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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, first of all, I'm an ENFP. I like pretty much everyone. Very quick to give second chances, and I'm very good with people. I'm a nice guy.

But... fucking hell, I need advice from an ENFJ.

I have a friend who's an ENFJ. I'm pretty sure he's generally unbalanced. But I need to know for sure.

He's generally:

-annoying
-narcissistic
-egotistical

Or at least, that's how most of my mates view him. Me, I like him. He's generally goofy and passionate, but he's very rigid and VERY, VEERY obsessive.

You see, he's got an obsession over a girl. A huge obsession. Thinks about her 16 hours of the day, talks/types to me about her about 8. And it's been going on for around a year now.

The thing is, the girl absolutely fucking despises him. Hates his guts, and sees him as all three of the things listed above. And he just won't let go.

Being an ENFP, I hate conflict. I want to resolve it as quickly as possible and just roll. But this has been doing on for around a year now, and he seems to be none the wiser that there IS a conflict.

So why did I come here? Because I don't understand this guy. Like, at all. I have no idea what to do.

Is there any way to make an ENFJ healthier? To tone down the qualities listed above?

Is there a way to knock him off of the obsession, without it completely destroying his emotional psyche first?

Is it just maturity?

If any of you can answer any of those questions, I'd gladly appreciate it.
 

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I don't know, sounds like a maturity issue. Have you spoken honestly to him that you think this is obsessive and ridiculous and that you don't want to be texted incessantly about it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have told him that it's obsessive and ridiculous, and even the girl told me to tell him that it was obsessive and ridiculous. And yet, he's still obsessing and trying. Her resistance seems like it makes it worse.

As for the texting... I don't want to be mean. I'm one of his only outlets, but it's getting out of hand. ;-;
 

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For the sake of both of your emotional health, tell him how he's negatively affecting you! And give him some advice (ENFJs dish it out but we can take it just as well) about moving on and how much more there is to see out there if only he'd let go of his obsession, gain some confidence and channel his nervous energy into something positive like a hobby.
 

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A lot of ENFJ can appear self centered especially if they have a go-getter idealistic attitude.

That latter beggining half sounds like typical ENFJ, goofy and funny/friendly, yet rigid because of (J) in certain areas. As funny and friendly as I can be, I can be high strung and arrogant. Most people dont know how perfectionistic or 'obsessive' we can be because they dont know us that personally. But as said above, he should find a hobby to actually channel it on.


Your friend does sound a bit out of touch socially if its really that bad. It wont hurt telling him, the only thing it could do is strengthen your relationship.
 

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I would say to confront him tactfully about his obsessive unrequited behavior. He may take offence at first, but if you guys are as close as you say you are he will get over it and appreciate your honesty after the fact. Good luck mate.
 
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