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But you do see how the two sentences looked right? Perspective.
Yep

In what ways? Politics, romance, lifestyle, kids, religion, etc....now it breaks down into several different categories. Vague.
Yeah...this is just becoming more and more complicated and tedious. Not interested in debating every detail. In general, people are either wishy-washy or they aren't...it spills into all those areas.

I do like devil's advocate though.
Haha! I noticed. :laughing:
 

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Actually sorry to disagree again, but I'm not trying to figure out how to attract more of them. I'm me, that's pretty much it (which I'm very confusing). My missing puzzle piece will walk into my life one way or another, whether she initiates or I do. Either way I'm done with the game, either a woman will accept me at my worst, medium, and best or not at all, because I would do the same for the right person. I'm just looking for my equal/other/missing jigsaw puzzle piece.

I feel a bond and relationship isn't figured out at the start, it's simply the mold that grows through each other's personal growths and ability to grow together.
No need to be sorry... I actually agree with you, it's not that I'm looking to attract more women per se. I'm just soaking up knowledge to increase my odds if and when the right one does walk in to my life (and ensure I recognise the signs). I'm all for letting things happen and leaving things to fate, but a helping hand doesn't go awry.

To be honest I'm probably still a little mixed up and feeling alone... My life and friends over the last 8 years have been centered around my ex's family (I'm also in business with her father) which makes the whole thing awkward/complicated. At the moment i'm just figuring out how to move on from my current life, develop new friendships and make a new start... whilst also putting the kids first.
 
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So I didn't completely read all of this through, but I saw some things about INFJs not being able to be alpha males and I just have to say that I completely disagree with that. Yes, INFJ males will probably not be alpha males in high school, but give them some time and there's almost no limit to what they can do.

And as for self-confidence, that's something you should develop for yourself and for the good of the world, not to make women swoon, but it's alright if you use women as your motivator for doing so, your interest in women will drop significantly once your self-confidence and self-esteems goes up anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter #86
According to statistics, the things that nearly "universally" attract women are:
#1 self-confidence - Know your weakness and your strengths, be proud in who you are. If you love who you are then ladies will pick up on this.
#2 money -Duh who wants to date a jobless guy living with his parents?
#3 dressing/looking sharp - I am not very good at this myself so I have females pick my clothes for me.
My ex got with me when i had a crappy job at subway, i got sacked a month or so after we started dating and she stayed with me and supported me for about a year when i was unemployed.How do u explain this?

Self Confidence, yeh i agree

Yes, i find it hard myself, i find i have clothes that more suit me and look good when i let a women who knows me quite well pick, obviously, i have the final say, i have to like it myself
 

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I've always found irony in this sort of thing. As a man, you're expected to perform in accordance to these strict guidelines that determine whether or not you are worthy of female approval. The most notable of which being a self-confident guy who values himself and so on.

So then if a man is really confident and plays only by his own rules...why should he torture himself over whether or not he rises to the demands of women?

Fuck that. I know who I am and I like who I am. I will not question my own worth as a human being based on what some woman thinks of me. If INFJ guys struggle then the blame lies with the females who simply fail to recognise what is truly valuable. If you can't attract women through simply being yourself then what is the fucking point?

The problem lies with them. Not us. Let them worry for a change. Maybe I don't find them attractive for being so persistently demanding.
 

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I've always found irony in this sort of thing. As a man, you're expected to perform in accordance to these strict guidelines that determine whether or not you are worthy of female approval. The most notable of which being a self-confident guy who values himself and so on.

So then if a man is really confident and plays only by his own rules...why should he torture himself over whether or not he rises to the demands of women?

Fuck that. I know who I am and I like who I am. I will not question my own worth as a human being based on what some woman thinks of me. If INFJ guys struggle then the blame lies with the females who simply fail to recognise what is truly valuable. If you can't attract women through simply being yourself then what is the fucking point?

The problem lies with them. Not us. Let them worry for a change. Maybe I don't find them attractive for being so persistently demanding.
:Applauds:
 
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Sweet Matrimony.
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My ex got with me when i had a crappy job at subway, i got sacked a month or so after we started dating and she stayed with me and supported me for about a year when i was unemployed.How do u explain this?

