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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So we've already talked about what we find attractive, in a potential partner, now let's turn that around.


  • How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?
  • How can you know, how attractive you are, to potential partners?
  • Is it based on who finds you attractive; the types of people, you are attracting?
  • Is it based on body image? Is that even reliable?

"Body image is a person's perception of the aesthetics or sexual attractiveness of their own body. It involves how a person sees themselves according to the standards that have been set by society." -Wikipedia

How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?
As opposed to plastic surgery, or drastically changing your appearance?
For example, a sincere smile, can enhance anyone's appearance. :wink:
How about small adjustments, can we be more approachable?
Should we work on our body, through fitness, & diet regimens?
Would teeth whitening, hair dyes, contacts, make a difference?
How about with makeup, clothes, etc...?

What are your physical attributes?
Should we highlight those attributes?

Have you noticed something that you did, that was favorable, in attracting your desired demographic?
If so, please share your secrets, we promise we won't tell.


We are mostly talking aesthetics here, as the initial law of attraction. Once they get to know your personality, that's another topic, in and of itself. :laughing:
 

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I'm neither aware of it, nor do I care about it. Looks for me are unimportant. Of course, all my lovers were good looking but as far as I'm concerned, that's more out of chance than me really caring about their looks.

I've also been told I'm good looking since I was a teen but I haven't really cared about it. I take care of my appearance for myself. I like to look presentable because it makes me feel good inside.

The rest is just personality and charm.

People who care about looks are a different breed of people than the breed I've hung out with throughout my life. I don't mingle with people for looks. I never fell in love with someone over looks. I mean, it's just such a huge non-factor in life.

I get that some people really care about appearances, and understand the reasons why, but beyond simply looking and admiring good looking men and women for their genetics, or like they're a work of well sculpted art, it's not something that I've actively cared about with regards to wanting to be with them.

I don't evaluate my attractiveness. I've just been told that I am by some women which is good. I don't need to be attractive to all 7 billion people on the planet.
 

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I think a good way would be to ask random people what they think and to be blunt. Friends and family are biased. Along with asking, you can pay attention to body language, speaking patterns of others you interact with. We are our greatest critiques, so if we feel we look good, then we most likely look good.
 

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- How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?

Well, it's a numbers game I guess.

If people hit on you, ask you out etc you're attractive, right?

That's the external confirmation route.

What you think of your own attractiveness is kind of a moot point imo. I don't particularly like how I look most of the time, but I never had a problem getting dates. Then again, I am female, that helps.

- How can you know, how attractive you are, to potential partners?

Observation. That's the only way you can go about it. I mean, you can ask, but people tend to lie when confronted with a question like that.

- Is it based on who finds you attractive; the types of people, you are attracting?

Depends what your aim is.

Do you just want to get laid? Anyone who finds you attractive will do. OK you can be selective if you like (exclude the smelly, unkempt ones, the potential psycho killers etc).

If you want to find your soulmate I guess that's a bit tougher. You need to find out who you are first and what you want. What you really want. Finding out what you don't want is a start.

Even if you're attracting the wrong kind of people though, it doesn't mean you're less attractive. It means something you do attracts people you don't want to attract. You need to find what this is and kill it in order to attract the right kind of people.

- Is it based on body image? Is that even reliable?

Body image helps. Confidence helps. But even if you think you're amazingly attractive, it's still down to other people to judge. You can influence what they think. You can follow trends and make yourself attractive in their eyes, by monitoring what is popular, or traditionally attractive and mimic that. But that's exhausting, in my opinion, can't keep it up for long. Have you read Gone Girl? If not read it. Good insight on how pretending to be something you're not is probably not your best option in the long run.

How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?

Taking care of yourself is an obvious one. Exercise, eat well, take care of your mental health too. Find things you like to do and stick to them. People with a hobby or a passion are naturally more attractive.

What are your physical attributes?

Sure why not? I mean you were dealt those cards, you may as well use them. For instance I am taller than average and have a nice rack. I do accentuate these attributes when I'm hunting for a male.

