Personality Cafe banner

How Are You Fine Gentlemen Like IRL? :)

[INFJ] 
4K views 44 replies 24 participants last post by  hermitsmoores 
#1 ·
Outside the interwebs... How are you male INFJs are like? How do you guys act alone? With people? With someone you like romantically?

Thank you!
 
#3 ·
I'd like a closer best friend but I can't find anyone reliable so I go solo. I act differently depending on what group of friends I'm with. Back home I'm more outgoing and try to get out whenever I can. But when I hang out with my out of state friends I put off a different attitude towards everything and cover up my accent, I tend to just chill with them and I'm not as active. Back home I'll act like a sociopath if I'm bored enough.

Romantically, sentimental is the word to use I guess. Idk how to describe it I just like being close with someone but it takes me a while to get fully attached.
 
#4 ·
How do you guys act alone?
- Usually studious: reading, reviewing, working; otherwise exercising or doing sth. to relax my mind.

With people?
- With 1 person: conversant, but also a very good listener.
- With groups: I usually fade into the background and become part of the scenery.

With someone you like romantically?
- None of your business :>
 
#5 · (Edited)
Haha, curious about INFJ men? :tongue:

I'm contemplative when alone. :mellow: I was surprised... one time a girl told me that I turned into "a statue" when I was in deep thought.

When I'm not working, studying, or exercising, I love reading, or daydreaming.

Sometimes I am very quiet when I'm in crowds or groupsand I look cold and unapproachable, because I am thinking deeply.

With people I like romantically, I like to joke around, have deep, meaningful conversations as well (I love talking philosophy/politics/sociology with people). Sometimes I combine the two. I guess the overall sense when I am with a woman is that "This woman understands me. I want to explore life with her."
 
#6 ·
Alone, I tend to either play videogames or go on information binges. I do other things, of course, but the point is that they're not all that interesting.

With people it differs depending on the number of people/who I am with/etc. In one-on-one situations (or in small groups), I seem the most "animated". I will seem a little 'larger than life' in my enthusiastic movements/mannerisms. In a large group I am much calmer and quieter, but I will make a wise crack when I get an opportunity to do so.

With someone romantically... Well, to be honest I don't like talking about it. But that is all a subjective matter of self-esteem issues versus a preconceived notion of what I figure women think of me. But this is the internet, so I'll be honest.

I tend to become very cuddly. I will consistently shower my love interest with gifts and oftentimes when we are alone I will whisper to her how much she means to me. I enjoy holding hands and I'm okay with public displays of affection (kissing in public, giving piggyback rides, etc). I also tend to act "tough" when I'm around a love interest. Not in a sense that will intimidate people, no. I just want her to feel protected, I guess.
 
#17 ·
Alone, I tend to either play videogames or go on information binges. I do other things, of course, but the point is that they're not all that interesting.
+1

If I have no available friends, wikipedia and google are acceptable substitute for a few nights. Plus Steam, Valve, and Source.

Recently I come across as a super-organized, super polite management person who's on top of everything but otherwise easygoing. Its a result of learning to work with business and jobs.

In romance ... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=725165576437&l=254825875c should give you some idea of how squishy I am.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Zomboy
#10 ·
I'm about as adorable as kitten stew. It just sucks that I'm labelled as "clingy" or "obsessive" for feeling genuinely in love with the (few) girls I have ever been with.

It's also a good thing you didn't ask us about intimacy. I know in my case I can contrast "adorable" quite well here. ;)
 
#18 ·
Haha.. I've read before and seen in real life that some INFJ men guard their masculinity and take issue with any labels like "cute, adorable, nice, sweet" etc. One guy I knew used to say cute is for teddy bears, another used to say sweet was for candy but I could call him chocolate.. lol. My real Dad is INFJ and he does not appreciate the fact that he is emotional and easily brought to tears.. in fact he despises it and avoids having a girlfriend because he doesn't want to be laughed at. Apparently being an emotional truck driver is not OK in his book.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Hokahey
#8 ·
When I am alone I am either analyzing something or I am off in my own world listening to my MP3 player. Occassionally, I will watch a movie. (I am a movie buff, and I have a big collection.)

