[BryterLayter]

so there's this ENFJ that i'm falling for, but i want to make sure she feels the same.
how do you guys act if you have feelings for someone?

 

[Enigma0z]

For me it really depends on the way that person is... us ENFJ's tend to kind of morph and change and can appear like an introspective introvert at one moment, and the life of the party at the next... Hopefully, however, these qualities may be constants... and most of us are very intense in our feelings.

1. Pays OBVIOUSLY (or at least she hopes it's obvious) more attention to you than others at your same level...
2. Kind of shy/awkward when talking about her feelings about you towards you, but this could be because she doesn't want to hurt your feels as well as if she is into you...
3. Doting (see #1)
4. If she gets up the nerve & tension she may just blurt her whole insides & feelings about you all at once so don't get knocked over if that happens...

Hope that helps.

 

[Jojo]

I agree with Enigma.
Conversation may seem awkward. It may seem like they might not like you but, that is the sign. The ENFJ will bounce all around and talk to everyone. Then you show up and awkward silence appears. You might think they weren't into you. It's like kryptonite.
If she walks away and says wait a minute she isn't necessarily blowing you off just be patient. I also recommend say exactly what you mean feelings wise.

 

[lastholidayhere]

JoJo nailed it! I am totally this way as well. I can talk to anyone but the person I have a crush on and then I become all shy, awkward, I over-analyze my conversations with that person and I blush like mad in their presence. If its even any way mutual forget it...I am even more a mess and a bundle of nerves. I come across as maybe even not liking that person to them and to others. That's the red flag.

--I day-dream a lot and smile more than usual as well.
--I am especially helpful to that person...more than I usually do with others.
--I tend not to disagree with that person...can't debate them too well as I am afraid to offend them. Usually I love intellectual debate and like to be challenged so this is another huge sign.
--I can't make coherant sentences or they are short and sweet...normally I have the gift of the gab and can talk anyones ear off.
--I become a super introvert. I may even avoid them a bit when I see them...its cause I am nervous and afraid to go up to them.

 

[Mutatio NOmenis]

You'll see them more than once every 5 days.

 

[alegnasevarg]

It's so true! I love talking with people and I love intellectual conversations and the when I'm really interested in someone I know it often seems like I'm completely oblivious to the person's existence because I feel so darn shy around them. I could have a million depthful conversations with the person IN MY HEAD but in reality barely be able to carry on a basic conversation if I really like them.

Very frustrating lol, especially if the person really does think you aren't paying attention to them or don't care about them and then eventually you get those gutsy moments where you spill and wait for the aftermath lol sigh oh well...

 

[theAPE]

There's this ENFJ girl at my work, she's been there for about 3 years now and I always had a crush on her.
Now she's quitting the job in a few weeks and I feel the strong urge to ask her for her number or something, but I really don't know how.

I noticed when we had some short but nice contact that she's around all the day while on other days I barely see her. I also noticed her getting silent sometimes when I'm close around and acting rather awkward although she LOVES to talk and to act positive with people and making them feel good. In pessimistic times I thought my presence is unpleasant to her, but when I follow my intuition (which works much better for me than thinking) I definetely sense shy-ness, which actually doesn't fit at all to her personality when acting with others.

I feel so extremely empathic to her like I never felt to someone other before. I always get this strange change in feel when we have contact, and then I realize its her feeling exactly the same. As if she injected them straight into me... sounds a bit weird but maybe it's the Fe -> Fi magic. It definetely feels like magic.

There lies the problem: we both feel like you described and therefore hardly go onto another on a private base. In addition to this, she is always with someone else in her breaks so I only have a real small chance to catch her alone. And when I do she acts like she doesn't see me until she realizes that I see her. But then she's nice.

How can I ask her? Should I wait for a direct encounter? Should I write her an email or Skype her? What should I say/write? Or would you say she doesn't like me and I'm running after a pink elephant and should quit it?
I also have the feeling that she reads me like an open book, so she might know how I feel about her. But this could be too presuming... I don't know.

I'm quite anxious, but when she leaves she is gone. And when she does without me having asked her to keep contact I would beat myself up for that for the rest of my life.

