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I'm an ENFP looking for love advice/thoughts. My best friend, a male ISFJ, told me he liked me right after I ended a brief involvement with a guy I really liked but decided wasn't practical for me (as we're too different in values, etc.).

This ISFJ is theoretically perfect for me, but the one thing missing is the spark/attraction from my side. He's clear on that but we haven't hung out alone much before, so he wants to start hanging out and seeing if there's a chance I could eventually grow to see him romantically.

I really want to like this guy, and I don't want either of us to miss out on what could potentially be an amazing relationship if my lack of feelings is a circumstantial thing (e.g. if it's because I'm gradually getting over the other guy; or if it's perhaps because he was really open about how much he adored me and it subconsciously made for an imbalanced power dynamic, making it difficult for me to admire him romantically, or something). He's not the type of guy I usually like (in the past I've tended to be drawn to the confident, macho, authoritative, opinionated ones), but we get along super-well and I think we could be really good together if I only felt the same way. I know that feelings can change, so if there is a potential for me to ever feel that way for him, now would be the time for me to find out.

Do you think it's possible for me to develop feelings for him if I didn't like him romantically from the start?
Do you have examples of things that can help someone see a friend romantically (or how to 100% get over the first guy if you think that might be why I haven't developed feelings for the ISFJ)?
Thanks :)
 

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It sounds like you have the chemistry for a close and loyal friendship. If your feelings for him aren't romantic in the first place, I could see how trying to become romantic together can ruin what you already have. I don't think I can tell you what you should do simply by reading this. I think you should follow your intuition, or gut feeling.
 

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"This ISFJ is theoretically perfect for me, but the one thing missing is the spark/attraction from my side. "

Love doesn't work like that, honey. A person may "theoretically" have all the things you like, but if you don't feel physically/sexually/emotionally attracted to them, forget it. When you find somebody you have real chemistry with, you'll forget all about what looks good on "paper" or your list of 500 qualities the guy you want must have and you'll just know that you love that person.

You don't like this guy. Don't try to force a relationship that isn't there because you'll just end up miserable.
 

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Well, I for one don't fall for anyone on the first try. I would say, hang out as friends, and see if anything develops. It could be that since you just broke up with someone, your emotionally "turned off" right now. Just be friends for now, and see what happens :)
 

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IME, ISFJs and INFJs are similar in the sense that they both take a LONG time to decide that they are attracted to someone romantically. Sure, either of them could look at another girl/guy and be like "HOLY HELL S/HE IS FINEEEEE" and imagine ourselves doing nasty things to them in the bedroom, but the reality is, physical attraction doesn't last. Compatibility does.

With THAT being said, I think it's important for it to be steamy, intense, hot, and sexy for a LONG while at first. If it doesn't get there after a while, just realize that this person is meant to be a very close friend, but also realize that you may lose your friendship with this guy for a while. People don't like being "just friends" with someone they fancy so much. I know that if I'm so deep with another person, and they only view me as "just a friend," for my own sanity, I remove myself from their lives (and remove them from mine).
 

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I don't understand what you mean by this person being perfect for you. If you need to force yourself to be attracted to him, clearly that is an imperfect situation and thus he cannot possibly be perfect for you. Leave the situation immediately, and don't waste your or his time any further.
 

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I don't know how it is for other people, but with me ... attraction is usually meaningless to me at first. I can be NOT attracted sexually to someone at all, but become more so as I get to know them and find things I really admire about them. For me, respecting someone and "falling in love with them" brings on sexual attraction, which stems from a deep admiration toward the nuances of their character. I've even noticed this happening with fictional characters -- I might have zero physical attraction to them at first, but after awhile as I fall for their character's noble traits, I become more attracted to them. So for me, first attractions or lack thereof are totally meaningless. Sexual chemistry comes with me admiring people.
 

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IME, ISFJs and INFJs are similar in the sense that they both take a LONG time to decide that they are attracted to someone romantically. Sure, either of them could look at another girl/guy and be like "HOLY HELL S/HE IS FINEEEEE" and imagine ourselves doing nasty things to them in the bedroom, but the reality is, physical attraction doesn't last. Compatibility does.

With THAT being said, I think it's important for it to be steamy, intense, hot, and sexy for a LONG while at first. If it doesn't get there after a while, just realize that this person is meant to be a very close friend, but also realize that you may lose your friendship with this guy for a while. People don't like being "just friends" with someone they fancy so much. I know that if I'm so deep with another person, and they only view me as "just a friend," for my own sanity, I remove myself from their lives (and remove them from mine).
Oh crap. Is that why? SIGHHHHH. isfj's are very difficult to attract.
 

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Perhaps he is like the old "cod liver oil", he is practical and could keep your feet on the ground - so its good for you
 

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It is so funny that I am meeting an wonderful ENFPs, I tend to plan a lot, maybe you can plan to do something with him (like go picnic or just for a drink, random chat, etc) and see if the chemistry is available, if you have something that is good, if not, you can decide just friend.
But if you have a chance, you can take it or leave it, it is your decision; anyways having someone nice is not a bad choice although they can not be your SO.
 

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I'm an ENFP looking for love advice/thoughts. My best friend, a male ISFJ, told me he liked me right after I ended a brief involvement with a guy I really liked but decided wasn't practical for me (as we're too different in values, etc.).

This ISFJ is theoretically perfect for me, but the one thing missing is the spark/attraction from my side. He's clear on that but we haven't hung out alone much before, so he wants to start hanging out and seeing if there's a chance I could eventually grow to see him romantically.

I really want to like this guy, and I don't want either of us to miss out on what could potentially be an amazing relationship if my lack of feelings is a circumstantial thing (e.g. if it's because I'm gradually getting over the other guy; or if it's perhaps because he was really open about how much he adored me and it subconsciously made for an imbalanced power dynamic, making it difficult for me to admire him romantically, or something). He's not the type of guy I usually like (in the past I've tended to be drawn to the confident, macho, authoritative, opinionated ones), but we get along super-well and I think we could be really good together if I only felt the same way. I know that feelings can change, so if there is a potential for me to ever feel that way for him, now would be the time for me to find out.

Do you think it's possible for me to develop feelings for him if I didn't like him romantically from the start?
Do you have examples of things that can help someone see a friend romantically (or how to 100% get over the first guy if you think that might be why I haven't developed feelings for the ISFJ)?
Thanks :)
Don't do it. This is how Palpatine's brilliant plan fel apart(due to iron fisting things that shouldn't have been iron fisted in the first place-courtesy of Vader and moffs ofc):

"The harder you squeeze a thing, the faster it slips from your reach" (it's a paraphrase, I couldn't find the real quote)

Just be friends, no biggie.
 
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