Self Confidence, yeh i agree

Yes, i find it hard myself, i find i have clothes that more suit me and look good when i let a women who knows me quite well pick, obviously, i have the final say, i have to like it myself
Research shows it's actually much easier to attract potential mates when you have a big circle of friends, because it's easier to meet people through friends.

Now, being an INFJ/P, you probably have a very small circle of friends... Yeah, work on that shit.
 

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Does anyone know why "women" want confidence or is it just one of those "rinse and repeat" things that just keeps getting said as the "thing" that works so therefor it's the thing people strive for? Even wanting confidence paints a very superficial picture.
Really? Wanting confidence is superficial? How do you figure that? I'd love to know the reasoning behind that. :)
 

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Really? Wanting confidence is superficial? How do you figure that? I'd love to know the reasoning behind that. :)
I should have stated "wanting confidence can be superficial" rather than "is". What I mean by that though is simply those who would label "confidence" in a way that is pretty much consistent with any other superficial thing (appearance, etc.) surface confidence. If someone strives for someone simply because on the surface they act like they have confidence then it's no different than someone liking another simply because of how they look.

I recently made a thread about fear in the ENTP section, where most of the responses talked about fear of failure and similar. Now considering we are talking about one of the most surface confident MBTI groups that seems odd doesn't it? I think in reality people want something that really isn't labeled as "confidence" they just use that word because it's simpler and goes along with the "pack" because everyone else uses it and places value on it. Like I've stated before in this thread, confidence is vague, too vague for everyone to have the same type of ideals towards. Using it as a compass (for the most part) paints the picture that people just want what they think it is, or simply what they were told it is by others and the fact that they should want it too, that all just seems like something that exists only at the surface and doesn't truly dig in to if a person really has a "grip" on their life and how they choose to handle it.

Either that or confidence shouldn't be treated as an absolute, which leads to digging in a little to what confidence and what people want it is. I think people want "just enough confidence" (that suits them) that it doesn't take away from the attraction. Does anyone truly have "full confidence" in every aspect of their lives? To have no doubts at all about anything? Ask a new parent how "confident" they felt.
 

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I should have stated "wanting confidence can be superficial" rather than "is". What I mean by that though is simply those who would label "confidence" in a way that is pretty much consistent with any other superficial thing (appearance, etc.) surface confidence. If someone strives for someone simply because on the surface they act like they have confidence then it's no different than someone liking another simply because of how they look.

I recently made a thread about fear in the ENTP section, where most of the responses talked about fear of failure and similar. Now considering we are talking about one of the most surface confident MBTI groups that seems odd doesn't it? I think in reality people want something that really isn't labeled as "confidence" they just use that word because it's simpler and goes along with the "pack" because everyone else uses it and places value on it. Like I've stated before in this thread, confidence is vague, too vague for everyone to have the same type of ideals towards. Using it as a compass (for the most part) paints the picture that people just want what they think it is, or simply what they were told it is by others and the fact that they should want it too, that all just seems like something that exists only at the surface and doesn't truly dig in to if a person really has a "grip" on their life and how they choose to handle it.

Either that or confidence shouldn't be treated as an absolute, which leads to digging in a little to what confidence and what people want it is. I think people want "just enough confidence" (that suits them) that it doesn't take away from the attraction. Does anyone truly have "full confidence" in every aspect of their lives? To have no doubts at all about anything? Ask a new parent how "confident" they felt.
Ahhhh I think get what you mean. In essence your talking about confidence in the sense that most people will use it as a criteria for what is attractive without really knowing its true meaning, which would/could lead to being attracted to the image a person projects outward, rather than the person themselves. In that sense I agree with you, confidence is a term easily bandied about.

Personally Ive never put down 'confidence' as a top criteria for what I find attractive in men just for the very reasons you so aptly described.I'm much more interested in a man who knows himself, not to mention that other terms like 'must have a good sense of humor', 'honest' etc etc quite frankly in the long run is a waste of time because its sooo subjective. What I find hilarious would most likely not crack a smile on a lot of guys. So where then does the 'must have a sense of humor' have any importance?

