to someone who (supposedly) really wants to know, but you do not know very well or are uncertain of?
Depends if I am in the process of befriending this person, or if I want to keep them at arm's length.
If it's the first thing, I'll reply with a monosyllable. If I'm feeling chatty, I will even elaborate/volunteer information. I won't really believe that their question is genuine, I always think this is a canned question, a conversation starter for lazy people, UNLESS it's coming from a SO, a parents, a sibling or an aunt/uncle.
If the person is interested in me, but I'm not in them, I will say a canned reply "Good" and not make any effort to keep the conversation alive.
And, how concerned with being true are you?
Not concerned. I will lie to whoever I need to in order to keep my inner peace.
Lying is part of preserving my peace sometimes, my sense of control and self-containment.
99% of the time, when you asnwer the truth "I'm a fucking mess" the people will ask you even more questions, and it becomes a neverending conversation. I don't want to talk about it, so I lie to avoid a conversation.
I wouldn't ask this question to others as a conversation starter. Like @
neutralchaotic said, I ask it when in deep conversation. Like the person will be telling me a whole story about their problem, and a lot of times I notice that they're describing the events, the "facts", the choices, the actions, the words that were spoken, etc, but they're not actually telling me how they feel about what happened. I can sense a spectrum of emotions that they exude as they talk, but my instinct is to want to take the feely worms out of the can and look at them to understand them, and from that understanding fix the outside situation if possible. So when they're finished explaining all that stuff that has to do with events and externalities, I will ask "How are you?" or "And how are you doing?" referring to their feelings or mental state.
I always start conversations going straight to bone marrow lol with a super long phrase and explanation about why I'm suddenly initiating contact.
And yes, with people I don't know well, or that I don't share much trust, if I knew for example that they're going through a divorce or something, I wouldn't ask them How are you, because it's super invasive! It's like prying ew! I don't know, it feels super yucky. I would talk about something else. And maybe eventually they want to vent to me about their situation, or volunteer information. I don't want to force them. They probably perceive my behavior as "she doesn't care". Oh well. It's obvsly not a "fact" that it's prying, it's just my own mind making meanings. For all I know, the other person could feel like asking them is a good thing. But in the face of not knowing, I choose my own meaning, because asking makes me feel really uncomfortable.
erc2:
