Sounds like things I've experienced, word by word. In my case I didn't get married. I understand what you say, things could sound "so sweet" but there are times when the angle, the words, everything sounds like "you are a great tool, or rug for me to stand on it", it's not an easy topic to discuss, it is but it takes several words to delimit the meanings.I have gone through an experience in the past with someone who married me on the basis of a list of 5 things her father told her to look for any man. It was a weird list because while I was too young to truly understand what it meant (and wrapped up in my infatuation to consider its impact on me), her list eventually turned me into a "slave-like" creature whose sole purpose to exist was to fulfill her whims and live up to her fantastical mythical creature she thought I was supposed to be on the basis of her own poor personality and upbringing. She probably matured after our break up as well. So I'm glad that she's happy now. But we weren't happy together.
One of the things that I "passed" on her list of superficial nonsense was that I was handsome. The other shit was "well educated", "high income earner" ... and a couple of other things I forgot.
I wanted someone who was capable of love. For me it was that simple. She couldn't even live up to that :laughing: but I apparently was just someone who fulfilled her stupid "requirements" so that was supposedly good enough... "Marry him now, change him later". A lot of women do this (especially in my desi culture). But they don't realize that it's because they are incapable of loving someone and instead fall in love with their list.
It's not an experience I will ever want to repeat and given what happened in that relationship, I decided right here on PerC and categorically stated that I was much more willing to live my life alone than live it being a slave for some random woman's fantasies.
I was lucky that I found someone where we are a partnership based on loving each other for who we are. It is possible, but it's not likely for everyone to find such a relationship so I'm always appreciative of what I have now. