Help
I am only 17, and every day I find it more and more difficult to find a reason to get out of bed.
I feel so lost in life; my family doesn't understand who I am and my stupid high-school friends don't help at all.
I could go on and on about these things, but then I would just be whining and I don't know... I don't know where else to turn
I feel so lost in life; my family doesn't understand who I am and my stupid high-school friends don't help at all.
I could go on and on about these things, but then I would just be whining and I don't know... I don't know where else to turn
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The only way to not whine is to in fact go on and on about these things as they appear before you. We'll listen to as much as you want to say.
Why do you feel lost? Is the fact that you don't think people around you understand you making you feel lost?
I have been where you are, and understand how you feel, even if I do not quite know the particulars of your situation. Everything you say resonates with me, especially when I was in my teens (many years ago). You are among friends here. I am sure that many of us have experiences that mirror your own. Perhaps, if you feel comfortable sharing, we can offer some individual insights, and tell you how we got through the rough spots, or at least help you to see that there are people who do understand and with whom you can identify.
Let it all out. At first, it might sound like whining or that you're just thinking in circles, but once you start talking about it, the process of writing and reaching out to others will help you sort out your thoughts and help you pinpoint what you need to fix and improve.
And I'm sure many of us here relate to that feeling - when it becomes hard to get up and out of bed, and motivate oneself to deal with life's hardships. You are certainly not the only one.
And I'm sure many of us here relate to that feeling - when it becomes hard to get up and out of bed, and motivate oneself to deal with life's hardships. You are certainly not the only one.
Well.. I have a great life. At least one square meal a day, loving parents and siblings, but it's difficult to explain.
Other people are often the reason I feel so down all the time. I have never really fit in with the people I hang out with. They're all bigoted, opinionated phonies. My "best" friend is completely shallow and has this stupid habit of not liking whats popular. For example, a bunch of us went to Inception and we all liked it except for him, and he claimed that it was just stupid, but it was obvious he was too dense to understand the damn thing. And whenever I act lame around him, like friends do, he puts me down and makes me feel like shit... But this just a rant about him, sorry.
Anyway..
As depressing as it sounds, I just don't feel life is worth living. Every day I wake up and it's the same old routine. There just seems to be more horrible things in this world than good things, or I can't see the good things or something, I don't know..
I went to a therapist and he told me it would get better when I went to university or something, but I just don't know.
Other people are often the reason I feel so down all the time. I have never really fit in with the people I hang out with. They're all bigoted, opinionated phonies. My "best" friend is completely shallow and has this stupid habit of not liking whats popular. For example, a bunch of us went to Inception and we all liked it except for him, and he claimed that it was just stupid, but it was obvious he was too dense to understand the damn thing. And whenever I act lame around him, like friends do, he puts me down and makes me feel like shit... But this just a rant about him, sorry.
Anyway..
As depressing as it sounds, I just don't feel life is worth living. Every day I wake up and it's the same old routine. There just seems to be more horrible things in this world than good things, or I can't see the good things or something, I don't know..
I went to a therapist and he told me it would get better when I went to university or something, but I just don't know.
Yea it might not get better at uni :laughing: It depends on your course I think. But it will get better for sure if you take care of yourself, become sensitive to your needs. You have a lot of power on your own. Perhaps you could consider leaving your friends or the worst ones. You can focus your energy elsewhere, in positive things like a hobby rather than other people. I think you could also write in a journal to document your experiences, thoughts as a way to organize your feelings and figure out solutions. It's easy to become stuck in rut, in a routine. It always takes some effort to make change, but little things can help a lot.
I know where you are coming from. I was in the same exact place four years ago when I was your age. So many people around you but yet you feel alone and secluded. Never quite fit in, never quite understood feeling like you are older than your numerical age....From all appearances you seem great on the exterior you are healthy and doing great. But on the inside, inside of your heart and your mind, you feel so alone and so lost...
Don't worry....Just keep your head above the water and keep trying, try your best to improve and better yourself. Learn and absorb as much as you can. I can't tell you some password or some piece of advice that will make all of it better. I'm sorry, life wouldn't be worth it if it was that easy. Develop your sense of self, learn who you are, delve into who you are, figure it out. Always keep hope, never give up, develop a strong will power. Write as much as you can or do other things that you enjoy. Find something to occupy your time and stimulate your mind. Everything will get better, you just have to keep trying and never give up hope, you won't be able to reap the rewards of life if you don't try and give it your all.
