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Discussion Starter #1
Hey ENTP's

So, this ENTP found me online on a social media site this week. We had an immediate click with chatting and he didn't hesitate to give me his cell number to text and talk....and he wanted to meet up with me this Saturday. But his idea was wanting to either meet at a park or to meet at my apartment, since he's familiar with the town and area due to going to college here.

So, I talked to a friend about him. My friend was like, "you just met him and you're letting him come over? Don't you watch Dateline? You're going to end up raped or murdered. Why is an attractive, young lawyer wanting to meet you at your apartment?"

I don't feel like the ENTP is a bad guy with bad intentions. Yes, he took the convo to a sexual level and flirted. But I genuinely felt he wanted to hang out and just have a low-key non-drama type of thing. He claims he's picky and hasn't even had sex in a few years. I haven't either. So, I don't feel he was hoping to get lucky and take off.

So, when I told him that my friend was concerned and said we should consider meeting in a public place and see a movie instead...he seemed to get really hurt by it and no longer wants to see me on Saturday and said he was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep. -He's young, but he has some kind of health problems. He told me that he normally doesn't follow/friend someone on social media and that his contacts are people that he knows or friends of friends and that his gut told him to contact me and give his number and stuff. He also said he never usually pursues girls that they pursue him, so it's a first to do this. He claims that he was in the hospital a couple weeks ago and having a heart attack and near death is what made him realize he should take more risks.

So, I feel really awful for hurting his feelings. He truly sounded hurt. He told me that in the future (I'm guessing if I talk to another guy) to just say I want to go to a movie instead of all that stuff. -I was just trying to be honest with him. I grew up an orphan and my friend was concerned about me wanting to give a chance to a guy that I don't know that could end up hurting me. The other thing that came to my mind...is worry that he's embarrassed to be seen with me in public for why he only wanted to meet up at a park or at my apartment. I offered to pay for my ticket for a movie. He's a young lawyer...so, I doubt he's rolling in the money...maybe he has loans to still pay off?

Anyway, is the damage done? Will this ENTP now lose interest cos of this? He sounded super irritated and tired today and hasn't been sleeping well from work stress and his health....so, I'm trying not to take it personal that he decided to cancel meeting me all together. But he did end the call pretty quickly...said he was going to take a nap and would talk to me later.

Ugh...so, I realize what I did wrong....I rambled out of being nervous. Let me also mention, I work from home and don't get out much and live in a city that I'm not familiar with and is still new to me....so, I have no human contact other than when I get groceries...and this guy actually went to college in the town where I live and is very familiar with it. And I did tell him that I stay home too much and it would be nice to get out instead of doing the chill at my apartment and watching a movie.

I hope this makes sense. If not....just ask and I'll clarify. I hope it's not too late for some damage control on my part. I truly feel awful for hurting him. It wasn't intentional. I really was looking forward to seeing him...but I think he's no longer interested? I don't know. Kind of weird to do such a fast 180 after telling texting me daily since this week and calling me and flirting heavily to all of a sudden no interest in seeing me. I thought he'd see the many facets that I did and not personalize it as much as he did....actually surprised me.

Thank you!
 

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My vehicle is INFP, 9w8. Vroom vroom!!
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Hi. I'm not an ENTP.

It sounds like he was laying on the charm to see if he could get some action. If you just started talking, and you already know when the last time he had sex was... Or you just think you know!

I read your story, and I see my crafty ENTP friend's facial expressions. He's a great friend, and I bet his face would light up if he knew how highly I think of him. But he's a trickster to his core, and a very engaging storyteller! He comes up with the most imaginative pranks I've ever seen, and he sells them so convincingly! They are hilarious when they aren't towards me! He can make people look so foolish, but he is benevolent—at least to me and his other friends!

Your guy probably doesn't want to commit crime against you, but he probably doesn't mind playing around to see if he can get what he wants. I can't say if he'll take off afterwards, but I think there is a high probability.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
Hi. I'm not an ENTP.

It sounds like he was laying on the charm to see if he could get some action. If you just started talking, and you already know when the last time he had sex was... Or you just think you know!

