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Hey INFPs, I need help.

[INFP] 
11K views 209 replies 28 participants last post by  CristianLuca 
#1 ·
So there is this guy..

And he's an INFP. we took the testing for school, and he got INFP. he was also pretty interested in this personality typing stuff, read up on it, and ive got to admit, he is definitely an INFP.
The problem here is..
I have a crush on him.
And I tried to 1) convince myself that im not supposed to like him[didnt work] 2)came up with explanations like "oh you like him just cuz he's available"[didnt work] 3) tried to ignore it hoping the feelings would disappear..it got stronger every time and still does.
I figured that the best thing to do at this point is admit that I like him. Yes, me, falling for a cute young man. Rationalizing it gets me nowhere with this.
But the thing is him and I are very close friends. I can talk to him about anything[ we've talked about sex, guys' briefs, girls' underwear, etc]. And it was not awkward at all. I've also done physical stuff[oh it was just innocent, I played with his hair, held his hand a few times etc] But that's not the only thing. It's just that when I'm with him it just feels so right and natural..I don't have to worry about trying to impress him or anything because he can see right through me and sometimes he knows what I'M feeling even before I can explain it myself[wtf!] And I love a lot of things about him..he's so spontaneous, fun, sensitive[sorry I have a total weakness when it comes to falling for sensitive guys], deep[does this sound INFP anyone? lol!], and he's just a really sweet guy overall.
It kills me that I can't tell him how I feel about him though. I'm not sure how he'd take it. I'd miss him if we stopped being friends or if he got freaked out that I secretly harbor romantic feelings towards him. Right now he has no clue[I hide it pretty well according to one of our mutual friends who I just told yesterday] and I'm afraid that if I tell him he'd get freaked out. At the moment, he's single. And it's not just the fact that he *may* get freaked out, I also don't want him to get so "freaked out" that he stops being my friend.
I hate myself for hiding this from him but I've convinced myself that it's better than ruining everything.
Does anyone have any advice?
Sorry this was SOO long! Thanks everyone:proud:
 
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#3 ·
Acey's right. Sometimes, you just have to tell them, even if it scares you to death. If you never tell them, they'll never know, and nothing will ever happens, which will only hurt you more since you'll suffer in silence and secretly pine for them forever. Or, you can tell them, and they'll either accept it and tell you they like you back (MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!), or they reject you and you can freely move without living a life wondering "what if?" for a very, very long time.
 
#5 ·
i think you guys are right. yesterday i was talking about it to one of our mutual friends, and i mentioned that it'd probably end up like the movie "i love you beth cooper" and id only tell him at the end of college "hey i liked you for all of second and third year etc", even though id never see him again. it's kind of like a safety net, basically.
but then she mentioned that i should stop making excuses and that'll just make things worse. she also said that "if you can see yourself with him in the future, then you should definitely tell him."
it's not easy though. im not really pretty or anything and my personality isn't that great either. i just try my best.
im just really worried that i'll scare him away with my feelings, and i don't want that to happen.
but deep down, i like him far too much. and id be happy for him if he was in a relationship with another girl but really sad for myself. you can't win in romance, dammit.
it's really hard. every time i sleep in his bed, or watch him sleep, etc..the feelings come up again. i tried to stop spending time with him but i missed him...seriously.
im great at hiding my feelings, but i don't want to play this game anymore. it's not a talent at all.
im sorry if this sounds overdramatic..i tried to solve this problem myself but ended up frustrated.
 
#8 ·
i think you're right about the fact that "we can be pretty unaware at times." in fact, one of our mutual friends said "he'll never be able to figure it out, so don't give him hints."
ive gotten good at this game of hiding my feelings. apparently the mutual friend in question would never have been able to figure it out if i didnt tell her.
and i guess if it was meant to be then telling him would be of benefit. if not, then at least i tried and he's not the right one.
yes i do believe in soulmates XD.
at this point, the odds of him either liking or 2) being friends or 3) actually going out on a *gasp* date..not a friend date but a date date with me are higher than the odds of him 1) getting freaked out/overwhelmed 2) cutting off all contact with me...
id say it's about 60-40 at this point in my favor.
the possible things i can do now are 1) tell him 2) try and force the feelings away[i did this, it failed miserably] 3) just keep it to myself because of..fear? 4) tell a mutual friend to ask whether he likes me or not[how schoolyardish, id rather keep this just between him and me]
so far 1 and 4 seem like the best options but 4 isn't something id want..it takes the fun out of seeing his reaction.
so, i guess i should follow you guys' advice and tell him *crossesfingers*
which means ive now got to pencil in a friend-date on my schedule. will do. *nervous*
if anyone has any better strategies, please let me know. thanks.
 
