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OK, recognizing possible overloads and setting boundaries, e.g. my husband wanted us--and has been planning for us--to go to Akron to reconnoiter for a move either this coming spring or on schedule for when our lease is up, late summer, but I told him today, "I don't want to go check out our preferred area until a couple months before the actual move as it will pull me and will pull you too away from what we're doing and planning for 'here.'

He agreed, was relieved.

And he volunteered, instead of my having to remind him, that before we go to look the place over we make sure I've got my Daily Schedule (The Basics) written down and accessible, because foster care fall-out (as I call it) leads to my getting off-track, focused on the future and neglectful of now to an extreme, in an unhealthy way.

I call this kind of habitual reaction, 'falling off the map,' i.e. I lose the internal sense of direction for my life. I am not going to do that any longer.

As I told my husband, "I can't afford any more three-year-delays when we move (delays before I get the cognitive map back in place).

So I'm feeling an internal steady kind of motivation, realistic too; nothing fancy, nothing noteworthy in some kind of 'wow' way:

Just living my life as well as I can given my starting point.

We all have an individual--not just a broadly human--starting point. To ignore what that means in terms of real limitations is to shut off real solutions to actual problems and instead shoot for building up and maintaining a fake front that feels and looks superior.

I'll take actual me, now.

And work to improve and maintain what 'that' means--every day for the rest of my life.
 
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