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So, me (I'm 25) and my younger brother (he's 21) have been living together for a year and half. I moved to another country to study for my MA, and he decided to come and stay with me, intead of living with mum and and dad. Living together has not been easy at all, because we are extremely different. He complains that I do not pay enough attention to him and I do not seem to care about him enough. I think I'm guilty of this, but I also have to say that I was very busy studying (in a language that is my third one) and working at the same time, and I barely had time for myself.
I thought that being there when he needed me and solving his problem, while leaving him to make his own choices was the a good option. But I forgot that he's not like me, and he needs a lot of emotional support, and I failed to provide it. That said, I hug him often and I say that I love him, but for the rest I leave him independent. The results is that he found some new friends and well, he ended up losing all his money.
Now, it's not like I'd never considered that he would make some huge mistake. However, if I were to be understanding about it, he would never learn the lesson (I know this by experience), because he would think that it was not so severe, while it is. So, I acted like I was very angry and told him that that was wrong. But I'm afraid he is not really getting where I'm coming from. He was just silent, and upset because I seemed cross, and not for what happened. I really don't know how to make myself clear to him.
 

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He's 21 years old, an adult in every country in the world. He is responsible for his own actions. I'm an ISFP but it doesn't mean I can be reckless, irresponsible and immature and say 'oh well I'm a feeler you see' and it be okay and someone fix it for me. Your brother is old enough to make his own mistakes and clean up after them, and unless you make him realise you won't always be there then he will always depend on you and it will negatively affect aspects of your own life. Tell your brother it's time to grow up, take care of himself and you go and smash the sh*t out of your MA.

It's great that you care about your brother and are doing your best, it's more than a lot of people would do tbh. But he sounds like a kid in a grownups body who needs a cold dose of reality
 

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Thanks for your answer. I know, although I really feel bad seeing him upset. He needs to get over it and become more independent, because we won't alway live together. It's just that he just doesn't get it.
 

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Thanks for your answer. I know, although I really feel bad seeing him upset. He needs to get over it and become more independent, because we won't alway live together. It's just that he just doesn't get it.
I'm sorry he's making life difficult for you. I think if it's your emotional response (even if you're only acting your emotional response) he's after then you should trying removing it from the equation. Don't get mad or upset. Just be like 'oh, okay, well it's your money' and when he runs out then he might realise that he's made a mistake.

Being an ISFP is no excuse for his behaviour but something I know I do is that I don't REALLY realise something until I experience it myself. No matter how much people warn me about something or tell me something is a bad idea, I'm kind of like 'yeah yeah I know!' but it doesn't fully hit home until I'm in the situation. Instead of trying to protect or guide him, just let him experience things. Ultimately if things go really horribly wrong you will be there, but it sounds like he needs a bit of life experience and negative experiences can be what people need to get their act together (speaking from experience!)
 
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