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I'm an ENFP female in my late 20's and have been tormented by/head-over-heals in love with an ESTP man since I was 18! But I really can't figure out where he is coming from anymore and would love any input from other ESTPs....

I met Mr. ESTP my first day of college. We were attracted to each other like magnets and were inseparable for two years straight. We were both big partiers and had a lot of fun together, didn't fight at all, had AMAZING sex, etc. About two years into the relationship I found out from a mutual friend that he was cheating on me and I broke it off. (He admitted to it when I confronted him.) He immediately began a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with and I didn't talk to him at all for two more years until I graduated from college.

Then one day out of the blue I run into Mr. ESTP at a local grocery store. He told me that he missed me and wanted to get dinner to hang out/chat, etc. Like I said, he's the love of my life and I was never really over him, so I agreed to meet him.(Plus, I was single at the time.) We had a great time/great conversation, etc. and one thing led to another... ahem. Again, sparks flew and I fell in love with him all over again (and the sex was, once again, great.) We continued seeing each other for about 2 months until he finally fessed up that he was STILL dating the girl he cheated on me with and had actually bought a house with her and was living with her! (Very typical ESTP, right? :happy:) Again, I was really hurt and pissed off and stopped talking to him again.

Fast forward 5 more years. I get a call from Mr. ESTP right before X-Mas. Same song and dance - he misses me, wants to hang out, etc. He tells me that his live-in girlfriend found out he was cheating on her (with the secretary at his office- will this guy ever learn?) and that she had kicked him out and broke up with him. This time I was much more wary (obviously) and I am now in a serious relationship with someone else. I decided to meet up with him in a neutral spot. He kept making advances, but I shot him down and told him I can't be physical with him now that I'm in a relationship. We still had a good time, and he kept calling me for three months straight wanting to hang out all of the time. I did hang out with him a lot during this time, but he didn't try to make any advances and just kept things friendly. I liked having him as a friend and again, we always have a great time together everytime we hang out.

Last week we hung out and he just swooped down and kissed me out of the blue. When I asked him why he did it and why he keeps calling me in the first place, Mr. ESTP said, "Well, you're my really good friend - I've known you for 10 years..." (REALLY GOOD FRIEND!?!??! Huh?!?!?) Mr. ESTP then proceeded to tell me that if I really loved my boyfriend I wouldn't be there with him right now and that I should break up with him and move in with him! I was totally dumbfounded and didn't know what to say.

Now Mr. ESTP hasn't called me in a week and won't answer my phone calls. WTF. Where is this guy coming from?!?!? I know I should probably just tell him to Fu*@ off, but I really do love him a lot and it will be really hard for me to do so because I have such strong feelings for him and I will be heartbroken. (Typical procratination from an ENFP...)

Why do you think he calls me? I don't think it's for sex only, as he always has other girlfriends and numerous other female followers to give that piece to him. But if he just wanted a friendship out of me, why would he kiss me? Also, what the hell is with this come-on-strong and then stop calling thing all about?

Sorry this turned into a book. :laughing: HELP!
 

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The Doer King
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Seems as though you are enabling him. He is a douche, so stop hanging out with him.
 
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MOTM Nov 2010
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Sorry. I feel for you. But I really can't help you there. :confused:
 

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WOW. It seems like this ESTP is a real charmer. It sounds like you want a committed relationship from this guy but all he wants is your coochie. I don't see this working out.
 
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