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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey Type 9's!

I have a question for you! Which Enneagram types do you gel best with? Can be romantically, but I am inquiring mostly about general relationships (friendships, family, co-workers, etc. . .). Any information you feel inclined to provide would be Great! :D
 

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i guess 5s and healthy 7s . these are the types that i unconsciously gel with . probably cuz my mom is 5 and my dad is 7 . but i'd like to be friend with more 9s in my life ( this is my conscious thought ).

i think two things play a big role here : 1- level of development in both person 2- types of parents


i also lived with all types in college :
-5 and 7 : I've mostly enjoyed living with 5 and 7 cuz of their amazing brain
-9 : We've never had any problems :) but he didn't talk much :)
-6 : I've enjoyed that and we still friend
-2 : nice and sensitive one
-4 : one of my best friend who lives in drama ...i like to be friend with 4s rather than living with them
-1 and 8 : there was a controlling problem but i like them anyway and we still friend
-3 : one of my best friend who betrayed me 3 times lol
 

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I don't know many types, but it seems to me that anything other than 3 or 1 would be good. No one that has too many expectations on me you know? The five's love of knowledge and laid back attitude is enjoyable and the six's loyalty and consistency is nice for me. The two is a bit too uhhh ... helpful. They can be annoying.
Being a nine, it seems silly to say that I wouldn't gel with someone based on their type, I mean ... aren't we all about unity? Have you seen the "You know you're a nine when..." Thread? Most of us can't even pick a favorite color!
 

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I feel like I can get along to an alright level with most types. Usually their enneagram type doesn't influence my relationship with them. But this is my experience:

1- I can get along with them alright as casual friends but not as close friends because many of the ones I've been have had a desire to be controlling and/or refuse to admit they're wrong.
2- I really like 2s, but most of the time I tend to think of 2s as closer friends than they think of me. Usually I face a reality check somewhere down the road that I'm not close to them as I thought which leaves me feeling a bit dejected. But in the end we still get along quite nicely as friends. Just not close friends.
3- No particular preference. Haven't met too many. I don't particularly click with them but not because I don't like them. It just doesn't happen.
4- My experiences have been polarized. Most have either been some of my best friends or very irritating people. I would say the ones I get along with I click with really well.
5- I've met almost none. On paper, I feel like I'd love hearing their thoughts but not necessarily hanging out with them.
6- I've met almost none, but I feel like there'd be no preference. I could probably get along with them as well as the next type.
7- I've met almost none, but I'm very curious what they'd be like! On one hand I'm a bit reluctant because on paper they seem flaky and perhaps not that loyal (but I could be wrong). On the other hand if we do click I feel like they'd be really fun people to hang out with!
8- They're all over the place, though I've never particularly clicked with them. Some are fun but some frustrate me to no end.
9- I click with them really well! I love 9s hahaha but the one problem for me is that I have a hard time getting to know them on a deeper level. But it's nice because with all of my close 9 friends I feel like we have a friendship of silent but unwavering support. They're the type of people that I'd see for the first time in a couple years and nothing will have changed between us.

So long story short I click very well with 9s and some 4s, and I'd be interested in seeing how well I'd get along with 7s! :) It's funny how I've met few people from the head triad :p However, I get along with most people who know how to respect others and their opinions.
 

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Within the past week I've responded to various threads stating that I don't like 3s and love 7s, but that's not really true-- ON PAPER the qualities of Three-ness turn me off and the qualities of Seven-ness make me want to hang out with them, but when ACTUAL PEOPLE are 3s or 7s or whatever, it all depends on them as individuals, and what they do with those qualities. I mean, my best friend just told me she's a 7, so that's obviously an example of me gelling with them, but when I look back in our history the time we felt farthest apart was a time when (in retrospect) she was being her most bordering-on-to-unhealthy 7ish-- she was into crazy partying and abusing various substances and I was just like NOPE, can't handle this. I imagine there are many 7s who are way too crazy for me. Likewise as I said about 3s, Paul McCartney is a 3 and yeah, I'd like to hang out with him! Um, not that I've ever actually TRIED it!

I have a lot of 6s in my life. Okay, I'm married to one and mothering one, so it's not like I had any choice over the second one being in my life (NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF, of course). But I think 6s do tend to be attracted to me (as a person, not necessarily romantically, although there's that) because I make them feel secure.

5s are nerds, and I'm a nerd too, so I generally get on well with them, as long as they're nice nerds and not elitist. Sometimes their pedanticness is annoying, but I'm generally tolerant. I belonged to an Honors College so there was a LOT of 5ishness going around in my college circles, and I loved it there. :)

There was a lot of 4ishness there as well, and that's more my thing, since I'm nearly a 4 myself. Again, though, I can't take it when it's elitist, I-am-so-much-more-SPECIAL-than-that like. So again... depends on the person.

