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Discussion Starter #1
Hi INFPS,

I have a friend who I believe is an INFP. A great, very sensitive girl, but unfortunately due to childhood events, not in the healthy level of personality. She has a very hard time with intimacy and getting close to people, communication and focus.
As an ENFP, I wish to communicate with her, since I see potential in her for very good things and connection. At some points she is interested and will talk, even open up and ask me questions and at others (during more stress) will totally shut down and not share anything. She will just sit there silently, and withdrawn and take things in, but thats about all. At one point (I guess me being an ENFP) wanted to help her with a relationship issue that shes going through which I can identify with, but after giving some advice, and then asking if she wanted to talk, she got very annoyed and claimed she didnt want help, and didnt ask for it either.
I am not sure if I should bother doing anything and let the relationship go as is, or if there is anyway I can do or say that will help her, how to talk to her and point out how she can be better in different ways esp involving intimacy and communication (the funny thing is-shes a psychologist!). With other people she pretends to be happy and involved but with me shes much more moodier and withdrawn- when shes in a mood-not sure if thats good or bad...
Again as an ENFP I wish I can help her and bring her out, but she seems to have different needs. Any INFPs want to offer advice from their point of view?
Thanks!:happy:
 

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I know you are well intended but I think it's important to consider that there may not be anything wrong with her. It's not unusual for an introvert to be quiet and withdrawn and there's nothing particularly wrong with that. She may not be an overly communicative or expressive type of person, especially around people she doesn't know very well. If you do think that there is something wrong with her and she picks up on that, then that may explain her moodiness around you. No one likes to think that someone else thinks that there is something is wrong with them. If you want to be her friend then I think it's important that you accept her the way that she is and if your patient with her then she may open up to you in her own time.
 

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I agree that what you might be experiencing might well just be the difference in temperament. A lot of introverted behaviors resemble unhealthy extroverted behaviors, but that doesn't mean the introvert is unhealthy. An introvert is more likely to be reserved in communication. That's just natural to us. We might also have lower energy levels to start with, which drain with social interaction. Another introverted thing is that we need time to be on our own and relax. We're not trying to insult our extroverted friends or worry them at all, it's just how we are.
 

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This probably ain't all that helpful but she just probably wants a close friend and probably gets annoyed that you or others are just trying to get close to her and make her open up for the sake of helping her, Even if it is to help her. (Didn't mean to sound rude in anyway and I may be wrong, just saying as possability. :tongue: )

I get very annoyed when people do this to me.
 

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I'm going to go against the grain and disagree with everyone here.

She could very well be depressed. You said she "pretends" to be happy and involved, but then most times she seems very moody. That's not good. Yes, it's normal for Introverts to be reserved, quiet, and like to sit there to absorb things rather than talk to people... It's just how we run. :) But, she doesn't sound very happy with herself. A health introvert won't snap at people if they just want to talk to her, she'll just kindly say that she needs to go and then take some time off.

I used to be a very unhealthy INFP and she sounds a lot like the past me. For now, I'd just gently bring up your concerns to her but don't push it. We hate that.
 

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If your friend is an introvert then this does not sound that strang. Introverts tend to want to process things themselves first before taking them public. Even then they will tend to hedge their bets and not really be to open. She may just be withdrawn naturly. This is a commen observation of the reaction introverts and extroverts tend to have with each other. The E trys really hard to bring the I out of their shell and the I will NOT budge.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks all for sharing from an INFP point of view, or esp an "I" point of view. I am a extrovert and at times an idiot. I dont think before I speak. That has cost me a lot.

She has introverted tendencies, true, but when she is in a better place, she is naturally more happier and involved. Forsaken Me is pretty much describing her perfectly. There is also no communication on her end. My friend is very stressed, anxious and unhappy and is in a relationship that isnt working for her and doesnt know what to do or how to get out of it. I once tried to point that out and she got very withdrawn and annoyed (prob shouldnt have but im very nervous that she will get engaged ) She doesnt want "help", true and wants to keep it all inside (which I dont think is healthy). She also has a hard time with intimacy and is very sensitive which makes it hard to bring up any deeper or negative topics, even in an observational, non blaming way. I dont think there is much I can do at this point...
 

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Thanks all for sharing from an INFP point of view, or esp an "I" point of view. I am a extrovert and at times an idiot. I dont think before I speak. That has cost me a lot.

She has introverted tendencies, true, but when she is in a better place, she is naturally more happier and involved. Forsaken Me is pretty much describing her perfectly. There is also no communication on her end. My friend is very stressed, anxious and unhappy and is in a relationship that isnt working for her and doesnt know what to do or how to get out of it. I once tried to point that out and she got very withdrawn and annoyed (prob shouldnt have but im very nervous that she will get engaged ) She doesnt want "help", true and wants to keep it all inside (which I dont think is healthy). She also has a hard time with intimacy and is very sensitive which makes it hard to bring up any deeper or negative topics, even in an observational, non blaming way. I dont think there is much I can do at this point...
Read the bold words... Those are not the natural traits of an introvert, but someone who is emotionally troubled and needs help. An extrovert can act the same exact way if they were in her shoes.

Like I said, be there for her and tell her that you care for her a lot and that if she needs anything, you'll be there. She will appreciate this a lot. :)
 
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