Hey all! Just some background information about me. I am a caucasian 24 yr old and in my first real relationship. I lost my virginity just last year and the girl I'm dating is only the second girl I have had sex with. I was never good talking to woman and felt very alone and unwanted up until recently. I have always been jealous of my friends who were "luckier" than I. I also have always felt like woman who had a lot of casual sex were automatically "sluts." Do you see where this is going?My girlfriend is also a caucasian 24 year old and in her second real relationship. Like me, she was also a late bloomer and lost her virginity at 22. She also felt unwanted alone and rejected, etc most of her life. She has had a problem with alcohol and anorexia in the past due to her insecurities and lack of self respect. Our stories are very similar until we lost our virginity's. I lost mine on a one night stand with a girl that I met a couple years prior and I went half a year before I had sex again (with my girlfriend). My girlfriend lost her virginity and went on a sex spree. In 4 months she had sex with 7 guys. The 7th guy became her boyfriend of a year and a half (her only hispanic hookup). Her ex-boyfriend was a not a good person. He ignored her, treated her like she was nothing, cheated on her, they verbally and physically abused each other and so on. Towards the end of their relationship she cheated on him to get back for him cheating and they broke up soon after. She went through hard core rehab for her self image issues right after that relationship. She met me a month and half after that breakup but had sex with one guy in between. She did not use a condom with anyone except me the first few times and one other guy early on.When we first started dating, we were so blissful and happy. The first three months of our relationship we never had an argument. We had great sex that I did not know I was even capable of. I did not know about her sexual past until I opened pandora's box. That night we were drinking and I asked her about why she didn't break up with her ex sooner than she did. Like when she found out he cheated. Her response was, "because he had a really big dick." I felt sick. I have an average length and slightly less than average girth penis. After this bit of information I soon began asking details about their sex life and I became obsessed. I had to know everything about it. I was particularly fixed on if his size meant he felt better and if their sex was better than ours. After a while I found out that he felt better than I do, due to his large girth. She also liked the way his long and girthy penis looked. Her being very honest told me that he didn't last long and did not have any moves and left her unsatisfied more than not. I, on the other hand last a fairly long time and I am pretty good at what I do and I get her off multiple times in one session. She claims our sex is better overall and that I am by far the best she has ever had. This didn't stop me from obsessing though. I thought she was obsessed with Hispanics because the one she had sex with had the biggest penis she had ever been with. She says she does not think that about specific races. Well that was until I found out that she had sex with a black guy before she met her ex because she "wanted to see if they really had at least a 10 inch penis." I was disgusted that she thought that way. For the record he was not as big as she expected but big enough to land him in 2nd place for longest penis she has been with. 3rd place for girth. Recently I moved away for school and we have been apart for 6 weeks with 4 to go. She has plans to move in with me in January with hopes to go back to school next Fall. Since we have been apart it has been constant bickering. 90% of the time I ask her something that has to do with either sexual past and it always starts a fight. It is my fault. I am out of control. I have called her and told her some pretty horrible things in the past couple weeks that she said she can never forget I said. I told her she was a whore before she met me and I did not want my children coming out of her vagina and all that terrible stuff. After I said all this she tells me she can feel herself feeling like how she used to before her hard core therapy. She is depressed and is feeling "fat" again. Keep in mind she has a really nice body. I'm reversing the progress she made. Ironically before I left and things got really bad, I was the one that got her to think about school, calm down on drinking and get her back in therapy to cure whatever issues she had left because I love her and I want to see her healthy. Now I'm doing the opposite and I'm killing our relationship. We have almost broken up a few times in the past couple weeks and today she sounded like she was really over her feeling like shit because of me and does not think I am worth her feeling like shit anymore. I convinced her to give me a chance to fix the way I feel about her sexual past. I need to stop thinking she was a slut/ has slutty tendencies. She keeps telling me she is a different person not and that it's not fair to harp on her past and judge her for it. She says that plenty of woman that are just like her and that it's normal. My past, as I've mentioned earlier, has made me believe that girls like her are sluts. I need help to stop thinking like this or something because we will never last if I don't do something now about it. She is perfect for me otherwise and I can see me ultimately ending up together if I didn't have these issues. These issue are probably issue I have with myself. I just don't know what to do. Please help, anybody.
HELP! Trying to handle GF's sexual past
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I doubt that she stayed in the previous relationships due to penis size. She sounds like she's immature and not self aware. She stayed because the guys validated her negative self image.
Truth coming down: You are being very abusive. You asked the question, so don't blame her for the answer. Accept the answer. If you can't accept it, then break up and move on. Or don't ask in the first place. As long as she is healthy and disease free, why does her past matter? She said you are her favorite in bed. THAT'S AMAZING!!!! Take that as the compliment it is and stop asking. Just enjoy what you have together. You may want to seek counseling for your own body dysmorphic disorder.
if you can't get over this, then let her go. That will be healthier for both of you in the long run.
Truth coming down: You are being very abusive. You asked the question, so don't blame her for the answer. Accept the answer. If you can't accept it, then break up and move on. Or don't ask in the first place. As long as she is healthy and disease free, why does her past matter? She said you are her favorite in bed. THAT'S AMAZING!!!! Take that as the compliment it is and stop asking. Just enjoy what you have together. You may want to seek counseling for your own body dysmorphic disorder.
if you can't get over this, then let her go. That will be healthier for both of you in the long run.
