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Discussion Starter #1
Hi I am a little nervous of posting this .... but I do need some help!

I am working in a team of 10 people and the other 9 in the group are all "T" personalities and several of them (3/4 i think) are ENTJ's. They are all very lovely people but ... presently we dont bring the best out in each other!
At the moment we are not doing very well as a group. I think there are many things as an ENFJ which I am doing that is annoying them and I am struggling to connect to them very well. I am also struggling to get them to understand how I feel sometimes. And so sometimes (and I am sure they don't mean to) but I feel they ignore my feelings because it is easier, however this makes things worse as I then feel unapreciated.

If anyone has some advice on
  • maybe how and ENFJ could present themselves so not to irritate/annoy and ENTJ
  • perhaps how an ENFJ could explain things in a way and ENTJ might understand better
Thanks for listening :)
 

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WITFM: whats in it for me-tactic. Just look at the teams goal. Explain how ppl achieve this, but now better with your input.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hmm ... thats interesting Thanks.

One area we have difficulty with is decision making. How do you people think ENFJ and ENTJ might differ in this area?

:)
 

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ENFJ: avoidant in confronting people; hurting feelings; difficulty decision making.

ENTJ: direct, confrontational; honest; believes that confrontation is needed to grow; quick decision making.
 

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In a work environment you shouldn't be afraid about hurting people's feelings, especially with rationals.

When you talk about the conflict in the group they will likely just see it as a means to an end.

I think empathy and 'feelings' are still an asset to be used. You can balance out the contesting T forces, especially with giving more verbal weight to the introverts. Don't let the ENTJs dominant the entire group.

If you want to be heard you will likely need to attach some rationality behind it. Say why you think methodology A is better than B.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Hey,

Thanks for that. I had not thought of conflict in this way. Thank you. It is very interesting that an ENTJ might find this productive. I think I possibly need to find a way of dealing with the conflict in a constructive way. (a way that an ENFJ might not get upset by it).

Hmm ... I shall go and think!!! Thanks :)
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Hi I am a little nervous of posting this .... but I do need some help!

I am working in a team of 10 people and the other 9 in the group are all "T" personalities and several of them (3/4 i think) are ENTJ's. They are all very lovely people but ... presently we dont bring the best out in each other!
At the moment we are not doing very well as a group. I think there are many things as an ENFJ which I am doing that is annoying them and I am struggling to connect to them very well. I am also struggling to get them to understand how I feel sometimes. And so sometimes (and I am sure they don't mean to) but I feel they ignore my feelings because it is easier, however this makes things worse as I then feel unapreciated.
Please don't be nervous about posting here. Your thoughts and questions are welcome.

I think you are correct in your assessment that they don't mean to be rude or dismissive of you. It's not that they are ignoring your feelings (as in considering, then discounting). It's that how you feel about something probably isn't part of their thought process at all. The thought process for ENTJs in general is logical and rational. So, what someone else feels about their idea tends not to matter. It's the idea itself that matters. They want to get it right, so criticism is actually welcome, if it furthers progress. So, in the same way that they wouldn't take your criticism of their idea personally, it may not occur to them that you take theirs personally. In other words, they aren't being deliberately mean to you, they are being unconsciously inconsiderate.

Solutions?

In the same way that communication is a two-way street, so is miscommunication. It's not just you, they are equally at fault here. But, it's always much easier to change your own behavior than it is to get someone else to change theirs because you see a problem, but it may not even occur to them that there is one.

When you speak with them, try to avoid using the phrase, "I feel like" (or some variation of that). They want to know what you THINK. And when you list your concerns about what you disagree with, be matter-of-fact, concise (try not to ramble on) and try not to talk too much about yourself, stick to talking about the project and your ideas ... Here is what I think, rather than here is what I feel. Don't be afraid of speaking out.

They are equally at fault here ...Just because they don't consider your feelings, doesn't mean they shouldn't. They should be able to get along with all types of personalities, and there really is no excuse for behaving in a rude or bullying manner. ENTJs are generally very blunt and honest, and they will probably appreciate your honesty. If I were one of the ENTJs on your project, I would want to know if I were hurting your feelings. Your input is important and I would want to make sure that you felt comfortable expressing yourself.