Have you noticed something that you did, that was favorable, in attracting your desired demographic?

Sex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
I can't really see my own emotional, physical, or sexual attraction, or value, to potential partners. I'm trying to gain some insight into this, in order to feel more sure of myself, when I have interactions with potential partners. I was discussing this with someone else, that I never expect attention from the opposite sex, & when I do get it, I think, this must be a mistake, or else I question their motives, internally. I don't mind feedback PerC, as long as it's constructive, & not destructive. :tongue:

How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?
I've never really cared what anyone thinks of me, but now that I'm older, I've tried to be more conscious of making an effort. :proud: I'm doing a little damage control right now, from last year's Florida vacation, sun spots! I haven't been one, to wear makeup, nails, stilettos, etc... I've worn full face makeup, 3 times in my life, 2 for weddings, & 1 for a formal anniversary.

“Al naturale” has been my signature, clean body, brush hair/teeth, matching clothes, ready go.
My face regimen now consist of a face primer, &/or a BB cream, a tinted lip gloss, & curling my lashes, sometimes a clear mascara gel. (my sister makes fun of me for the last one) I have always been concerned about smelling good, so besides being clean, I wear a body spray/mist, & carry mints/gum throughout the day.


What are your physical attributes?
I'm a brunette, with shoulder length hair, & brown eyes. I've been told, I have a nice smile. I'm 5'5/1.67 in height. I do have a "curvy figure", which is just another way of saying, I'm not skinny, but I am proportionate. My cup size, is a full D, & I have a full backside too, which I've heard can be desirable. However, far from accentuating these physical traits, I camouflage them. I wear clothing that is not tight, fairly modest (no cleavage), & comfortable. I hide my bust, to minimize unwanted attention, & even then I catch men staring.

I'm sure guys don't care about this, but it's just to paint a picture: My attire during the week is business casual, slacks, & a flowery top. Flats are my go to, usually Clarks, or Crocs (dressy, not clogs). On the weekends the only difference would be jeans, instead of slacks. I also wear business skirts, or my new found trend, black/white skirts, with a cold-shoulder, or ruffled top.

As far as my sexuality goes, I don't flaunt it. I wish I could be a more sensuous woman, but that's not my personality. I admire women who appear that way to men. My sexuality is more of a top secret operation, that is only revealed, after security clearance, on a
need to know basis. :laughing: Despite the fact I have a high libido, it's normally a nice surprise, unveiled later, to an SO. You can never tell a guy your libido is high, if you want him to focus on anything else, imo.

In following along with the most popular, rate system, 1-10. I'd rate myself a 5/6, & with my Snapchat filter on, a 6/7. :wink: I wish I could walk around with a Snapchat filter on my face 24/7.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
Even if you're attracting the wrong kind of people though, it doesn't mean you're less attractive. It means something you do attracts people you don't want to attract. You need to find what this is and kill it in order to attract the right kind of people.
I appreciate your insights. I just wanted to address this part, from the people I attract IRL, a high percentage of them are much older men, like old enough to be my father. I don't mind even up to 15 years older, but past that, is a little gross to me.


I went to the store with my friend, I kid you not, this older man (late 60's- early 70's) asked me, if I would go home with him, to have sex! :shocked::confused: My answer was, NO, no, no, no, no, no! I was dressed modestly, in business attire, so I don't know what gave him the idea, I was that type of woman. Plus my friend is this cute, petite, Japanese woman, who looks 19, why me, & not her? When we left the store, she said, "you always, get the freaks." :dry:


I'm not sure why older men are so drawn to me, it's been happening since I was a teenager. Any suggestions, on how to attract men, my own age?
 

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  • How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?
  • How can you know, how attractive you are, to potential partners?
  • Is it based on who finds you attractive; the types of people, you are attracting?
  • Is it based on body image? Is that even reliable?

