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Helping An INFJ Identify An ENFP In Public

1332 Views 6 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Little Egg
So I Marco Polo (video message app) an INFJ that lives down in northern California, I've mentioned her in passing previously. Last night she asked me how she as an INFJ can identify an ENFP, particularly ENFP males, in public as she really wants to date one of us but needs to find us.

It was an interesting question. I came to the conclusion that in public, especially in a social sphere (RE: party), we would *appear* to be similar to ESTPs. The life of the party.

But I also felt that if we were single and fascinated by INFJs (as many of us are) we would seek them out for a one-on-one chat and then discuss real issues, not 'small talk' or at least minimize the 'small talk'.

Also, I project outwardly my interests reflected in my clothing (most of which is Stranger Things, Back To The Future, Top Gun, Zelda, themed stuff) and my apartment is a veritable museum of my interests. Movie and video game memorabilia and pop culture themed quirky art is all over the walls. I figured that might be shared with many ENFPs and help her identify us.

Anything to add?
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I agree with @tarmonk.

I will add that if your friend is expecting to be able to spot an ENFP (or any other type), within the first 5-15 mins of meeting the person she will be disappointed. Typing other people by yourself takes a lot of time and observation on your part. I have only done it once with another person I know and I think it took me 3 months before I was without a doubt sure of my conclusion. Also take into consideration if your friend is not familiar with typology, she has to first understand how the functions work and their differences plus how the order of the functions changes the personality,. Not just have a cursory understanding of N=people who follow their instincts when we who have gone deeper into typology, know that N means much more than that.

On top of the knowledge and understanding, your friend should be prepared to have an open mind; that is to say, don't rely on Myers-Briggs as the method that will give them results 100% of the time. I will give my experience as an example. When I was trying to type my friend, I found it difficult and confusing because in the end it turned out that he has a few traits of autism which led me to think he was a different type than he actually was initially. One trait in particular is that he has a fantastic analytical mind (think Rainman but he is high functioning), and the type that he turned out to be is known for not being able to communicate their ideas in a well thought out way, or they have difficulty presenting their ideas irrefutably.

So, if your friend takes 3 months to finally ascertain a person's type, she might as well just ask the person to take the test and be done with it because at the end of 3 months, they will no longer be acquaintances. Lol.

Anyways, pardon me if I sound pessimistic. I just wanted to bring to her attention that it will not be as easy as she thinks.

On a positive note, here is some stuff I found helpful. I think it shortened the amount of time I took to type my friend. Check out the channel DaveSuperPowers on Youtube. She should watch the videos that talk about Ni vs Ne and Fi vs Fe.

And this video:
They have a couple of other interesting videos talking about other functions and using micro expressions to figure out what the person's dominant or auxiliary function is.

p.s. How many ENFPs agree with this video?
I think this video applies to me. I have to make a conscious effort to stay focused on the person I am talking to.
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My friend's initial hope was that ENFP males would explicitly identify themselves on dating apps (like I do). But apparently they don't in her area. She's desperate to find them, she's confided that our correspondence has...Confirmed that she wants an ENFP man. So I'm really trying to help because I think she's cool and deserves a good ENFP man!
Yes, of course. I got that you want to help her. I think I gave information that will also help her. We all deserve to be happy. You can just send her a link to this thread if you think I've written a wall of text.

I have noticed that in any dating app or website, most people don't include their type even if they do know what it is. Some people view MBTI as the same as tin foil hats and numerology and that can be seen as a negative trait by some looking for a partner.
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Ah, ok so she will be trying to determine if they are ENFPs based on their profiles and chat discussions? That will be pretty hard to do...

I suppose if they have eclectic interests written in their profiles but honestly the majority of people list the same interests and hobbies as most people do. It is rare when a person makes the effort to write a profile that stands out.

Another thing I can add is that we tend to be like a jack of all trades, we may only have a small number of interests that we will specialize in. Although we have multiple interests, I do notice that we are particularly interested in subjects that are linked to people ie: history, sociology, psychology, archaeology, linguistics, philosophy etc.
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