well......we're just trying to help you see them for the reality that it is.
Thanks guys for helping me with this. I'm young and I know that ill mess up but you guys have helped me avoid one big mistake. You guys, when positive help me a lot and always make things clearer. I hope that one day I meet a better ENFJ that appreciates me more.
Thanks guys for helping me with this. I'm young and I know that ill mess up but you guys have helped me avoid one big mistake. You guys, when positive help me a lot and always make things clearer. I hope that one day I meet a better ENFJ that appreciates me more.
Well.. I'm thinking.. thatt "skank" gave him the total wrong idea about a relationship...
He probably said what thing that really hurt you...like your crush thing cause he was hurt and just probably didn't know what else to say..
Truthfully i dont think he hates you.. but he's just scared?
Or.. maybe he truly just doesn't have feelings anymore..
I would give him space.. and let him come too you? try to do some things.. and dont block him out.. but dont let him hrut you either. I'm sorry
He probably said what thing that really hurt you...like your crush thing cause he was hurt and just probably didn't know what else to say..
Truthfully i dont think he hates you.. but he's just scared?
Or.. maybe he truly just doesn't have feelings anymore..
I would give him space.. and let him come too you? try to do some things.. and dont block him out.. but dont let him hrut you either. I'm sorry
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