"Body image is a person's perception of the aesthetics or sexual attractiveness of their own body. It involves how a person sees themselves according to the standards that have been set by society." -Wikipedia

How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?
As opposed to plastic surgery, or drastically changing your appearance?
For example, a sincere smile, can enhance anyone's appearance. :wink:
How about small adjustments, can we be more approachable?
Should we work on our body, through fitness, & diet regimens?
Would teeth whitening, hair dyes, contacts, make a difference?
How about with makeup, clothes, etc...?

What are your physical attributes?
Should we highlight those attributes?

Have you noticed something that you did, that was favorable, in attracting your desired demographic?
If so, please share your secrets, we promise we won't tell.
First we have to be aware diff people like diff people, you are not just a 10/10 everywhere. It will take exposure and awareness (and external help) to test some ground. We also have to be aware there are big differences between interacting and no interaction. In some cases we kill the attraction once we interact because you prove wrong the assumptions of people, like being superficial, or not being superficial, that's just an example of looking good -> people attracted to you -> then killing the moment because they don't like who you are. But that wouldn't worry me, after all the most valuable thing is your personality (given you are a normal person).

 
I remember two male friends, one from school and another from work (he was a client), they were a total success with women, they just love them, it was... surprising and at times unsettling. The thing is the attraction died when people talked to them for a while, why? well they just didn't like the guys. Both were honest several times on how much they hate it because they felt used, women lost interest on them. I remember they were very down to earth men, kind of family focused. One even got severely depressed about this and I don't blame him, the change on attitude from women was truly a kick in the head.

I've seen the same on women several times but women have it worse due to evasion of reality, most pretty women when rejected build false conclusions as "I'm just too independent" or "men fear me" when that's not the case.



I'm neither aware of it, nor do I care about it. Looks for me are unimportant. Of course, all my lovers were good looking but as far as I'm concerned, that's more out of chance than me really caring about their looks.

I've also been told I'm good looking since I was a teen but I haven't really cared about it.
Good for you. But sometimes there could be as positive reasons for that as negative ones. Your words sound exactly as something I could have posted, but in my case my reasons are not good... I'll explain below.

Ok @Mmmm ready for a bit of a long post?

I only cared about my physical appearance when I was a teen (that's quite normal at the time). I wanted to appear handsome, etc. I did very little effort to "increase" my attractiveness and after a short time I just gave up, forgot about it. I'm INTJ so flirting is not my thing and I'm difficult to pick up flirts (despite the usual intj abilities to read micro expressions).

I've been told I'm attractive more times that I would believe so and I've been on a process of change. Do you want the exact context? here it goes, whenever someone flirts with a guy I never think it's about me. I grew up and specialized on being a working man, kind of like a soldier, someone who takes care of himself and others without even looking at the distractions around me. Some sort of soldier and some sort of robot. Is it good? no, it took me time to become aware of this, and it took me time to realize how negative this was. A big part of this has roots on what we both discussed on some posts a while ago, the narcissism of our parents (in my case my mother).

Basically it's all about them, and they try to make you invisible as a person, but visible as a tool, as a caretaker. I was exactly that, a good strong man willing to give up everything for the sake of my family and others, quite visible as a man-who-does, but quite invisible as a man-who-"is" who exists and feels, etc. If you read enough about this you will realize how it affects and kills aspects of your self, specially becoming the opposite of the narcissist: you don't want to attract attention, I know I didn't.

I was called handsome many times and it felt disruptive, as discussing religion and suddenly being called "hot", what I mean is it feels alien to me, that's what I attempt to explain in the previous example. Some women insisted, and that made me feel "bad". I noticed some women looking at me to the point I couldn't deny it was about me, and more than often I thought a lot of things except "I'm handsome".

It can be a very bad thing. I always dress to avoid calling for attention, and wearing a suit was not a pretty thing. Women I know changed their attitude, some got closer to me, some said nice and even kinky things to me, it felt weird. I was told to use suites more often because I looked amazingly well. In my case this 2018 is the first year I feel comfortable talking about this, this way! because first I didn't believe it and second it felt as "showing off". My reaction was taking the suit off as soon as I could, taking off the tie and modifying my shirt to appear as a working man, that felt good, and I became invisible again.