I'm really grateful for your input!

 

[Jojo]

I guess there two ways to go about it. The first one is directly approach her and say how you are sad to see her go. Tell she really mad a difference at the company Ask her if you can stay in contact and maybe you could lunch or dinner sometime.You may also want to buy her a card and telling her thanks.Flowers in this case is a no-no.
OR
Go for broke.On the last day ask her outright.

 

[theAPE]

...say how you are sad to see her go. Tell she really mad a difference at the company

Weird... that's exactly what I intended to say, because it's true and I think she'd like to hear it

Go for broke.On the last day ask her outright.

Yes, I think I will if there is no chance before... have to get all my guts together though...

Thanks, that made me quite a bit more confident about this!

 

[alegnasevarg]

You know, I understand what you're saying about telling her you'd be sad to see her go and that she made a difference at the company but to be honest, that may not be enough. There's this tendency to analyze our interactions and it would be fairly easy to feel that you could be expressing your sadness about her leaving merely because she made a positive difference at the company not necessarily related to how you feel toward her at all.

It's probably a hard thing to hear but if it were me for instance, very clear and directly communicating how you feel about her (specifically just about you and her without melding work or other things into it) may get you better results. I'm not saying to go all out and do anything fancy, on the contrary, something simple will probably affect her far more than something elaborate as long as you're sincere.

Our intuition is very strong so she may have an idea that you like her but it is so easy to doubt one's intuition and assume that we are imagining things or that we are only seeing what we hope is true, especially if she feels the same toward you.

I'd say overall, maybe don't wait til the last day but go for broke and let her know or if she has people with her on break, make it clear that you don't mind other people being around by politely interrupting (if it's just casual chatting) and asking if you can speak to her for a moment or something. I doubt she'd mind.

Good luck!

 

[theAPE]

Ok, this is the real hard way but I think I will go it. Damn I will be nervous as hell..... it can hurt painfully but then we both will know clearly what's going on, no doubts or misunderstandings. Anyway there is just a lot more to win than to lose!

Thanks a lot!

 

[alegnasevarg]

You're welcome and good luck! I know it's hard to relax about something like this. Keep in mind, if she's way into you, you may not have much of a reaction from her at first, she may need to process the information, it might be slightly overwhelming at first (the whole swept off your feet thing is usually unexpected even if we yearn for it lol). Just be patient it's sometimes hard to fess up to how much we care about you in such a moment especially for instance if we are totally into you (even if we can articulate it really well to others), and you finally confirm that you feel the same way about us, we're super excited but not exactly sure what to do next or how to react. It's kind of a processing and soak it all in moment.

I know there are different types of people and not all ENFJ's will necessarily agree with the above but from my experience it's been true. Since I become such an introvert with those I really like when they show sincere reciprocation toward me it kinda leaves me speechless for a time.

 

[Enigma0z]

Ok, this is the real hard way but I think I will go it. Damn I will be nervous as hell..... it can hurt painfully but then we both will know clearly what's going on, no doubts or misunderstandings. Anyway there is just a lot more to win than to lose!

Thanks a lot!

Better to have loved and lost than have never loved at all... Emotional pain is part of the beautiful dance of life, even if it doesn't feel good, like you said, you'll have cleared the air, and that's important.

Now go get her. If she's really an ENFJ and has a heart she'll let you down gently.

 

[Shadow1980]

A great trick to find out if someone likes you is to adjust your body language and see if they follow suit. Like if you are sitting down cross your legs and see if the other person adjusts accordingly a few seconds later. Adjust a few times to see if it's consistent. It's pretty solid and easy way to figure out how the other person truly feels.

Another thing you can do is comment how you like the color of their shirt or something. If you see them repeatedly wearing similar clothing around you after you compliment them on it this can be a sign they want to look good for you.

Probably the best test is to brush their hand "accidentally" in passing or somehow subtly touch them to see their reaction. If they flinch or don't seem to like you touching them, they aren't interested. But if they are slow to react and don't seem to mind, they don't mind you invading their personal space.

