[pneuma]

Okay, this is extremely embarrassing for me, turning here for help. I have been under the impression that I am an INFP 4w5, but I recently discovered that I am probably rather an INFJ (though I dislike typing myself according to MBTI) and I am not so sure about my enneagram typing either.

I know there's no need to feel embarrassed about not knowing my own type. The stickied questionnaire is created for people who are wondering what type they might be, but it makes me feel powerless and very unintelligent not being able to type myself properly, although I am well aware that I have not read up enough about the enneagram to work this through myself. I have a tendency to get rather distracted when I sit down to read through a lot, and I feel like a little input could actually be useful for me here.


1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

I yearn for the absolute, the deepest of all. To feel real and present. To be part of the universe. To be in tune with my feelings, with nature and with those I love. To be complete.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

What I just described above. I want to feel like I have absolute knowledge and understanding and I want to feel deep love.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I don't want to be empty.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

That I am in fact insane, that I am not as intellectual as I wish to be, that I was once lobotomized and that I will never be able to access all of my brain, that I will never know the "truth".

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

I want them to see me as cerebral, rational, (warm) and strong.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

I feel my best when I am helping people feel better about themselves, when I open someone's eyes in some way. When I feel my worst, I am walking into a void of infinite ennui and vapidity. Detachment usually happens to me when I am fighting off emotions by intellectualizing them, which I have a very strong tendency to do. I feel really bad when I belive I am missing some information, when I have not being seeing something completely objectively but have been hindered by some irrelevant emotion. I sometimes stop myself in the middle of a thought, feeling really paranoid that I am being naive or even crazy.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

I feel very angry, but I usually don't let it go out on anyone except myself. I often wallow in shame for feeling anger, not expressing it and just sticking with what I am unhappy with (about myself), which makes me feel powerless and worthless. I am ashamed of myself for being weak and not letting go. I am ashamed of myself for thinking that I am weak. I am ashamed of myself for being ashamed of myself. I am anxious when I can't control myself and when I have been doing something I deem embarrassing.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

I am terrible under stress. I get easily overwhelmed and get overly perfectionistic. Every single little detail must be absolutely right. But it can also work to get me productive. When I am very close to a deadline, a meeting or when I am catching a plane, I will sometimes get things done very effectively when under stress – but I am not at all happy with the outcome. I would much rather work something true perfectly and have a lot of time to correct it before it's done.

As for packing, I can go through my bag a billion times until I feel like everything is perfect (which is exhausting, so I will postpone packing until the very last minute, and then I become nervous and everything is a mess). I will even sit on the plane, belt buckled, and feel uneasy because I hadn't enough time to make sure my arrival at the airport was according to my plan, a plan I can't even fully grasp at that point, but just a general feel of "fuck, I wasn't in control of time, I didn't do this good enough".

Unexpected change can make me anxious at first, because I haven't been "in control" of it happening, but I easily overcome it. I want to see myself as somewhat spontaneous and I sometimes like things to change around me so that I cannot control everything. It makes me excited, although it is also very scary.

I dislike conflict with someone I know is sensitive. I am too empathetic to be hard on people I know are suffering from being too hard on themselves. I also dislike conflict with someone who is misunderstanding me and taking it the wrong way, either by thinking I am being sensitive and/or unnecessarily angry when I am just wanting to make a point. The most important thing is that I am making myself understood clearly and that I am not being wrong in any way. The conflict itself isn't at all a problem.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

I am disgusted by authorities and I would more than happily stand outside society. I am not actively working against it though.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

I think humanity is sad. People are simpleminded, naive and worthless. Everyday life is incredibly uninteresting and I can't understand how things can really excite people. Aren't they looking for anything more?

I feel like the real and raw is lost. What the fuck are everyone doing with their lives? When did everything become this meaningless? Where is the luv??+


Lastly:

The reason I was sure I was a four is because I have always felt very different from everyone else and I have been afraid that there's no "real" me. But I think that's more due to detachment than not feeling like I have a personal significance. I would much rather be together with the rest of the world than being outside. I don't want to be different. I just cannot identify myself with what I've seen from the world (yet). I also feel like something vital is missing in myself, but I also believe that this piece can be found if only I let go of intellectualization and by being present. I am pretty hopeful for the future.