It really took me a while to understand it was a problem and the roots of it. Yes I take care of myself and my body, I'm healthy, but never do anything to increase any attractiveness or looks. It's like a nun avoiding make up because it's a sin! Being 1.90mts didn't help.


  • How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?
You need a good, a VERY GOOD FRIEND. There was this coworker, we studied together when younger, so we were very good friends at work too years later. We often went out for lunch and this guy helped me a lot telling me the women looking at me when we went out, and I did the same for him, we were attractive to diff women.

Then a very good female friend, she helped me a lot, and she's been a strong wind of change in my life regarding myself. She helped me ACCEPT I'm handsome (while not universally, I am to a lot of people). She helped me grow aware of the women looking at me (I fail many times), and also helped me to become aware of gay men looking at me, this is easier because somehow they are more clear about it, more... aggressive? nope, aggressive doesn't sound good but they are just more confident showing their interest than women in my region.

Interestingly enough, we (my female friend and me) have discussed how some people show more interest in you when you are NOT alone, actually it means some people show more interest (evidently) on you when you appear to be there with your love partner, I can't explain this.

The change
Yes, good friends and talking about it, in my case it wasn't about "me talking about it" it was them helping me with what they wisely saw as an issue on me. I also read a lot of stuff and researched, talked to people etc and started feeling more free thinking of myself as attractive. You know what's funny? my brain forgets, I just don't care, but I'm more aware of the times it's genuine (because I don't care) and the times my brain goes into "you must be invisible").

It was easier for me to dismiss comments from people I don't really know. And also dismissing comments from people who love me because in my head "well they love me, they tell me this because of that" but I'm (Still) learning to accept it. At my age (40) I'm now aware I'm actually looking better than in the past and now I notice it, I'm aware of it.

Part of my psychological self esteem exercises it's been putting my picture on public stuff. Even opening a tinder account, I felt terrible at first, now I don't care, that's good. Something else: sex. I learned to evaluate sexual relationships from another perspective, I could notice and become aware of women being excited because of me (this was difficult), what I mean is sex arousal is not something you can lie about because "you are nice" you are attractive to them or not, period.

Since I live alone (fully alone) I've been investing on my self (time and care) it's like living with a good friend that I have to take care off (but it's me), it's working good. I now how the time to work out a bit more than in the past and I look way better, related to the previous paragraph: I notice the change when women I know look at me, and the same without a shirt. It helps me realize they feel attracted to me because those instant reactions are not something to lie about.


All of the previous might be silly to a lot of people, interesting and revealing to others. It is, actually, cognitive change, learning about myself and teaching me to become aware. Cognitive change is quite common when you had a past life that wasn't what you supposed to have.
 

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Trying to bring some light to what I mean: I read a book years ago, it was about "women" and how some grow up to become a WIFE, some to become a GIRLFRIEND and some to become a MOTHER, it explains roles and how wrongfully you might develop only some aspects of your life. You can compare this to the child, adult and father roles in personality too.

It explained how some women focused on the "girlfriend" or love, were very sexual but mostly: comfortable with that. Others focused on raising children, I think you all understand the meaning of this: not being able to develop your full personality in diff stages or aspects and feel good on your own skin regarding all those aspects.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
In my case this 2018 is the first year I feel comfortable talking about this, this way! because first I didn't believe it and second it felt as "showing off". My reaction was taking the suit off as soon as I could, taking off the tie and modifying my shirt to appear as a working man, that felt good, and I became invisible again.

Yes I take care of myself and my body, I'm healthy, but never do anything to increase any attractiveness or looks. It's like a nun avoiding make up because it's a sin! Being 1.90mts didn't help.

Something else: sex. I learned to evaluate sexual relationships from another perspective, I could notice and become aware of women being excited because of me (this was difficult), what I mean is sex arousal is not something you can lie about because "you are nice" you are attractive to them or not, period.

