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King of Seduction
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Discussion Starter #1
Short intro:

I've been on this forum for like a millennia. I initially joined post-breakup with my first real love.
I was pretty heart broken and searching for answers, so this forum served as a source to help introspection.
The years passed and I moved on and dated numerous others.
Then it just happened that the first real love and I got back together, and we had been back together for about 3 years.

For myself much of that was about fixing what I felt was wrong. Much of my thought process was that we didn't work out because we were in a high stress situation which would no longer be the case and now we would have sufficient monetary funds to do the things we wanted to.

Things change and we realized we just want different things, she wants marriage and a family (child) I don't want children. Marriage is whatever to me, my thought is being with you and dedicated to you is enough and getting married as a form of contract is not for me. I'd do a private ceremony without any binding legality but I wouldn't want a government penalty for deciding to go our separate ways (like we just did). Many pointed out that my idea on marriage had a lot to do with not feeling like I am with "my person" and perhaps there is some truth to that. Fact is I felt like she was a high flight risk and I didn't see a reason to legally bind us - so life goes on.

Now I enter the dating world again. I haven't had much of an issue getting dates to happen or even a relationship. The problem is really there is definitely an element of being a helpless romantic in me. I am like - there has to be a perfect fit.

I think with time that only becomes clearer and clearer - people start to differentiate into who they really are as they age. They start to express their true self not so much what those who helped raise them wanted them to be.

So here are my thoughts, I welcome you to challenge, question, or agree with anything I say.

1) I don't think I'd mix with someone highly "traditional". First I'd say I am sort of a spiritual agnostic. I want to believe there is a higher power, hell I even talk to whatever higher power once in blue moon just in case there is one to help out but I am completely not religious. Highly religious people and even highly atheist people aren't for me - those that claim "to know" don't tend to have the type of thought processes I vibe with.

2) Also don't think I fit in with a total rebel. I love the sort of anarchist vibe that some people have, I love the people who aren't afraid to say fuck the system and think outside the box. I even dig the aesthetic that many have so I am attracted to it. I like that they are strong and defend their viewpoints. However being a type 3 enneagram, I am also conscious of image. if there was a gradient on traditional -- to - rebel. I'd side more with the rebel but someone who is confrontational to the extreme would likely lack the tact to navigate the world with me. Undercover rebels like myself - are cool though.

3) Lifestyle - I could see myself dating a vegan or vegetarian despite not being one myself, if they are more fit than me lol. If they can manage to look young and healthy on a plant based diet I am cool with trying to fit in as long as they respect that I eat animal products and there's potential I'd never give it up. I could even date someone who never drinks, smokes, and does drugs - to me that speaks to wanting a healthy life style and I do dig that. I'd mold to fit them on such things, to me it's interesting.

4) One of my biggest issues - as I mentioned prior - I don't want kids and I don't want to date anyone who has kids. I really don't like ties like that, even having numerous animals is a tether. I want to go out of town on a whim with my partner and all I have to worry about is did I leave the AC on and lock the door. I value what I see as freedom.

5) Style this is an odd one for me. But I really have various "types" so here goes.

a. Business woman look. quality form fitting clothes, black on bright colors like red, yellow, or hell maybe just full black lol. Maybe blingy accessories that are tastefully done. put together and won't go to target looking like a hobo. Usually has a sort of powerful presence or at least refined.
b. Gothic - No idea but I like girls who dress sort of industrial, goth, and may have numerous tattoos. Dark hair and fair skin is a weakness.
c. Boho - fuck me if I don't get attracted to hippy looking boho chicks too. They tend to be into some sort of metaphysical weird shit and I find them interesting. Nature focused, kind, all that stuff is also something I like.
d. Active gals - I wouldn't say I am into "sporty" girls or girls that like sports more than I do who try to be one of the boys. They can definitely get too tomboy for me. But girls that like to do new outdoor shit, go on hikes, and explore are fun as long as they also like showering. Although I wouldn't classify myself as liking to camp and fish. I'd rather rent a cabin and grill.
e. Girly girls - the bain of my youth. Tight dresses, heels, lipstick, fancy hair and gold. I'd be lying to say it's still not a thing but they have lacked enough mental "substance" to keep me entertained.

