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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
To be honest, I've never been very fond of INFJs because I've had problems with a couple of INFJ girls on separate occasions in the past.

However, I've never met an INFJ dude before until my first day of school in my genetics class. And I gotta say, I found him to be really attractive and friendly before I figured out he was an INFJ. Now that I know his type, I'm a little taken aback because, like I've said, I don't have a good history with the type. But he's perfect and he's a type 5 and I really like 5s.

Basically what I'm getting at is - how do I attract an INFJ? With other types I can usually talk them up, but INFJs seem more reserved and unwilling so I don't wanna play that card. I'm really into guys who are hard to get and he's definitely like that, but he seems like he'll be a bigger challenge than anyone I've encountered before.

Any advice? Because he's actually a really chill and amiable guy even though he's reserved (in the past I've always been attracted to other extroverts).

I've heard ESTPs and INFJs don't usually work out and I can definitely see why but I really want to make it work with him. What do INFJ guys find attractive in girls?
 
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Try something intellectually stimulating. Find out what he likes to talk about and has interests in, then ask him more about them or tell him your own passions. As an INFJ I like it when people care about my opinions and thoughts. But don't forget to present yourself (truthfully) in an intellectual fashion. If he thinks that you're intellectually boring, he probably won't become attracted to you.
 

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Aw, you make us sound so good lol. I'm not sure, just initiate contact like you've been doing. We don't like being the ones to start an interaction. And as long as you present yourself as accepting and honest then everything's good. It's probably going to take time, though. If he starts going out of his way to meet you or initiates a conversation himself then it's a sign that he's interested in you, either romantically or in a friendly way. Personally, I don't feel confortable around anyone who I sense is going to judge me or make me feel out of place. I also really value authenticity and we're naturally good at recognizing when someone's faking or forcing things. If he does not seem very engaging though, maybe he's just not interested.
And I'm not into women but sure, I like ESTPs. I've no idea how we'd connect emotionally, though.
 
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Discussion Starter #4
Try something intellectually stimulating. Find out what he likes to talk about and has interests in, then ask him more about them or tell him your own passions. As an INFJ I like it when people care about my opinions and thoughts. But don't forget to present yourself (truthfully) in an intellectual fashion. If he thinks that you're intellectually boring, he probably won't become attracted to you.
Yeah, thats the problem. I usually don't like showing my intellectual side with anyone unless I've known them for a long time, even if I have an instant attraction towards them. Honestly, I just like joking around and keeping the conversation light and fun, but from what I've seen he usually just laughs and hardly contributes to these types of conversations. I've only known him for about a month and a half though, and I talk to him a little each day and so far it's just small talk. I'm a usually fast paced person but with him I feel like I have to take baby steps. And I'm okay with that as long as it's worth it in the end. I'll try to be a bit more intellectual with my conversations though and see if that helps.
Honestly he's really hard to read and I'm usually good at analyzing people. The only thing I really know about him is that he's good at Super Smash Bros because a kid brought in a wii one day (dont ask) and he kicked my butt :laughing: For a second I thought he was the competitive type (which I like in guys) but he only played one round and preferred to watch the rest of the time. So just when I thought I could read him, I was wrong!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Aw, you make us sound so good lol. I'm not sure, just initiate contact like you've been doing. We don't like being the ones to start an interaction. And as long as you present yourself as accepting and honest then everything's good. It's probably going to take time, though. If he starts going out of his way to meet you or initiates a conversation himself then it's a sing that he's interested in you, either romantically or in a friendly way. Personally, I don't feel confortable around anyone who I sense is going to judge me or make me feel out of place. I also really value authenticity and we're naturally good at recognizing when someone's faking or forcing things. If he does not seem very engaging though, maybe he's just not interested.
And I'm not into women but sure, I like ESTPs. I've no idea how we'd connect emotionally, though.
I'll keep initiating then. I've caught him staring at me a few times before if that means anything, lol. I try to be smiley and polite around him which is honestly forced because I hardly ever smile when I'm myself and I'm pretty rash. If he sees through that then I guess I'll tone it down a notch. About emotionally connecting: I'm not so sure about that either. In all honesty I'm not an empathetic person and it takes a lot out of me to show affection towards others. and while I get along with everyone and come off as likable, I only have close bonds with a choice few people. That'll probably throw him off if we become friends, but I tend to show a lot more affection towards people I'm sexually attracted to so I'll see how that goes.
 

