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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So there is this guy..

And he's an INFP. we took the testing for school, and he got INFP. he was also pretty interested in this personality typing stuff, read up on it, and ive got to admit, he is definitely an INFP.
The problem here is..
I have a crush on him.
And I tried to 1) convince myself that im not supposed to like him[didnt work] 2)came up with explanations like "oh you like him just cuz he's available"[didnt work] 3) tried to ignore it hoping the feelings would disappear..it got stronger every time and still does.
I figured that the best thing to do at this point is admit that I like him. Yes, me, falling for a cute young man. Rationalizing it gets me nowhere with this.
But the thing is him and I are very close friends. I can talk to him about anything[ we've talked about sex, guys' briefs, girls' underwear, etc]. And it was not awkward at all. I've also done physical stuff[oh it was just innocent, I played with his hair, held his hand a few times etc] But that's not the only thing. It's just that when I'm with him it just feels so right and natural..I don't have to worry about trying to impress him or anything because he can see right through me and sometimes he knows what I'M feeling even before I can explain it myself[wtf!] And I love a lot of things about him..he's so spontaneous, fun, sensitive[sorry I have a total weakness when it comes to falling for sensitive guys], deep[does this sound INFP anyone? lol!], and he's just a really sweet guy overall.
It kills me that I can't tell him how I feel about him though. I'm not sure how he'd take it. I'd miss him if we stopped being friends or if he got freaked out that I secretly harbor romantic feelings towards him. Right now he has no clue[I hide it pretty well according to one of our mutual friends who I just told yesterday] and I'm afraid that if I tell him he'd get freaked out. At the moment, he's single. And it's not just the fact that he *may* get freaked out, I also don't want him to get so "freaked out" that he stops being my friend.
I hate myself for hiding this from him but I've convinced myself that it's better than ruining everything.
Does anyone have any advice?
Sorry this was SOO long! Thanks everyone:proud:
 

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if you'll never be happy just being friends, take the leap of faith. It might not work out for the best (since everyone reacts differently to things, even if they are the same personality type, i cant really say what he'll do..) but trust me, it's better than seeing him slip away without a fight.
 

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Acey's right. Sometimes, you just have to tell them, even if it scares you to death. If you never tell them, they'll never know, and nothing will ever happens, which will only hurt you more since you'll suffer in silence and secretly pine for them forever. Or, you can tell them, and they'll either accept it and tell you they like you back (MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!), or they reject you and you can freely move without living a life wondering "what if?" for a very, very long time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
i think you guys are right. yesterday i was talking about it to one of our mutual friends, and i mentioned that it'd probably end up like the movie "i love you beth cooper" and id only tell him at the end of college "hey i liked you for all of second and third year etc", even though id never see him again. it's kind of like a safety net, basically.
but then she mentioned that i should stop making excuses and that'll just make things worse. she also said that "if you can see yourself with him in the future, then you should definitely tell him."
it's not easy though. im not really pretty or anything and my personality isn't that great either. i just try my best.
im just really worried that i'll scare him away with my feelings, and i don't want that to happen.
but deep down, i like him far too much. and id be happy for him if he was in a relationship with another girl but really sad for myself. you can't win in romance, dammit.
it's really hard. every time i sleep in his bed, or watch him sleep, etc..the feelings come up again. i tried to stop spending time with him but i missed him...seriously.
im great at hiding my feelings, but i don't want to play this game anymore. it's not a talent at all.
im sorry if this sounds overdramatic..i tried to solve this problem myself but ended up frustrated.
 

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With regard to my own stupidity for missing my chance to tell a friend that I loved her,

TELL HIM DAMMIT, AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

I will kick your ass if you don't.
Just pull him to the side and be blunt about it, we can be pretty unaware at times.

Hope everything goes well :)
 

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if you'll never be happy just being friends, take the leap of faith. It might not work out for the best (since everyone reacts differently to things, even if they are the same personality type, i cant really say what he'll do..) but trust me, it's better than seeing him slip away without a fight.
I second that
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
With regard to my own stupidity for missing my chance to tell a friend that I loved her,

TELL HIM DAMMIT, AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

I will kick your ass if you don't.
Just pull him to the side and be blunt about it, we can be pretty unaware at times.

