[myjazz]

I believe my nephew is an ESTJ and I could use some inside help from you guys.
My nephew is unwilling to accept that he needs help in school. He has a 55 in Algebra and he makes up excuses after excuses that that making a score of 39 on homework is okay and that he knows algebra and does need help. I am not able to help him the way I know how, due to other people. So I am trying to be subtle very subtle about helping him. So what would be some good ways to help overcome his stubbornness to help better his future?

 

[myjazz]

Considering that ESTJ's are 3rd from least here at PerC this may take a while.

 

[waterviolet]

Well, I'm not an ESTJ but I'll share my thoughts anyway. It seems to me that most kids need to have their own drive to get good grades. For most kids they have to have some sort of value or benefit to them NOW instead of down the road where (and as we all know) they may or may not use it. Most kids these days realize there are very few consequences to their actions/inactions and unfortunately bribes don't work as well as they use to ($5 for each A on the report card is peanuts to them). My son is very similar in the sense I practically have to...or wait...I DO have to nag him to get his homework done. Most times he ends up playing lazy and feigns knowing how to do things in order to enlist my help. I have a very difficult time understanding this mentality because growing up as an INFJ it was my duty to get things done, on my own, get A's on most everything or try harder when I'd suffer receiving a B. Even today my mom says she never had to help us with homework - we just did it. Without a parent or guardian enforcing rules and giving the child structure I doubt there's much you can do to encourage a change. One thing I do wish my parents would have done...and something I do with my son...is get him to think about what he wants to do with his life. Help him explore what's out there, give him a dose of reality when he comes to realize working at McDonalds won't afford him a 2 bedroom house, car, boat and 4 wheeler he dreams of. So, alas, I have no real answers but I'd say being encouraging and opening his mind to future possibilities is a big step. You never know what little gem of advice he may choose to carry with him into the future. Beyond that, take away TV, XBOX, the computer and time with friends until the little stinker shapes up! :wink:

 

[waterviolet]

Are you ready for this?

Last night while driving home I asked my son what his thoughts were about this question posed to me from a friend concerning his nephew and getting good grades. My son's answer - "They should request a subsitute teacher to come in for a day and make it more fun." So, perhaps it's not so much the subject matter as it is the one teaching the subject matter. In fact, there are far too many things that factor into your nephews lack of motivation. We did cover the fact that getting paid for grades is not much of an incentive and he did say that working at McDonalds would be a good "start out" job. Go figure - kids!

 

[myjazz]

Thank you your response Waterviolet. I am trying to help him subtly as you described and there is some issues at hand with him that I do not wish to discuss, I feel wrong in doing so. For now the most I feel I can do is keep trying a little at a time in hopes that it adds up to something in the long run.
An example we was watching a show where a guy broke a guinness book of world record in skateboarding. They told us what the record was and his new record. So I asked him how much did he beat the record by, as a way to make math fun and in hopes to make him realize somewhat that one of his excuses of failing Algebra was that he does it in his head is flawed. The math question that came about was something like this. The old record was 34 feet the new record was 104' 5 3/4 inches, by how far did he beat the record? Needless to say 5 minutes later he was close to answering the equation correctly. I tried to make math fun for him for a moment by using the show he liked and skateboarding as the tool. The second part I wanted him to figure out which was that he can not do algebra in his head as of yet take his time and learn the subject not just act like you know it.
I have also tried to express how it is having a job by taking him with me on the weekends sometimes to do landscaping type of work. Which can be hard work both physically and mentally, during the time he is with me at those times I explain to him and show him that this type of work is not cut out for him.
I myself love construction, landscaping, or tree work but not everybody can handle what it takes to do this type of work which is what I try to show him and I try to push him as much as I can and then take over what I have him to do and show him just how much more it takes to do it. While working I talk about how important it is to stay in school and do good in school go to college and have a good career.
Many more things I am doing in trying to motivate him and help him overcome some of the negative obstacles that is hindering him.
I have to admit his Te drives me crazy sometimes :crazy:

 

[WickedQueen]

I believe my nephew is an ESTJ and I could use some inside help from you guys.
My nephew is unwilling to accept that he needs help in school. He has a 55 in Algebra and he makes up excuses after excuses that that making a score of 39 on homework is okay and that he knows algebra and does need help. I am not able to help him the way I know how, due to other people. So I am trying to be subtle very subtle about helping him. So what would be some good ways to help overcome his stubbornness to help better his future?

Ummm, that doesn't sounds like an ESTJ's trait.

If an ESTJ was offered a help for something that he lack of, he will say: "Okay. But here's a way that I want for you to help me..."

 

[Trekiael]

Agreed with WickedQueen. ESTJs generally accept their mistakes and shortcoming graciously, and are willing to get better if help is offered. Now we all know typing kids is not that easy, but I think you should just let him know that he can ask for help anytime. If he's really a SJ, he'll come around, but if he's a ESTJ, he won't like to be forced or feeling like he's tricked into it, it must be his own decision. Beside, we can't be good at every subject. I was not that good at algebra either, but that doesn't necessarily make me an idiot XD My XSTJ best friend has more of a math logic, and I more of a litterature/analytic logic. Same type, different logic. It's typical NF of you to want to help your nephew, but ESTJs like to take their own decisions.

 

[myjazz]

Thanks for the input and advice. Not to disagree with anybody but to take in consideration of unhealthy traits of an ESTJ would be appreciated.

Don't worry I am not "tricking" him just helping him to learn in new ways at looking at things and giving life value's lessons. What are role models, people to look up to, or family for then if you don't do stuff like that?
Yes, so NF of me
Asa far as him not being good at math it is more as if he is not trying. His homework that I mentioned where he had a 39 half of the assignment was not done as well as most of his homework. He is not getting the answers wrong he is not finishing his homework.

 

[Queen of Cups]

The best way to approach an ESTJ with anything is straightforward and logically. He might not be catching on to your subtlety or he could be misreading it as being obtrusive. The thing I have found with dealing with my husband has been to just sit him down and logically explain the facts to him and why it would be in his best interest to go along with my ideas.