You can't grow flowers without sunlight and water, you gotta try.
Don't worry....Just keep your head above the water and keep trying, try your best to improve and better yourself. Learn and absorb as much as you can. I can't tell you some password or some piece of advice that will make all of it better. I'm sorry, life wouldn't be worth it if it was that easy. Develop your sense of self, learn who you are, delve into who you are, figure it out. Always keep hope, never give up, develop a strong will power. Write as much as you can or do other things that you enjoy. Find something to occupy your time and stimulate your mind. Everything will get better, you just have to keep trying and never give up hope, you won't be able to reap the rewards of life if you don't try and give it your all.
You can't grow flowers without sunlight and water, you gotta try.
I know how you feel. My family didn't understand who i was and still don't although i don't tell them them much so maybe that is part of it. i had one high school friend. I was part of the Rugby team but none them were my friend.
anyway i have had trouble finding a job, got pretty depressed and was sleeping in until 2-4 PM until 3 weeks ago. Some friends made me commit to something daily at noon so i get up around 10-11:30 AM now.
you can try making a commitment(make sure it won't drain you of cash) to something if it does notwork it didn't hurt right?I doubt your friend will make you commit to something so i'm wondering what are your interests?
anyway i have had trouble finding a job, got pretty depressed and was sleeping in until 2-4 PM until 3 weeks ago. Some friends made me commit to something daily at noon so i get up around 10-11:30 AM now.
you can try making a commitment(make sure it won't drain you of cash) to something if it does notwork it didn't hurt right?I doubt your friend will make you commit to something so i'm wondering what are your interests?
You've gotta find your reason for living... I dunno, be it a goal or a mission or something that you want to bring into fruition on this earth. If you don't have that, there's nothing that's going to provide that motivation to get out of bed; your family, friends, and school can't do that for you.
Don't give up though! YOU CAN DO IT!
Don't give up though! YOU CAN DO IT!
I'm currently in the same situation as you. Believe me. It's rough.
What I learned through all my contemplation and through some genuine friends is this: if you're willing to support yourself, then there are bound to be other people who can support you. I bet those guys in your high school aren't going to support themselves into understanding you. Leave them alone. Occupy yourself with other things to worry about; play some video games, go out into your backyard and go crazy or just write.. like what the people in this thread said:happy:.
As for the family thing... all I can say is to stand your ground and help them realize who you are. If they can't understand that, then... something happens.
whoops.
I believe you can do it. The fact that you're speaking about your problem here in this forum shows me that you're willing to help yourselfroud:
You're a genuine person. If others can't understand that, then they probably don't know what it means to be authentic.
What I learned through all my contemplation and through some genuine friends is this: if you're willing to support yourself, then there are bound to be other people who can support you. I bet those guys in your high school aren't going to support themselves into understanding you. Leave them alone. Occupy yourself with other things to worry about; play some video games, go out into your backyard and go crazy or just write.. like what the people in this thread said:happy:.
As for the family thing... all I can say is to stand your ground and help them realize who you are. If they can't understand that, then... something happens.
whoops.I believe you can do it. The fact that you're speaking about your problem here in this forum shows me that you're willing to help yourself
roud:You're a genuine person. If others can't understand that, then they probably don't know what it means to be authentic.
Set a goal and pursue it with ruthless abandon.
Even if you don't achieve what you originally set out, the lessons you learn and the things you will accomplish will get you farther ahead then if simply you did nothing.
The best lessons I've learned in life were from mistakes and missed objectives. Falling down and getting right back up makes you strong.
Don't be afraid to go out and get what you want.
Even if you don't achieve what you originally set out, the lessons you learn and the things you will accomplish will get you farther ahead then if simply you did nothing.
The best lessons I've learned in life were from mistakes and missed objectives. Falling down and getting right back up makes you strong.
Don't be afraid to go out and get what you want.