I notice the change when women I know look at me, and the same without a shirt. It helps me realize they feel attracted to me because those instant reactions are not something to lie about.
I appreciate your thoughts on this. My self-esteem/self-worth, is defective, especially in interpersonal relationships. (we've discussed why) I feel more like a workhorse, that tries not to draw attention, to itself. I struggle with letting my guard down, being open to personal attention, & allowing myself to feel vulnerable. It's interesting you mentioned, sexual arousal, is that the same with men, can men be aroused without attraction? In theory it makes me happy to think I can have that affect, on a man, but in reality, it kind of scares me too.

I have noticed men being flustered, around me, but I wasn't sure why. I'm pretty clueless, unless someone points it out to me. Like when I went to this restaurant, with my 2 friends, apparently the waiter was giving me extra attention, because when he left, my friends said, "do you want us to leave you alone, with the waiter?" I hadn't noticed, I thought he was just being nice.
:idunno:
 

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I appreciate your thoughts on this.
In a lot of ways your posts sounds like you describe big chunks of my life, I like your wording, I see it better than mine, shorter, clearer.

I feel more like a workhorse, that tries not to draw attention, to itself.
Same here, I'm slowly changing. Reading, analyzing the process of actions and interactions, and some good friends are helping a lot.

It's interesting you mentioned, sexual arousal, is that the same with men, can men be aroused without attraction? In theory it makes me happy to think I can have that affect, on a man, but in reality, it kind of scares me too.
It might take time for one to grow fully comfortable with oneself, specially in that regard. Men: arousal with no attraction? there can be situations where things like that happen (due to physical stimulation) but I think things are more the same between men and women: attraction = easy sexual arousal.

I can't describe the whole spectrum of scenarios but men can show easier stages of sexual arousal with strangers, I think women are the same but many insist on describing "needing emotional bonds", might be true for some, not on every case. Sexuality and sexual attraction can also be related to self confidence, it's difficult to be sexy being insecure. But I was describing how helpful it is seeing feedback (natural feedback) on your appearance because can't be faked.

I have noticed men being flustered, around me, but I wasn't sure why. I'm pretty clueless, unless someone points it out to me. Like when I went to this restaurant, with my 2 friends, apparently the waiter was giving me extra attention, because when he left, my friends said, "do you want us to leave you alone, with the waiter?" I hadn't noticed, I thought he was just being nice. :idunno:
I was not there, but I easily think the guy was into you. Easy to say huh? why I feel there is a valid point there? Among the scenarios of narcissist parents I've seen and read, they don't take it against a child without something good, it's like envy. Sounds confusing? another attempt: I've seen trends on narcissistic parents trying to turn off the light of children who look... bright. Think about it, you don't need to turn off the light of someone without a light.

Try to stay aware!!! a problem with psychological stuff is you can have "monday" someone telling you how attractive you are, and friday... you forgot about it, takes time to fully internalize this, I've read and personally tested how talking to yourself helps in this regard, why? because you need to hear it also... from yourself.
 

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"How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?"
I'd rather just do my best, while being true to my preferences, than think/worry about this. Some men find a relaxed confidence & 'effortlessness' attractive. Much of what is considered beauty are just markers of health -- I prefer to focus on that.

"How can you know, how attractive you are, to potential partners?"
I don't need to "know". I don't expect to be attractive to every man (everyone has different preferences -- some men like petite brunettes, some like leggy blondes etc etc). Beyond that, this seems like one of those things I shouldn't try to control/overthink/worry about. I simply assume that anyone who reveals a sexual/romantic interest must be attracted to something about me. There is also something to be said for experience. Boys started being very nice to me once I began puberty. I've had my share of embarrassingly nice compliments since then.

"Is it based on who finds you attractive; the types of people, you are attracting?"
I have noticed that the type of men I prefer (protective leader types) seem to have a very strong preference for slender women (any 'largeness', whether excess weight or exaggerated muscle for a female, seem to be a major turn off). I enjoy sexual dimorphism myself so this works for me.

"Is it based on body image? Is that even reliable?"
Body confidence makes a big difference (I have male friends who all agree on this). Healthy body with healthy self acceptance indicates a higher level of health ---> higher attractiveness.

