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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am an INTP and one of my best friend is an ESFJ.
Obviously he is a fantastic guy, he has always helped me when I needed him and seems to know always what to do or what to say.
Today his father has died and, even if I have already passed trough this experience, I don't know what to do to help him. And I really want to be of some help or confort because I really care about him and I know that he is suffering.
But being an INTP I tend to be detached from my emotions, and I'm prone to try to forget or to bury them. At least in the beginnig, when they are to strong to face.
And I don't think this is the way ESFJs face their feelings.
When my father died I didn't like when people asked me about him or about how I felt about his dead, or when they tried to confort me or when they expressed their compassion for me.
So my first instinct would be not asking, not speaking about emotions or feelings and trying to be close to him asking him to go out more often or inviting him to do our favourite things and so on...
But I don't think this is the right thing to do with him.
I know we are exactly the opposite kinds of personalities and I really need advices from someone who is like him.
Can you help me?
Any advice will be welcome.
 

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Spotlight March 2016
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Honestly, I think you should just try your best to think of your friend and what they would want. You've probably known him for a long time, and you should be better experienced to know what actions to take.

I think that as long as you care, your friend will probably understand that, and appreciate it.

At worst, you could always ask if there's anything you could do for him. I don't know if you hug, but hugs are good. :proud:

Good luck, anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Honestly, I think you should just try your best to think of your friend and what they would want. You've probably known him for a long time, and you should be better experienced to know what actions to take.

I think that as long as you care, your friend will probably understand that, and appreciate it.

At worst, you could always ask if there's anything you could do for him. I don't know if you hug, but hugs are good. :proud:

Good luck, anyway.
Thank you word. I don't usually hug a lot but he is one of the very few people who are allowed to hug me, so this is something I can do.
For the rest... I don't know... Maybe he could like some telephone calls to hear how he is? But I suck at the telephone, it is one of my biggest problems. Could I sound innatural? Well of course.. I always sound innatural at the telephone...
Texts are too impersonal?
I've already told him to tell me if there is anything I can do for him. But he said no.
 

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Spotlight March 2016
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Thank you word. I don't usually hug a lot but he is one of the very few people who are allowed to hug me, so this is something I can do.
For the rest... I don't know... Maybe he could like some telephone calls to hear how he is? But I suck at the telephone, it is one of my biggest problems. Could I sound innatural? Well of course.. I always sound innatural at the telephone...
Texts are too impersonal?
I've already told him to tell me if there is anything I can do for him. But he said no.
Maybe buy him or make him a gift. Probably making something for him using your talents would be good.

If you write, you could write him a moving short story. If you draw/paint, you could make him something. If you do math, you could do a creative mathematical proof, haha. :kitteh:

Making things for each other are gestures which show that we're there, I guess.

If you're not good on the phone, I wouldn't go on the phone if I were you. I'm not good on the phone either-- Face-to-face is best.

I'm sure that you're already doing everything you can to show you care, and I'm sure he appreciates it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Maybe buy him or make him a gift. Probably making something for him using your talents would be good.

If you write, you could write him a moving short story. If you draw/paint, you could make him something. If you do math, you could do a creative mathematical proof, haha. :kitteh:

Making things for each other are gestures which show that we're there, I guess.

If you're not good on the phone, I wouldn't go on the phone if I were you. I'm not good on the phone either-- Face-to-face is best.

I'm sure that you're already doing everything you can to show you care, and I'm sure he appreciates it.
Thank you. I'll try my best. The gift idea is good. We are both "candy addicted" and all the other friends make fun of us because everywere we go we two always buy a lot of candies, like childrens, that then we share. We also have always to stay in close seats at the cinema because of it. I could buy all his favourite candies and bring them to him. And if I have the courage I could write something to him to share some feelings, not only some candies.
Omg... This will be very hard...
 

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Spotlight March 2016
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Thank you. I'll try my best. The gift idea is good. We are both "candy addicted" and all the other friends make fun of us because everywere we go we two always buy a lot of candies, like childrens, that then we share. We also have always to stay in close seats at the cinema because of it. I could buy all his favourite candies and bring them to him. And if I have the courage I could write something to him to share some feelings, not only some candies.
Omg... This will be very hard...
I think the candies are a very thoughtful idea. That should be great, Luna. :proud:

If you're feeling brave, you can try to share feelings too, but if not, that's okay. He might not be feeling brave enough to share his, either. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a father. I haven't lost mine yet. But, I wish that people didn't have to die. :/
 
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