#9 ·
Depends how much of a friend / close you are. I know you mentioned a few things before, but how deep did you delve?

I'm close friends with a lot of girls, but when some of them told me those guilty secrets, I wrote them off -romantically- as it conflicted with my own views. INFPs are great, but we're really easy to miff if we have conflicting values on something. It's easy, on average, to conflict with an INFPs values -- that's what makes us difficult to date.

In the end, if you have those feelings then you better just go for it. I always say, expect the worst and the best always happens. If he's really into the INFP stuff, then play that card and ask him about what he thinks it would be like to date another INFP.
 
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#10 ·
what does "how deep did i delve mean"?
uhmm im not INFP, im INTJ. i don't know if we have conflicting values or not o-o
i have 3 friends who are INFPs[two guys and one girl]..and we get along great[especially with this guy].
 
#11 ·
I guess my question is.. Do you get any sense that he has more than friendship feelings towards you at all? I'm sure you're looking. If he doesn't seem to have any deeper feelings.. do you have any idea why not? You both seem to get along well. I think if it were me I would try and assess where he's at.. and then in the end.. gather up all your courage and tell him just so he'll know. You never know, it might open up the possibility of a relationship with you for him. It could be a very good thing.
 
#13 ·
it's really hard to tell with him. i don't know >.<
he's really cuddly and touchy-feely with everyone. it's probably just friendship at this point..but i don't know. well they do say if a guy goes out of his way to make you laugh and things then he *may* like you..i asked one of our mutual friends and he said that he doesn't do it in front of other people. i wouldn't bet on that though. you know the old adage "no matter what foolishness he's doing, he's doing it around you."
well there was one time when he was taking a nap and i started playing with his hair, as usual..that was the first time, and then he went "this is the best ive ever slept in ages." it caught me off guard..but i was happy.
it definitely could be a very good thing, but it also comes with risks.
why does everything have to be so confusing?
 
#16 ·
head over heels. you mean ive lost all my common sense? id not be surprised if i did.
"go for it" sounds nice..i guess you gotta take the risk if you want the rewards.
 
#17 ·
everyone is right! you need to talk to him!

it will be weird for sure, but it in the long run it won't be nearly as weird as keeping it a secret. from my own personal experience, i can only say that there's no time to waste. just be real and he'll take it well, even if he doesn't give you the answer you want. but be sincere, don't come up with excuses, don't overexplain, don't involve your friends, just tell him what's on your mind, and he'll understand... no matter what the outcome is.

good luck!
 
#26 ·
heyy everyone
i don't have a cellphone. carrying a camera would be too obvious!
sorry to disappoint.
unfortunately i can't go meet him today because he went home for the weekend, but i am hoping to schedule a time for sometime this week[it's no problem, i see him far too much anyway XD].
*crossfingers* now if i actually follow through and use whatever courage ive got, ill let you guys know.
 
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#30 ·
Hmm... so what about the hand holding thing? Could you explain that further? I think if someone held my hand I would take it as a sign that they were into me. I personally.... yea..... I like it when someone doesn't outright tell me exactly how they feel.... but I like it when they do it indirectly. Like .... I like it if they figure out a way to do it in a flirtatious manner.... and I like it if they.... do it confidently too. Like a confident flirtatious way of letting me know that they like me is just.... yea... good.
 
#32 ·
oh well a few times ive just played with his hands and stuff, sometimes we played arm wrestling[he won of course]..and sometimes i held his hands..and he liked it. same with the hair and stuff..i don't know if everyone holds his hand or not but ive not seen anyone do that so far[neither with the poke wars].
he probably just thinks i did it for fun..he doesn't know the whole "feelings" thing behind it. but i don't know..he seems to be psychic at explaining feelings. like one time i was sad and i couldn't make sense of what i felt but i obviously did NOT want to let on, but dammit he figured it out anyway and knew how i was feeling. WHY?!
 
