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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Alrighty. So PC, I was just chatting to a friend on Facebook and I just don't know what to do with him. Advice would be muchly appreciated =)
We were chatting and he mentioned that he'd been feeling a little depressed and this is what went down:
(I removed it just incase he comes across it.) Basically he says how pathetic and selfish he is, how he doesn't want to tell me or bother me, how he should just sleep days away and how he "sucks at making changes" so he's not going to do anything about the way he feels.

lah =/ Nothing seems to get through. I just don't understand him. I'm wondering if he's a depressed sensor and maybe that's why we just don't understand each other. Thoughts? :blushed:
 

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Wow. This sounds familiar, though in the conversation I tend to relate with your friend. As for what to do..some questions.

1) Is this someone who you can readily observe in meatspace?
2) Has this friend ever expressed any tendency to harm himself? Or is this just a fear due to the prospect of depression?

I ask, because I can honestly say that space is sometimes best. Be nice, but not overbearing. Basically, don't hover. Let him know you'll be there for support, activities, or talking if he needs it. If you are truly concerned for his well-being, and he's limiting interaction try to keep an eye on him. See if you notice any changes in his behavior for the worst. Or if he's morose and then suddenly very happy, that can also be a cause for concern. There isn't really a neat solution. It's the problem with individuals, they have a habit of playing wildcards.
 

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I will suggest a couple things. Now this is only what I use to help me and my friends. I do things to gain perspective. Maybe one day sign up with said person to help at a homeless shelter or battered womens shelter. If not that Special olympics or nursing home for a day.
 

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Do you know the underline causes? Like certain situations, thoughts, past situations, loneliness, or even very low self esteem. I have been depressed on and off myself and at one point near the bottom of the downward spiral as you mentioned in your conversation. Basically I only relied on myself to get myself out. Others tried to help and most made it worst and others I found ways around them making it worst. The most help I have gotten from another person where from people already dead :laughing:. That might be a bit hard to explain. Best way to help is try to get him to understand the depression more and himself more. He who knows himself and his enemy. in a hundred battles shall never be in peril. I believe that is how it goes. meditation or engaging in spiritual practice or ritual can also help a bit. Therapy never really helped me since I never trusted them and felt I knew more since i have been studying it for a good long while on my own. Free writing also helps sometimes. You just have him write on paper without thinking about what to right, without worrying about spelling or neatness. It's like a means of venting. and no one needs to read it not even himself. Have him do stuff that he enjoys. Like going to the movies, or watching movies in his house, read, listen to music, or even an activity or hobby. But avoid the alcohol, porn(if the loneliness or lack of sex is the issue), or anything that could make things worse. Exercise also good. I hope any of this could be of any help
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Wow. This sounds familiar, though in the conversation I tend to relate with your friend. As for what to do..some questions.

1) Is this someone who you can readily observe in meatspace?
2) Has this friend ever expressed any tendency to harm himself? Or is this just a fear due to the prospect of depression?

I ask, because I can honestly say that space is sometimes best. Be nice, but not overbearing. Basically, don't hover. Let him know you'll be there for support, activities, or talking if he needs it. If you are truly concerned for his well-being, and he's limiting interaction try to keep an eye on him. See if you notice any changes in his behavior for the worst. Or if he's morose and then suddenly very happy, that can also be a cause for concern. There isn't really a neat solution. It's the problem with individuals, they have a habit of playing wildcards.
He's a co worker and I think I'm his closest friend. He doesn't have many. He asked me out but I said no.... I guess I friendzoned him and I don't know how that feels. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him. I really didn't want to hurt him and I don't want to confuse him but there's no way I could go out with someone as negative as he is.

He doesn't harm himself. I've talked to him about it and he always says "Well at least I'm too scared of pain" and makes it clear he doesn't hurt himself. Also, unless he were to cut somewhere other than his arms, I would have seen. We've talked about it a few times.

I know that he really likes me but lately he has been isolating himself. I just want to help him. I've told him that I'm depressed too and that I'd never think any less of him but whenever he talks to me about how he feels it seems I can't be of any help.

