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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I can't explain who my other half is without getting personal, so I would rather avoid that so instead, could any of you please explain to me what an Infj male is like and how you know you are with one or know one? Thank you!
 

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Value driven, overly complicated at times when a simple answer is in plain sight, caring and kind, different, deep, emotional but guarded, observant, intuitive, idealistic, hopeful, future-oriented. Excellent non-verbal communication.

I don't run into many infj males. I would say that when I do run into an infj, it's more a vibe that I detect. For example, I helped a fellow INFJ with some schoolwork, and after a while, she sat there puzzled thinking "how do you get me? Nobody gets me." She never said it out loud, just with her eyes.

However, not every INFJ is a type 4 or sx/sp so I don't expect them all to behave like me. That's why I stuck to general characteristics.

Also, if you want to kearn more about the INFJ, there are some excellent articles in the subforum "INFJ Articles". (do they have these in every type?)

I thought the article about how stress brings out the hidden personality of the infj was excellent.
http://personalitycafe.com/infj-art...ress-brings-out-infjs-hidden-personality.html
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Value driven, overly complicated at times when a simple answer is in plain sight, caring and kind, different, deep, emotional but guarded, observant, intuitive, idealistic, hopeful, future-oriented. Excellent non-verbal communication.

I don't run into many infj males. I would say that when I do run into an infj, it's more a vibe that I detect. For example, I helped a fellow INFJ with some schoolwork, and after a while, she sat there puzzled thinking "how do you get me? Nobody gets me." She never said it out loud, just with her eyes.

However, not every INFJ is a type 4 or sx/sp so I don't expect them all to behave like me. That's why I stuck to general characteristics.

Also, if you want to kearn more about the INFJ, there are some excellent articles in the subforum "INFJ Articles". (do they have these in every type?)

I thought the article about how stress brings out the hidden personality of the infj was excellent.
http://personalitycafe.com/infj-art...ress-brings-out-infjs-hidden-personality.html

Awesome, thank you :) Would an Infj do anything for their lover, even if the lover is being mean or cruel to them, would they still feed them or look out for their well being?
 

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Awesome, thank you :) Would an Infj do anything for their lover, even if the lover is being mean or cruel to them, would they still feed them or look out for their well being?
Someone who does these things is not an INFJ, or any other type for that matter, but someone who either has no self-respect, no self-esteem, or a helper complex (especially if they're sticking around despite being treated badly).

Letting other people treat you unkindly and rewarding them for it has nothing to do with MBTI - it has to do with mentally unhealthy behaviour.
 

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Awesome, thank you :) Would an Infj do anything for their lover, even if the lover is being mean or cruel to them, would they still feed them or look out for their well being?
Define 'anything' and why someone would be unkind in this case...
 

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Would an Infj do anything for their lover, even if the lover is being mean or cruel to them, would they still feed them or look out for their well being?
Depending on the circumstances, I can see a few different routes that I could take:

1. Still be there for them even with the abuse - The point here is that if I can know that the meanness or cruelty is coming from an illness that isn't really the person, then I may still well be there for my lover. I can probably even take through some tough times for a while and weather the storm though I'd think this is more to do with my Social Style and Enneagram type than MBTI.

2. Counterstrike - If I suspect that the relationship has deteriorated into a passive-aggressive bullshit game, I may well be mean and cruel back and see what happens. In this case, if my lover is feeding me and looking out for my well-being, I'd mirror this back. Course this does carry the fact that in some respects I am checked out of the relationship emotionally but still there in terms of appearances and legalities.

3. Attempt corrections - Initially, I'd probably see if there is an alternative way to resolve things as realistically I'd want boundaries put down and enforced if we are presuming that the mean or cruel is coming without an illness or something else attached to it.
 

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Awesome, thank you :) Would an Infj do anything for their lover, even if the lover is being mean or cruel to them, would they still feed them or look out for their well being?
Depending on the circumstances, I can see a few different routes that I could take:

1. Still be there for them even with the abuse - The point here is that if I can know that the meanness or cruelty is coming from an illness that isn't really the person, then I may still well be there for my lover. I can probably even take through some tough times for a while and weather the storm though I'd think this is more to do with my Social Style and Enneagram type than MBTI.
This.

If there is a valid reason for behavior, any personality type is capable of loving the unlovable. There are certainly cases of elderly couples dealing with the challenges of Alzheimers and dementia. However, I don't see a healthy INFJ ever getting into a harmful relationship in the first place. We tend to have fairly good intuition about people. I can be fooled by a very skilled person, but there aren't that many socially-skilled people in the world.

I also think some of this transcends personality type and delves into questions of mental disorders and general intelligence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
This.

If there is a valid reason for behavior, any personality type is capable of loving the unlovable. There are certainly cases of elderly couples dealing with the challenges of Alzheimers and dementia. However, I don't see a healthy INFJ ever getting into a harmful relationship in the first place. We tend to have fairly good intuition about people. I can be fooled by a very skilled person, but there aren't that many socially-skilled people in the world.

I also think some of this transcends personality type and delves into questions of mental disorders and general intelligence.
Hey hey, everyone is lovable, though :( or at least I think so >.<
 

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Hey hey, everyone is lovable, though :( or at least I think so >.<
I should have written "unloved", rather than "unlovable". Some people are easier to love than others. There are also people that are simply difficult to love. I would suggest that idealists often are able to see good in others that is not always readily visible. This may make it easier for an NF to care for another person. However, this isn't to say that one type is more or less caring than another, or that one type has the humanitarian market cornered.
 

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I think there's a very fine that's often difficult to walk.

Of course we might be able to love someone who treats us badly - all the more if this behaviour is down to illness (mental or physical). I cared for a family member for a while, and the treatment I received on occasion was actually cruel and very painful: The hostility, the emotional blackmail. Still, I could do it because I knew it was down to the circumstances, and I also knew the person was not like this at all when they were still healthy.

Even in a situation like that, the carer needs a supportive network, other people who can help, and most of all: They need to look after their own emotional, mental and physical health. It's not for nothing that support groups for e.g. carers, family members of cancer sufferers, or addicts exist. Even if the other person is ill/sick: The lines between what is still healthy behaviour and codependency can become blurred quicker than you might think.

You help no one if your own health goes down the drain, and sometimes, you just have to say: "Stop!" And if need be, admit that you can't do it anymore. You don't have to prove to anyone that you're strong enough to take it, that's a lot of crap. It takes strength to admit weakness - sadly a lot of people don't understand that at all.

These cases however are completely different from unhealthy personal relationships, where one person treats the other like shit, and the other just takes it but feels miserable about it. You don't need to stay with anyone who doesn't respect you. If you feel you need to, I would again question if there's some sort of (co)dependency going on.

Being single is a million times better than staying with someone who treats you badly, just for fear of being alone...
 
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I think that if there had to be a type that sticks in negative relationships, ignoring the fact that there are many other factors that would affect or provoke this behaviour, it would be the ISFJ. They are very caring and it's usually hard for them to change their situation or move on. Sometimes they don't even realize the consequences of their decisions, which is a huge difference with the INFJ.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I only remember one infj who acted this way. He stayed with someone who used him and he didn't even see it and now he is married to her.
 
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