My ex was likely an ISFP. Her biggest issue was she was anxious all the time, many personality highs and lows and I think she was too introverted for me - she didn't do well in large groups and just didn't flow easily with people she didn't know. I also think she's a bit self destructive in that she looks for reasons to create conflcit. We didn't split because we fought but because she didn't feel like I listened to her anxieties well enough and she wanted children. I do find creative types interesting but they'd have to have found some level of success by the time they met me.
 

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Beer Guardian
PerC Host, ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE
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14,895 Posts
lol no you're supposed to say - Hmm based on what you wrote, seems like you're looking for x-type or ask questions until you get there.
Yeah, if I was that good, you think I'd be on here posting with you? I'd be the most sought after matchmaker in the world. You'll know when you meet her because all that stuff you wrote in the OP won't matter anymore. It just won't.
 

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King of Seduction
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7,164 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Yeah, if I was that good, you think I'd be on here posting with you? I'd be the most sought after matchmaker in the world. You'll know when you meet her because all that stuff you wrote in the OP won't matter anymore. It just won't.
Well you have to start somewhere, this is your chance to find a new career opportunity. I'll write you a satisfied 5 star review. 😂
 

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Trying to meet an ideal type when all people are inherently complex and flawed will only leave you disappointed. Rather than trying to meet this person you have envisioned based on mbti type, I would recommend you just go and look for them in the real world.
 

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King of Seduction
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Discussion Starter #7
Trying to meet an ideal type when all people are inherently complex and flawed will only leave you disappointed. Rather than trying to meet this person you have envisioned based on mbti type, I would recommend you just go and look for them in the real world.
I've met numerous people. It's a matter of centering my focus and not flapping in the breeze aimlessly.

Focus and sheer fucking will.
 

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私を愛して
ESTJ; LSE; 3w4; Sp/Sx
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14,683 Posts
1) I don't think I'd mix with someone highly "traditional". First I'd say I am sort of a spiritual agnostic. I want to believe there is a higher power, hell I even talk to whatever higher power once in blue moon just in case there is one to help out but I am completely not religious. Highly religious people and even highly atheist people aren't for me - those that claim "to know" don't tend to have the type of thought processes I vibe with.
N/A

2) Also don't think I fit in with a total rebel. I love the sort of anarchist vibe that some people have, I love the people who aren't afraid to say fuck the system and think outside the box. I even dig the aesthetic that many have so I am attracted to it. I like that they are strong and defend their viewpoints. However being a type 3 enneagram, I am also conscious of image. if there was a gradient on traditional -- to - rebel. I'd side more with the rebel but someone who is confrontational to the extreme would likely lack the tact to navigate the world with me. Undercover rebels like myself - are cool though.
N/A

3) Lifestyle - I could see myself dating a vegan or vegetarian despite not being one myself, if they are more fit than me lol. If they can manage to look young and healthy on a plant based diet I am cool with trying to fit in as long as they respect that I eat animal products and there's potential I'd never give it up. I could even date someone who never drinks, smokes, and does drugs - to me that speaks to wanting a healthy life style and I do dig that. I'd mold to fit them on such things, to me it's interesting.
N/A

4) One of my biggest issues - as I mentioned prior - I don't want kids and I don't want to date anyone who has kids. I really don't like ties like that, even having numerous animals is a tether. I want to go out of town on a whim with my partner and all I have to worry about is did I leave the AC on and lock the door. I value what I see as freedom.
N/A

5) Style this is an odd one for me. But I really have various "types" so here goes.