I will suggest a couple things. Now this is only what I use to help me and my friends. I do things to gain perspective. Maybe one day sign up with said person to help at a homeless shelter or battered womens shelter. If not that Special olympics or nursing home for a day.
I'm not sure if he's mature enough to get that. We're both just 17 and he's very self absorbed. He always says how selfish he thinks he is and often apologises for talking to me about how he feels. .

Do you know the underline causes? Like certain situations, thoughts, past situations, loneliness, or even very low self esteem. I have been depressed on and off myself and at one point near the bottom of the downward spiral as you mentioned in your conversation. Basically I only relied on myself to get myself out. Others tried to help and most made it worst and others I found ways around them making it worst. The most help I have gotten from another person where from people already dead :laughing:. That might be a bit hard to explain. Best way to help is try to get him to understand the depression more and himself more. He who knows himself and his enemy. in a hundred battles shall never be in peril. I believe that is how it goes. meditation or engaging in spiritual practice or ritual can also help a bit. Therapy never really helped me since I never trusted them and felt I knew more since i have been studying it for a good long while on my own. Free writing also helps sometimes. You just have him write on paper without thinking about what to right, without worrying about spelling or neatness. It's like a means of venting. and no one needs to read it not even himself. Have him do stuff that he enjoys. Like going to the movies, or watching movies in his house, read, listen to music, or even an activity or hobby. But avoid the alcohol, porn(if the loneliness or lack of sex is the issue), or anything that could make things worse. Exercise also good. I hope any of this could be of any help
I know that he has very low self esteem. Also, he comes from a broken home. Not a terrible one but it's still been hard for him growing up moving all over the place. What concerns me is that he has no interest in helping himself. I have been trying to get him to understand himself and his unhappiness more but I haven't really gotten anywhere. I know that I'm no expert but I do believe that CBT would be great for him because it's his negative way of thinking that gets him down. Maybe that's only because I have an excellent relationship with my psychiatrist =)

I try to get him to do things he enjoys but mostly he just sleeps. I take him out occasionally but the thing is, I find it really hard to spend time with him because he's so negative - I don't want him to bring me down. I also find it difficult not to get slightly annoyed at him. It's only because I am so depressed myself and have been in and out of therapy for years....
I always encourage him to eat healthy and go out. Less sleep and keep in contact with friends... and perhaps do the college course he was thinking of doing. But he doesn't seem to respond. =(

Thankyou for all of your responses =)
 
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Seems to me you're trying to solve his problem, are you sure he doesn't just need a shoulder? T/F thing? Maybe he's an F?
This happens to me sometimes when friends come to me with their problems and I attempt to solve it. I get frustrated when it appears to me that they don't want their problems solved. I quickly learned. Maybe you could tell him about someone else who's undergone a similar situation and how they got through it so he can relate? (feel free to make up a story-lol). It seems to work with my F-type friends.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Seems to me you're trying to solve his problem, are you sure he doesn't just need a shoulder? T/F thing? Maybe he's an F?
This happens to me sometimes when friends come to me with their problems and I attempt to solve it. I get frustrated when it appears to me that they don't want their problems solved. I quickly learned. Maybe you could tell him about someone else who's undergone a similar situation and how they got through it so he can relate? (feel free to make up a story-lol). It seems to work with my F-type friends.
Yeah I'm really confused about that. i think you're right. I've already told him enough of my silly old story for him to relate to. And if he needs a shoulder.... well, unless he's going to put some effort in I'm not going to be there. I'm only willing to try as hard as he is. I'm not going to listen as he tells me how pathetic his life is all the time if he's not making changes because it'll have a negative impact on me and I'm depressed enough as it is. Interesting.....
 

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Bottom line: If he won't help himself theres nothing you or anyone can do.

Also its no use telling him a story about someone who was in a similar situation and how they got through it simply because as he's likely to continue to struggle on with his life and as he's of the negative disposition theres a chance he'll view such a story as "well other people can do it but i can't because i'm fucking useless"

The only way he can change how he feels about the world he lives/exists in is by changing his way of thinking, how he perceives events and situations he is involved in and unfortunately it will take alot of effort and time, plus he'll likely need a 'support network', whether its a group of family and friends or therapists and group therapy.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Yeah I think you're right. =( He hasn't really got a support network. I hope he'll go and see a therapist.
 
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