I think you just need that someone to fit the best friend - brother/sister - lover combination. Like someone special to give you the reasons instead of finding them yourself and be the only one you can ever confess all your thoughts and feelings.
But there might still be a problem finding that someone, I still didn't manage to discover someone like that yet. But every day I wait makes the 'gift' so much more exciting and overwhelming.
But there might still be a problem finding that someone, I still didn't manage to discover someone like that yet. But every day I wait makes the 'gift' so much more exciting and overwhelming.
hi Jacob,
when i was 17 I exprienced similar feelings of sadness. I too felt like an oddball and never fitted in. The friends i had frequently hurt me, and my self esteem and confidence was very low.
i tried to soothe the feelings by doing things i was VERY interested in. for eg. i went through a religious phase where i was more interested in the deeper meaning of life and read the bible and esoteric texts. (deepak chopra, conversations with god by Neale donald walsh etc)
i bacame interested in spirituality and realised there is another way of interpreting my reality. for eg. this friend you have-do they put you down because they want to or to soothe their own insecurites and low self esteem? are they really as self assured as they appear?
listening to music was also very beneficial. i liked alot of sad/epic sounding ambient music.
in london, there's an organisation called the samaritans. im not sure if it exists in the us. (?) crisis helplines can be useful in expressing/making sense of feelings. Do you enjoy humour? watching stand up's (on dvd) can be useful. movies can also help lift my mood.
when i was 17 I exprienced similar feelings of sadness. I too felt like an oddball and never fitted in. The friends i had frequently hurt me, and my self esteem and confidence was very low.
i tried to soothe the feelings by doing things i was VERY interested in. for eg. i went through a religious phase where i was more interested in the deeper meaning of life and read the bible and esoteric texts. (deepak chopra, conversations with god by Neale donald walsh etc)
i bacame interested in spirituality and realised there is another way of interpreting my reality. for eg. this friend you have-do they put you down because they want to or to soothe their own insecurites and low self esteem? are they really as self assured as they appear?
listening to music was also very beneficial. i liked alot of sad/epic sounding ambient music.
in london, there's an organisation called the samaritans. im not sure if it exists in the us. (?) crisis helplines can be useful in expressing/making sense of feelings. Do you enjoy humour? watching stand up's (on dvd) can be useful. movies can also help lift my mood.
I can relate very well with your situation. I felt that way when I was your age; alone, alienated. I could never relate to my friends, though I am glad they were there. At least you have the basic human needs covered, the bottom of the pyramid. Now onward to self-fulfillment.
While ultimately I think that the cure for your malaise lies within, I actually think that university might help you (or even a job, if you are not ready). I think it would be good for you to get out on you own (if possible), and experience life in a new environment. At the very least it will provide opportunities to meet similarly minded individuals and to truly explore yourself. It will expand your possible pool of friends. Sometimes it is hard to get out of a rut when you are stuck in the same old environment. I have traveled quite a bit throughout my life, and this has always provided me a measure of peace and a broader perspective.
I have been through several extended periods of severe depression throughout my life. At last I found my solace in writing. I do not write professionally, only for my own peace of mind. I find that, for me, writing has a somewhat cathartic effect, plus I focus on fantasy, which allows my imagination free reign to wander where it will. I generally have a few collaborative, internet based projects on the back-burner as well.
I have also found a measure of peace in various philosophical systems, namely Taoism and Stoicism, and in Buddhist techniques such as mindfulness and learning to let go of desires.
At the very least, try to break that routine. What are your interests? What are activities you have always wanted to try? Is the anything to which you are drawn, or for which you felt an affinity when you were younger?
While ultimately I think that the cure for your malaise lies within, I actually think that university might help you (or even a job, if you are not ready). I think it would be good for you to get out on you own (if possible), and experience life in a new environment. At the very least it will provide opportunities to meet similarly minded individuals and to truly explore yourself. It will expand your possible pool of friends. Sometimes it is hard to get out of a rut when you are stuck in the same old environment. I have traveled quite a bit throughout my life, and this has always provided me a measure of peace and a broader perspective.
I have been through several extended periods of severe depression throughout my life. At last I found my solace in writing. I do not write professionally, only for my own peace of mind. I find that, for me, writing has a somewhat cathartic effect, plus I focus on fantasy, which allows my imagination free reign to wander where it will. I generally have a few collaborative, internet based projects on the back-burner as well.
