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Then what happened?
We met through an online game, so we haven't met in person yet. He's from Australia, I'm from California. We've known each other for 10 years. For the first 5 years, we video chatted a lot (like 4-6 hours a day, despite the time difference). The last 5 years, we kind of had a falling out because I went to college. We've had our ups and downs and went separate ways since we got busy with our lives.

In my mind, I think we got stuck on the "idea" of how life would be like if we really did meet. He'd always jokingly demand that he wanted me to come to Australia for him. My heart would go with the idea, but my head always knew it was outside of my means since I'm now in grad school.

He knew exactly how to get under my skin. Say the right words, stimulate my emotional and mental needs. We never even touched each other once and I was madly in love with him. I'm not 100% sure if I've done the same to him, but I can only hope. Our communication is so open and on par with each other that we can easily know exactly what the other is thinking or feeling, any ulterior motives with our flirting and it's just simply crazy to be able to read each other so well.

Since we were never physically "together", I didn't think our relationship was serious enough to keep me from dating people. I had a few serious relationships (current one almost 3 years), and my communication with the INFJ during my relationships would be limited. Out of respect for my significant other, really.

My attraction for him would fade when he would force some of his expectations and ideals onto me. He'd criticize what I was doing with my life and that I should just drop everything for him. (I couldn't tell how serious he was with the latter.) But I knew he was upset that I became too busy for him when I went off to college. :/ He asked too much, and I felt like he wanted to mold me into this idea of what he had of me. I rebelled, and he brooded. I felt like I was his precious caged bird who had escaped.

Being an ENFP, I do wonder too what it would be like with the INFJ. I'm actually scared how I'll react emotionally because deep down, the feelings I had for him in the past might be too much (if I was single). I do have a feeling that we were just enamoured by this idea of "us" that we fabricated through our interactions on the internet.

Since I'm taken, there's no chance that I would do anything against my significant other.

We plan on meeting at our friend's wedding in Austria in 2015, so maybe we'll properly have a true friendship. :)
 

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I think I made a mistake in joining a dating website again. I now regret it, too bad I can't get my money back. I'm old enough now to know that as an INFJ with a huge I, who is shy, who is also a 4w5, it's going to be some tough sailing.

I am Asian as well (obviously), this doesn't seem to help much online.

EDIT: I just found out yesterday I'm 4w5, reading the description of it I totally agree on it and it doesn't make me feel any better about my prospects. That is probably a typical response of a 4w5.
 

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I think INFJ are good just the way they are. But because they are quite shy, they don't always realize how much the girls like them. I believe the girls prefer such abilities as kindness, caring, the will to understand each other etc. over the masculine strenght and stupid things like that. I prefer cute guys over "handsome" guys.
Yeah... not all people, even INFJs are the same. We may be quiet, shy, and reserved but when we speak we all have different things to say. Unfortunately for me, I don't have much to say and I don't think my ENFP friend even like things that I say, when I actually say something.

When I'm chatting with this ENFP girl, it's always dead. More than often she just leave me hanging and doesn't reply. At school she's like avoiding me but when we actually got a chance to talk, she seemed talkative. Well, maybe an ENFP thing. She's really into me for about a month then suddenly I'm like a stranger to her.

Maybe it's true what Targus said "She seemed really into me. She told me, I was the first guy she couldn't read. I was afraid, though she was only attracted because she couldn't work me out, and once she did, she would be gone."
 

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We met through an online game, so we haven't met in person yet. He's from Australia, I'm from California. We've known each other for 10 years. For the first 5 years, we video chatted a lot (like 4-6 hours a day, despite the time difference). The last 5 years, we kind of had a falling out because I went to college. We've had our ups and downs and went separate ways since we got busy with our lives.

In my mind, I think we got stuck on the "idea" of how life would be like if we really did meet. He'd always jokingly demand that he wanted me to come to Australia for him. My heart would go with the idea, but my head always knew it was outside of my means since I'm now in grad school.

He knew exactly how to get under my skin. Say the right words, stimulate my emotional and mental needs. We never even touched each other once and I was madly in love with him. I'm not 100% sure if I've done the same to him, but I can only hope. Our communication is so open and on par with each other that we can easily know exactly what the other is thinking or feeling, any ulterior motives with our flirting and it's just simply crazy to be able to read each other so well.