a. Business woman look. quality form fitting clothes, black on bright colors like red, yellow, or hell maybe just full black lol. Maybe blingy accessories that are tastefully done. put together and won't go to target looking like a hobo. Usually has a sort of powerful presence or at least refined.
b. Gothic - No idea but I like girls who dress sort of industrial, goth, and may have numerous tattoos. Dark hair and fair skin is a weakness.
c. Boho - fuck me if I don't get attracted to hippy looking boho chicks too. They tend to be into some sort of metaphysical weird shit and I find them interesting. Nature focused, kind, all that stuff is also something I like.
d. Active gals - I wouldn't say I am into "sporty" girls or girls that like sports more than I do who try to be one of the boys. They can definitely get too tomboy for me. But girls that like to do new outdoor shit, go on hikes, and explore are fun as long as they also like showering. Although I wouldn't classify myself as liking to camp and fish. I'd rather rent a cabin and grill.
e. Girly girls - the bain of my youth. Tight dresses, heels, lipstick, fancy hair and gold. I'd be lying to say it's still not a thing but they have lacked enough mental "substance" to keep me entertained.
N/A

Conclusion:
Your ideal partner doesn't have a type.

Also, this ideal partner is pretty generic i.e. common-ish. So you won't have any issues with finding people who match this.
 

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King of Seduction
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7,164 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
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Conclusion:
Your ideal partner doesn't have a type.

Also, this ideal partner is pretty generic i.e. common-ish. So you won't have any issues with finding people who match this.
If my ideal partner has no type how would that make them common or generic?
🤔
 

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私を愛して
ESTJ; LSE; 3w4; Sp/Sx
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14,683 Posts
If my ideal partner has no type how would that make them common or generic?
🤔
Because all the types are able to fit these requirements, hence, there is no type.
 

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Registered
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Conclusion:
Your ideal partner doesn't have a type.

Also, this ideal partner is pretty generic i.e. common-ish. So you won't have any issues with finding people who match this.

Haha I like this answer. Glad to know I'm not the only one here who disliked the concept of having an "ideal type".
Reminds me of how I attended this wedding before, and the bride was describing about how she met the groom, and she says that he wasn't her ideal guy, and that her "ideal type" is more of an extrovert, but the groom is the opposite of that and he is an introvert, but love works in mysterious way, and slowly their friendship grew into love, and then he ended up becoming her ideal guy.

If that bride were to be close-minded and remain obsessed with finding her "ideal type", she would have ended up missing out on the groom.
 

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King of Seduction
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Discussion Starter #13
Haha I like this answer. Glad to know I'm not the only one here who disliked the concept of having an "ideal type".
Reminds me of how I attended this wedding before, and the bride was describing about how she met the groom, and she says that he wasn't her ideal guy, and that her "ideal type" is more of an extrovert, but the groom is the opposite of that and he is an introvert, but love works in mysterious way, and slowly their friendship grew into love, and then he ended up becoming her ideal guy.

If that bride were to be close-minded and remain obsessed with finding her "ideal type", she would have ended up missing out on the groom.
Meh, people get married and divorced quite often - if anything it sounds like a reason they'll divorce later on. I had people talk about how they first fell in love with their partner at first site at a wedding and I know they fucked around shortly after they met their partner - aka people are full of shit at weddings.

Having a misconception over your ideal type doesn't mean you had no ideal type only that your reasoning was off.
Having a problem with the "concept of having an ideal type." That's equivalent to saying you have no standards or direction in my mind.
 

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I agree that you can't type an ideal love interest, but I am still gonna say that I thought of ENTP more from what you said. Idk if I'm wrong, but to me that's more what it sounded like.

Number 3 seems kind of unrealistic though. If you're not vegan you should make sure to check any vegan women you're interested in are open to dating non-vegans. It's just difficult if people have very different lifestyle choices (that are also based on their values) and they live together or see each other regularly. It can happen, but a lot of problems can also happen.

Similar to how I wouldn't date a Christain (I don't think), because even though I'm fine with Christians when you get down to who's going to church and stuff, it's harder to make that work with different lifestyles. I think some value based choices (like religion, veganism, etc.) are really hard to compromise or negotiate on, no matter how tolerant you are.

There are always exceptions though, but that's my experience.
 

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King of Seduction
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Discussion Starter #15
I agree that you can't type an ideal love interest, but I am still gonna say that I thought of ENTP more from what you said. Idk if I'm wrong, but to me that's more what it sounded like.

Number 3 seems kind of unrealistic though. If you're not vegan you should make sure to check any vegan women you're interested in are open to dating non-vegans. It's just difficult if people have very different lifestyle choices (that are also based on their values) and they live together or see each other regularly. It can happen, but a lot of problems can also happen.