"How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?"
Be healthy, take care of yourself, especially your body/skin/hair etc. Wear clothes that fit well/accentuate your figure.

"How about small adjustments, can we be more approachable?"
Since I walk looking slightly down while praying no one will approach me, I'll pass on this one. Although I should note that on days I go to the hairdresser (I get a hair treatment that makes my hair shine) *every*single*person* stares, teenage boys/men all smile and many (females too) approach to talk about my hair. So hair might be the way to go if you want more attention/approaches.

"Should we work on our body, through fitness, & diet regimens?"
Absolutely. Everyone should be doing this for themselves in the first place. I consider it my 'job' to stay fit/lean/toned for both myself and my SO. To me this is a responsibility/taking ownership thing. I can't imagine feeling 'I can do it!' towards anything else if I hadn't achieved that level of control with my own body. There is also the healthy physiology --> more positive (body energy) emotions --> more likelihood of feeling happy --> higher attractiveness factor too (a 'real' smile is health = attractiveness again).

"Would teeth whitening, hair dyes, contacts, make a difference?"
I'm sure changing color of hair/teeth can (where it still looks natural/better suits skin tone) but this is icing on the cake stuff. A healthy body with healthy hair/skin (and relaxed confidence/decent grooming) are probably the bigger factors for most men. Note that some strongly dislike anything 'fake'. Of course everyone is different.

"How about with makeup, clothes, etc...?"
Men often complain that women wear too much makeup -- more often than not they seem to prefer a natural look. I've heard some men talk about wanting women to dress a little better than jeans/gym clothes but then you must be careful bc they often strongly dislike women who spend tons on clothes they hardly wear/couldn't afford (from their perspective). With a fit body and body confidence, simple clothes (e.g., bodysuit + skirt) can look great. I personally never show cleavage unless I'm on a date (even then, not always). It sends the wrong message (being attractive in a 'wrong' way for me). It's funny with the way I am: I want to be wanted for my personality but once that is squared away I don't mind bringing out the bod.

"What are your physical attributes? Should we highlight those attributes?"
I have a narrow waist so I accentuate that by wearing thin belts around it when 'dressing up'. I have 'feminine' shoulders (not necessarily considered a good thing) but I try to turn that around by wearing one shoulder tops/strapless dresses etc where appropriate. In other words: accentuate your best feature, try to make weaker features work for you anyway (while still being 'you').

"Have you noticed something that you did, that was favorable, in attracting your desired demographic?"
I like 'masculine' men, they seem to like 'feminine' women which is convenient :) So I just be myself, wear feminine clothing and make it clear I prioritize taking care of myself (they seem to like this). That's enough. I don't do any of the smiling at everyone stuff, that's just not me (although I smile easily around people I'm close with). Whatever you decide to do, be sure you're still accurately advertising who you are as a person (you want to be attracting your 'match' -- unless 'gaming' it to attract a higher quantity for short term pleasure is your thing :)

"We are mostly talking aesthetics here, as the initial law of attraction. Once they get to know your personality, that's another topic, in and of itself."
Fwiw I think these two things are less separate than people believe. You can tell a lot about a person's biology/health/class/personality from how they move/speak/look/present themselves. Jaded people tend to wear 'jaded' on their face etc. It's hard to pretend to be something you're not. I think this is a good thing. So, my advice: go for health first, max that out and then sprinkle some skin/hair care and 'effortless' grooming on top.
 

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So we've already talked about what we find attractive, in a potential partner, now let's turn that around.


  • How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?


  • For women - how long-term relationships attained (e.g., how many male specimens willing to - or have committed via available suitors).

    For men - how many female-specimens willing to have coitus without relationship/commitment (e.g., casual sex with women that are not below average).
 

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Attraction in itself is not always in a physical sense. Though I have been told I am very physically attractive creature. Tall and handsome etc, etcetera.... It helps if one is intelligent and interesting also. Though these things are subjective to the individual
 

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So we've already talked about what we find attractive, in a potential partner, now let's turn that around.
How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?
I think how other people respond to you would be the biggest indicator. I don't mean through words, but rather how they look at you when they don't know you're noticing.