And even 'must know himself' is almost a moot point. A 'confident' guy might think 'Hell yeah! I know who I am and what I want" but as far as I'm concerned he has about as much understanding of himself as a dog does of where he orginated from. lol
So thank you for the clarification. :)
 

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Well my boyfriend is a INFJ, and I am an ISTP female.

We met at a dog park, we have the same bread of dog and a mutual friend thought it would be fun to get the dogs together.

I didn't have the best first impression, he kind of came off as a douche bag to be totally honest. Later he was texting our mutual friend asking if I was single and what not. He ended up coming over and hanging out with us. He was much more quiet, reserved, and more personal which was much much more appealing to me. He didn't seem to be trying as hard to get my attention and honestly seemed a little nervous.

Anyway, the next weekend we went on a date and played Frisbee golf and got Mexican food. Spending one on one time, while doing something active kind of sparked the attraction. Plus getting to know him better and realizing that my first impression was way off helped.
 

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Now i know we don't fit the stereo type image of a man, myself, i would say i do have what some would call 'female tendencies Such as deep thinking, caring, loving, gentle, affectionate. I do think i portray a sense of conviction with can come across as confidence, and pretty sure of myself, can be assertive, and by no means bad in the bedroom haha. I tend to have this image thou of the INFJ male struggling with getting a girls attraction and keeping it, it worries me that i'm going to be sort of cast out for more confidence alpha males. In a sense, i feel like i'm more of a long term partener, and not a one night stand fun, although i have had plenty of one night stands:rolleyes:
I really wish you posted this at 12/12/12 12:12:12. Way to go man.

My original comment was too long and embarrassed me.

I'm starting to get perplexed by all these guys telling me how they are struggling with their manhood because they are gentle, loving, affectionate. I don't understand how any one man could be the same, and therefore, how can the meaning of manhood be the same for each person? WTF IS IT??!!!!

Also, it's funny you say you are not the type of guy to have fun with, and yet plenty of people have had fun with you. I remember a friend of mine married a girl who cheated on him. His best friend (my ex) stated, "she was just a girl to have fun with."

That phrase stuck with me and it provoked me, considering he didn't see me like that, and yet plenty of other guys have viewed me as 'just someone to have fun with'. But my ex also seems to lack the ability or desire to see other points of views, such as my own, his friend, or his friend's ex.

I don't know where I'm going with this.
 

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Yes but can u see how this can make me insecure? It does. I mean, i dont even know what this mysterious thing that these women talk about, and, is it just that i dont give much away and then when i do show myself, the very thing they where attracted has gone? Then im left heartbroken? This is what worries me about it. I would rather they say "yeh i was attraced to how nice u was, and kind, and gentre and just the way u spoke, i felt like we had a connection" Not some vague "Yeh im attracted to your mysteriousness

The mysteriousness feels like to me, some social mask i put up, i don't let much out. So when this person gets to know me, the very thing that attracted them to me has gone
To be fair I read "mysterious" as shady, unavailable.
 

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^total chick magnet.
Except being more "feminine" myself just makes it polar equals and therefor creates a push rather than pull. lol....
 
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[video=metacafe;an-pOoHJmJYnhbJmm/bobby_2006_miguel_and_edward_argue/]http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-pOoHJmJYnhbJmm/bobby_2006_miguel_and_edward_argue/[/video]

This is the closest to what I gather what many have responded about "confidence" is what is actually sought. If you look past the surface of this scene (talking about racism and such) you'll see it's actually a really good scene about how to be "yourself".

I still say saying you want "confidence" when it comes to relationships is vague, but this scene (to me) is the closest I would say what "confidence" should be/is. It's really not narrowed down to anything other than being an individual among individuals, to stand out and attract another individual who for no visible reason "connects" with them.

"Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you." ~ Robin Williams (Good Will Hunting)

Maybe instead of saying "I want confidence" say "I want to connect my life path with someone." Sure it's vague and no one's sure what it truly means, but isn't that the adventure, isn't that what it means to truly search and find someone? Should it be as easy as a grocery shopping list? Or as hard as bird migration?
 
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