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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm in a pretty 'tough' place at the moment. I feel very bored and without purpose in life.
After several sessions with a therapist, it has been concluded that my actions through life (up to my current age of 26) has been motivated purely by what I think would make other people happy. I only feel worth something if I am living up to the expectations of others.
For that reason, I always try to adapt to various situations, choosing jobs I think would make me seem more successful, or acting out various characters that could make me seem more attractive.

Yes, it may sound kinda pathetic to some, but I just feel locked into that way of thinking. I simply find it difficult to think for myself, and what I actually want for myself, as opposed to what I think others want.

So I wanted to ask you folks, as INFP's, what measures do you think could be taken to try and become more individual?
 

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INTP 874 sx/sp VLEF melancholic
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There is probably a specific person in your life who relies on you and you don't know it. Your relationship with that specific person is what should be examined.

Its like if you had a bad sexual experience, you lose your libido. You gain it back with time. But having reoccurring bad sexual experiences makes your libido look permanently gone. I'm saying that there is a reoccurring figure in your life that is keeping you trapped in a particular state. It's not 100% how you think about things, because your environment influences that as well as your own thoughts.
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
There is probably a specific person in your life who relies on you and you don't know it. Your relationship with that specific person is what should be examined.

Its like if you had a bad sexual experience, you lose your libido. You gain it back with time. But having reoccurring bad sexual experiences makes your libido look permanently gone. I'm saying that there is a reoccurring figure in your life that is keeping you trapped in a particular state. It's not 100% how you think about things, because your environment influences that as well as your own thoughts.
Interesting. I never really looked at it that way. Will give it thought.
 

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It doesn't matter what other people think or feel about you. Follow your own true feelings. What do you believe in? What makes sense to you? Every reality is different. Yours is not the same as others. Seeking out help to become more individual with others will have the opposite effect. Telling you how to become more individual will not help you. Other people are not the answer.

From young age I always felt different from everybody around me, and I used that to create a distance from others and create myself stronger as a person. My family told me I was too individual and I needed to become more friendly, open and assertive, but I could not stop asking questions to why, why do I need to do what other people do?

I guess my type is one of the special snow flake rebellious teens, but I can't help it. It has always been in me to go my own way rather than to follow the footsteps of others.
 

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INFP's tend to go over thoughts a number of times, and a good portion of these are of self awareness. So i'd say, before you decide on acting on something or even thinking on, pause and ask "why is this important to me?" Practice referencing yourself when decisions arise, until the need to ask is no longer there and it becomes second nature. Also, it's the little things that count. If you like a quirky top, get it. If anyone asks why you bought it, look them in the eye and say because you like it. It's hard to respond to this with a undermining comment without looking like a ass.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It doesn't matter what other people think or feel about you. Follow your own true feelings. What do you believe in? What makes sense to you? Every reality is different. Yours is not the same as others. Seeking out help to become more individual with others will have the opposite effect. Telling you how to become more individual will not help you. Other people are not the answer.

From young age I always felt different from everybody around me, and I used that to create a distance from others and create myself stronger as a person. My family told me I was too individual and I needed to become more friendly, open and assertive, but I could not stop asking questions to why, why do I need to do what other people do?

I guess my type is one of the special snow flake rebellious teens, but I can't help it. It has always been in me to go my own way rather than to follow the footsteps of others.
I certainly wish I had more of that independent way of thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
INFP's tend to go over thoughts a number of times, and a good portion of these are of self awareness. So i'd say, before you decide on acting on something or even thinking on, pause and ask "why is this important to me?" Practice referencing yourself when decisions arise, until the need to ask is no longer there and it becomes second nature. Also, it's the little things that count. If you like a quirky top, get it. If anyone asks why you bought it, look them in the eye and say because you like it. It's hard to respond to this with a undermining comment without looking like a ass.
Thank you. Will give it a shot.
 