I read your story, and I see my crafty ENTP friend's facial expressions. He's a great friend, and I bet his face would light up if he knew how highly I think of him. But he's a trickster to his core, and a very engaging storyteller! He comes up with the most imaginative pranks I've ever seen, and he sells them so convincingly! They are hilarious when they aren't towards me! He can make people look so foolish, but he is benevolent—at least to me and his other friends!

Your guy probably doesn't want to commit crime against you, but he probably doesn't mind playing around to see if he can get what he wants. I can't say if he'll take off afterwards, but I think there is a high probability.
thank you. well he is silly and can push the envelope like a typical ENTP. But I'm so blunt and matter of fact and he is very polite....moreso than I as an INFJ.....I'm certain that I legit hurt his feelings by changing the plans and laughing that a friend told me that he could be a rapist or murderer and should meet for a first date in a public place first. I think he had his heart on just chilling with me (as well as making out...he let that be well known)...but he has had some health issues and stress and I think he wasn't expecting me to change my mind the day before he was to come over. -I probably seemed fickle? He has told me that he has been hurt before and hasn't dated much since. So, I probably further helped out his theory about women at this point. lol

thank you for responding to my post! funny that an INFP responded and yet no ENTP's will! hahaha.....maybe it's too boring to them or they're still thinking....

anyway, thank you again :)
 

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Something strange going on here.

It also seems like a dangerous situation a bit.

From a cultural stand point (in NA) a guy setting the date parameters by
inviting himself to a woman's place as a first date? That sounds extremely
rape-y/desperate.

You did the right thing by offering an alternative and you did so
very tactfully. He is the one that ruined this date not you.
If anyone should feel ripped off and put out it should be you.

All of what you are saying makes me worry a bit for you.

New city...your alone out there...meeting a new guy alone..
You are admittedly very private and lonely.

Is it possible that your need for companionship is allowing you
to believe that you did something wrong when in fact you
did the exact right thing?


If this guy is genuinely interested he will move past this
and you both can work on a realistic non creepy stalker
type dates.

Please for the love of all things holy do not meet up with
randoms at your place alone. This is a parents worst nightmare
for their children. As well as a lonely girl/guys desperate shot
at companionship. Dont be like that. Dont be a victim either
physically or emotionally. You owe yourself truths.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Something strange going on here.

It also seems like a dangerous situation a bit.

From a cultural stand point (in NA) a guy setting the date parameters by
inviting himself to a woman's place as a first date? That sounds extremely
rape-y/desperate.

You did the right thing by offering an alternative and you did so
very tactfully. He is the one that ruined this date not you.
If anyone should feel ripped off and put out it should be you.

All of what you are saying makes me worry a bit for you.

New city...your alone out there...meeting a new guy alone..
You are admittedly very private and lonely.

Is it possible that your need for companionship is allowing you
to believe that you did something wrong when in fact you
did the exact right thing?


If this guy is genuinely interested he will move past this
and you both can work on a realistic non creepy stalker
type dates.

Please for the love of all things holy do not meet up with
randoms at your place alone. This is a parents worst nightmare
for their children. As well as a lonely girl/guys desperate shot
at companionship. Dont be like that. Dont be a victim either
physically or emotionally. You owe yourself truths.
Yes, you nailed it. I'm lonely and really wanting companionship and he seemed amazing. He's fun to talk to.

You're right, it's not smart to meet a guy alone at my place when it's a first date. I was trying to be accommodating to his health issues and worried he'd feel exerted. He had a heart attack a couple weeks ago and has IBS issues. So, I wasn't thinking about myself. I was thinking more about that I wanted him to feel relaxed.

But you're right, I did the right thing by telling him that I'd rather see a movie than have him come over to my apartment. I think it's the way that I told him that upset him. I'm better at writing things than explaining verbally, because I get nervous and feel pressured. So, I tend to over-explain.

In my opinion, if he wants to be mad and pout about it instead of being an adult about it...there's nothing I can do but give him time and space to think and get over it.