Similar to how I wouldn't date a Christain (I don't think), because even though I'm fine with Christians when you get down to who's going to church and stuff, it's harder to make that work with different lifestyles. I think some value based choices (like religion, veganism, etc.) are really hard to compromise or negotiate on, no matter how tolerant you are.

There are always exceptions though, but that's my experience.
Ah an actual stab at answering the question, thanks for that.
Of course dating a vegan might be a stretch if it's due to animal cruelty and they do tend to be a bit extreme as your christian analogy also reigns true for me.

Ultra religious and myself wouldn't fly.

Would you think the ENTP woman would come off more "business" looking?

In terms of a mind match I could see it working. I like different perspectives and an Ne-dom would keep me entertained. I have definitely been attracted to Ne aux but it's those freaking introverted feelers that have always captured me.
 

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I'd agree with @WickerDeer, ENTP. They seem to encompass a lot of what you listed. Seems like there'd be enough similarities btwn the two types to really bond, yet the intelligence & boldness of the two could really challenge each other. I adore the ones I've come across that have that Fe down :love:, there's a wise softness to them & it's beautiful. I want to stick them in my pocket & keep them for myself forever. Good luck!


Ok I lied I came back to add: ENFP could maybe work well too? They seem to be pretty "tough". Though I do tend to believe T's go best together, seems more room to be natural selves around each other having to worry about hurting feelings. But if a T & F put in a lot of effort to understand where the other is coming from, there's potential for great things as well. Eh 🤷‍♀️
 

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King of Seduction
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Discussion Starter #17
I'd agree with @WickerDeer, ENTP. They seem to encompass a lot of what you listed. Seems like there'd be enough similarities btwn the two types to really bond, yet the intelligence & boldness of the two could really challenge each other. I adore the ones I've come across that have that Fe down :love:, there's a wise softness to them & it's beautiful. I want to stick them in my pocket & keep them for myself forever. Good luck!


Ok I lied I came back to add: ENFP could maybe work well too? They seem to be pretty "tough". Though I do tend to believe T's go best together, seems more room to be natural selves around each other having to worry about hurting feelings. But if a T & F put in a lot of effort to understand where the other is coming from, there's potential for great things as well. Eh 🤷‍♀️
I considered ENFP early but I am realizing that Fi and Te are just bound to clash eventually. I think it's hard enough to just to find T in women. I am definitely attracted to Fi - there is a strength to them that I prefer over Fe for a partner. I think T's would have a better way to communicate though. It's better to say what you think rather than tippy toe around subjects due to them being emotional triggers.
 

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You almost eerily described my INFJ sister :ROFLMAO:

(Except the goth thing and she has dogs)

But outside that you eerily described her

Anyways a mature INFJ who is not into traditional stuff.
Ni Fe Ti Se
You even almost described those functions combined to me IMO

She’s a rebel and independent thinker but definitely on the DL (not blunt like my crazy ass for example). She is poised and even dresses much like what you discussed (except goth).

She’s also a 2w3

I think you should look for an INFJ female that is career oriented and a 3

Or like others said the next closest to your description is probably ENTP. The reason I didn’t list that first is because while maybe aesthetics wise you may like an edgy ENTP chick it sounds like you want a woman not as bold as ENTP.
 

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King of Seduction
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Discussion Starter #19
You almost eerily described my INFJ sister :ROFLMAO:

(Except the goth thing and she has dogs)

But outside that you eerily described her

Anyways a mature INFJ who is not into traditional stuff.
Ni Fe Ti Se
You even almost described those functions combined to me IMO

She’s a rebel and independent thinker but definitely on the DL (not blunt like my crazy ass for example). She is poised and even dresses much like what you discussed (except goth).