#39 ·
It sounds like you're already planning to tell him, so that's good. :)

I'm kinda imagining the scenario in my head... and I really also truly (knowing INFPes) think you should. :wink:
 
#40 ·
Well I think that you should defiantly tell him because, like you said, he is an INFP, and you said he was sensitive as well, so I think that you should go for it because he isn't going to hold it against you, or make you feel overly awkward about the situation, if it didn't go the way you want it to.
So you should just tell him, if he feels that comfortable around you, to become pretty close friends, then there is a definite chance that he likes you, he honestly might like you as well, because INFP's (at least I am apparently), really good at hiding their feelings, except in anger, but seriously he probably does like you.., go for it or regret it forever....
 
#67 ·
My best friend is an INTJ, and she is currently dating an INFP. They also started out as friends first, but they took the leap of faith and its working out for them! I think that their is a natural attraction between INFPs and INTJs(they just seem so often have a mutual admiration, love, respect, and connection with one another), which is a pretty good basis for a relationship if you ask me! so i say go for it. plus you arent going to be happy if you dont, because youll just be wondering about what would/could/should have happened.
 
#68 ·
If he's anything like me, he will never get around to telling you. I spent weeks trying to figure out how to tell my gf and kept procrastinating until she burst and told me first.
I am eternally grateful she did that.

So, go for it.
 
#69 ·
hey guys im scared as hell
so he's back..on campus. and OMG, im freaking out.
he just stalked[ok fine, scrolled down to the bottom of my twitter page] and one of my tweets was the hashtag one ..like "#ihaveacrushon a friend. damnyou." that was all the way at the bottom too.
and then he writes this:
" More importantly, who's the friend you have a crush on? :O"
great..now what do i do?
hyperventilating and freaking out isn't helping.
 
#73 ·
Go Bold or go home!! Naw.. just kidding.. Resist the urge to blurt something out.. Be evasive for now.. You need to feel him out on this.. Don't give up your control.. Although.. if he is really curious.. ask him.. what if it was you (playfully) and see his response.. but you should (IMHO) control the time and setting of the conversation.. Besides.. online isn't personal enough.. and besides.. Teasing is more than half the fun..
 
#71 ·
Damn, I saw your post earlier, but I think it flooded off the page before I responded.

It looks like your back is against the wall so you really have no choice now. Muster up all that courage, remember the countless words of advice people gave you on here, and just open up to him.

If it was meant to be then things will spark and go from there.

Best of luck!
 
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#75 ·
thanks, i can't wait to see him this weekend *squeal*
and you're right..if we're friends, i should definitely be able to open up to him.
it's all in the cards...
 
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#82 ·
=(
i guess he doesn't like me as more than a friend. he asked if our other friend could come and i said "is it OK if he comes another time" and then he asks "why." i can't think of a reasonable excuse to give him, and i CANNOT say "oh well there's something i need to discuss with you." that'd scare him away and freak him out.
i guess it was just as well. *cries inside* -he doesn't like me-
i knew it was probably too good to be true.
im wishing to death that the other friend is busy and can't come =/.
 
#83 ·
INFPs don't open up for others often. That he lets you touch him means that he probably feels close to you, aswell. He may be feeling the same things you are- us INFPs fall in love far too much. And when we do, we fall hard. But, too self-conscious, we can never make a move. (It's a horrible curse.)
Maybe ask a friend to talk to him about it. I wouldn't give up hope, just yet!
 
#84 ·
but he's cuddly and touchy-feely with everyone.
do you mean i should just tell him "well i need to talk to you about something?"
i just don't want to intimidate him with that line.
why do you think i shouldn't give up hope? just curious.
 
