Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 92 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
How can someone tell if an ENTJ is interested them? How do they act in personal conversations...? What are some "give-away" signs; do you act nervous at all?

or... anything you can think of!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
325 Posts
How can someone tell if an ENTJ is interested them? How do they act in personal conversations...? What are some "give-away" signs; do you act nervous at all?

or... anything you can think of!
If you really want to know you could ask, you will likely get a straight answer from an ENTJ. Other than that I don't have any good advice.

Good luck
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
648 Posts
If you really want to know you could ask, you will likely get a straight answer from an ENTJ. Other than that I don't have any good advice.

Good luck
I agree with this. An ENTJ will most likely not beat around the bush and just tell you.
I tend to pursue it initially if Im interested, I think I make it fairly obvious if Im sure about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
675 Posts
or... anything you can think of!
Pay attention to the baseline behavior, and watch if a person deviates from that in any peculiar or idiosyncratic way.

If that doesn't work, just ask; words don't cost anything, and embarrassment is fun!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,135 Posts
Generally they will make it more obvious by talking to you more often, acting more favourably towards (just) you, so on and so forth, but an ENTJ is less likely to hide the fact if they are asked, but maybe less likely to approach... possibly Ni holds them back, who knows.

^ that's all probably a load of shit
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,508 Posts
Usually when I am interested in someone I pay close attention to what they do. What their routine is. Help them in anyway I can. Usually I'm very involved in what they do. As opposed to someone one I'm not interested in I don't pay attention at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
241 Posts
Generally they will make it more obvious by talking to you more often, acting more favourably towards (just) you, so on and so forth, but an ENTJ is less likely to hide the fact if they are asked, but maybe less likely to approach... possibly Ni holds them back, who knows.

^ that's all probably a load of shit
I'd say that's true in my experience - I had to be the one to do the very direct approaching bit!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
I guess I was trying to find out if there are any "clues" before the direct, straight-forward response from the ENTJ (like the hints that suggest this), but I think I got it now. thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
241 Posts
Fascinating, really? That sounds odd for an INFJ - typically I thought you lot were shy, elusive and reserved?
we are that too...but we have extraverted feeling secondary function, which means we can be really bubbly, even loud, amongst close friends. added to that years of growing up with an intj father means I enjoy banter and don't take it personally (we're good at intuiting intent and look more at the way things are said than what)...

i think we're very focussed, but unlike entj's that are more task focussed, we're more relationship focussed. so even with friendships, i've always had a very quick like/dislike gut reaction to new people, observed them for awhile in a group setting and then been very direct about pursuing a friendship. I think the intensity has taken people by suprise on many occassions (extroverts sometimes seem to think that because we don't say much, we're not actually taking anything in) but soon enough they've realised my instincts were on the money and has made for a substancial amount of very intimate, deep and authentic friendships.

with the entj, i observed for about a year - we went to the same martial arts class - before making my mind up..then i began to make very subtle moves (you know the odd random text leading onto long text conversations, sarcastic comments at facebook status' etc) and see what feedback I got. feedback was positive so I slowly esculated, eventually invited him round as a "friend" to hear tell about his travels. the day supplied concrete evidence of complementarity and mutual attraction; he mentioned that getting out the friend zone was a common difficulty so after he'd gone I texted to let him know he didn't have to be in the friend zone with me (if he didn't want). easy as - after that, I led him take the lead! :crazy:

i don't know if this is typically infj - certainly wouldn't have dared in my younger days - but, as I've matured and grown in confidence, I've always gone after what I want. frankly, we never get approached due to that [facade] of cold, reserved aloofness. somehow, it seems to intimidate people, when it's only there cos we're scared shitless in social situations and don't feel like we fit in in anyway.

infj's are def big on honesty and directness, we don't like to play games cos its inauthentic and deceitful. i think that's something that we find really attractive about ENTJ's - we know where we stand, there's no bullshit (and we def have a good inauthenticity radar - altho its never overtly obvious when we dislike people). i find it endearing when you say things that SJ types would disapprove of - like, "yeah your bum doesn't just look big in that, its like a hippopotamus"* - and cos we can intuit there's no malice there, our feelings don't get hurt.

*this was just a possible example, i hasten to add no one has actually said it to me, but I could well imagine an ENTJ doing so!! :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Fascinating, thanks for the insight.