I think my mother-in-law, whom I clash with most of everyone in my life, is a 1. But so was George Harrison, who wrote my favorite song and one of my favorite albums and whom I love so very much and I'd also gladly hang out with along with his buddy Paul, so there.

So what I'm saying is I'm sure it has much more to do with the people as wholes and less to do with their type.
 

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7,8, and fellow 9s. Definitely.

7 - Brings me out of my comfort zone. Makes me social. All around fun.
8 - They are just so alive. I'm in love with it.
 

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I find that any type in the unhealthy ranges can be very draining, just as any healthy type can be a joy :)

Type 1s I prefer small doses of, perhaps because of my 1wing and the fact that my Dad can be a very unhealthy 1.. I find it exhausting at times. I'm not sure I've met a healthy 1!
Type 2s I find a bit too helpful as well, as mentioned by Virgo :p in small doses I can handle it.
Type 3s when healthy I absolutely LOVE because they inspire me a lot :D when unhealthy I find them to be terribly superficial.
Type 4s.. my closest 3 friends are 4s :) I feel a deep kinship with them but I also kind of feel inferior in some ways xD
Type 5s I get on with very well :) I love their minds. I could never be in a relationship with one due to the extreme withdrawal that occurs at times :p
Type 6s I absolutely ADORE <3 I feel very accepted, stimulated and loved around them ^^
Type 7s are wonderful as casual friends :)
Type 8s can be a bit too intense in an aggressive way which can make me lose who I am at times but generally I love their directness and energy
Type 9s I LOVE as friends :)

But again, those are only generalizations from the people that I've met in my life and assumptions made from that, and from the theory as a whole. I love all types of people and I can get on with most :) I too cannot stand elitist attitudes, no matter the type!
 

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It's interesting that I'm seeing so many 7 responses, I don't know exactly why, but I guess I wasn't expecting that.

If we're going with the term gel, I'd say I gel pretty well with fellow 9s for obvious reasons XD but I too really enjoy healthy 7s. Unhealthy 7 tendencies can be a bit difficult for me to navigate, but it's hard not to love a healthy 7. :)
 

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I'd say other 9s because it's like putting jello on top of jello. There's just gel everywhere, hehe. And also 6s because I supposedly make them feel calmer and more secure and they make me worry about things that I should worry about but don't. I think 7s are fun to be around, but I can't relate to most of them on a deeper level. 4s are cool because we can both wallow in misery together. \o/ And I think they like me because I'm very accepting of their uniqueness. I like 5s because I am a dork and they're nerds so we compliment each other. Kidding (sorta) but really, they're fun to talk to because I can usually have conversation with them that are intellectually above what other people are even interested in sustaining. Type 8s usually scare me but can be cool and 1s are often too rigid for my taste. I think 2s are sweet but sometimes they can be too sweet and sort of smothering. And 3s are kind of the opposite of me so IDK.

This is, of course, all based on generalizations and what not and I know probably at least one person from every type that completely goes against what I said about them here so.

:kitteh:
 

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Tend to have more positive than negative interactions:

9: We both instinctively understand the kind of space the other needs and what we want when we are silent. Unfortunately is hard for me to have a deep connection with another 9 though, even with another 4 fix or w8 we tend to not want to tread on each other's toes.

6: It's a kind of magnetic insta-like for me, most of the time I don't even consciously recognise why, I just like them, they cool.

2: Partly because of the shared positive focus I tend to get along easily with 2s. I find Sp and So 2s easier. They can be too much for me at times and in their negatives I can find them intolerable. I know they're manipulative as all hell, but the movement between walk-over-nice and lash-out-anger is not something I find malicious, even when they unapologetically overstep the line.

7: Again partly because of the shared positive outlook, I get along with them easy, I've never managed to have a deep relationship with a 7, it's just light and fun and I am entertained by their enthusiasm.


About even positive/negative interactions:

4: When we do click the only downside for me is not being able to hold on to the depth of connection that is possible, all the time. When we don't click it's rarely negative, we're just not into the same kind of focus in life, and they smell like eccentric hippy to me. Tend to appreciate So or Sx 4s more than Sp ones.

5: When we do click the intellectual openness and depth is delightful, they don't find me weird either cause they can always do it more efficiently. When we don't click it's inoffensive, I simply don't exist for them, and they bore me. Appreciate Sx 5s more than the others, I need to see something more than stoic blankness.