With people, I am easy going and sometimes goofy.

With someone I like romantically....

Well, at one point in time, I was shy. I will never be so again though.

I have never had a girlfriend, but I am absolutley girl crazy, so I would like one. I would actually like to get married and start a family someday.
 
#11 ·
How are you male INFJs are like?
I'm very observant of silly inconsistencies, I rarely mention them online to avoid hurting peoples feelings. The above question makes no sense though so I've picked you up on it - I'd do this more in real life as you'd be able to see from my face and body language I wasn't being mean :happy:

How do you guys act alone?
- When alone outside I am either deadpan and lost in my thoughts or trying to work out what made that noise. The noise is usually in a tree or hedge and is caused by some kind of wildlife :happy:
- At home I am quietly browsing the internet, reading a book or occasionally playing my guitar, but no-one will ever see me like this as then I'd not be alone :crazy:

With people?
- One on one I listen and ask questions if I know that's what the other person needs/wants to continue with what they are saying (and I am interested) but I am usually quiet and rarely express my opinions even with friends I've known for years.
- In a small group others ask the questions quicker than me so I'm even quieter, but try to look interested.
- In a large group I give up trying to participate and often go back to deadpan lost in my head mode until I can prise someone away from the group to talk one on one with. Very rarely an interesting subject will come up and I'll scare everyone by getting very loud and enthusiastic. It's only happened once this year...

With someone you like romantically?
I assume you mean someone who reciprocates, in which case I can't answer having never been there. One day I'll actually be with someone who is interested and maybe I'll remember to come back and update this thread? :unsure:
 
#12 ·
Actually much more shy and reserved than on the *interwebs* lol...

When alone, I'm just usually quiet in my own little world.

With people, well depends on the people. When I'm over with certain family members I'm the life of the party and very "E"-like other times (with different people) I'm trying to conserve every once of energy I can.

With someone I like romantically, well everyone in the world can tell. My heart gushes out my eye sockets and I'm so relaxed yet not-relaxed at the same time. Content, but nervous. In a more "private" setting well, passion comes to mind. :)


That is of course if you're still interested to know since this is an older thread. lol
 
  • Like
Reactions: ForsakenMe
#13 · (Edited)
Old thread, but why not? :p

Outside the interwebs... How are you male INFJs are like?
I'm fairly similar to how I act on the Internet, actually... Quiet, reserved and polite, but I'll get fired up if something catches my interest.

How do you guys act alone?
When I'm alone I have two states: the daydreaming state where I just kind of sit there with a dull look on my face with my head in the clouds, and my concentrated state where I'm focused intensely on some sort of task, usually reading or writing.

With people?
Around people that I don't know I'm polite but always a bit tense. In that situation I'll avoid talking to people as much as possible. If I'm with a group of friends I talk a lot more and joke around, though I'm still usually the quietest person in the room.

With someone you like romantically?
When I'm with someone I like romantically I'm way too self conscious of everything that I do. I end up saying stupid things, making bad jokes and just generally making an awkward mess of myself because I feel like any momentary pause in conversation will mean that it'll end. If we're able to make it past that first awkward stage though we usually are able to have some nice, deep conversations.
 
#14 ·
Old thread, but why not? :p

Outside the interwebs... How are you male INFJs are like?
I'm fairly similar to how I act on the Internet, actually... Quit, reserved and polite, but I'll get fired up if something catches my interest.

How do you guys act alone?
When I'm alone I have two states: the daydreaming state where I just kind of sit there with a dull look on my face with my head in the clouds, and my concentrated state where I'm focused intensely on some sort of task, usually reading or writing.

With people?
Around people that I don't know I'm polite but always a bit tense. In that situation I'll avoid talking to people as much as possible. If I'm with a group of friends I talk a lot more and joke around, though I'm still usually the quietest person in the room.

With someone you like romantically?
When I'm with someone I like romantically I'm way too self conscious of everything that I do. I end up saying stupid things, making bad jokes and just generally making an awkward mess of myself because I feel like any momentary pause in conversation will mean that it'll end. If we're able to make it past that first awkward stage though we usually are able to have some nice, deep conversations.
... Are you me?
 