Thank you, so much for your comment, @FueledByEvil you are a very sweet and thoughtful ENTP
 

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Oh yeah that's concerning. I agree with FBE on this. I'd advise you against meeting with this guy in your apartment.

This is setting off some red flags for me. But did he bring up the health issues after you told him your concerns about meeting up at your place?
You went about it in a good way and what you said to him is really quite reasonable. Him getting upset over it doesn't seem right. Even if he isn't a creep, then he's incredibly unaware of himself and how his behavior comes across.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Oh yeah that's concerning. I agree with FBE on this. I'd advise you against meeting with this guy in your apartment.

This is setting off some red flags for me. But did he bring up the health issues after you told him your concerns about meeting up at your place?
You went about it in a good way and what you said to him is really quite reasonable. Him getting upset over it doesn't seem right. Even if he isn't a creep, then he's incredibly unaware of himself and how his behavior comes across.
No, he didn't bring up the health problems after.....it came about in me asking him a billion questions. It was prior. I'm a typical INFJ....I asked him a billion questions and I work in the healthcare industry so I could tell by his voice that he wasn't feeling well and I guessed that he had IBS. He's still holding back some of it.

The health questions came about when I asked him why he contacted me, what made him want to give me his number, why he's interested in me, if he was a player, if he does this sort of thing a lot with girls. -That's when he explained that he's used to being pursued by women and that having his near death experience is what has made him want to take risks. He told me that his gut told him to contact me and that it felt right. He's not manipulative.

He wanted to meet up at a park at the start. I told him that was too sketchy and worried about cops thinking something lewd or drugs were going down. lol. I did ask him about meeting up at a restaurant/bar, Apple Bee's and told him that I felt that would be good so that if it's awkward he has lots of people around to talk to and I can search for the nearest door and leave. He laughed and said it's not going to be awkward and told me that he doesn't drink alcohol. So, when he sounded exhausted the other day and said he had gone to see his specialist...it's actually how that came about in discussion for making plans to just chill at my apartment and watch a sci fi movie, etc. He genuinely sounded exhausted and a little down/sad.

So, far I haven't heard from him today. I'm certain I upset him and hurt his feelings. But I also think he's going through some things, so I'm not going to take the total blame for his hurt feelings or his mood.

Thank you for caring. You're so sweet :)
 

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Discussion Starter #8
well, good news. the ENTP contacted me and wants to meet up at some god-awful hipster health food restaurant. hahaha. So, I guess I didn't upset him as much as I thought I had. He did make it clear that he's "not a player" and that really hurt his feelings for me to think that way of him. -I don't get why that would upset someone? I guess, because it's an opinionated judgment? But it was posed as a question and not an accusation. So, I guess I'll tread carefully. I'm a "yankee" originally and seem to easily upset southern boys with my bluntness.

Thank you to you all for your help and advise! I'm so glad that you helped me to see that it wasn't a mistake to ask to meet in a public place first....and glad that he took a night to think about it and willing to do that.

thank you again! xoxoxo xxx
 

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Discussion Starter #9
well, I probably should had listened to all of you as well as my gut instincts about him instead of listening to his many lies. Turns out he was a manipulative jerk after all. He was definitely after one thing with me. It's disappointing. Well, at least I tried to socialize. I don't feel like a sucker. I give people chances, because I am hoping that I'm wrong and that they are a good person. oh well.

thanks ya'll xxx
 

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well, I probably should had listened to all of you as well as my gut instincts about him instead of listening to his many lies. Turns out he was a manipulative jerk after all. He was definitely after one thing with me. It's disappointing. Well, at least I tried to socialize. I don't feel like a sucker. I give people chances, because I am hoping that I'm wrong and that they are a good person. oh well.

thanks ya'll xxx
:/

Never let people like this bring down your upbeat nature.
He is already a jerk do not give him the success of changing you
in a negative way.

You did what you thought was right and new it was a bit of a risk.
As it turns out? The risk was not worth it. Thats how we experience
life.

They all cant be winners yet we learn sooo much more from the losers.

"ya'll" hehehe reminds me of my days living in Texas.
Nice!


Have a super incredible day and stay positive!
 
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