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Hmm, I don't know many ESTPs but the ones I know are hilarious, so they're alright in my book. Well, definitely try to find out what he's interested in. Normally we aren't that talkative, but when we start talking about things we're passionate about, we can't shut up. And also you'll need a lot of patience. As one person put it, "trying to date an INFJ is like dating a turtle". And don't be offended if he ever goes introvert on you, if he needs time to recharge, let him. :p But good luck to you, I hope it goes well :)
 

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Just do you and be yourself. The only advice to give is to initiate the contact often. Depending on his social skill, its smooth sailing from there assuming you both have a connection going on. Its just the initiation phase most INFJ males have trouble passing.
 

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Hmm, I don't know many ESTPs but the ones I know are hilarious, so they're alright in my book. Well, definitely try to find out what he's interested in. Normally we aren't that talkative, but when we start talking about things we're passionate about, we can't shut up. And also you'll need a lot of patience. As one person put it, "trying to date an INFJ is like dating a turtle". And don't be offended if he ever goes introvert on you, if he needs time to recharge, let him. :p But good luck to you, I hope it goes well :)
Yeah, there's a few things I'll have to tweak in my personality to keep this up with him lol. He's so hard to read and that bothers me because usually when I can read people I'm able to appeal to them and their interests and make fast friends that way. Patience is something I definitely need to work on. But I like a challenge and he definitely presents one to me so I doubt I'll lose interest in pursuing him :) And if something finally happens between us, I'll try not to screw it up because INFJs are precious. I really hope I don't get bored with him though (I get bored with people really easily) so I'll try not to let him needing to recharge bother me too much.
 
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I'll keep initiating then. I've caught him staring at me a few times before if that means anything, lol. I try to be smiley and polite around him which is honestly forced because I hardly ever smile when I'm myself and I'm pretty rash. If he sees through that then I guess I'll tone it down a notch. About emotionally connecting: I'm not so sure about that either. In all honesty I'm not an empathetic person and it takes a lot out of me to show affection towards others. and while I get along with everyone and come off as likable, I only have close bonds with a choice few people. That'll probably throw him off if we become friends, but I tend to show a lot more affection towards people I'm sexually attracted to so I'll see how that goes.
Well... staring might not mean anything at all because us, intuitives, can just stare at something while our minds are elsewhere. I dunno about the smiles, he may just perceive it as friendly. I can't say without experiencing it. What you said about not really starting intellectual conversations could be important. I think if he saw something with more "substance" about you rather than just small talk it would speed up things. Good luck, btw.


May, might, could, can't say, I think, would, dunno. God, I sound so unsure.
 

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Just do you and be yourself. The only advice to give is to initiate the contact often. Depending on his social skill, its smooth sailing from there assuming you both have a connection going on. Its just the initiation phase most INFJ males have trouble passing.

I really like this idea. If you do what you are not, he will feel he is being deceived somehow.
 

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I'm attracted to women who are kind and compassionate. Others things too but those qualities stand out to me. If I perceive someone to be shallow, judgmental, unkind I shut them off. I avoid them like the plague. There was a girl who liked me but she was mean to other people. While she was nice to me, she was rude to my sister and others. Needless to say I avoided her. So just be a nice person, on top of the things the others have said.
 

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I think you can just go and talk with him about whatever it doesn't really matter, but you have to be honest, kind and leave all the ego stuff away! We look for harmony and sincerity.
 
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