#19 ·
When I'm not juggling school, work, and various social- and religious-based obligations and activites, I spend my time fighting crime and, on particularly slow nights, discovering the cure for cancer and unwrapping the many mysteries surrounding modern-day science, specifically quantum mechanics and entanglement.

...What, you don't buy that?

Outside the interwebs, how are you male INFJs like?
Quite a bit different, actually. The Internet tends to bring out my fun-loving, goofy side, which is usually non-existent due to my terrible reaction time and general lack of spontaneous wit. And sometimes I "put on" different personas. Screwing around with writing and the ability to role-play on the Internet is a somewhat disturbing guilty pleasure of mine.

How do you guys act alone?
Total dead-pan. I laugh and crack jokes a lot with my friends, but when I'm alone, my sense of humor and outward display of emotion tends to evaporate. Oh sure, I still find things funny; my face and body language just doesn't register it. If someone were to watch me while I'm alone (a terrifying, paranoid thought that has plagued my mind on multiple occasions), he'd probably think, "Geez...what's eatin' this guy?"

With people?
I'm very slow to warm up to people whom I don't know very well. Bursting onto the social scene with humor and the more quirky aspects of my personality are both no-nos, in my book. If I have an acqaintance or close friend to pull me out of my shell, I'll cautiously but surely test the waters at my own stubborn pace. This tendency of mine has given people mixed signals and contrasting impressions of what I'm like.

With someone you like romantically?
Can't comment on this one, I'm afraid.
 
#20 ·
How are you male INFJs are like?
I am very focused, kind of tend to ignore people and pretend they don't exist for the most part. Always thinking about something. Not necessarily deep, just something. Maybe observations, the past, future, or making plans. I would imagine I come off as quite cold to most people initially.

How do you guys act alone?
When alone I'm kind of silly sometimes. I play video games, listen to music, sometimes I even sing. Stuff I won't do in public or even with friends unless I'm super drunk.

With people?
Depends on the situation. I'm generally pretty open to people once I feel somewhat comfortable around them. It can happen pretty quickly. Otherwise, I tend to listen more and not really say anything unless it seems somewhat substantial.

With someone you like romantically?

Kinda the best. I love to cuddle, make them feel better, do just about anything to make them smile. Give them space if they need it, but let them know I'm always there for them if necessary too. I like to be in constant contact, but it depends on the individual. This one girl I went on a date with likes her space. We went on a date friday, I didn't text her until Monday, and then she said she was busy until Thursday so I'm not even messaging her until then. Told her that's how it was going to go too. Very sweet, usually too much so. Love physical contact. Cuddling, kisses, massages, whatever.
 
#21 ·
Outside the interwebs, how are you male INFJs like?
It depends on the environment, but the generaly I'm very shy and conservative, however extremely polite chivalrous one could say. The most common comment I get is " O chivalry isn't dead?". With friends I am very laid back. I also abhor leaving the house.

How do you guys act alone?
Alone I'm usually playing video games. I act very serious, since I'm concentrating or thinking. Then of course depending on how well I'm playing determines If I'm happy or angry. On occasion there is of course out bursts of laughter should I find something extremely funny.

With people?
With strangers I am reserved, polite, cautious and observant. With friends I'm laid back, observant, a back seat driver in many ways.


With someone you like romantically?
Wouldn't know, only had one romantic relationship, and that was a long time ago, 5 years ago lol, I'm 20 so that is a quarter of my life. I was loving and cuddly maybe a bit smothering I suppose, on the other side I was very protective.


On another note I don't mind being called cute. Since I am very tall I dont need to act manly, I'm naturally Imposing, though if people got to know me better I'm just a big teddy bear.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Razare
#27 ·
How are you male INFJs are like?
At work or when performing tasks, we're often intently serious people. We might seem like we have no sense of humor.

During our personal time, we can be surprising. We might tell stories, flirt, and be really social around people we like. We might be the quiet leader of a social circle by virtue of our insights and knowledge, and innate confidence. We might also be the quiet loner who tags along with a social circle while remaining apart from it.

I think INFJ's find confidence easily around others. We may not even realize we are confident because in the deep places of our mind, we might lack it. Yet we generally find it when the occasion calls for it.