My experience with one INFJ was quite odd and mostly erratic - sometimes won't even respond to my texts, other times they're initiating. What typically causes this? It seems almost selfish to me; like the relationship is on their terms only.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,860 Posts
Fascinating, thanks for the insight.

My experience with one INFJ was quite odd and mostly erratic - sometimes won't even respond to my texts, other times they're initiating. What typically causes this? It seems almost selfish to me; like the relationship is on their terms only.
Is she playing hard to get?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
241 Posts
Fascinating, thanks for the insight.

My experience with one INFJ was quite odd and mostly erratic - sometimes won't even respond to my texts, other times they're initiating. What typically causes this? It seems almost selfish to me; like the relationship is on their terms only.
hmm...this just sounds like an underdevelopped human being to me (not specifically an underdevelopped infj) personally, I've always responded when I get texts (unless I was absorbed in something else at the time) if not, as soon as I've had a free moment. these sorts of games are so pathetic.

However, I will say that I'm very aware of power inbalances (during the early phases), so if I feel that I'm always initiating I'll pull back or start initiating a bit more in the reverse case. that's just about mutuality and equality; I'd ratehr see eye to eye with someone than be stuck in either a less or more powerful role.

so, if they weren't just very immature and insecure, I guess it would be worth you considering what the ratio of initiating was between the two of you, and whether an inbalance caused these problems.

to be honest tho, from what you said, I think it was just immaturity and nothing peculiar to INFJ's.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
648 Posts
I know I've mentioned it before, but my relationships with INFJs have been the least problematic for me, concerning all the NFs.
There are some problems but they are mild in comparison to other F types.

My INFJ behaves similarly to what Waroop said, sometimes texting, other times being aloof when she meets someone of the opposite sex.
She does this because she's trying to maintain her distance. I know that shes expressed to me she doesnt like getting ahead of herself...she feels by behaving this way she has some control over her feelings.
It's not a game I play but thats just her input.

If the INFJ friend you had that erratic experience with Waroop is anything like my friend, its probable that she felt similarly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
241 Posts
She does this because she's trying to maintain her distance. I know that shes expressed to me she doesnt like getting ahead of herself...she feels by behaving this way she has some control over her feelings.
oh I can see that making sense - I fall pretty quickly, very hard and totally longterm committedly, and the emotional intensity of that can be horribly overwhelming/uncontrollable particularly when most other people take a lot more time and are a lot more controlled about it. It also totally takes over my life, cos I can't compartmentalise. (frowns) So I've definitely held back emotionally in the past, until I've actually make a rational choice to allow myself to fall and accept the rollercoaster that goes with it.

hmmm...and also, you ENTJ's are so self sufficient which makes me overly anxious about being needy and clingy (even tho, compared to most other types, we're massively independent too)

an alternative possibility to add to my previous answer. I have held myself back from texting when I've felt like it would be frivolous and disrupt you from achieving all your projects; haven't held off replying tho.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
648 Posts
oh I can see that making sense - I fall pretty quickly, very hard and totally longterm committedly, and the emotional intensity of that can be horribly overwhelming/uncontrollable particularly when most other people take a lot more time and are a lot more controlled about it. It also totally takes over my life, cos I can't compartmentalise. (frowns) So I've definitely held back emotionally in the past, until I've actually make a rational choice to allow myself to fall and accept the rollercoaster that goes with it.

hmmm...and also, you ENTJ's are so self sufficient which makes me overly anxious about being needy and clingy (even tho, compared to most other types, we're massively independent too)

an alternative possibility to add to my previous answer. I have held myself back from texting when I've felt like it would be frivolous and disrupt you from achieving all your projects; haven't held off replying tho.
What Im hearing from your end is that you're implying that because you have a certain image of the ENTJ, this causes you to be anxious. I dont believe you're false in what you feel, I just think the "image" is skewed. If you put aside the image, you might find yourself being more confident and relaxed, and therefore, less "clingy".

There is a difference in being inviting to the opposite sex, and being clingy.

I dont like guessing games, I dont like prying things out of people, and I can tell when someone typically feels anxious in a relationship. If you eliminate that fear by good communication there shouldn't be any issues.

That way both parties are content.
Anxiety leads to clingy-ness, which leads to people being turned off or annoyed.

On the other hand, having too many "talks" about the relationship from the other party just shows me we're not compatible, since they seem to have so many issues they want to discuss all the time.
At that point, Im out.
 
1 - 20 of 92 Posts
Top