Hi I am a little nervous of posting this .... but I do need some help!
I am working in a team of 10 people and the other 9 in the group are all "T" personalities and several of them (3/4 i think) are ENTJ's. They are all very lovely people but ... presently we dont bring the best out in each other!
At the moment we are not doing very well as a group. I think there are many things as an ENFJ which I am doing that is annoying them and I am struggling to connect to them very well. I am also struggling to get them to understand how I feel sometimes. And so sometimes (and I am sure they don't mean to) but I feel they ignore my feelings because it is easier, however this makes things worse as I then feel unapreciated.
Please don't be nervous about posting here. Your thoughts and questions are welcome.
I think you are correct in your assessment that they don't mean to be rude or dismissive of you. It's not that they are ignoring your feelings (as in considering, then discounting). It's that how you feel about something probably isn't part of their thought process at all. The thought process for ENTJs in general is logical and rational. So, what someone else
feels about their idea tends not to matter. It's the idea itself that matters. They want to get it right, so criticism is actually welcome, if it furthers progress. So, in the same way that they wouldn't take your criticism of their idea personally, it may not occur to them that
you take
theirs personally. In other words, they aren't being deliberately mean to you, they are being unconsciously inconsiderate.
Solutions?
In the same way that communication is a two-way street, so is miscommunication. It's not just you, they are equally at fault here. But, it's always much easier to change your own behavior than it is to get someone else to change theirs because you see a problem, but it may not even occur to them that there is one.
When you speak with them, try to avoid using the phrase, "I feel like" (or some variation of that). They want to know what you THINK. And when you list your concerns about what you disagree with, be matter-of-fact, concise (try not to ramble on) and try not to talk too much about yourself, stick to talking about the project and your ideas ... Here is what I think, rather than here is what I feel. Don't be afraid of speaking out.
They are equally at fault here ...Just because they don't consider your feelings, doesn't mean they shouldn't. They should be able to get along with all types of personalities, and there really is no excuse for behaving in a rude or bullying manner. ENTJs are generally very blunt and honest, and they will probably appreciate your honesty. If I were one of the ENTJs on your project, I would want to know if I were hurting your feelings. Your input is important and I would want to make sure that you felt comfortable expressing yourself.
Approach them with your concerns about your interactions. Let them know what the problem is. Try to lay it out in a non-emotional manner, and ask them to participate in the solution. "I think that we are having trouble communicating. I really want the project to succeed. I think I'm not being heard, and that my input is not appreciated. What can we do to change that? What do you need from me? ... here is what I need from you."
Talk it out. Good luck.