 

[pneuma]

And um, I was meant to post this under the "What's my enneagram type?" forum, not here.

Sup @Scruffy, @Harley, @NekoNinja? Wanna move this thread?

 

[Kittann]

You seem to have a preoccupation with knowledge and a fear of appearing ignorant. (As illustrated by your embarrassment at asking for help.) This leads me to think you're a type 5 rather than 4. But 3 could also be a possibility. :happy:

My best guess is 5w4.

I know (think?) you're not asking for Myers-Briggs typing, but:
"I think humanity is sad. People are simpleminded, naive and worthless. Everyday life is incredibly uninteresting and I can't understand how things can really excite people. Aren't they looking for anything more?"

Strikes me as how a disillusioned INFP would see the world (I feel like that when I'm depressed, although "worthless" is a bit strong for me). No offence intended, just a little non-sequitur.

Good luck figuring it out!​

 

[pneuma]

You seem to have a preoccupation with knowledge and a fear of appearing ignorant. (As illustrated by your embarrassment at asking for help.) This leads me to think you're a type 5 rather than 4. But 3 could also be a possibility. :happy:

My best guess is 5w4.

I know (think?) you're not asking for Myers-Briggs typing, but:
"I think humanity is sad. People are simpleminded, naive and worthless. Everyday life is incredibly uninteresting and I can't understand how things can really excite people. Aren't they looking for anything more?"

Strikes me as how a disillusioned INFP would see the world (I feel like that when I'm depressed, although "worthless" is a bit strong for me). No offence intended, just a little non-sequitur.

Good luck figuring it out!​

Sorry, but what in my writing could possibly indicate that I would be a 3? And yeah, what you just quoted is really lamely put and I think a lot of people can relate to that. It sounds like something a bored teenager would say.

 

[Kittann]

Just the stuff you were saying about wanting to be 'personally significant' and your apparent fear of failure made me think 3 could be a possibility: not wanting to be empty struck me a similar to the fear that 'they are nobody and have no value.' (3 - Enneagram Type Three: The Achiever)
But like I said I think 5 is more likely.​

 

[pneuma]

Just the stuff you were saying about wanting to be 'personally significant' and your apparent fear of failure made me think 3 could be a possibility: not wanting to be empty struck me a similar to the fear that 'they are nobody and have no value.' (3 - Enneagram Type Three: The Achiever)
But like I said I think 5 is more likely.​

I don't really feel like I have no value, but rather that nothing else has. I feel like nothing matters to me. I have never wanted to be impressive and I am definitely not attention seeking. My fear of failing consists of not being in tune with the one original true way of being; that I am not real. Not that I am not impressive.

 

[Kittann]

Hm, it definitely wasn't the desire to be noticed aspect that made me think 3, but the desire to be different/ 'better' than others (Not in a narcissistic way, just not wanting to be 'worthless' as you have labelled the masses.)

I'd reject the idea of 3 entirely if I were you - it doesn't seem a good fit. I can see why you thought 4, because of your longing for authenticity. But four and five are easily confused.

I don't really have much else to add I'm afraid, but I hope you have a bit more food for thought.​

 

[pneuma]

Hm, it definitely wasn't the desire to be noticed aspect that made me think 3, but the desire to be different/ 'better' than others (Not in a narcissistic way, just not wanting to be 'worthless' as you have labelled the masses.)

I'd reject the idea of 3 entirely if I were you - it doesn't seem a good fit. I can see why you thought 4, because of your longing for authenticity. But four and five are easily confused.

I don't really have much else to add I'm afraid, but I hope you have a bit more food for thought.​

Yeah, I have never thought I was a 3. I've never wanted to be better than the rest of the world either. I just feel (stupidly) superior, which obviously is nothing but a defense mechanism. I don't want to be better than anyone else, I don't want to feel better than anyone else, I don't want anyone to see me as better than anyone else. I think I made that pretty clear when I wrote "I would much rather be together with the rest of the world than being outside."

