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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Quick question: Do you care a lot about being understood?

So I'm new here. Heck, this sounds petty. I'm not sure this post will even be seen and I certainly hope joining this page will not be as bad of an idea as joining that group. I guess I need someone to rant to, someone who can conversate eye to eye with me without trying to put themselves above me. I joined the fb page a month ago, looking for a community of people I could relate to. It was fun at times and there were a lot of cool relatable people and interesting threads. But then, it started (as someone else said) feeling more like reality than an escape from it. There were so many people just going out of their way to knock each other down (misgendering/invalidating their type b/c they didn't like something they said/ attacking/ and insulting people's appearances because they took part in a selfie trend, being deliberately vicious and hostile to each other, asserting that most of the people were fake infj's and that they were one of the few 'real' ones).

But what's really been bothering me is this: the first time I took a personality test, I got infj and it was the most spot on thing ever. I was 14 then (almost 18 now, ignore the age on my profile) and wasn't very introspective back then, couldn't fit into most places, and didn't really have a strong sense of identity. Getting my result gave me an identity (kinda like how insecure teens define themselves as a jock, a member of their family, a member of their ethnic group etc) and a way to know I was not alone and helped me learn a LOT about myself. After that, I've gotten infp, enfj, and esfj. I've now stopped trusting personality tests because I believe their questions are worded vaguely and they are incapable of taking context into account and merely overgeneralize. I often score as having high fi because I'm very unconventional but then, as someone who has failed to fit in, struggled to please everyone before I realized how many people took advantage of that and didn't deserve it, grew up on stories of eccentric protagonists, and observed the often tragic effects of conformity and not challenging the norm (bullying, prejudice, dictatorships), why wouldn't I be? I'd argue a large part of my unconventionality comes FROM my desire to preserve external harmony and not due to indifference to it. And perhaps someone with strong fi got a higher fe score because they said they respected societal norms but it's merely because their parents taught them it's important to always say please and thank you and not swear or else they're a bad person or whatever.

I believe that P. tests are a good starting point for exploration but the only way to actually confirm what you are is by doing research yourself and after taking the test once, your result won't be accurate due to preestablished bias from previous results.

But anyways, I got infp more than twice and that scared me. I felt misunderstood by the test but also scared for the blanket of comfort I had clung to for so long so I consulted the fb group. There was this one lady who was saying like 'lol if you care so much about being an infj you're definitely an infp because authenticity and fi'. And she also insisted that my desire to be understood was un-infj because infj's don't need to be understood, they just want to be accepted (well who doesn't tbh? And additionally, can you really accept/ connect with somebody without understanding them at all? Also, I'm sure if you went up to a young jock/ black person and said "You're not a real jock. You're not really black", they'd be hurt too! Doesn't mean a thing about fi). From reading other threads, I found out she seemed to think that herself being an infj meant she was right most of the time and that most of the people on the page weren't real infj's (Except for her of course). Luckily, some people came up to defend me from her self-based overgeneralizations and "well intentioned" lol's on this topic that so clearly meant so much to me.

I'm of the firm belief nobody knows you better than yourself. Ni's a definite for me and I really don't think I'm Fi dom at all now that I've done more research about it. I rant like a megaphone, as a child couldn't say no to anybody, I am constantly feeling that everyone around me is extremely inconsiderate by comparison (not saying they are), I watch closely to find out what people's needs might be, I love to help, I'm a decisive organizing freak, I change my voice dramatically depending on who I'm with (although social anxiety sometimes affects this), when I hurt somebody whether or not I'm a bad person is the least of my concerns, and I am freakishly expressive when I'm not lethargic, often waving my arms about wildly.
However, I can't help but wonder-

just what if?????(????)

what if the blanket of comfort I've clung to was but an allusion? What if I only thought I was on a path to myself only to be told I'm going the wrong direction and the right direction is somewhere I don't want to go (infp's can be lovely but I truly can't identify with them. My infj friend however, is like my twin)?