Hope everything goes well :)
i think you're right about the fact that "we can be pretty unaware at times." in fact, one of our mutual friends said "he'll never be able to figure it out, so don't give him hints."
ive gotten good at this game of hiding my feelings. apparently the mutual friend in question would never have been able to figure it out if i didnt tell her.
and i guess if it was meant to be then telling him would be of benefit. if not, then at least i tried and he's not the right one.
yes i do believe in soulmates XD.
at this point, the odds of him either liking or 2) being friends or 3) actually going out on a *gasp* date..not a friend date but a date date with me are higher than the odds of him 1) getting freaked out/overwhelmed 2) cutting off all contact with me...
id say it's about 60-40 at this point in my favor.
the possible things i can do now are 1) tell him 2) try and force the feelings away[i did this, it failed miserably] 3) just keep it to myself because of..fear? 4) tell a mutual friend to ask whether he likes me or not[how schoolyardish, id rather keep this just between him and me]
so far 1 and 4 seem like the best options but 4 isn't something id want..it takes the fun out of seeing his reaction.
so, i guess i should follow you guys' advice and tell him *crossesfingers*
which means ive now got to pencil in a friend-date on my schedule. will do. *nervous*
if anyone has any better strategies, please let me know. thanks.
 

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Depends how much of a friend / close you are. I know you mentioned a few things before, but how deep did you delve?

I'm close friends with a lot of girls, but when some of them told me those guilty secrets, I wrote them off -romantically- as it conflicted with my own views. INFPs are great, but we're really easy to miff if we have conflicting values on something. It's easy, on average, to conflict with an INFPs values -- that's what makes us difficult to date.

In the end, if you have those feelings then you better just go for it. I always say, expect the worst and the best always happens. If he's really into the INFP stuff, then play that card and ask him about what he thinks it would be like to date another INFP.
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Depends how much of a friend / close you are. I know you mentioned a few things before, but how deep did you delve?

I'm close friends with a lot of girls, but when some of them told me those guilty secrets, I wrote them off -romantically- as it conflicted with my own views. INFPs are great, but we're really easy to miff if we have conflicting values on something. It's easy, on average, to conflict with an INFPs values -- that's what makes us difficult to date.

In the end, if you have those feelings then you better just go for it. I always say, expect the worst and the best always happens. If he's really into the INFP stuff, then play that card and ask him about what he thinks it would be like to date another INFP.
what does "how deep did i delve mean"?
uhmm im not INFP, im INTJ. i don't know if we have conflicting values or not o-o
i have 3 friends who are INFPs[two guys and one girl]..and we get along great[especially with this guy].
 

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I guess my question is.. Do you get any sense that he has more than friendship feelings towards you at all? I'm sure you're looking. If he doesn't seem to have any deeper feelings.. do you have any idea why not? You both seem to get along well. I think if it were me I would try and assess where he's at.. and then in the end.. gather up all your courage and tell him just so he'll know. You never know, it might open up the possibility of a relationship with you for him. It could be a very good thing.
 

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what does "how deep did i delve mean"?
uhmm im not INFP, im INTJ. i don't know if we have conflicting values or not o-o
i have 3 friends who are INFPs[two guys and one girl]..and we get along great[especially with this guy].
Oops, sorry I missed the type.

What I meant is that a lot of people have confided things in me that conflicted with my own views, but not to a point in which I'd give up that friendship -- however I did write off the possibility of a romance. So one example would be a girl that told me about her "whore days," in quite a bit of detail. Some of it was amusing, but it certainly turned me off to this girl possibly being a soulmate.

I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have those "whore days", but there could be something else that you confided which may conflict with a personal value of his. So my question was, how much information did you give and how much of it was of a slightly darker / possibly less respectable nature.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I guess my question is.. Do you get any sense that he has more than friendship feelings towards you at all? I'm sure you're looking. If he doesn't seem to have any deeper feelings.. do you have any idea why not? You both seem to get along well. I think if it were me I would try and assess where he's at.. and then in the end.. gather up all your courage and tell him just so he'll know. You never know, it might open up the possibility of a relationship with you for him. It could be a very good thing.
it's really hard to tell with him. i don't know >.<
he's really cuddly and touchy-feely with everyone. it's probably just friendship at this point..but i don't know. well they do say if a guy goes out of his way to make you laugh and things then he *may* like you..i asked one of our mutual friends and he said that he doesn't do it in front of other people. i wouldn't bet on that though. you know the old adage "no matter what foolishness he's doing, he's doing it around you."
well there was one time when he was taking a nap and i started playing with his hair, as usual..that was the first time, and then he went "this is the best ive ever slept in ages." it caught me off guard..but i was happy.
it definitely could be a very good thing, but it also comes with risks.
why does everything have to be so confusing?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Oops, sorry I missed the type.

What I meant is that a lot of people have confided things in me that conflicted with my own views, but not to a point in which I'd give up that friendship -- however I did write off the possibility of a romance. So one example would be a girl that told me about her "whore days," in quite a bit of detail. Some of it was amusing, but it certainly turned me off to this girl possibly being a soulmate.