But yeah, I appreciate your input. That's why I went here to begin with.

 

[Scruffy]

@pneuma

I moved it.

 

[sodden]

I'd say based on your answers to the questions you sound more five than four. I get more of a head type orientation from you than an image focused one.

 

[pneuma]

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

I think humanity is sad. People are simpleminded, naive and worthless. Everyday life is incredibly uninteresting and I can't understand how things can really excite people. Aren't they looking for anything more?

I feel like the real and raw is lost. What the fuck are everyone doing with their lives? When did everything become this meaningless? Where is the luv??+

I feel like I have to emphasize the sarcasm here. It's not that I haven't got faith in humanity and that I think everyone is stupid for no apparent reason, but rather because I think we have some real issues in our societal structure. I guess I am maybe a bit of a Rousseauan in the way that I think that we have lost ourselves in the midst of artifical surroundings, and that we ought to get back to nature to fight external threats in order to feel real. I think our exploitation of nature is sickening, and I think western living is generally really unhealthy. I dislike our global, hierarchical structure, and I feel as though people aren't really paying attention to what is important in life, which in turn causes mass depression and general restlessness in humanity.

 

[Ylajali]

Where is the luv? Baby baby im lost in this cruel cruel world
where is the luv? Please dont do me like i've already been done
where is the luv? I'm just tryna find myself or some witness
where is the luv? I'm luvless, i am worthless, i am a


9

 

[Sina]

Check out the 9 and 4 descriptions for now:

1.Typewatch Enneagram: Typewatch Enneagram Type Descriptions

2. the enneagram ...info from the underground

I could easily see you as core 9. Tell me what you think after you've read these.

 

[Ylajali]

Check out the 9 and 4 descriptions for now:

1.Typewatch Enneagram: Typewatch Enneagram Type Descriptions

2. the enneagram ...info from the underground

I could easily see you as core 9. Tell me what you think after you've read these.

"Nines being very present in their bodies comes at the expense of having a conscious sense of "self" or awareness of having a persona"

I find this part of the description to be pretty misleading. 9 can be just as disconnected from body as 5, and can inhabit a similar cerebral space. However, 5s are much more focused in their heads while 9s use rumination and fantasy as a distraction (which they are not necessarily conscious of).

 

[Sina]

9s can be very spacy, yes. but, they're grounded in their bodies.

 

[Ylajali]

9 descriptions are in general pretty shit and paint an overly simplistic picture. A lot of the more complex and "troubled" 9s mistype because of this.

Here's a thread from a guy who mistyped as 5 from a long time and finally came to terms with his 9 fixation:
The Enneagram Institute Discussion Board - How I realized I was a 9

 

[Sina]

9 descriptions are in general pretty shit and paint an overly simplistic picture. A lot of the more complex and "troubled" 9s mistype because of this.

Here's a thread from a guy who mistyped as 5 from a long time and finally came to terms with his 9 fixation:
The Enneagram Institute Discussion Board - How I realized I was a 9

I agree. Maitri gets to the core of the 9 fixation better than most authors I've read. I'll check out that link. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Ylajali]

9s can be very spacy, yes. but, they're grounded in their bodies.

9w8s, yes. With some 9w1s though this is not the case at all. Detachment from their bodies can be just another manifestation of detachment from self / "reality."

 

[Ylajali]

9s going to 6 can also get very anxious about engulfment in The Void, death, and in defense might retreat into their minds, where they use distractions and intellectualizations to distance themselves from their bodies, the source of their existential problems. Yes, I realize how 5ish this sounds on the surface.

 

[Sina]

9s going to 6 can also get very anxious about engulfment in The Void, death, and in defense might retreat into their minds, where they use distractions and intellectualizations to distance themselves from their bodies, the source of their existential problems.

I am aware of this and the other point you made about the distinction between 9w1 and 9w8. When I said that they're grounded in their bodies, that was a comparative reference to type 5. I wasn't describing the nuances of how disonnection from gut energy manifests in 9s.