Since we were never physically "together", I didn't think our relationship was serious enough to keep me from dating people. I had a few serious relationships (current one almost 3 years), and my communication with the INFJ during my relationships would be limited. Out of respect for my significant other, really.

My attraction for him would fade when he would force some of his expectations and ideals onto me. He'd criticize what I was doing with my life and that I should just drop everything for him. (I couldn't tell how serious he was with the latter.) But I knew he was upset that I became too busy for him when I went off to college. :/ He asked too much, and I felt like he wanted to mold me into this idea of what he had of me. I rebelled, and he brooded. I felt like I was his precious caged bird who had escaped.

Being an ENFP, I do wonder too what it would be like with the INFJ. I'm actually scared how I'll react emotionally because deep down, the feelings I had for him in the past might be too much (if I was single). I do have a feeling that we were just enamoured by this idea of "us" that we fabricated through our interactions on the internet.

Since I'm taken, there's no chance that I would do anything against my significant other.

We plan on meeting at our friend's wedding in Austria in 2015, so maybe we'll properly have a true friendship. :)
Interesting. Australians do like their country though.. particularly INFJ Australians :) Enjoy the meeting!
 

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I suspect a person's ability to navigate the social realm has a lot to do with the relative strengths of Ni and Fe. The closer an INFJ is to an ENFJ, then the more charisma and social ease they are likely to have, but trap them in a strong Ni-Ti loopage and quite the opposite can occur, being more similar to an INTJ or INTP, but even more detached still. I think you definitely get both extremes in the type, and also complex inter-swirling of both extremes simultaneously within the same individual.
 
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I prefer and seek out many of the qualities of INFJ males: sensitivity, empathy, creativity, idealism, mysteriousness, kindness, quiet strength and slightly reserved nature. The challenge that I have with the current INFJ that I am talking to is that I have had to do about 95% of all the initiating of conversation (it's an online thing going on). Also, he does open up, but at snails pace. I enjoy this compared with a strong, direct approach, however sometimes it is too slow. I'd often prefer that he be direct with me, but I know that isn't going to happen unless I ask him direct questions which is difficult for me because I don't want to create a situation where he feels uncomfortable (my Fe is my first function). I wouldn't know that he was actually interested in me if it weren't for MBTI and the INFJ forums. It seems as though any prompt response from an INFJ is an indication of likeliness, so is his willingness to open about his rich inner world. Of course one wouldn't know this because the signs are so subtle. I commend those INFJs that have been able to open up and "pop" those deep questions --- the one's that make them vulnerable, but also allow the other party to know that they are seriously interested in more than just deep conversations which for NFs is a catalyst to "relationships"
 

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Let then get a glimpse of your chest hair trimmed in the super man symbol underneath your Clark kent exterior. That should do the trick. Be smooth about it though, make it innocent as if you hadn't realized your top button popped because your stud muffin-ness is just too sexy for your shirt. Works every time ...
 

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Being female, I have to add my two cents concerning submission. It's a term that raises all sorts of thoughts and feelings, often in a negative way.

Personally, I don't have a problem with being submissive as long as I've chosen a good "leader." Submission, to me, is an act of love and respect...and it's a choice, not a requirement. If I'm comfortable with who I am, and if I have confidence in the man, it doesn't scare or humiliate me to submit. Granted, there are men (and women too) who will abuse their position of dominance. I don't submit to those kind.

Now, I'm sure this will cause a stir with some, but that's ok. You can be who you are, and I won't bother you. This is me, and it's what works for me.

years later....well said!
 

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I'm a male INTP myself.
Like INFJs, INTPs tend to struggle finding other people to connect with at an even remotely significant level.
INFJs and INTPs tend to appreciate each other's company, though. There's this mutual sense of respect and some level of attraction between both types, although it varies according to individual traits. Especially INFJs, in my experience, are a pretty diverse type, which means that I can connect deeply with some of them and barely at all with others.

My advice to you : try to find some INTPs you connect with. INTP women are pretty rare and are have a higher chance of being gay than your average woman, but straight female INTPs definitely do exist. And while the connection between the INTP man and INFJ seems significantly more common than they other way around, I have read about INFJ man and INTP women with a very similar, strong connection.

My best friend is an INFJ male, and the woman in his life he's closest with is an INTP. Unfortunately for him, she happens to be gay.
 
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