I have also found a measure of peace in various philosophical systems, namely Taoism and Stoicism, and in Buddhist techniques such as mindfulness and learning to let go of desires.
At the very least, try to break that routine. What are your interests? What are activities you have always wanted to try? Is the anything to which you are drawn, or for which you felt an affinity when you were younger?
Hun, write your heart out.
We are all here to listen. We care and understand. You found a super wonderful place full of good people to lean on.
We are all here to listen. We care and understand. You found a super wonderful place full of good people to lean on.
I just want to say that everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging in this thread are f**king awesome. Just reading through this thread and seeing so many people reach out and giving their shoulders to cry on, their arms to be ran into, and their words to soothe...it's just an incredibly beautiful sight.
This is a good start! It's still vague and focused on the "now and present", but this is the beginning of self-exploring and understanding yourself better. I advise you to mull over this more, sort things out, write pages if you have to, but try to make a few statements that state exactly what you want. For me, it took many pages, many threads, many posts, and many diary entries to sort out exactly what it was I am seeking, and I'm still finding new things about myself and understanding myself.
For example:
1. I want to find a group of people I can fit into
2. I want to do something outside my routine
3. I want to find people, friends that are sincere and passionate about something in life
^Those are just examples, and it's really up to you to kind of figure out what exactly it is what you want. They can be specific things you want to accomplish, steps that will lead you to something, or even just a general gist of something you want to accomplish or do in the future, but the important essence of this is to focus on the future. This allows you to get out of the hole you're in, see the sunlight above, focus on how you can gradually reach those statements above by pulling yourself up to climb out of the hole, and realize that this hole isn't as deep as you thought. It's really important for us INFJs to have this sense of idealism of the future, because it gives us the fuel to go on when things seem rough.
It's good that you've identified the problem (how you feel about the present situation), and admitting this is the first step that an INFJ will take. The next step is to identify what you want in your future, and sometimes this comes out after personal reflection or even just writing on PC a lot, lol. I wish someone told me all this when I was younger, but now this framework helps me to identify my emotions, my thoughts, my confusion and everything better. It also better prepares me to ask people advice when I'm facing the unknown and relate others' advice to my situation.
For example:
1. I want to find a group of people I can fit into
2. I want to do something outside my routine
3. I want to find people, friends that are sincere and passionate about something in life
^Those are just examples, and it's really up to you to kind of figure out what exactly it is what you want. They can be specific things you want to accomplish, steps that will lead you to something, or even just a general gist of something you want to accomplish or do in the future, but the important essence of this is to focus on the future. This allows you to get out of the hole you're in, see the sunlight above, focus on how you can gradually reach those statements above by pulling yourself up to climb out of the hole, and realize that this hole isn't as deep as you thought. It's really important for us INFJs to have this sense of idealism of the future, because it gives us the fuel to go on when things seem rough.
It's good that you've identified the problem (how you feel about the present situation), and admitting this is the first step that an INFJ will take.
The next step is to identify what you want in your future, and sometimes this comes out after personal reflection or even just writing on PC a lot, lol. I wish someone told me all this when I was younger, but now this framework helps me to identify my emotions, my thoughts, my confusion and everything better. It also better prepares me to ask people advice when I'm facing the unknown and relate others' advice to my situation.
Holy Moly
Thank you everybody, I honestly don't know what else to say. I never figured so many people would reach out and try to help me. Thank you, from the deepest throes of my heart. :happy:
I will try to address all the individual issues here, I apologize if I leave out an aspect or two.
I write a lot. I have a journal type thing where I vent, and just write whatever comes to my mind. Sometimes I copy out really meaningful poems or interesting ones so I can always read them. Most of the things I write are pretty depressing, but I don't know, I believe there is great beauty in sadness, and nobody really understands that...
I do have some close friends, and all of them are actually girls and they each offer different solutions to my problem:
1- Prescription Drugs
2-Marijuana
3-Jesus
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their concern.. but those aren't for me. Prescription drugs are not very effective for treating depression, Marijuana can become habitual and can just create a whole new set of problems for me and Christianity just isn't my thing. I respect a persons right to practicing their own religion, I just don't believe in that stuff. I'm an atheist at the moment, but that will probably change one day into something obscure probably.