Can't read such a large block of text. Break it into smaller paragraphs and you'll probably get more replies.
But based on the title of the thread I would say the above poster has it on lock. Accept whatever answer you got, or move on. And in the future, don't ask a question if you aren't emotionally ready for whatever answer you could get.
But based on the title of the thread I would say the above poster has it on lock. Accept whatever answer you got, or move on. And in the future, don't ask a question if you aren't emotionally ready for whatever answer you could get.
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I've never understood why some guys are so obsessed with the penis size of their gf's ex-lovers. If she's not with her exes, but with the guy who is her current boyfriend, and she likes the sex with her current boyfriend, then I don't know what the hell the problem is.
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Wow... You need to get over this fucked up perception of women who dare to have more sex than you approve of. Anyway, please break up with this woman before you give her a complex over her completely normal behavior. Learn your lesson for next time: leave the past in the past.
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Either you get the fuck over it, or just break up with her if it's too much for you to handle. She obviously has her own set of issues to deal with and doesn't need you adding to them with your put-downs about her sexual past.
And it's funny how you look down on women for having casual sex, but you lost your virginity in a one night stand... funny, and yet sadly typical.
And it's funny how you look down on women for having casual sex, but you lost your virginity in a one night stand... funny, and yet sadly typical.
...This is pretty much straight to the pointEither you get the fuck over it, or just break up with her if it's too much for you to handle. She obviously has her own set of issues to deal with and doesn't need you adding to them with your put-downs about her sexual past.
And it's funny how you look down on women for having casual sex, but you lost your virginity in a one night stand... funny, and yet sadly typical.
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That's because it's only okay for guys, don'tcha know.it's funny how you look down on women for having casual sex, but you lost your virginity in a one night stand... funny, and yet sadly typical.
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You really are doing damage. I'd let her go if you can't handle it.
I'm older and divorced. In the dating world, we don't ask how many each other has slept with. It doesn't matter. We know we've had others, especially if we have kids. All that matters is that we have chosen to be with each other now.
Stop trying to bring her past into your relationship. Yep. She is with you not because she is desperate, because she can totally get other men, but because she has chosen to be with you. Why can't you be secure enough in yourself to accept that and to honor and appreciate her choice? The fact that we could be with others at anytime, yet we have chosen to be with each other should make individuals in a relationship feel appreciative, not weirded out.
I'm older and divorced. In the dating world, we don't ask how many each other has slept with. It doesn't matter. We know we've had others, especially if we have kids. All that matters is that we have chosen to be with each other now.
Stop trying to bring her past into your relationship. Yep. She is with you not because she is desperate, because she can totally get other men, but because she has chosen to be with you. Why can't you be secure enough in yourself to accept that and to honor and appreciate her choice? The fact that we could be with others at anytime, yet we have chosen to be with each other should make individuals in a relationship feel appreciative, not weirded out.
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Firstly, giant wall of text--but a lot of good information!
Secondly, you can't undo what you said to her. You both sound pretty young with your sexual/emotional stuff, and so I hope you will both just take this as experience. You guys might be very different from each other. She is obviously not some kind of sex-obsessed siren. She is probably just trying to figure out her sexuality, and she doesn't seem to approach sex from a romantic point of view at this time.
Maybe she doesn't realize how much it distresses you for her to talk about it in this context. You won't find any answers to your own insecurities in her past sex life. You don't understand how she feels. You need to work on figuring your own sexuality out, and she's figuring hers out.
If it makes you feel any better, if I were a guy, I wouldn't want to hear about other guys' ten inch dicks either. But, as a girl, it took me a while to figure that out about guys.
Secondly, you can't undo what you said to her. You both sound pretty young with your sexual/emotional stuff, and so I hope you will both just take this as experience. You guys might be very different from each other. She is obviously not some kind of sex-obsessed siren. She is probably just trying to figure out her sexuality, and she doesn't seem to approach sex from a romantic point of view at this time.
Maybe she doesn't realize how much it distresses you for her to talk about it in this context. You won't find any answers to your own insecurities in her past sex life. You don't understand how she feels. You need to work on figuring your own sexuality out, and she's figuring hers out.
If it makes you feel any better, if I were a guy, I wouldn't want to hear about other guys' ten inch dicks either. But, as a girl, it took me a while to figure that out about guys.
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Personally, I wouldn't mind dating a girl who has had a lot of sex, provided that she was clean and her sexual history wasn't filled with lying and cheating. With that being said, I think that people (both guys and girls) are perfectly within their rights to prefer a partner who hasn't had tons of sex, despite people who apparently don't believe in the right of others to have standards. While it's not really a problem for me, I am capable of understanding why someone would prefer a partner who shares a similar level of sexual experience. One last point: You and her are both fucked up, no offense to either of you. Both of you should go to counseling ASAP.
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Oh yeah--and it is normal, she's right. She's just being a healthy human being and figuring out her crap.
Glad you want to figure out your crap too.
Glad you want to figure out your crap too.
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I think PerC has just some bugs that's why his thread looks like as if he didn't make another paragraph.
Well the situation is complicated. But you don't have to deal with it, it is not about walking away or not be willing to fight for what you want... nope, a lot of battles are not worth fighting for. It is very important to identify this kind of battles, don't waste your energy on puzzles. Best luck for both of you.
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