How can you know, how attractive you are, to potential partners?
Through the things they say, or again how they look at you.

Is it based on who finds you attractive; the types of people, you are attracting?
Mmm. I don't think it would be based much on this since beauty is pretty relative.

Is it based on body image? Is that even reliable?

"Body image is a person's perception of the aesthetics or sexual attractiveness of their own body. It involves how a person sees themselves according to the standards that have been set by society." -Wikipedia
To an extent, yes. But, placing so much emphasis on it can be unattractive too. Most of it has to do with how someone carries themselves and their personality. Personality really shines through in someone's looks. I've seen guys who were drop dead gorgeous, but were too in to themselves, or didn't carry themselves well, or had a terrible personality and instantly they became ugly. And then there have been guys I didn't think were all that good looking on first glance, but became very attractive through how they carried themselves and their personality.
I can't think of an example off the top of my head, but I've seen movies where one actor plays the part of 2 or more very different personalities. And their physical appearance actually seems to change depending on what character they're playing.

How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?
As opposed to plastic surgery, or drastically changing your appearance?
For example, a sincere smile, can enhance anyone's appearance. :wink:
How about small adjustments, can we be more approachable?
Should we work on our body, through fitness, & diet regimens?
Would teeth whitening, hair dyes, contacts, make a difference?
How about with makeup, clothes, etc...?
Being approachable, smiling, diet, and exercise definitely won't hurt the cause. I wouldn't recommend teeth whitening - it can destroy your enamel. Make up, clothes, hair dyes...all those are fine, but they're just accessories. If your personality sucks (not you), those things won't really matter. But, I guess personality preference is relative too.

What are your physical attributes?
Physical? I'm cute, proportional, cute figure, nice smile.

Should we highlight those attributes?
I don't usually intend to highlight my attributes. I don't care for unwanted attention. I don't like it when people I don't like look at me like that. In my younger years, I found it flattering, but now it just creeps me out. It's not a very big compliment when most guys will ogle most girls anyways (no offense guys). No, I'm not cynical haha.

Have you noticed something that you did, that was favorable, in attracting your desired demographic?
Just being myself. No sense pretending or putting on airs. You want someone to like you for the real you if it's something long term you're looking for.

If so, please share your secrets, we promise we won't tell.
Here's some of my secrets to being attractive and things that I find attractive in others (they aren't physical attractiveness in and of themselves, but they create physical attractiveness):
- not needing someone; being independent
- being your own person outside of a couple
- having your own interests
- being kind hearted
- being genuine
 

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  • How can one evaluate their own attractiveness, or attraction level?

  • How can you know, how attractive you are, to potential partners?
  • Is it based on who finds you attractive; the types of people, you are attracting?
  • Is it based on body image? Is that even reliable?

These are legitimate questions and I'll try my best to answer them.

One conventional, albeit shallow way to determine this is the amount of attention your receive on social media. It's not an accurate way to measure attractiveness but if you take number of followers/friends and account for the number of likes per selfie/picture, you'll obtain a percentage if you divide these two variables. If you have a like to follow ratio of above 20%, that in my opinion qualifies as somewhat of an indication of attractiveness.

Another determinant could be the sheer number of followers a person has, but this could be offset by how much a person exposes his/herself to the public. Having a private account severely restricts this type of measurement.

Another determinant could also be the amount of comments you get on social media about how attractive you are. Simply being called "pretty/handsome" on social media, (excluding from your mom and aunties), should be a clear indication of blatant attractiveness.

For females, the amount of times you get hit on per week should be an indication.

For males, the amount of times you don't get rejected per year should be an indication.

Again these are imperfect measurements.


If I have other ideas, I'll post them later.

How can you make yourself more attractive, naturally?

I can only speak for males on this question.