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I'm in a pretty 'tough' place at the moment. I feel very bored and without purpose in life.
After several sessions with a therapist, it has been concluded that my actions through life (up to my current age of 26) has been motivated purely by what I think would make other people happy. I only feel worth something if I am living up to the expectations of others.
For that reason, I always try to adapt to various situations, choosing jobs I think would make me seem more successful, or acting out various characters that could make me seem more attractive.

Yes, it may sound kinda pathetic to some, but I just feel locked into that way of thinking. I simply find it difficult to think for myself, and what I actually want for myself, as opposed to what I think others want.

So I wanted to ask you folks, as INFP's, what measures do you think could be taken to try and become more individual?
Have you ever analyzed why you are motivated to make personal decision to make other people happy? Do you have family or friends that are domineering? My father is an ISTJ. He is as practical as they come. My wants and desires are completely the opposite of what is important to him. To make him happy I thought I needed to explore the most practical careers/jobs out there. It didn't work out well for me. But when I finally decided to speak to him about basing my decisions on not disappointing him, he was perplexed on why I would feel this way. Ultimately, the most important thing for him was that I was happy. If that meant living pay check to pay check, then so be it. Ever since if I get an urge to make a personal decision not for myself, but to make someone else happy, I speak directly with the person about the issue. Most people are understanding if you are honest with them. Even if they do care initially, most people are able to get over it easily enough. You don't have to be confrontational or direct about it either. Lots of times I just vocalize the choices I have and ask for their input. Then a conversation about it follows.
 

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Lots of asking yourself "why". I know how frustrating this can be; I remember sitting in a few therapy sessions where the therapist asked me why I felt a certain way and I had no answers. It's even more frustrating when you're used to having those answers, and suddenly someone throws a question at you that puts you off!

But if you're making the effort to understand your own motivations and the things that you value, you might eventually start seeing patterns. Eventually those patterns might create the outlines of a picture. Then things will become clearer.

Talk lots. Use the forums and your therapy sessions to ask the difficult questions, and talk until things start falling into place. I don't know if you're a Ne user but as an Ne-aux I find that one thought will lead to another, and I might veer completely off-track halfway through, but there I might find something that had been eluding me up until that point. You never know what might spark an aha! moment.

Try comparing the decisions you make with the decisions that you might have wanted to make. If you're not sure what you really wanted, think of a few alternative decisions and try to imagine how people would have reacted.

Little steps. Try going against popular opinion in "safe" situations. Once you see it's not the end of the world, you'll eventually work up the courage to try making bigger decisions.
 
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So I wanted to ask you folks, as INFP's, what measures do you think could be taken to try and become more individual?
First of all, develop a sense for what you like and how things make you feel. When you've done that, you should act on it and try not to care about what others think about it. Naturally you shouldn't do something too extreme, but try to be objective about how others will actually perceive it. Would you really lose friends because you wore a funky hat? Would the judgements upon you for talking a lot about your favourite band really be that bad? Is it worth thinking so much about your presentation, and aren't others just stupid if they don't like it?
 
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I'm in a pretty 'tough' place at the moment. I feel very bored and without purpose in life.
After several sessions with a therapist, it has been concluded that my actions through life (up to my current age of 26) has been motivated purely by what I think would make other people happy. I only feel worth something if I am living up to the expectations of others.
For that reason, I always try to adapt to various situations, choosing jobs I think would make me seem more successful, or acting out various characters that could make me seem more attractive.

Yes, it may sound kinda pathetic to some, but I just feel locked into that way of thinking. I simply find it difficult to think for myself, and what I actually want for myself, as opposed to what I think others want.

So I wanted to ask you folks, as INFP's, what measures do you think could be taken to try and become more individual?
I used to be like you...What I did is I basically just tossed the idea that I need to please others out the window. I started living my life for me and me alone because no matter what I did, I just couldn't meet the expectations of others. I'm much happier now that I just care about what I want. It might seem selfish to some, but seriously I lost my ability to give a damn about the expectations of others.
 
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