And then I (am a really obsessive, melancholy, bitter person) go ballistic in my head throughout the day and I feel so much intense, murderous anger towards these people in this group who are so eager to invalidate and so self assured in their perceptions of internet strangers as well as those who just go there to inflict hurt.

I don't even know what I want. Someone to consult on my obsessive bitter nature and my terror perhaps? Or just someone to listen so that I may feel some relief or clarity?
 

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Well if you're feeling lost, this is the perfect forum to be at. There are many people who are good at recognizing cognitive functions through writing. There's a whole subforum area just for figuring it all out and everyone from every personality that frequents there seems really nice and will work with ya until you're confident in your type.

As for the INFJ fb page, don't fret too much about it. Most of them are likely mistyped anyway, or are unhealthy, if they're belittling others. It's not the same here... sarcasm and jokes are rampant now and then... but everyone seems really nice and interested in helping others as well as understanding themselves.

This infj space on perC is rather chill, as a newbie myself, i feel comfortable sharing personal things and insights.
It only gets a bit breezy when a troll tumbles through.
 

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"Help meeeee; I joined an infj fb page and it was one of my worst ideas ever"

LMAO

I know, right?

I spent a few weeks in those INFJ-exclusive FB groups and saw nothing but spam and people who were seriously mistyped. When I asked myself "wait, I'm supposed to be one of THESE people?!", I left and never looked back. There was nothing of any value there whatsoever.

INFJ subforum here on PerC? It's a nice place. Everybody here is intelligent and open for a civilized discussion. Even if someone judges you, they're polite and remain silent about it :)
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Quick question: Do you care a lot about being understood?

So I'm new here. Heck, this sounds petty. I'm not sure this post will even be seen and I certainly hope joining this page will not be as bad of an idea as joining that group. I guess I need someone to rant to, someone who can conversate eye to eye with me without trying to put themselves above me. I joined the fb page a month ago, looking for a community of people I could relate to. It was fun at times and there were a lot of cool relatable people and interesting threads. But then, it started (as someone else said) feeling more like reality than an escape from it. There were so many people just going out of their way to knock each other down (misgendering/mistyping/ attacking/ and insulting people's appearances because they took part in a selfie trend, being deliberately vicious and hostile to each other, asserting that most of the people were fake infj's and that they were one of the few 'real' ones).

But what's really been bothering me is this: the first time I took a personality test, I got infj and it was the most spot on thing ever. I was 14 then (almost 18 now, ignore the age on my profile) and wasn't very introspective back then, couldn't fit into most places, and didn't really have a strong sense of identity. Getting my result gave me an identity (kinda like how insecure teens define themselves as a jock, a member of their family, a member of their ethnic group etc) and a way to know I was not alone and helped me learn a LOT about myself. After that, I've gotten infp, enfj, and esfj. I've now stopped trusting personality tests because I believe their questions are worded vaguely and they are incapable of taking context into account and merely overgeneralize. I often score as having high fi because I'm very unconventional but then, as someone who has failed to fit in, struggled to please everyone before I realized how many people took advantage of that and didn't deserve it, grew up on stories of eccentric protagonists, and observed the often tragic effects of conformity and not challenging the norm (bullying, prejudice, dictatorships), why wouldn't I be? I'd argue a large part of my unconventionality comes FROM my desire to preserve external harmony and not due to indifference to it. And perhaps someone with strong fi got a higher fe score because they said they respected societal norms but it's merely because their parents taught them it's important to always say please and thank you and not swear or else they're a bad person or whatever.

I believe that P. tests are a good starting point for exploration but the only way to actually confirm what you are is by doing research yourself and after taking the test once, your result won't be accurate due to preestablished bias from previous results.