Workout especially lifting weights, eat healthier, groom yourself and maybe grow a beard, dress relatively more fashionable. Another thing is to practice standing up straight. Having good posture definitely helps from what I've noticed.

Practice being comfortable when talking with anyone. How comfortable you are talking with the everyday person, gradually helps you become comfortable talking with a person you find attractive. Comfortable conversations equals confidence.

What are your physical attributes?
Tan skin and broad shoulders. I also have huge eyes w/ double eyelids (a big thing in the Asian Community).

Have you noticed something that you did, that was favorable, in attracting your desired demographic?
Yes, I'm not desperate for their attention. And I'm not afraid to be rejected.

I have no shame in showing off my quirks and habits, and because of this I'm able to be more relaxed around people I don't know very well. And consequently, when there's a girl out there I'm attracted to, in the right environment, it helps that I don't get weird around her. And it becomes apparent that I stand out because of it.

I then get her attention and if she likes the way I am, then I really don't have to do much except ask for her number and hopefully spend one-on-one time with her.
 

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This is a complex question, but I'm just going to give a basic answer: how often you're flirted with/approached by strangers. Of course, that can be confounded by other things, like how approachable you seem and how often you leave your house. But I can't think of many other measures that would give you a semi-accurate idea.

Tbh, I think judging your own attractiveness is too complicated. People can barely agree on the attractiveness of others, how are they supposed to determine it for themselves? Even in everyday conversations, there is ample disagreement due to everyone having different tastes. It's much easier to just accept that some people will think you're good-looking and others won't.
 

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Good for you. But sometimes there could be as positive reasons for that as negative ones. Your words sound exactly as something I could have posted, but in my case my reasons are not good... I'll explain below.
I have gone through an experience in the past with someone who married me on the basis of a list of 5 things her father told her to look for any man. It was a weird list because while I was too young to truly understand what it meant (and wrapped up in my infatuation to consider its impact on me), her list eventually turned me into a "slave-like" creature whose sole purpose to exist was to fulfill her whims and live up to her fantastical mythical creature she thought I was supposed to be on the basis of her own poor personality and upbringing. She probably matured after our break up as well. So I'm glad that she's happy now. But we weren't happy together.

One of the things that I "passed" on her list of superficial nonsense was that I was handsome. The other shit was "well educated", "high income earner" ... and a couple of other things I forgot.

I wanted someone who was capable of love. For me it was that simple. She couldn't even live up to that :laughing: but I apparently was just someone who fulfilled her stupid "requirements" so that was supposedly good enough... "Marry him now, change him later". A lot of women do this (especially in my desi culture). But they don't realize that it's because they are incapable of loving someone and instead fall in love with their list.

It's not an experience I will ever want to repeat and given what happened in that relationship, I decided right here on PerC and categorically stated that I was much more willing to live my life alone than live it being a slave for some random woman's fantasies.

I was lucky that I found someone where we are a partnership based on loving each other for who we are. It is possible, but it's not likely for everyone to find such a relationship so I'm always appreciative of what I have now. Being loved by someone unconditionally is an incredible feeling - but given how many break ups and divorces happen, I don't think it's possible for everyone to find it.
 

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I think how other people respond to you would be the biggest indicator. I don't mean through words, but rather how they look at you when they don't know you're noticing.
That's so true. Culture too!!!! sometimes things are not what they seem. As I explained I have my good friend and sidekick and we've been talking about this a lot, she is confused just like me because at least in the country we live, several women show interest, act interested, look at me (or other guys) in direct ways, and sometime quite "aggressive" but... when we cross paths many of them change their face into what gringos call "resting bitch face" or what we call "badly fucked". We guess it's due to physical reactions, I mean, some men are attractive to their eyes but not as tall as me or others like me, sometimes at the distance the feeling and impact is A but being next to each other can be quite intimidating.

We GUESS that's what happens sometimes, and I kind of understand it, I'm 1.90 mts but sometimes I feel attracted to X woman who is tall, that's fine but when she is next to me I kinda feel body reactions because in close distance she looks quite big, taller than I thought.
 
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