Anyway
I have a job, and nobody there really likes me because I'm shy and reserved. Plus I just started so everything is a little overwhelming. I almost got fired anyway because my assistant manager hates boys, but whatever, I'm part of a union. I'm glad I'm making money, but it just doesn't seem to be that commitment I need. I am just so frustrated with everything, can't at least one great thing happen? It feels like all the great things happen to other people..
I've had a few relationships in the past, but they've never really worked out. Girls don't like guys like me I guess. It sounds pathetic, but every day I just day dream about that one special girl. Yeah that sounds lame but oh well.
And yeah, whenever I'm down (which is a lot..) sad music always seems to make me feel great. Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits, Neil Young and a bunch of esoteric bands always make my day.
Thank you everybody, I honestly don't know what else to say. I never figured so many people would reach out and try to help me. Thank you, from the deepest throes of my heart. :happy:
I will try to address all the individual issues here, I apologize if I leave out an aspect or two.
I write a lot. I have a journal type thing where I vent, and just write whatever comes to my mind. Sometimes I copy out really meaningful poems or interesting ones so I can always read them. Most of the things I write are pretty depressing, but I don't know, I believe there is great beauty in sadness, and nobody really understands that...
I do have some close friends, and all of them are actually girls and they each offer different solutions to my problem:
1- Prescription Drugs
2-Marijuana
3-Jesus
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their concern.. but those aren't for me. Prescription drugs are not very effective for treating depression, Marijuana can become habitual and can just create a whole new set of problems for me and Christianity just isn't my thing. I respect a persons right to practicing their own religion, I just don't believe in that stuff. I'm an atheist at the moment, but that will probably change one day into something obscure probably.
Anyway
I have a job, and nobody there really likes me because I'm shy and reserved. Plus I just started so everything is a little overwhelming. I almost got fired anyway because my assistant manager hates boys, but whatever, I'm part of a union. I'm glad I'm making money, but it just doesn't seem to be that commitment I need. I am just so frustrated with everything, can't at least one great thing happen? It feels like all the great things happen to other people..
I've had a few relationships in the past, but they've never really worked out. Girls don't like guys like me I guess. It sounds pathetic, but every day I just day dream about that one special girl. Yeah that sounds lame but oh well.
And yeah, whenever I'm down (which is a lot..) sad music always seems to make me feel great. Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits, Neil Young and a bunch of esoteric bands always make my day.
Wow, you just named my two all time favorites: Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits (after Dylan, maybe, of course).That would be my holy trinity. I think that in many ways Cohen epitomizes INFJness. If you have not read his poetry, I highly recommend it.
You are wrong about girls not liking guys like us. I thought that for much of my life, especially when I was your age, but it simply isn't true. We are often too shy to realize. It just takes the right type to appreciate you for who you are, and they are out there and you will find them. This has been a major source of contention throughout my life, but it lessoned as I grew older and met more people and had more experiences.
I also find that there is great beauty in sadness and melancholy, in any pure emotion really. Perhaps if you feel comfortable you might share some of your writing, or various forms of art and media that you enjoy. I am an atheist as well, and have been as far back as I can remember. Like you, however, I have always searched for meaning and studied various religions and philosophical systems and formed my own stance, taking what I identified with, or found to be true, and leaving the rest. And this has changed often, and continues to do so, and may always.
You are wrong about girls not liking guys like us. I thought that for much of my life, especially when I was your age, but it simply isn't true. We are often too shy to realize. It just takes the right type to appreciate you for who you are, and they are out there and you will find them. This has been a major source of contention throughout my life, but it lessoned as I grew older and met more people and had more experiences.
I also find that there is great beauty in sadness and melancholy, in any pure emotion really. Perhaps if you feel comfortable you might share some of your writing, or various forms of art and media that you enjoy. I am an atheist as well, and have been as far back as I can remember. Like you, however, I have always searched for meaning and studied various religions and philosophical systems and formed my own stance, taking what I identified with, or found to be true, and leaving the rest. And this has changed often, and continues to do so, and may always.
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