8: When we get along it is pretty exclusively about respect as opposed to anything more intimate. When we don't I like to keep them the hell away form me, I've found if you don't make eye contact or sudden incompetent movements, they can pass right by without noticing you. ESTJ 8s seem to collectively wish upon me death and misfortune.


Tend to have more negative than positive interactions:

1: I cannot tolerate the obsession with judgement and negativity. They don't seem to appreciate my preference for solutions over whining about life. When we get along it's because their criticisms happen inside their head at a considerably higher rate than they vocalise, and they also seem to have allowances for people being different than them.

3: I cannot tolerate the fakeness, deception for the sake of image or the primadonna self love. They don't seem to appreciate my lack of preening their egos. When we do get along… actually, I got nothing, I've met 3s online that I enjoyed however not in person so far, on the surface I can be fine with them they can be upbeat and all achievey, it's the getting to know them over time and seeing their manipulations that kills it for me, I can't handle people who are two-faced and 3 seems to exemplify that because of the particular insecurities they have.
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
What I find interesting, is that so many of you feel you gel best with Enneagram types from the Harmonic Group of "Emotional Realness (Intensity)": Type 4, Type 6, Type 8 (I think Type 7 could be an honorary member of the Emotional Realness grouping, because they are so reactive and expressive with their emotions).

As a 7w6 (Tritype 7-4-1); I'm a fairly reactive human being. Many people can find this difficult to be around such emotional intensity. I have always gravitated towards Type 9's, because you all are so accepting, and have a nice calming effect on me.

What's interesting is that many people find the reactive Harmonic types to be "challenging" to get along with, while Type 9's seem to actively embrace those types.

I even noticed that trend to some degree on this study detailing the demographics of Enneagram marriage couplings:

Enneagram Relationships - Do Opposites Attract? | 9types

My question to all you type 9's, is why? Any theories or thoughts out there? Experiences or input? :)
 

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My question to all you type 9's, is why? Any theories or thoughts out there? Experiences or input? :)
I love a bit of reactive, it makes someone seem more genuine to me, when the reactions are emotive and without planning/obvious thinking you know you're getting something real, it's something I struggle with personally as showing negative emotion can threaten breaking a connection in my mind, to see someone do it so instinctively causes me to feel like showing some of my own reactions won't threaten the connection, and it's easier to know where I stand. 4s and 8s in particular seem to me to want to see reactions out of me, 6s want to see my true intentions, those desires leads to an encouragement of my being more open and not needing to be someone I'm not.
 
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Fours are my favorite type, mostly because they love talking about themselves and i love listening. but seriously, i also appreciate how they want your genuine opinion, it provokes me to actually explore my reactions, like i'm truly connected for once.
1s tend to ground me and bring out the best in me. i find that their standards & focus on effort give me direction. but in reference to what Sonny said, i find the opposite to be true about the silent judgments... i hate to imagine what they're really thinking about me. :[
i don't always get along with 8s as individuals, but we usually have similar political and personal ideologies, and i haven't met one i haven't at least grudgingly admired.

don't like unhealthier Sixes if they won't listen to my ideas or attempts to problem solve. more developed ones can be cool.
Fives are interesting, but i find that most of them are too dry or anxious for me to feel comfortable around.

the only 7 i know is my dad. i really can't keep up with most of them.
2s & 3s annoy me to no end. can't stand their overt sociability. i think 3s intimidate me.

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the correlations article was interesting. i used to be really close to a 9, but when our friendship finally turned sexual it didn't take long to disintegrate. i think it took that painful rejection for me to realize how little i actually liked her as a person in the first place. it's easy for two nines to get lost in each other. we thought that we were both special to the other, that all our secrets were safe with the other, when that loyalty was never a reality. i've dated another few nines and a few eights, who i tend to attract. i know another 9 who used to be a magnet for 4 women (who he described as self absorbed crazies) but he settled with a 6w7. a LOT of marriages are along integration lines and between adjacent types.
 