#85 ·
update: i don't know whether to be happy or sad. he can't come this saturday because he has a meeting until 5 PM or something for the university gaming association this saturday and he's one of the execs. he said he was sorry. it's a legitimate excuse, but part of me doesn't believe it. ive probably freaked him out. ill have a last stab at trying to "get over this crush," even though i tried all these months and failed. the only reason i can possibly be happy about this is that well, now i don't have to worry about chasing him away. i already know.
by conventional standards, im not attractive. ive probably got tons of "mental illness" issues & my personality isn't even that great either. ive never had a boyfriend before. i was just that friend that guys used to come ask for girl advice and then go on their merry way. and im "weird," so be it. no, i don't want anyone's sympathy and im not looking for attention, to anyone who accuses me of that. i don't like sympathy and don't like attention all that much either. im just stating the reasons why he shouldn't date me, and why this probably worked out for the best.
maybe i should stop living in a dream world. i guess what i got out of this was a great learning experience and some poetry. it wasn't all bad. oh, and a bit of lightheadedness and euphoria.
thanks for everyone's help♥
i know that ill always love him[ yes i do love him, i know exactly how i feel thankyouverymuch] and ill be there for him whenever he needs me. and hell yes, i am still going to stay friends with him. he's brought a lot of joy to my world.
stupid feelings. i don't trust them, all they do is make you lose your common sense and mess with your head.
as pessimistic as this sounds, no guy has ever liked me[except once in grade 6, but i only found out after he moved away and another guy once in grade 10, but apparently he thought i was scared of him]. and im in college, second year to boot.
not that anyone will ever like me anyway. i don't even like myself all that much, but this is who i am and i don't believe in "changing for the better."
thanks for reading all that emo stuff, to anyone who read it. i had to get it out of my system.
 
#86 ·
Paloma,

I'm not quite sure I understand everything to be honest. Did you stress to him that Saturday was going to be important? I know you mentioned going to the mall, (not sure if that's the most romantic place to talk to someone, but that's another story) so he may have not taken it seriously. On top of that, when you said he wanted to invite a friend, it made everything sound a bit more chummy -- stressing the lack of seriousness further.

If you honestly believe he has a high chance of knowing what you intended to do and he -still- behaved this way then, in my eyes, he's a total loser, INFP or not.

I could go on, but like I said, I don't understand exactly, so I'll wait for your response. What I can tell you is that I think you're a pretty cool chick on here, and I imagine a ton of fun in real life. I love your energy and how sweet you can be. I honestly think you'd be a very good and compassionate girlfriend. I swear I'm not just saying that either.
 
#87 ·
Paloma,

I'm not quite sure I understand everything to be honest. Did you stress to him that Saturday was going to be important? I know you mentioned going to the mall, (not sure if that's the most romantic place to talk to someone, but that's another story) so he may have not taken it seriously. On top of that, when you said he wanted to invite a friend, it made everything sound a bit more chummy.

If you honestly believe he has a high chance of knowing what you intended to do and he -still- behaved this way then, in my eyes, he's a total loser, INFP or not.

I could go on, but like I said I don't understand exactly, so I'll wait for your response. What I can tell you is that I think you're a pretty cool chick on here, and I imagine a ton of fun in real life. I love your energy and how sweet you can be. I honestly think you'd be a very good and compassionate girlfriend. I swear I'm not just saying that either.
I didn't say that Saturday would be important at all, I just asked him if he wanted to "hang out this weekend." To which he suggested bringing along Other Friend.
Granted, the mall isn't the most romantic place. After I asked him to hang out, he said "oh do you want to come shopping with me" and I said OK. I wasn't going to try and bother changing it[ and he knows I love shopping >.<]
He wanted to invite the friend. I didn't. And when he asked, I didn't have any reasonable excuse to give him. I just said "maybe he can come another time"[the friend]. He was like "oh..why can't Other Friend come?" I didn't have a reasonable excuse for that either so i just said "sure i guess if you want him to come he can come."
He probably figured it out. I've hung out alone with him maybe a COUPLE of times in our entire friendship, but that was only after everyone else left or was doing other things. So it doesn't even count.
He's probably just freaked out, so making excuses is pretty convenient i suppose:dry:
I just spoke to one of my other friends and he said "he's not worth it." But it's kind of hard to convince myself that, and I think he is worth it.
Aww thanks:laughing: You're too kind ._. I'm don't think I'm even half of those things, but it still feels nice reading that stuff >.<
You seem like an awesome guy ^_^
 
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