Personality Cafe banner

How can an INFJ express their traits in a dating profile? [without seeming crazy]

Tags
dating
5K views 5 replies 5 participants last post by  Drecon 
#1 · (Edited)
Hi there. I [34 M] know that not everyone who identifies as INFJ shares the same personality traits. But, I do believe I have traits that not a lot of men I’ve met have, and I’d be doing a disservice to myself [and potential partners] by not being totally honest. The problem is that I find a lot of people don’t understand what it feels like living with “typical” INFJ traits [intuitive, sensitive to emotions, empathetic, introverted]. I don’t want to come off like I’m crazy. But, I’m trying to avoid is a typical profile that says: “I like soccer, and this is how I’m involved in that”.

I would love to write something like this:

  • I am often very sensitive to people’s emotions, which causes me to empathize with others. [Though, I try not to show this often to avoid being taken for granted]
  • I lead a very happy introverted life [borderline hermit], and looking for a + 1.
  • I feel like I’m already retired at 34, and I go to work as a Teacher because I like working with kids and have pride in doing the best job I possibly can.
  • I will probably overanalyze things you tell me and try to give you the best insight I can.
  • Lately I enjoy making Youtube videos on sci-fi films or soccer history.
 
See less See more
#2 ·
As a woman who has seen another fellow INFJ's profile targeted for all the wrong reasons on OKCupid: DON'T MENTION MBTI. The psychological mbti astrology vultures start to circle. And it's all with the intelligence level of memes. Empathy is a trait you show, don't tell. I would avoid discussing that feature. Let her fall in love "discovering" that on her own when she is with you. Besides, if the intended audience has decent inferencing skills, they'll deduce your empathetic abilities by how you discuss your profession and how you interact and assist your students. Everything else you have written would have piqued my interest and had me contemplating a series of questions for you to embellish if I came across your profile on a dating site. Also mention any other hobbies, genres of music/movies/books, and any pets you may have. The more to bond on, the better.

Aside of that, your sample profile looks fine. Not sure if it might be your style, but if you feel confident enough to show hints of your sense of humor in your profile I would suggest using it.
 
#3 ·
I am often very sensitive to people’s emotions, which causes me to empathize with others. [Though, I try not to show this often to avoid being taken for granted]
What is the point in mentioning and specifying a trait, which you claim that you hiding? It is completely illogical.
Like a spy, who go around and tell everyone that they are spies, but they don't tell this to anyone. This is just a facepalm.

I lead a very happy introverted life [borderline hermit], and looking for a + 1.
Nothing wrong with this. At least, you let others know what to expect.

have pride in doing the best job I possibly can.
Everyone say this, yet, almost nothing works perfectly. This is a thing which isn't have the slightiest value if you just talk about it. This is a thing to be shown and prove. So mentioning it, is basically meaningless.

I will probably overanalyze things you tell me and try to give you the best insight I can.
Overanalyzing is not a good trait. It means that you miss the point of something in the heat of analyzing. Not only can be annoying when someone tries to make a point, but it is ineffective in problem solving as well. This is actually prevent you from giving the best insight, because you are likely miss some of the key factors. If you just used the wrong term to "highly analytical" then, I would change it if I were you, because: 1.)It is incorrectly used 2.)the above mentioned things. But then again, this leads us back to the previous issue: This is also a thing to prove so mentioning it is still meaningless.


Lately I enjoy making Youtube videos on sci-fi films or soccer history.
It is good to let people know your hobbies when you try to know them. This could be helpful.



Overall...I would say that you place too much importance on stereotypical traits of some scientifically not proved personality theory system. Which is rising a few question:

1.)If you are really so so so INFJ, then why people would date you? I mean, they can date instead another INFJ like you, or another INFJ who isn't sterotypical at all. The point is: What makes you you? The stereotypical traits of some theory? What can you give, what others can't?

2.)As UraniaIsis said, it can magnet trash.
 
#4 ·
@therocketeer5924
I appreciate your desire to be forthcoming and the brevity of your self-summary. The information you provide should depend on the app or site you use: People may read a autobiography on OKC or Match because they're designed to spotlight your writing, and a fair proportion of users are looking for a relationship. On the other hand, swiping apps like Tinder and Bumble are designed for quick swiping and designed with a greater focus on pictures and lesser focus on substance.

Here's my take on it as a man.

As I'm sure you're aware, the vast majority of men — the exception being the exceptionally good-looking ones — struggle to use dating apps because men swipe right and send messages at a much greater rate than women do, which results in many women being oversaturated by requests for communication.

As a result, being a man on dating apps is competitive. What that means is that, unless you're exceptionally good-looking, it's desirable to make yourself come across as appealing as is honest, otherwise you'll be hard-pressed to find others willing to give you the time of day.

Now, I like your post — it comes across as thoughtful, honest, unique and concise. If I had to add an element, it would be a sense of liveliness and humor. Anecdotes and examples can help you do this. You can also use strong verbs and use concise sentences (remove hedge words where they're unnecessary!) to exude more confidence in your text.

It may prove beneficial as well to withhold some of details if doing so provides a greater ratio of appealing content to unappealing content without altering the truth. For example, let's take the first clause from this statement in your post: "I feel like I’m already retired at 34, and I go to work as a Teacher because I like working with kids and have pride in doing the best job I possibly can."

Some users may feel "I feel like I'm already retired at 34" makes you sound worn out. I'd save that statement for your conversations, where you can provide additional context without worrying about word count. Also, capitalizing the beginning of "Teacher" makes it sound like you're writing a scripture of the Holy Bible.
 
#6 ·
If you're making a dating profile you have to sell yourself. Be honest and as specific as possible but leave a lot to the imagination.

For example: instead of saying that you're a borderline hermit you could say something like: "I need a lot of alone time and I'm looking for a partner who respects that, but I also crave genuine human connection with others and am prepared to make room in my life for someone who I truly connect with."

Rather than saying: "I will probably overanalyze things you say" say something like "I love getting a deep understanding of people I spend time with and will definitely attempt to read your soul. I long to help other people with understanding themselves and enjoy talking about what makes us all human."

Just spitballing here, it's important to tailor every point to who you are personally.

Most importantly: a dating profile is like an application letter. You're trying to tell people why you're worth having a first meeting with. It's not about thinking five years ahead or about getting laid. You need to tell them enough to get their interest while being honest enough that when they meet you, they feel like they can recognize what you wrote on your profile.
It's an art and a fun challenge, where you try to find someone who is interested in what you're selling.

So formulate everything in a positive way and make sure it's interesting for someone who doesn't know you yet.

Good luck.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top