We hold deep-seated beliefs that change over time. It's not like the SJ mentality that only expands its knowledge base over time, without changing... our beliefs shift with the seasons of life.

How do you guys act alone?
Our minds are usually active when alone. We engage in intellectual hobbies, generally. We might also enjoy occasional hobbies of the senses, such as sports.

With people?
Depends on the people. We are not social butterflies. We're best around people we know and are comfortable with. It takes us time to be comfortable with anyone. If a friend we like introduces us to a new group of friends and plans for us to hang-out, don't expect us to behave the same as we do when we're just around the friend. We generally modify our behavior to correspond to the person we least know in a group... unless we're a group leader or co-leader. Then we might be more open, but still, we generally like to know who we're dealing with.

With someone you like romantically?
Infinite possibilities here. When you reach the core of an INFJ, you'll find something different in each one. Some are the darkest, hate-filled people who walk this Earth, some are angels in human form.

Since you're an INFP, the important thing is that your ideals align with the INFJ's ideals in order for friendship to blossom. Yet how the ideals form within each type are markedly different and focused upon different aspects of life. If core ideals of either conflict with the other, there are bound to be arguments. Agree to disagree and hope neither side is infringed upon too deeply by the other.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ForsakenMe
#29 · (Edited)
At work/school) By myself I usually just pop in some earbuds, listen to some music, and get absorbed into my work/thoughts and drown out the rest of the world. I usually have a conflict of ideals when working with groups of people. I want to lead but I'm *sometimes* too timid to step up and take the reigns. Sometimes I can muster the courage but sometimes not.

Alone) I love to go on bike rides or walking and either listen to music or just gather my thoughts/reflect on the days happenings. Sometimes just lay on my bed and get lost in thought, either imagination or deep thinking about the what ifs and what could bes. Between then I play PC games and chat with my 3 close friends.

With others) I'm usually timid about accepting new people into my life, I usually wait for someone else to initiate conversation or interaction. If I can bring myself to accept their personality then I really like to connect with them in any type of chat that we can muster up.

As far as relationships ) I'm far too picky for my own good here. I can't pull myself to get into a meaningless relationship and waiting for Ms. Right to magically show up is not going to be very fruitful imho. Top that off with constant want for self improvement and I feel like I'm never up to par or deserving enough for any woman.
 
#32 ·
Sometimes, when pushed to my working limits, something like this.

 
  • Like
Reactions: psynite
#33 ·
I consider myself an unhealthy INFJ. So let me preface by saying that.

Alone
I have the death stare apparently, not sure what that is? Look it up in the INFJ forums. I don't come off well at all and so no one has ever approached me to have a conversation or anything of the sort while I am alone. My mind is constantly running so I never have a relaxed look on my face. I either look angry, depressed, or in a pondering state.



With People
I do decently here, especially with certain people, I can almost appear extroverted with the friends I get along with best since I am comfortable. But I don't hang out with people very often so this doesn't occur very often.


Romantically
I never ask women out just to hang out, if I do I like the girl and so far, it has never gone well. I think my self esteem is too low and I get seen as a depressed person or a guy with low confidence, which is true. INFJ's can be great, but you don't want to read this as an example of one of them.
 
#34 ·
I consider myself an unhealthy INFJ. So let me preface by saying that.
You're perfectly fine and just haven't realized it yet and so, internal and external problems arise from this perception of ourselves.

It's something I've done at times, seeking external validation in this world that I am acceptable. It's great when we do find that external validation, but it's usually a temporary thing. A year into a relationship, validation from a partner doesn't necessarily stave off the storm-clouds of self-doubt. Then what if the relationship goes awry and we're left without that validation? Then life sucks worse than before the relationship began, and one doubts themselves even more.

The pillars of emotional and mental stability must be built by our own hands. The only reliable contentment of this world is the contentment we find within ourselves. Once we have a stable structure in place, and can express our inherent value, does our life improve.

Yes, we often do find external validation and that props us up for a time, and we'll feel like a million bucks. It doesn't last. :) We eventually come back to the ultimate problem, dealing with ourselves.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jamie.Ether
#36 ·
You could act like a vulcan most of the time.

