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I have been friends with this girl for long, since school. She is wonderful in a lot of ways and we totally click cuz we have such similar tastes in all sorts of stuff. I asked her out last year when she ended up in the same college as me. Things were really good, and there were also loads of bumps on the way since she is SUPER emotional (INFP stuff I'm assuming).

The emotional part took a toll on her performance in exams sometimes. Also, she'd have sudden low moods that i could never begin to comprehend initially. And me being an ISTP, I was emotionally handicapped as shit. But I was her first real love; she had never been this intimate with anyone. She was in crazy love with me despite all fights and arguments on how she felt I didn't give her enough time and didn't consider her a priority. She had very high hopes from me and that kind of made things difficult. But she was the most important thing in my life, I just couldn't show it enough; couldn't live up to her expectations as she puts it. I know I was a little aloof but I worked on it over time and now she'd softened me so much I actually cried in front of her a few times -_-

She ended things a fortnight back. There had been a lot of arguments leading upto that and she was devastated but she said she couldn't take it anymore. That she needed to live her life her way and if the relationship fucks up her career and stuff, she didn't want to blame me in the end. She cried a lot. I did try to persuade her in one or more occasions after that to think about giving this another shot but it'd always end the same way. The last time I did that, she cried so much saying she still loved me but she just couldn't do it. We even kissed. I felt I had reached closure but I hadn't.

She and me both would have sudden episodes of heartache and insomnia. When alone, neither of us can stop thinking about all of this. She wishes things could be different and I want her so bad, but she's really hoping things would work this way. She even hopes that maybe fate will bring us together someday again. But I cant leave things to fate! I want to fix this! But she doesn't understand.

We're still talking. We've reduced the texting to just Good Mornings and Good Nights cuz keeping in contact throughout the day brings episodes of heartache for absolutely no reason. She still calls me once at night to talk about the day and we sometimes meet after dinner at night and sit and talk like before. She even lets me hold her hand, touch her hair; we still talk about EVERYTHING. But something just feels off. We still sit super close while talking. She knows that we're the only people who can understand each other so well and she wants that to stay. Sometimes when we look at each other, I can still feel the longing in her eyes but she's just not letting go. She says she won't have another man cuz she loves me (I know she does. She loves me a hell lot. She wants whatever we have as of now to stay no matter who comes into her life but how's that even possible?!) but I know that's just for now. I know I have to mend things right now before it's too late.

I want to fix this so bad. I even wrote a whole letter which I'm planning on giving to her when time's right. It's an apology for not being the man she hoped I'd be and how she had changed me and how I'd never give her another opportunity to question my love for her if she was mine just this one time. It's written very eloquently and she always loves what I write for her anyway. She even carries all my notes in her purse and reads them once in a while.

Please tell me what my next step should be. No one can even understand what I'm going through. I know I'll do my best if she gives me another chance. How do I make it possible? When is the right time to ask her again? Please help. I can't lose such an amazing girl.
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