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Discussion Starter #1
People are usually quick to compliment me but I don't see it. How I look can seriously impact my mood and it makes it hard to be around people sometimes. Even if I feel pretty, I'll wind up comparing myself vigorously to gorgeous women and inevitably it hurts my self-esteem.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What has worked for you? I'm bad when it comes to thinking highly of myself a lot of the time because I worry that I'm wrong. I won't say I'm cute because what if I'm not? I won't say I'm smart because what if I'm not? Hopefully I'm getting my point across.

Any tips and suggestions would be appreciated!
 

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Ok here is the thing. What you look like is not that important. The best that beauty can get you is superficial attention, sometimes just unwanted attention. It does not get you money, power, respect or love. Everything worth pursuing is gought by working hard and and being kind to people. So long as you look clean and comfy, you can check that off the to do list and move on.
I know its hard to deal with and girls are constantly told that they are not worth much unless they look and act like models. Its just not true.
So in my very unprofessional opinion: set a goal, find something to work on that you can be proud of and let your confidence build on that.
Good luck. :hug:
 

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Discussion Starter #5
@TallGreen

This is seriously good advice! Thank you! I should find self-worth outside of my looks and take up an engaging hobby. Maybe I just have to much time on my hands to stress about things haha.
 

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As a Feeler isn't it kind of natural to worry about this kind of thing though? Like, do you find it easy to "not care"?
Nope. I personally don't worry about my looks, I worry more about my actions. Honestly if you aren't confident in your looks you probably lack confidence in general so...yeah...I'd work on that first. You have to learn to crawl before you learn how to run.
 

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Well opinions don't seem solid enough to inspire confidence. Whatever you or anyone else thinks about your looks, it's all opinion. I'd try to stick with facts if you want something to be confident about.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Well opinions don't seem solid enough to inspire confidence. Whatever you or anyone else thinks about your looks, it's all opinion. I'd try to stick with facts if you want something to be confident about.
"Stick with facts". I have no idea how to do that but I'm trying to learn! Thanks for the advice!
 

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As a Feeler isn't it kind of natural to worry about this kind of thing though? Like, do you find it easy to "not care"?
Not really. I'm also a feeler and I don't care if people think I'm pretty/ugly/unfashionable. What does my aesthetic appearance matter as long as I am clean and taking basic care of myself?

As for whether or not i'm smart, creative, etc, I'm probably both smart and unsmart, creative and noncreative, cute and noncute at times. In other words, all people are a mixture of traits. One cannot be smart or creative or cute ALL the time. Smart people make dumb mistakes sometimes, creative people get blocks or unintentionally copy other ideas, and cute people probably aren't cute anymore when they get the shits.

I just try to give credit both ways. If I have done something I thought was clever, I might pat myself on the back and inwardly say "nice job". If I did something stupid, I'll look back in embarassment and try to avoid repeating my mistake. In any case I don't let it influence my permanent self-image much. I don't refer to myself as smart or dumb, I'm just human.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Not really. I'm also a feeler and I don't care if people think I'm pretty/ugly/unfashionable. What does my aesthetic appearance matter as long as I am clean and taking basic care of myself?

As for whether or not i'm smart, creative, etc, I'm probably both smart and unsmart, creative and noncreative, cute and noncute at times. In other words, all people are a mixture of traits. One cannot be smart or creative or cute ALL the time. Smart people make dumb mistakes sometimes, creative people get blocks or unintentionally copy other ideas, and cute people probably aren't cute anymore when they get the shits.
When you put it that way I can understand how some people don't stress so much about it! I have BPD so I tend to think of things in 'black and white' or all or nothing. So, if I'm having a bad day that I blow it way out of proportion, thinking that everyone is noticing and immediately dismissing my worth because of my looks! Think that I'm both pretty and not so much depending on the situation, someone's perceptive, what vibe I'm giving off, I should try to remember myself of that more often...
 

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People are usually quick to compliment me but I don't see it. How I look can seriously impact my mood and it makes it hard to be around people sometimes. Even if I feel pretty, I'll wind up comparing myself vigorously to gorgeous women and inevitably it hurts my self-esteem.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What has worked for you? I'm bad when it comes to thinking highly of myself a lot of the time because I worry that I'm wrong. I won't say I'm cute because what if I'm not? I won't say I'm smart because what if I'm not? Hopefully I'm getting my point across.