I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have those "whore days", but there could be something else that you confided which may conflict with a personal value of his. So my question was, how much information did you give and how much of it was of a slightly darker / possibly less respectable nature.
np.
great, more terminology. what's a "whore day"?
well i know for me i wouldn't do anything with someone unless i felt something for them..sure, i could be a whore if i wanted to with someone i love but anyone can.
as for physical stuff..uhmm the farthest ive gone is holding his hand and playing with it, same with hair..oh and we have poke wars sometimes..but i haven't done any sexual stuff with him. hugs don't count.
i don't know, i tell him a lot of stuff. well he did scold me once for being "mean" and insensitive because i didn't consider someone's feelings when giving them advice, but i was only trying to help. i guess it didn't go through well with him though. still, he's OK with that..it's just my style.
he just says i need to relax more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Chase love
Your post actually vibed INFP through my screen so it's clear you are head over heals
Go for it
Go for it
head over heels. you mean ive lost all my common sense? id not be surprised if i did.
"go for it" sounds nice..i guess you gotta take the risk if you want the rewards.
 

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everyone is right! you need to talk to him!

it will be weird for sure, but it in the long run it won't be nearly as weird as keeping it a secret. from my own personal experience, i can only say that there's no time to waste. just be real and he'll take it well, even if he doesn't give you the answer you want. but be sincere, don't come up with excuses, don't overexplain, don't involve your friends, just tell him what's on your mind, and he'll understand... no matter what the outcome is.

good luck!
 

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it's really hard to tell with him. i don't know >.<
he's really cuddly and touchy-feely with everyone. it's probably just friendship at this point..but i don't know. well they do say if a guy goes out of his way to make you laugh and things then he *may* like you..i asked one of our mutual friends and he said that he doesn't do it in front of other people. i wouldn't bet on that though. you know the old adage "no matter what foolishness he's doing, he's doing it around you."
well there was one time when he was taking a nap and i started playing with his hair, as usual..that was the first time, and then he went "this is the best ive ever slept in ages." it caught me off guard..but i was happy.
it definitely could be a very good thing, but it also comes with risks.
why does everything have to be so confusing?
Haha, so cute :).

Whore days was just a reference to this girl that slept around quite a bit. I can respect differences in people, but it's not something I would find attractive in someone romantically. I was asking if you had said or done anything that may have been a bit of a turn off for him. It looks like that hasn't really been the case.

Sooooooo


Go for it!
 
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it's really hard to tell with him. i don't know >.<
he's really cuddly and touchy-feely with everyone. it's probably just friendship at this point..but i don't know. well they do say if a guy goes out of his way to make you laugh and things then he *may* like you..i asked one of our mutual friends and he said that he doesn't do it in front of other people. i wouldn't bet on that though. you know the old adage "no matter what foolishness he's doing, he's doing it around you."
well there was one time when he was taking a nap and i started playing with his hair, as usual..that was the first time, and then he went "this is the best ive ever slept in ages." it caught me off guard..but i was happy.
it definitely could be a very good thing, but it also comes with risks.
why does everything have to be so confusing?
I feel for you. However, seeing as he's the INFP.. more than likely, he's going to understand the feeling aspect of what you're feeling. He might be thinking that a relationship with you is not possible from your point of view because he's maybe thinking about all the ways he might feel like he's a deficit. I'm not saying he's a deficit.. I'm saying it's all his fears in his own head.. This is what INFPs do.. we think things like "I'm too messy for X to want me, I'm too emotional for X to want me (especially because he's the man), I'm too X" You get the idea.
I'm pretty infatuated with an INTJ at this time.. and what's going through my head are all the ways in which I'm afraid I just might not "measure up" for this INTJ male... plus he's difficult to get to in our work relationship.. but that's a different issue..
Perhaps if you were to let him know that his INFP-ness is not a relationship breaker for you... his point of view might change and he might be willing to take the leap.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Haha, so cute :).

Whore days was just a reference to this girl that slept around quite a bit. I can respect differences in people, but it's not something I would find attractive in someone romantically. I was asking if you had said or done anything that may have been a bit of a turn off for him. It looks like that hasn't really been the case.

Sooooooo


Go for it!
he IS cute.
i understand. everyone has certain things that they WILL NOT tolerate from a romantic partner..i know for me if it doesn't feel right then it's probably not it.
i hope ive not done anything to offend him..like i DO have his permission to tease him as much as i want, but it's just teasing. he knows it's completely harmless & just teases back.
i did tell you guys he is touchy-feely, but it's cute.
i guess ive got to do this >.>
 
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