She’s also a 2w3

I think you should look for an INFJ female that is career oriented and a 3

Or like others said the next closest to your description is probably ENTP. The reason I didn’t list that first is because while maybe aesthetics wise you may like an edgy ENTP chick it sounds like you want a woman not as bold as ENTP.
Interesting take. I actually did go on a date with an ENTP once. We went out literally just because she said she was an ENTP - because I had a feeling she wasn't going to be that physically attractive to me (it was a pretty obscure photo) I said fuck it what else am I doing and it'll be cool to converse with an ENTP female in person. It was pretty much the easiest convo I've had on a date. The tangents and bounced ideas were fun. Would have been a good friend but unfortunately I didn't want to give the "I think you're cool as a friend" talk so we just said our goodbyes and didn't speak again. The ENTP edge doesn't bother me much - One of my closest cousins is an INTJ who likes metal and dark synth shit... she's pretty hardcore complete with leather jacket and everything and I am fine with it - we go out together sometimes.. the only sticking point is that I am a type 3 ennegram and a professional so it has to be an refined edge...so yes too bold might be a problem lol.

I will say one of my friends (female) claims to be an ENFJ and we get along very well. It just happens that we are both pretty anti-establishment. She's essentially a punk rocker chick - but also a good mom. So I mean I can see it happen however here is my thing.


In general terms: I think of it like this...
1) Fe - group harmonizer ... Fi - self oriented more likely to be rebellious
2) Fe - expressive when talking ... Fi - guarded with emotions more so, harder to get a read on.

I think my friend is really ENFx - she is definitely expressive and wears her heart on her shoulder but she also is not remotely a group harmonizer lol. Shes quite argumentive and likes to call people out on their shit.

Using the general terms I have listed and linked above - I had the longest relationship with a true Fi who I believe to be ISFP.
I dated a self proclaimed INFP but I think they were sort of a cusp. They were expressive but also a rebel and definitely more direct. She was a social worker and did have an orientation towards making sure she connected emotionally with people. So that's pretty damn close to an INFJ despite her self typing - I refined her style but she liked looking glammed up vs. the ISFP who thinks she should dress however she wants to because it expresses herself... even if that is wearing dirty sneakers or looking disheveled.
😒
 

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I considered ENFP early but I am realizing that Fi and Te are just bound to clash eventually. I think it's hard enough to just to find T in women. I am definitely attracted to Fi - there is a strength to them that I prefer over Fe for a partner. I think T's would have a better way to communicate though. It's better to say what you think rather than tippy toe around subjects due to them being emotional triggers.
T women are hard to find. Well I mean they're easy to find because you can tell when a woman is a T, but they are rare.
Fi is a magical thing. Definitely good to have a strong Fi person in your corner. They will support the wiggity wack out of you. I think the challenge with a T & F, which has been stated many times before, is both not feeling completely free to be themselves. That could wear a partnership down over time. As you said, communication would be easier btwn a T and a T. But oftentimes copacetic isn't the answer either. Too much easiness in a relationship invites stagnancy. Challenges are what encourage growth. I don't know, I go back & forth on the opposites thing. Either one works & has great potential depending on the people involved.

Sounds as though you got on really well with the ISFP, maybe you would simply like a more refined ISFP? Have you dated an ENTJ? You seem to really enjoy Fi. Do you have a preference for Te or Ti? Which type has high T & Fi. I need to look at types & their functions again.

At any rate, good luck! :)


You almost eerily described my INFJ sister :ROFLMAO:

(Except the goth thing and she has dogs)

But outside that you eerily described her

Anyways a mature INFJ who is not into traditional stuff.
Ni Fe Ti Se
You even almost described those functions combined to me IMO

She’s a rebel and independent thinker but definitely on the DL (not blunt like my crazy ass for example). She is poised and even dresses much like what you discussed (except goth).

She’s also a 2w3

I think you should look for an INFJ female that is career oriented and a 3

Or like others said the next closest to your description is probably ENTP. The reason I didn’t list that first is because while maybe aesthetics wise you may like an edgy ENTP chick it sounds like you want a woman not as bold as ENTP.
I debated tossing out INFJ as well, but it would have to be a very specific INFJ. Like finding a needle in a haystack. Also I am going to ask the obviou question: dOeS yOuR sIsTeR hAvE a BoYfRiEnD
🎤 Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Bring me a maaatch
Find me a find, Catch me a caaaaatchhh 🎵
 
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