Any tips and suggestions would be appreciated!
Show up to social events looking as hideous as possible, the more times you do it, the less you'll care about your appearances.
 

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The fact that what's worrying you is your looks makes it seem like you have a very superficial perception of things. What exactly is the end goal that would make you satisfied? Being uncontested best looking person in the world? Because I can almost guarantee that you're not and never will be, so my advice is that you should stop caring about stupid shallow unachieveable things and perhaps focus on self improvement in other areas so you may have more to build your self worth on. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
The fact that what's worrying you is your looks makes it seem like you have a very superficial perception of things. What exactly is the end goal that would make you satisfied? Being uncontested best looking person in the world? Because I can almost guarantee that you're not and never will be, so my advice is that you should stop caring about stupid shallow unachieveable things and perhaps focus on self improvement in other areas so you may have more to build your self worth on. Good luck.
This seems kind of mean... accusing me of being shallow... do you think that I enjoy obsessing about how I look? Your response to my asking for help and advice was to say I have 'a very superficial perception of things'. I can improve in other areas while also wanting to feel good about my body. I mean, there's no denying that there are high exceptions to look a certain way in our society, so I think it's natural to have body issues basically forced upon you. Some people more than others, of course. And, if you look at my other posts you'd notice that I've talked about my mental health issues, which including distorted thinking patterns, paranoia about how I come across to other people, fear of rejection.

I do appreciate the advice and maybe I'm reading too much into your response, but I'm wondering why you made those nasty assumptions about me. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
 

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This seems kind of mean... accusing me of being shallow... do you think that I enjoy obsessing about how I look? Your response to my asking for help and advice was to say I have 'a very superficial perception of things'. I can improve in other areas while also wanting to feel good about my body. I mean, there's no denying that there are high exceptions to look a certain way in our society, so I think it's natural to have body issues basically forced upon you. Some people more than others, of course. And, if you look at my other posts you'd notice that I've talked about my mental health issues, which including distorted thinking patterns, paranoia about how I come across to other people, fear of rejection.

I do appreciate the advice and maybe I'm reading too much into your response, but I'm wondering why you made those nasty assumptions about me. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Hi Faith. Just to be clear, I was not trying to attack you so I apologise if it seemed a little insensitive. That's just what seemed apparent to me from your original post. Yes, in many societies you will have a much easier life by being lucky enough to be good looking. I understand that's why many people try their best to look decent for the normal approval of others. I do think that many people haven't yet realised the importance of looks vs other traits in the grand scheme of things. Once you've done everything reasonable to look decent, there is not much need to fret about how you look since it isn't going to get any better magically. It's nice to accept what you have and let yourself live free of the constant appearance anxiety.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Hi Faith. Just to be clear, I was not trying to attack you so I apologise if it seemed a little insensitive. That's just what seemed apparent to me from your original post. Yes, in many societies you will have a much easier life by being lucky enough to be good looking. I understand that's why many people try their best to look decent for the normal approval of others. I do think that many people haven't yet realised the importance of looks vs other traits in the grand scheme of things. Once you've done everything reasonable to look decent, there is not much need to fret about how you look since it isn't going to get any better magically. It's nice to accept what you have and let yourself live free of the constant appearance anxiety.
Thank you for apologizing, no harm no foul! You're right though. I have to understand that I'm more than how I look, and I get that most days, but some days are harder than others. It's a process.
 

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I wated to add something. It's probably not important but perhaps you should consider that maybe the people who care mostly just about your looks aren't the people that you will want to be impressing (or at least for the wrong reasons). I learned a long time ago that it's more about what you make of yourself, and nowadays I absolutely hate when people try to talk or more just because they like the way I look. It's a tragic reality really, an unfortunate one. But luckily, you don't have to be one of the normies that buy into the life of just trying to look pretty for others. I'm sure you would get by just fine and have no problem with future endeavours and goals even if you didn't look as nice as you probably do.

Save yourself the worry.
 

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It does not get you money, power, respect or love.
Actually there's plenty of studies which say attractiveness gets you all of those things..

Not like being attractive magically gets you them, just that it makes it a little easier.
 
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