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Okay, I have a problem...and need some help...

I'm Addicted to Porn. ..

And i'm not sure if I want to "quit". ..

I dont know where to start. Just like any younger dude in the 90/00's, porn was right in my face. .. I'm a 23 year old male. I've had 1 gf over my life... You see, i want to get another girl.... but I don't know how to win one over (i'm not ugly at all, but by no means am i worth a double take either)..and being and infp makes me quiet, shy, not assertive...leaving the girl to do the first real move...and i feel unworthy because of my addiction.

I've stuggled with it for years. the one time i was able to conquer it (for like a year or so i think)...feww months later I suddenly got a girl..this was a few years ago. we dated for like 11 months and broke up. while i never had "sex" we were sexually active... which is er was awesome... but it left me wanting...a release. so somehow i just reverted back to the porn...and this cycle happens a lot. I "quit" for a certain amount of time...a week...months...and then suddenly i'm sucked back in

I know that porn is chemically addicting and that your brain doesn't care how you get off (aka doesn't know if you're having sex or watching porn) ... it just wants it to happen often and in the quickest and easiest way (and when it does those feel good chemicals get released)... and I want to stop... but yet at the very same time...I do have a high sex drive...and if i stop i have no release...I mean I can't ever play my cards right with girls.. I've never had a "random" hook up...and I don't know how to change that...or if I do want to change it. I mean, i basically need a girl to make the moves or tell me she wants me to make the moves. even when i'm pretty sure a lady likes me I just can't bring myself to make moves. with the only girl i've kissed...my only gf...it took me almost a month to kiss her...and that was after daily teasing from her for weeks....i think she liked it lol

It seems like one of those catch 22's...that's all in my head....I want a girl (obviously for more than some sexual release...i mean beyond this problem my life is in great order..) but don't feel worthy. but feel like i can't quit porn until I do find another way to release...

its not like its ruining my life...my life is actually great beyond this. it doesn't control me...though there are days i'm hornier than others... instead its like a daily routine at night....brush the teeth, do some homework...look at porn....go to bed. then feel really guilty and wonder why I can't quit. I'm in a love hate relationship with it...

does anyone else feel the same? what can I do? how do I stop? advice? comments? suggestions?
 

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You're at your sexual prime, just about everyone has a high labido around now. If you truly think yours is abnormal then consider other distractions like working out, world of warcraft (ha!) or something else. Regardless, how often are we talking "getting off" anyways? Personal question, but may give some scope as to whether it truly is a problem.

As for dating, maybe consider trying a dating site like PlentyOfFish. It's free and a number of the girls on there are in similar waters, minus the porn addiction (maybe).
 

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Whatever you do, stay the fuck away from Mmorpgs, if you have the slightest hint of being prone to addiction.
Been there, done that, and still isn't really 'free'.
 

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The longest I've gone without masturbating since I first started was seven months. Now I'm back to doing it daily, and my fantasies are more disturbing than ever. I've already done it eight times today and will probably do it again after I am done posting here.

One thing I've noticed is that the more I think about not wanting to do it, the more likely I am to do it. Boredom while alone can be dangerous, so either try to be around other people, or try to have other interesting activities planned for yourself. During the time when I managed to quit, I did it by focusing on how it would feel if I were already sexually satisfied, lying in my lover's arms, rather than fantasizing about any kind of buildup to that point. Lately, I am delving into my ultimate sexual darkness intentionally as part of the process of understanding, accepting, and overcoming the feelings that make me need to masturbate, but this seems to mean that things are going to get a lot worse before they can get better.

I have been making a special blog where I post everything I encounter that makes me feel the urge, whether it is appropriate or not. So far, most of the blog posts relate images and stories to my childhood fears about kidnapping, abuse, martyrdom and extreme violence. I think if I could overcome those fears somehow, I would no longer be addicted to masturbating.

http://snailinfp.tumblr.com/

Be warned. My special blog contains pornographic images, articles about torture, very personal confessions, and some nudity, so if you are already prone to addiction, find such things disturbing, or are under the legal age, I don't recommend clicking my link. I find everything in it extremely disturbing, which is why it excites me on some primal, uncontrollable level. I am doing this as a form of therapy and psychological self-exploration.


Mods, feel free to remove my link if this if you feel that it is inappropriate. I thought that it would be acceptable because of the meaning and context, but this is understandably debatable. I'm not sure if it crosses the line.
 

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Just some personal thoughts for discussion, I'm definitely not a professional, so take it or leave it.

I think the solution is not attaching so much guilt or periods of repression to your actions. The more you get down on yourself about it the deeper the hole you dig. You aren't hurting anyone so maybe instead accept that this is what you do, and find a peace with it for now. Some evolutionary biologists argue we stood/reclined in caves and watched sex occur all around us for thousands of years, which probably stimulated us to eventually want to engage in it ourselves. For all you know your next partner might be as involved in porn a you are and it's something you can comfortably share together.

If you became compulsive enough with it, that it really did begin to intrude on your everyday life in a disruptive way, then you would want to examine your psychological state a lot closer, most serious addictions signal underlying pain, emotional distress or possible mood disorders.