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a LOT of marriages are along integration lines and between adjacent types.
Which brings up an interesting point-- integration lines do go in two directions after all. And I sometimes wonder if I'm better for my husband-- who is a 6-- than he is for me. Sure, I'm his integration point, I help him feel secure and at peace, but 6 is my DISintegration point (as well as my most likely head-fix) and whenever I get stuck in a rut it's my 6ish fears that are holding me back-- and my 6 husband is always expressing 6ish fears ALOUD. Which REALLY doesn't help me out of that rut. :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Which brings up an interesting point-- integration lines do go in two directions after all. And I sometimes wonder if I'm better for my husband-- who is a 6-- than he is for me. Sure, I'm his integration point, I help him feel secure and at peace, but 6 is my DISintegration point (as well as my most likely head-fix) and whenever I get stuck in a rut it's my 6ish fears that are holding me back-- and my 6 husband is always expressing 6ish fears ALOUD. Which REALLY doesn't help me out of that rut. :p
My husband (9w8) and I (7w6) have a lot of Type 6 in our dynamic as well! This is mostly something I've stewed on and worried about. :laughing:

Except, I don't believe in one line being disintegration, and the other being integration - - I have personally noticed that people tend to favor one line more than the other (for both good and bad). My husband has a strong line to Type 6 AND Type 6 is his head fix (second in his tritype). I have a strong 6-wing (and it influences my personality a lot). So, there is a lot of reactivity under our roof - - which we're trying to curb.

We get the same dynamic you're talking about - - except I tend to view it the other way (self-absorbed Type 7 I guess :laughing:). That his Type 6-ish worrying is raining on my parade, and bringing out my Type 6-ish worrying, Ha Ha! The dynamic does fuel one another's anxiety. I'm good at not falling into those Type 6 ruts, as long as everyone stays positive;; but he seems to default to it as a way to make decisions.. .drives me a little batty!

He's getting better about it though (or at least better about doing it in his head, instead of out loud! Ha ha!). :)

It also brings us a lot of positive mutual traits though - - like we are both very duty bound;; and have strong superego influences. & We're both really loyal (this was something that was a must for both of us in a partner). We also don't mind being extra careful, and bringing sunscreen and all the essentials in a backpack. We're both physical risk adverse. In many ways it works out well too!

Do you have any advice of how you guys have finessed around your double 6-ish-ness? Or positives you've noticed from both having Type 6 influence? I'd be interested in hearing about it! :)
 

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One: I get along with them great, we really understand each other, and enjoy each others' energy. If they are telling me what to do or criticizing me for what seems like no reason, I can get really angry at them, but its been better since I've learned about the enneagram and understand the type structure. In general I love Ones.

All in all actually, I think Ones may be my favorite type to have as friends, despite that they can piss me off. My partner for three years was a One and we really got along. I just love their steady energy, they certainty, and lack of insecurities. Ironically, they are calming to be around for me. I love that they always know exactly what they think about things.

Two: Get along with them great, but I can get annoyed if they try to butt into my life too much. Also it seems like Twos make assumptions about people really easily, which bothers me.

Three: One of my closest friends growing up was a Three. We got along great, but I didnt like how she was always deciding what we should do, and would never listen to my input. But I think we mutually liked and respected each other because we had a similar kind of "toughness". i.e. we would never admit if something hurt, we were always ready for more.

Four: My mom is a Four, we get along great but I get annoyed if she is being too moody, and I try to remember not to judge her too much for her emotions, and to listen better.

Five: My Five friend and I have great intellectual conversations, but his anti-social attitudes irritate me.

Six: My roommate right now is a Six. She irritates me a lot because of how much she overthinks. I hate discussing anything technical with her, (making plans, making decisions etc) because she brings so much anxiety to the issue that the conversation gets tense really fast. She always gives way too much information. I try not to ask her any questions unless I'm confident I really do want to hear about it for 10 minutes. Also she argues with EVERYTHING. Her motto is "not necessarily...." It drives me crazy how she thinks in extreme specifics instead of generalities. (despite being INFP). A lot of times I shut down discussions with her, because I just get too irritated.

Seven: Sevens are fun of course.... I could be judgemental with them if they're too careless about important things. I could see myself having problems if i were dating a seven, and they were being too careless. But besides that, i would love them.

Eight: I don't know many Eights, but I think they can piss me off pretty easily. The idea of using too much force to communicate something pisses me off. Why can't you just be nicer? Using intimidation when its not really necessary is disgusting to me.

Nine: Even though I am a Nine, I think I dont really enjoy being around other Nines. (except you guys here on the forum of course!!!) I actually realized that being around someone who is trying to merge with me is annoying to me. My coworker is a nine and I feel that shes constantly attuned to what I'm doing, taking all her cues from what I do, always agreeing with me, and even mimicking the way I talk. It actually drives me insane. In the past year I've really addressed the way I merge with people; I hate doing it, really, and I can honestly say that I don't think I do it anymore. Its an annoying thing, really-- everyone should just be themselves! No one wants you to be someone else.
Also, Nines always give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and I find this makes for an unsatisfying friendship. Since Nines communicate so little criticality, it doesn't mean much to me when they approve of me. Its like... it doesnt matter to me if they like me, since I know they just like everybody.
 
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