The problem is finding time to unwind.
 
#37 ·
I think it's really hard to say how I act alone, it really depends what mood I'm in. If my energy is high I'll probably do something like go out with my camera, read/write. Low energy I'll just sit on the internet or play games. You probably won't meet any low energy INFJs as they retreat. lol.

It's so hard to say how I act with people as it depends on the other people/person so much. Who they are, how close I am to them, my energy level etc.

Using the questions from that other forum...

1) Where can I be found outside the netweb? Out with camera, in the library scouring the shelves, in bed reading, walking in nature. Mostly solitary things it seems!

2) How do you recognize me in public? Also depends on how high my energy is. High energy I tend to people watch, low energy I daze at the ground counting the minutes until I get home.

3) How would go about attracting me? Be amazing, surprising, intelligent, funny, deep and say things that connect to me that you will never know what they are and neither will I until you say them!

4) How do I approach women I am interested in? I don't. We come together through fate or the stars or something...

As you can see a lot depends on the mood of the day. But if you are a great person you will fill me with energy and won't see my low side until much, much later, although there will be hints of darkness sprinkled throughout.
 
#40 ·
I am the guy who will rush ahead of you to open the door even if it is awkward
I am the guy who will sit at the side of the room trying to not be noticed
I am the guy who will then open my mouth and speak louder then anyone else when I decide to talk, drawing more attention than what I'd like because I lost myself in my passion for the topic
I am the guy who will peak at you but quickly look away when you look my way
I am the guy who will do nice things for random people but then try to brush it off and act like its nothing
I am the guy who will walk quietly, sliding my fingers along life, taking all of it in and reveling in it, sometimes crying, sometimes boundless joy
I am the guy who will appear graceful but in actuality I am a big clumsy goof
I am the guy who will fall over trying to catch you when you trust fall onto me, at all costs, trying to prevent you from hitting the ground
I am the guy who will want to hold your hand in public and kiss you, more than a peck
I am the guy who will ask you if you want me to go get you something before the movie starts
I am the guy who will want to smother you with love, but then worry if I am doing too much
I am the guy who will awkwardly offer to carry you if you are tired
I am the guy who wants to take a relationship slow but then will get lost in the love and will want to give you more of myself
I am the guy who sucks at breaking the ice, once it is broken I will melt the ice with my fire
I am the guy who is a little bit difficult to be close to because I am guarded and reserved because past experiences, and a little bit of a recluse
I am the guy who wants to just love you
I am the guy, who if you let me out of my self imposed cage, will show you a new world.
 
#44 ·
I'm very laid back and relaxed. I wouldn't go as far as being aloof, but apathetic comes to mind and has been used to describe me. You will usually find me with my head phones in my ears walking my dog, hiking, or at a coffee/boba shop doing some writing, or on a photowalk, or sometimes at a restaurant dining by myself, or watching a movie in the theatres by myself, or in a book store, perusing the shelves, finding something interesting to read.

sometimes, i'll hang out with my one good friend, talking about film, discussing ideas about films that we are writing or just bouncing ideas off of each other. i'll do happy hours from time to time with coworkers..or you'll find me in some kind of conversation that doesn't involve small talk, the one on one tet-a-tet's about what they are doing, how they think, what's going on, type of thing....there will be times i'm just skipping down the halls at work and humming to myself as i wander the halls. my coworkers will always know when i'm coming.

i'm easy to get along with for the most part, i don't take anything too seriously, so people should take anything i say with a grain of salt, unless i put a disclaimer in front of it, saying, "hey, i'm serious now".....people tend to come to me and ask me advice about life or talk about their problems and i just listen and chime and hopefully give them some sound advice.

i'm very dry and sarcastic a lot of the time with people..

hmmm..with someone i like romantically...it depends if we are "together" or not. with people i like but they don't know it or if we aren't going out, i just tend to be more interested in them, sitting there just talking, chatting, making her laugh, absorbing her in, just being wooed by her girlish charms.....

if we are going out, i think i'm the same way, but i tend to be fickle and after the novelty wears off...i tend to back away, and my hermitness tend to come back and i then will need my space..but i like to cuddle for the most part...
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top