But anyways, I got infp more than twice and that scared me. I felt misunderstood by the test but also scared for the blanket of comfort I had clung to for so long so I consulted the fb group. There was this one lady who was saying like 'lol if you care so much about being an infj you're definitely an infp because authenticity and fi'. And she also insisted that my desire to be understood was un-infj because infj's don't need to be understood, they just want to be accepted (well who doesn't tbh? And additionally, can you really accept/ connect with somebody without understanding them at all? Also, I'm sure if you went up to a young jock/ black person and said "You're not a real jock. You're not really black", they'd be hurt too! Doesn't mean a thing about fi). From reading other threads, I found out she seemed to think that herself being an infj meant she was right most of the time and that most of the people on the page weren't real infj's (Except for her of course). Luckily, some people came up to defend me from her self-based overgeneralizations and "well intentioned" lol's on this topic that so clearly meant so much to me.

I'm of the firm belief nobody knows you better than yourself. Ni's a definite for me and I really don't think I'm Fi dom at all now that I've done more research about it. I rant like a megaphone, as a child couldn't say no to anybody, I am constantly feeling that everyone around me is extremely inconsiderate by comparison (not saying they are), I watch closely to find out what people's needs might be, I love to help, I'm a decisive organizing freak, I change my voice dramatically depending on who I'm with (although social anxiety sometimes affects this), when I hurt somebody whether or not I'm a bad person is the least of my concerns, and I am freakishly expressive when I'm not lethargic, often waving my arms about wildly.
However, I can't help but wonder-

just what if?????(????)

what if the blanket of comfort I've clung to was but an allusion? What if I only thought I was on a path to myself only to be told I'm going the wrong direction and the right direction is somewhere I don't want to go (infp's can be lovely but I truly can't identify with them. My infj friend however, is like my twin)?

And then I (am a really obsessive, melancholy, bitter person) go ballistic in my head throughout the day and I feel so much intense, murderous anger towards these people in this group who are so eager to invalidate and so self assured in their perceptions of internet strangers as well as those who just go there to inflict hurt.

I don't even know what I want. Someone to consult on my obsessive bitter nature and my terror perhaps? Or just someone to listen so that I may feel some relief or clarity?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
holy crap. i just realized. my post uploaded before I was finished. Like most of the post is gone!
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
but tbh I don't think someone being unpleasant or unhealthy means they can't have the same type as you. Seriously though, we all go through weird phases in our lives. I remember when I used to have some pretty unprogressive beliefs as a kid and I considered everyone who differed cognitively from me to be 'stupid' and hated on these people I called stupid.

Please go to my other thread instead. I can't post a link because there's this stupid rule saying I can't post links until I have a set amount of posts

update: actually I edited it so they both say the same thing now so its ok
 
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Discussion Starter #10
I'm 4 wing 3
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Hey. I think I'm going to delete this thread and repost it because based on your responses, I feel that as a result of the tech. difficulties and the loss of most of my post, much of the meaning I intended to convey was lost. Hope you guys are ok with that
 
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Discussion Starter #13
Plz talk to me: I joined an INFJ FB page and it was one of the worst decisions I made

Quick question: Do you care a lot about being understood?

So I'm new here. Heck, this sounds petty. I'm not sure this post will even be seen and I certainly hope joining this page will not be as bad of an idea as joining that group. I guess I need someone to rant to, someone who can conversate eye to eye with me without trying to put themselves above me. I joined the fb page a month ago, looking for a community of people I could relate to. It was fun at times and there were a lot of cool relatable people and interesting threads. But then, it started (as someone else said) feeling more like reality than an escape from it. There were so many people just going out of their way to knock each other down (misgendering/invalidating their type b/c they didn't like something they said/ attacking/ and insulting people's appearances because they took part in a selfie trend, being deliberately vicious and hostile to each other, asserting that most of the people were fake infj's and that they were one of the few 'real' ones).