 

[summersoccer14]

JoJo nailed it! I am totally this way as well. I can talk to anyone but the person I have a crush on and then I become all shy, awkward, I over-analyze my conversations with that person and I blush like mad in their presence. If its even any way mutual forget it...I am even more a mess and a bundle of nerves. I come across as maybe even not liking that person to them and to others. That's the red flag.

--I day-dream a lot and smile more than usual as well.
--I am especially helpful to that person...more than I usually do with others.
--I tend not to disagree with that person...can't debate them too well as I am afraid to offend them. Usually I love intellectual debate and like to be challenged so this is another huge sign.
--I can't make coherant sentences or they are short and sweet...normally I have the gift of the gab and can talk anyones ear off.
--I become a super introvert. I may even avoid them a bit when I see them...its cause I am nervous and afraid to go up to them.

This is exactly what i do!!! I love debating with people.. till it comes to the person i care about.. i'm far to worried to hurt their feelings...
They might actually kinda be more sensitive towards you.. like.. they are doing our werid ways of tryin to let you in.. by not acting crazyy and stuff cause they want you to know they are something abit more then that.
Thennn.. they will just be way more heistant..

 

[saccharomyces]

theApe --> actually, your idea about skyping or e-mailing her wasn't half bad, because, well, from my experience, it's easier to overcome that "switching-to-a-total-introvert" part on the enfj side. i mean, that is the way i prefer to communicate extensively for a while if i want to find out if someone's into me: since i know i won't be able to read the signs clearly in a one-to-one conversation due to being nervous, nor, most likely, will be able to send any successfully, if i really like that particular someone, i tend to try pushing it a little bit in the virtual world, like, chat them up in skype before or after seeing them in person, with the "cause" of either making some plans or just giving some feedback on the time we had or so: because it's easier to do something like this if there is a pretext. and then i'd usualy gather all my courage and try giving some hints and seeing how they react, since skype or e-mail offers the wonderful opportunity of not having to see the reaction (if it's not the desirable one) in person, thus, less impact, and not having to counter-act immediately, if i don't feel like it. therefore, if you have some little e-mail correspondence with her, or, better, skype-talk before the crucial moment, you might be able to gain better results, since she might have found out what she needs to gather her own courage, if she likes you, and be able to react less anxiously, becoming less of a shy introvert, making it waaay easier for you two to approach each other.
then again, if she does like you, she'll eventually warm up to you really quick, once she's sure that you like her too and she is doing the right thing by returning the affections (meaning: you're not taken and she's not in danger of hurting others by wooing you).

 

[Puddinboots]

There's this ENFJ girl at my work, she's been there for about 3 years now and I always had a crush on her.
Now she's quitting the job in a few weeks and I feel the strong urge to ask her for her number or something, but I really don't know how.

I noticed when we had some short but nice contact that she's around all the day while on other days I barely see her. I also noticed her getting silent sometimes when I'm close around and acting rather awkward although she LOVES to talk and to act positive with people and making them feel good. In pessimistic times I thought my presence is unpleasant to her, but when I follow my intuition (which works much better for me than thinking) I definetely sense shy-ness, which actually doesn't fit at all to her personality when acting with others.

I feel so extremely empathic to her like I never felt to someone other before. I always get this strange change in feel when we have contact, and then I realize its her feeling exactly the same. As if she injected them straight into me... sounds a bit weird but maybe it's the Fe -> Fi magic. It definetely feels like magic.

There lies the problem: we both feel like you described and therefore hardly go onto another on a private base. In addition to this, she is always with someone else in her breaks so I only have a real small chance to catch her alone. And when I do she acts like she doesn't see me until she realizes that I see her. But then she's nice.

How can I ask her? Should I wait for a direct encounter? Should I write her an email or Skype her? What should I say/write? Or would you say she doesn't like me and I'm running after a pink elephant and should quit it?
I also have the feeling that she reads me like an open book, so she might know how I feel about her. But this could be too presuming... I don't know.

I'm quite anxious, but when she leaves she is gone. And when she does without me having asked her to keep contact I would beat myself up for that for the rest of my life.

I'm really grateful for your input!