Approach them with your concerns about your interactions. Let them know what the problem is. Try to lay it out in a non-emotional manner, and ask them to participate in the solution. "I think that we are having trouble communicating. I really want the project to succeed. I think I'm not being heard, and that my input is not appreciated. What can we do to change that? What do you need from me? ... here is what I need from you."

Talk it out. Good luck.
 
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Discussion Starter #8
@MsBossyPants .... Thank you so much for this. It was really helpful to read and understand. And you are right I say "i feel" alot!!! So I shall try not change this to I think. And yes you are right I get over emotional in my delivery of things sometimes so I shall try to think of way to present things to them in a nonemotional way!

Thanks for your help,
Really appreciated! :)
 

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I highly doubt 3/4th of them are ENTJ. Unless it is a meeting in the underworld of dark overlords or some crap or managers who meet in a board room who oversee different regional areas. As an ENFJ, it should be natural to be par-on-par with ENTJ. In fact you should be getting along really well. The fact you question this, makes me think you are not one.

Hi I am a little nervous of posting this .... but I do need some help!

I am working in a team of 10 people and the other 9 in the group are all "T" personalities and several of them (3/4 i think) are ENTJ's. They are all very lovely people but ... presently we dont bring the best out in each other!
At the moment we are not doing very well as a group. I think there are many things as an ENFJ which I am doing that is annoying them and I am struggling to connect to them very well. I am also struggling to get them to understand how I feel sometimes. And so sometimes (and I am sure they don't mean to) but I feel they ignore my feelings because it is easier, however this makes things worse as I then feel unapreciated.

If anyone has some advice on

  • maybe how and ENFJ could present themselves so not to irritate/annoy and ENTJ
  • perhaps how an ENFJ could explain things in a way and ENTJ might understand better
Thanks for listening :)
 

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Hi I am a little nervous of posting this .... but I do need some help!

I am working in a team of 10 people and the other 9 in the group are all "T" personalities and several of them (3/4 i think) are ENTJ's. They are all very lovely people but ... presently we dont bring the best out in each other!
At the moment we are not doing very well as a group. I think there are many things as an ENFJ which I am doing that is annoying them and I am struggling to connect to them very well. I am also struggling to get them to understand how I feel sometimes. And so sometimes (and I am sure they don't mean to) but I feel they ignore my feelings because it is easier, however this makes things worse as I then feel unapreciated.

If anyone has some advice on

  • maybe how and ENFJ could present themselves so not to irritate/annoy and ENTJ
  • perhaps how an ENFJ could explain things in a way and ENTJ might understand better
Thanks for listening :)
while communicating, try and understand that traditions, moral values, feelings, cultural values all that type of fluff does not play "the major" role in ENTJ thought process. While with ENFJs, you guys try and decide according to where your feelings take you.

advice on explaining things: same as above.

presenting: question them, on grounds of pure logical reasoning without any feelings / affinities coming into and THEN tell them that if they don't give "proper" consideration to feelings and people's natural affinities, things will not work in a "efficient order". ENTJs like to be challenged.
 

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Hey,

Thanks for that. I had not thought of conflict in this way. Thank you. It is very interesting that an ENTJ might find this productive. I think I possibly need to find a way of dealing with the conflict in a constructive way. (a way that an ENFJ might not get upset by it).

Hmm ... I shall go and think!!! Thanks :)
Don't be afraid to point out where people are failing, but have suggestions and positive feedback to go along with your criticisms. The best way to be critical in a way that is amicable is to feed a person's ego after you tear it down.
 

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ENFJ: avoidant in confronting people; hurting feelings; difficulty decision making.

ENTJ: direct, confrontational; honest; believes that confrontation is needed to grow; quick decision making.
100% agrees with you! Being an ENTJ, I am at my best when I confront the problem. Like, if a team member isn't doing their part on an assignment, I will flat out ask them, "Do you not want to work in this group or are you just a laid-back kinda person?". Some times people need to be given a boost to know how others view the problem, that way they can themsevles see what may be the issue at hand.

I don't know what's going on with your team other than bringing the bad out of each other? The problem could be very much anything...If I were you, let the rest of them talk, talk, talk, and talk until they have talked themsevles to sleep. When you SEE and KNOW something maybe wrong, thus is when you decide to jump in and give a conclusion.

otherwise, you'll be very much exhausted.
 
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