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I heard today that my brother-in-law was killed last night. He was such a nice guy and I always really looked up to him and loved hanging out with him. Such a great guy. I'm really struggling to even accept that he's gone. Even typing those words is so hard. I didn't want to post this here but I've been trying to go on with my usual activities and I just can't any longer. I've lost loved ones before but that doesn't make this any easier. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this type of situation?
 

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Try to focus on the positive memories and don't be afraid remember him well. Stay away from the negative whys and what-ifs, they mostly lead nowhere. It's okay to cry if you feel like it, just let it out.

Distract yourself by doing something you love. This will help even out the balance in your brain, so you can feel like yourself again.
 

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First of all - I'm sorry for your loss. If you feel overwhelmed, take some time off from work, although I believe following a set routine can help you get by when your inner life is chaotic (as it no doubt is at this point). Don't stop doing menial tasks, like household chores. If you exercise, keep doing that as well.

What do you mean by "was killed"? It sounds... kind of ominous, like he was murdered.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
What do you mean by "was killed"? It sounds... kind of ominous, like he was murdered.
I didn't want to imply anything about the circumstances of his death, but yes it was murder. I don't have any details but he was attacked and killed outside his home. Thanks a lot for your advice.

Also thank you Blue Soul. I'm not at the point where I can go back to my normal activities but I will as soon as I can.
 

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Spam-I-am
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since his circumstance was of a untimely manner then i would advise counseling
being INTJ myself i have a very difficult time dealing with the loss of a loved one
since closure in this instance will be difficult due to arrests being made, trial, meeting the accused killer
and hearing all the prior events that led to the charge
you face a long and difficult battle and i hope you find the peace and closure that you seek
try to be there for your sister and her kids if she has any
 

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I'm sorry that happened to someone you love. It must be really hard for you!
Please realize that you are not alone and can grieve with your family. Like everyone else said, it's okay to cry, and even get counseling.
 

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I heard today that my brother-in-law was killed last night. He was such a nice guy and I always really looked up to him and loved hanging out with him. Such a great guy. I'm really struggling to even accept that he's gone. Even typing those words is so hard. I didn't want to post this here but I've been trying to go on with my usual activities and I just can't any longer. I've lost loved ones before but that doesn't make this any easier. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this type of situation?

What have you done to comfort your sister? Reaching out to comfort someone who probably feels even worse than you about his death would be a good way to honor his memory
.
 

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Don't bottle anything up. Don't rush things either or it will only get worse. Talk about it as much as you need to and there is nothing wrong with posting here either. Acknowledge your grief and allow yourself to feel without judging your feelings.


What have you done to comfort your sister? Reaching out to comfort someone who probably feels even worse than you about his death would be a good way to honor his memory
.
Are you guilt-tripping him and dismissing his own pain?
 

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Don't bottle anything up. Don't rush things either or it will only get worse. Talk about it as much as you need to and there is nothing wrong with posting here either. Acknowledge your grief and allow yourself to feel without judging your feelings.

Are you guilt-tripping him and dismissing his own pain?

Consoling someone you love over someone you both miss is itself a means of coping with loss. It might even help them both grieve. Grieving together is far better than grieving alone.
 

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Consoling someone you love over someone you both miss is itself a means of coping with loss. It might even help them both grieve. Grieving together is far better than grieving alone.
I misunderstood your initial post as instructing him to suck it up and attend to other problems. This makes much more sense. Thank you.
 

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I heard today that my brother-in-law was killed last night. He was such a nice guy and I always really looked up to him and loved hanging out with him. Such a great guy. I'm really struggling to even accept that he's gone. Even typing those words is so hard. I didn't want to post this here but I've been trying to go on with my usual activities and I just can't any longer. I've lost loved ones before but that doesn't make this any easier. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this type of situation?
I can't say that I know exactly what you are experiencing. I only know what my experience with this has been and thus, I am so very sorry you are going through it @Doran Seth. My heart hurts for you.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve. Some cry, other's do not. The important thing is to allow yourself to feel when you can. Grief is unpredictable and you may cry when you least expect it. Don't hold back tears or anger or WHATEVER feelings come up for you.

If you are able to talk to a trusted companion that can be helpful. If this is too difficult, putting your feelings down in writing can also help release pain.

Guilt can be natural. To question if we could have talked to the person more before or ask ourselves about other things. This is ok as long as we do not dwell upon such things but resolve them.

Vigorous exercise can help immensely with strong feelings of pain and anger. Try to get proper rest and remember to eat.

People may not know exactly what to say and offer stupid advice or try to comfort you in ways that are ineffective. If you can remember that their motivation is love it helps to not be hurt or sent into a tailspin.

Try not to use drugs or alcohol to medicate your pain. And, don't feel that if you let go of your intense pain or grief that you are being disloyal to your Brother-in-Law and forgetting him. He sounds like a wonderful person and friend. You will find ways to honor him and his memory.
 
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