Perhaps the thrill you get from porn is the bad/evil/dirty you've attached to it, so bringing it out in the light as you've done here is a good first step releasing some of the dirty secret power you've given it, which I'm guessing Snail has done with her blog, a form of exposure therapy, letting it run it's course while objectively observing.
 

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Just reminded me of a porn star that went "clean."

Taking sex addiction seriously - Healthzone.ca

Main Quotes:
"Treatment for sexual addiction involves abandoning the unhealthy sexual behaviours and, after a period of abstinence, developing healthy sexual functioning with a primary partner – which often requires learning how to function in a healthy emotional way,
The 26-year-old figures she has had sex with roughly 1,000 people. She says sex addiction is better described as an intimacy disorder.

"I've always known I've had problems with intimacy. And I knew I masturbated more than the average person, and that I didn't care about anybody that I'd slept with – and that I couldn't sleep with anybody that I cared about," she says.
As for myself, I've done a lot of different types of sexual things. I don't know if it's an INFP trait or not, but you always want to push the limits.
 

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It's sort of a subtle process to take or else you will fall apart over and over again. Meaning the orgasm will also be a failure.

Currently i'm not entirely 'clean' (whatever that means), I read pornography and quite enjoy it. Beforehand, i'd lay down for hours, reaching point; then stopping, because indecisiveness whether it was right to. Eventually I couldn't control it, ejaculate, and regret the whole trip.

However what I did was I said to myself that I wasn't going to allow myself to orgasm unless I enjoyed it.
What I would suggest is though to make sure you enjoy it before you do it, or else you will give in. Even if it is a nocturnal emission. Having that can kick my libido right back in, for a spin.

That cycle, that i'm sure a million other people talk about, yes, is vicious. If you beat yourself up for it, neither will you find satisfaction or ever enjoy the pleasure.
I don't necessarily know the answer toward finding a strictly nonporn path.
One of the things I want is to find my own internal imagination to create something more stimulating then what the internet holds. (Although that isn't always trusty)

1) If you do it, you need to enjoy it
2) Find proper stimulation
(I hate processes, but perhaps to find awareness of what you need. Which you WONT if you are already self-punishing for sexual behavior. INFPs may know their values, but not perhaps body values)

Just killing yourself from masturbating is probably a big no-no, that will just lead toward dependencies on other things. Like they say, "finding a girl to fuck".
If you truly kill your urge, the solution is called depression. (Not a statement against asexuals)
I'd find myself more attracted to someone that can take care of themselves too. As I don't want my body to be a toy for the purpose of being used. I know that I, as others, find myself wanting to be dependent at times upon an other. However I think that is better to test with something you can control, something you can actively be aware of. (Like how I see the difference of setting up a boundary vs. defending yourself - one conscious the other unconscious. The same process that if you don't take care of your sexual urges, you end up doing anyways. No control)

PS you'll find yourself longer at peace with a satisfied orgasm then with a poor one. (Like the South Park episode where Butters gets an erection)
 

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I agree with Acey. It's normal, and as long as it isn't something that is DOMINATING your life, I wouldn't worry. I mean, we all have needs, and you have the girl troubles. I don't blame you for looking at porn one bit. :happy:
 

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Dont worry. Its natural. And you will learn to live with your needs and integrate them properly into your life.
 

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You're habit is no more typical than someone who masturbates daily and does not watch porn. If its not effecting your life, then its not as bad as you make it out to be. If you really want to stop watching porn, then you would have to try to abstain for 30 days from any sexual activity so your body will adjust to the lack of chemical release. For some people this works, and some claim that they don't even have the need to do such things anymore, but for some, it just does not work.


The male sex drive can be a **** sometimes you know.
 

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Fuck, i wrote you an answer, but I lost it.
Anyway...there it goes.
Oh boy, I think I know how you feel. I'm not sure, really, but I think I do...
to me, it doesn't seem you're addicted. i know how you feel when you're just too horny and you say "hey everything in the fucking world turns me on" (LOL not exactly, does anyone know what I mean? like you would be able to do much more people than often), and really that's not bad. it doesn't seem you're addicted. some people read books when they go to bed, and you watch porn. We should leave (and you too) the idea that sex is dirty because really it is not an idea in our brains, but a social one. Watching porn makes us feel guilty, I don't know still anyone who doesn't feel like that at least for a second, and I'm not an exception.
You think you're addicted because you can't quit? Well, maybe you don't want, you know, sex is a good thing, it gives many good sensations and chemical reactions, and if sex does that, so is porn. There's nothing curious about it I guess.
Look, it doesn't matter how you are or not. If you want a girl, go get her, but you shouldn't worry that you watch porn. stop feeling guilty. I know how you feel, but at times, maybe, the wish of getting a girl it's more a peer pressure kinda thing than any other thing. At all costs, I mean. I have my very own way to work at times too, like any INFP, but you don't have to care. You are the way you are, and you have a libido, only...you're more shy than other people. Wait, because the time comes.
By the way...how can you be sexually active without having sex? I'm curious.
 
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