[Dark Noble]

Hi I've just moved away to University and this is my first time being away from home for a long period of time and I'm incredibly homesick. I knew I would be, but it's much worse then I expected. I've met quite a few people that are not homesick at all and I was wondering how other INFJs felt about going off to University or college or just leaving home for a long time and how you coped. Thanks

 

[The Vizier]

I remember my time in the army where I couldn't go home at all. There I was cut off from all forms of communication with the outside world. No TV, internet etc. Work kept me busy throughout the day. But the nights were hard because I had little in common with my peers and I saw them the whole day. Conversation was repetitive and boring. Every weekend I could go back home for 1 1/2 days, but going back to camp was like going back to hell. My moods always darkened as the time drew nearer.

I coped by creating my own little space by my bed. I organized my stuff and made sure I could reach them easily. I also had a book to read to distract myself. At worst I could hang out with the other guys just to pass the time.

In your case since you are here on PerC, you definitely have more advantages than I did. At least the people here will understand you. Don't forget the things you like to do and adjust to the new ways of living. Of course it also helps to find new friends in university with whom you can hang out with and to balance it with other activities. Just my two cents.

 

[vel]

I actually felt more relieved leaving home than homesick. I guess it depends on your family atmosphere. I felt like I could really use some time alone to myself. Still first year at college I went back home to visit any time that I could, but I had to take the plane, so I could not go back home every weekend like some of my suitemates were doing it. I bought myself some new books and read them in the late evening - a good book can really make you feel warm and cozy. And also went to the gym which was open until 11pm because exercise made me feel better. Classes and homework kept me very busy during the day. Most of people in dorms were busy celebrating their new-found freedom from parents, though one of the girls that was living in our suite confided in me that she was feeling really homesick. I think it is a common experience but gets easier by the end of the year when you get used to the new place.

 

[ertertwert]

I'll join the bandwagon and suggest a good book! When I was living comfortably, I never "had much time" for books. Not that I didn't enjoy reading them, I just never chose to do it. Having to live on my own again has forced me to rediscover my love for reading. It's great to keep your mind focused. Otherwise it can be quite depressing. Might I suggest getting Tucker Max's new book, Assholes Finish First? You'll die laughing and all your worries will pass away. :happy:

 

[vel]

Another thing that I do is watching funny movies or even just YouTube videos, lots of comedy snippets there. I picked this coping method up from my grandmother. When my family immigrated she was left back home without any close family. She is ESFJ by personality typing so for her to need to belong and to be around people is even stronger than in INFJs. So she told me that in the evenings she used to rewatch a lot of old comedy movies to not feel sad that we're all gone and far away from her.

 

[Sage]

I was really relieved to go to college even though I was only an hour away. I felt micromanaged and had heavy expectations held over me so the slightest distance was pleasant. Far enough to not be told what to do but clpse enough to reach out for help. The big thing about moving away was that I was free to express my bisexuality - the "half-gay" thing was definitely not kosher in the community I grew up in.

I suggest you get out of the dorm, house, whatever. The habits you begin now will follow you for many years to come. The hardest part is just getting off your ass and getting out the door. You don't have to interact with people but by doing activities you enjoy, you might come across somebody you might enjoy doing them with!
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[ertertwert]

I've always felt that I was supposed to be born a woman. So I think of myself more of lesbian than anything. lol

 

[yellowbritt]

When I first left for school, I was homesick, too. Everything was strange and new and overwhelming. However, I forced myself to explore the campus so that it would become familiar and thus less threatening. Then I made sure to talk to people in the cafeteria or library, but especially those I saw in my dorm. Once I started making connections with people, I felt less lost and less lonely. It's hard at first, but I wish you the best in this bold move!