But what's really been bothering me is this: the first time I took a personality test, I got infj and it was the most spot on thing ever. I was 14 then (almost 18 now, ignore the age on my profile) and wasn't very introspective back then, couldn't fit into most places, and didn't really have a strong sense of identity. Getting my result gave me an identity (kinda like how insecure teens define themselves as a jock, a member of their family, a member of their ethnic group etc) and a way to know I was not alone and helped me learn a LOT about myself. After that, I've gotten infp, enfj, and esfj. I've now stopped trusting personality tests because I believe their questions are worded vaguely and they are incapable of taking context into account and merely overgeneralize. I often score as having high fi because I'm very unconventional but then, as someone who has failed to fit in, struggled to please everyone before I realized how many people took advantage of that and didn't deserve it, grew up on stories of eccentric protagonists, and observed the often tragic effects of conformity and not challenging the norm (bullying, prejudice, dictatorships), why wouldn't I be? I'd argue a large part of my unconventionality comes FROM my desire to preserve external harmony and not due to indifference to it. And perhaps someone with strong fi got a higher fe score because they said they respected societal norms but it's merely because their parents taught them it's important to always say please and thank you and not swear or else they're a bad person or whatever.

I believe that P. tests are a good starting point for exploration but the only way to actually confirm what you are is by doing research yourself and after taking the test once, your result won't be accurate due to preestablished bias from previous results.

But anyways, I got infp more than twice and that scared me. I felt angry/misunderstood by the test b/c I didn't feel I was one but also scared for the blanket of comfort I had clung to for so long so I consulted the fb group. There was this one lady who was saying like 'lol if you care so much about being an infj you're definitely an infp because authenticity and fi'. And she also insisted that my desire to be understood was un-infj because infj's don't need to be understood, they just want to be accepted (well who doesn't tbh? And additionally, can you really accept/ connect with somebody without understanding them at all? Also, I'm sure if you went up to a young jock/ black person and said "You're not a real jock. You're not really black", they'd be hurt too! Doesn't mean a thing about fi). From reading other threads, I found out she seemed to think that herself being an infj meant she was right most of the time and that most of the people on the page weren't real infj's (Except for her of course). Luckily, some people came up to defend me from her self-based overgeneralizations and "well intentioned" lol's on this topic that so clearly meant so much to me.

I'm of the firm belief nobody knows you better than yourself. Ni's a definite for me and I really don't think I'm Fi dom at all now that I've done more research about it. I rant like a megaphone, as a child couldn't say no to anybody, I am constantly feeling that everyone around me is extremely inconsiderate by comparison (not saying they are), I watch closely to find out what people's needs might be, I love to help, I'm a decisive organizing freak, I change my voice dramatically depending on who I'm with (although social anxiety sometimes affects this), when I hurt somebody whether or not I'm a bad person is the least of my concerns, and I am freakishly expressive when I'm not lethargic, often waving my arms about wildly.
However, I can't help but wonder-

just what if?????(????)

what if the blanket of comfort I've clung to was but an allusion? What if I only thought I was on a path to myself only to be told I'm going the wrong direction and the right direction is somewhere I don't want to go (infp's can be lovely but I truly can't identify with them. My infj friend however, is like my twin)?

And then I (am a really obsessive, melancholy, bitter person) go ballistic in my head throughout the day and I feel so much intense, murderous anger towards these people in this group who are so eager to invalidate and so self assured in their perceptions of internet strangers as well as those who just go there to inflict hurt.

I don't even know what I want. Someone to consult on my obsessive bitter nature and my terror perhaps? Or just someone to listen so that I may feel some relief or clarity?
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I can't message you until I have 15 posts. Poopuh doop :[
This page is painfully slow. I hate inefficiency.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
It seems there are quite a few things I can't do until I post a certain number of times so I'm just going to do it on my own post here since nobody's subscribed to it anyways.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Post
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Why must I wait 30 seconds between posts? Is it so spammers and trolls will be quicker to give up?
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Post!
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Post post post post post!
 
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