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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I seriously DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS MAN and I am hoping some input from fellows of the same type might help me decide what to do.

Background: He's 20, I'm 19. We had a casual fling for a few months that involved me losing my V to him. I didn't have feelings for him (though I think he thought I did), and he claimed not to for me. We broke up but stayed 'friends' at his request. We then had a fight because he invited me to his for a party and cancelled at the last moment, and it was a long way to travel so I was pissed off at him. Eventually he calmed down and apologised, and we were 'friends' again. Then we had another fight (healthy I know) because I got fed up of his excessive bitching about my friend (his housemate) amongst others and told her. She gave the game away and he text me calling me ' the biggest sellout I think I've met' and not to contact him again because he was deleting my number and to 'have a nice life'. Obviously I just looked at it, went 'lol, watevs' ( to myself) and got on with my life.

Now he has just text me back apologising for 'snapping' at me before (so he obvs didn't delete my number) and asking me how I am.

WHAT DO I DO.
 

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Hummmm...I would stick with putting boundaries around the whole situation if you can. There appears to be some drama going on.

It looks like you were friends and then lovers and sometimes that is very confusing for us ENFP's...I think that maybe we like the idea of having friends with benefits but then our emotions get in the way and it messes everything up.

You might have a tangling of alot of mutual friends to deal with too. I know that he wanted to be your friend but you really need to define what that means and what both of your expectations of that is. If you can't get to a mutually agreed to state of friendship...then you will be in the "acquaintance" mode...which means less contact and casual "bumping" into each other (I do not mean that in the raunchy sense). Don't worry about hurting his feelings, if he persists in having a friendship, call him on it and ask what exactly that means to him and what your expectations are. Maybe it is not possible to maintain a friendship.
 
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Cease all contact and stay far away from him.
 

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I don't know if this an ENFP thing or not, but i cannot do casual sex. I always feel a strong emotional pull after the act where i trust that person. I would get a warm fluttering in my heart just looking at them. So if they said they didn't feel the same, or indifferent about me, it would crush me. Even then i would still have those feelings for that someone thus that emotional tug towards them.
 

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^^^ Probably a good idea. I seriously hope you're not all like this! :tongue:
nope, even if i was emotionally a mess, I wouldn't behave like that. Be direct and tell him to cut the BS if you are to stay friends. If nothing improves, cut it off.
 

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^^^ Probably a good idea. I seriously hope you're not all like this! :tongue:
I, erm, might be too. :blushed:

EDIT: The casual sex not being right for me part.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
My reply was actually meant to be to Musikaman!

Funny that he was the one up for keeping it casual. I don't know if he ever felt anything for me but even though there's nothing binding us together that would validate a friendship he seems to really want to keep in touch.
 

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My reply was actually meant to be to Musikaman!

Funny that he was the one up for keeping it casual. I don't know if he ever felt anything for me but even though there's nothing binding us together that would validate a friendship he seems to really want to keep in touch.
ENFP's always find connections. You both breathe, right? How about blinking? You both blink? :tongue:

But really, he probably just can't take the idea of someone *maybe* disliking him. That's about all i can say. The sellout comment might have had a masochistic, push-you-to-dislike-him edge too, maybe?
 

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ENFP's always find connections. You both breathe, right? How about blinking? You both blink? :tongue:

But really, he probably just can't take the idea of someone *maybe* disliking him
. That's about all i can say. The sellout comment might have had a masochistic, push-you-to-dislike-him edge too, maybe?
Oh I think your right on!!

He is perhaps a tad more insecure than other ENFPs, but we all want to be liked!
 

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sounds like something that could easily happen, especially after the little bond created by sex, an ENFPs reason to live, a bond. No easy way around this, a serious and honest message (to the face, if necessary, whichever way works best with him) should do the trick, the key word being honest, if you can convey just how much pain he is causing you, he should be able to sense it and if he understands that he is the cause of it, he will back off and learn a painful lesson in humility and emotional attachment.

At least thats what i would do to me.
 
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ENFP's always find connections. You both breathe, right? How about blinking? You both blink? :tongue:

But really, he probably just can't take the idea of someone *maybe* disliking him. That's about all i can say. The sellout comment might have had a masochistic, push-you-to-dislike-him edge too, maybe?

I agree with you here, Essay. As horrible as it is, for ENFPs as well as others, it is really difficult for us to deal with anyone who dislikes us. It makes us feel like we are not good enough. (And yes, it's immature. And yes, I've been working on changing that. Its hard!)

He probably got hurt and decided the only way to deal with it was spitefully. Sometimes our emotions are so strong that we don't know what to do and so we lash out.

And occasionally we can get masochistic, I admit. But that is rare and only in cases of extreme self-emotional-peril.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
One other thing I found odd is how he would always refer to sex as 'making love' even though he insisted the relationship was only casual.
 

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Agree about the casual sex thing... I did it once and thought I was like in love with the guy, it's just too intense and meaningful and all full of connections and moments lol Anyway realised after a while that I was obviously not in love with him and that I won't do casual sex again...

Sounds like he is full of drama, I'd suggest just not getting riled up... let it blow over... Keep it civil if he asks you how you are say "good thanks and you" and let the conversation fizzle into small talk...
 

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Just looks like a simple case of casual sex and how someone got hurt over it, it happens, some people get over it, others don't allow themselves to let go and can ruin their lives because of that. He has to get over it on his own, as far as i can tell, you can only do so much to help someone move along.

I agree with you here, Essay. As horrible as it is, for ENFPs as well as others, it is really difficult for us to deal with anyone who dislikes us. It makes us feel like we are not good enough. (And yes, it's immature. And yes, I've been working on changing that. Its hard!)

He probably got hurt and decided the only way to deal with it was spitefully. Sometimes our emotions are so strong that we don't know what to do and so we lash out.

And occasionally we can get masochistic, I admit. But that is rare and only in cases of extreme self-emotional-peril.
cbelle has a great point about dealing with dislike, it's one of those things i may spend the rest of my life as an ENFP trying to figure out.

He's going to have to deal with it on his own because in all honesty, it happens. Everyone has their own problems to deal with, and not everyone has the time to come pick up the ones that you CAN deal with on your own or merely brought upon yourself...but then again he may also be a blind optimist typical enfp and decide that he may just devote his life to winning you back, that can happen too...and there's always the need to hear the other side of the story too...regardless i wish you all the best with your situation
 
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