Noooo, don't let her go without saying something!!! Although I'm married and it's been a while since I was single I've always like a sweet, gentle and cute approach but I would do it in person. Perhaps catch her when she's not surrounded by people when it's quiet. She may be wondering why you haven't asked her out yet and when I really liked someone, I would get nervous as hell, blush while becoming really awkward and shy but it was a sign that I liked you!!! We're also very good at reading people so she may be picking up on those subtle cues and wondering the same thing you are: Does he like me?
And if it turns out that she's not interested in you, at least you can say you tried. Naturally, it will hurt but it'll hurt even worse if you don't ask her since you'll always have that thought on your mind of "What if?" Either way, she won't bite you; if she's not interested she'll let you down gently and if she is interested she'll probably blush, then smile and give you a big ENFJ sized hug. Ohh, I really hope this works out for you, good luck and God speed! :happy:

 

[theAPE]

Here's an update:
Over the week we had some quite intense eye contacts, flirted I guess... but in a way, woah, that almost drove me crazy!!!
Today was her last day before her 2 weeks vacation after that she will only be there for two more weeks. Since I definitely wouldn't catch her alone I decided to call her on her desk and ask her if she would like to have a cigarette outside. I have to say that I never asked someone before in that way. She didn't think about it one second and she was like "Yeah sure, see you!" :happy: :happy:
But right one minute before she came in there was another guy going to the smoking area so we weren't alone :sad: She looked like she was pretty sure that I wanted to talk to her alone. (She looked unsuspicious at him like he disturbed... and btw I never knew that one can smoke THAT slow like she did :laughing: ) But I tried not to bother that much and asked her some questions about her vacation and she told me about it, and she said that she's out of the country for the complete two weeks. I thought I couldn't call or even date her either in that time. After some silent seconds she started to chat a bit with the other guy, which I really didn't mind because she HAS to talk to everybody around, she's quite different from me there. And before that guy went back in some other guys came out to smoke :sad:
So, no real chance to get her number.
But I definetely had the feeling that she was happy that I went up on her :happy: :happy: :happy: :happy: :happy:
After that I met her briefly in the kitchen and wished her again a nice vacation with a real stupid grin on my face... I just don't know where that came from
Damn, now I think should have asked her there for her number so we could talk in her vacation. Damn.
Now I have to hope that she's open to me after all the party, fun and relaxation things without me "being around". Makes me a little uncomfortable. But the other way I think she's quite picky with her closer company (and I have the feeling that she considers me to get in there), so she won't be too erratic there.... I hope.

But anyway, I ran through an open door, it felt sooo easy like I just couldn't imagine before.
This will continue! In two weeks, but it will!!
Everything is so easy with her. She blows away my (really really strong) awkward feelings in a split second. And I have the feeling that she does many of those things with purpose... what I really really like. But I could be mistaking there. Anyway, she's simply unbelievable!!

I really thank you all so much for your comments, I don't know if I had gathered the confidence without them!
And if you guys only share a little bit with her (what you do, "at least" some sort of personality :wink then I have to say you're all too good to be true! :happy:

 

[ThirdArcade]

It's hard to tell if an ENFJ is interested because us types tend to be very friendly and albeit flirty with everyone!
I find that I personally tend to talk a bit less to someone that I am really interested in. Instead I start really listening to them, and might spend less time socializing with people around me especially at a party or group event. ENFJ's naturally tendency is to be chatting amongst all different groups of people; but if we are interested in someone we can easily spend the whole night chatting with them (or majority of it at least). ENFJs will ask more though provoking questions beyond just regular conversation, just to get into the head space of the person they are talking to. I also tend to watch out how my potential interest treats my friends, family and strangers. Also, you will notice that ENFJs might want to spend a time away from the group just getting to know you one-to-one. I think some of this might be specific to me, but I could see it applying to the ENFJ personality.

 

[ThirdArcade]

Since I become such an introvert with those I really like when they show sincere reciprocation toward me it kinda leaves me speechless for a time.

I totally agree with you! My totally friendly, outgoing side goes totally goes introverted. GAH! It's so annoying....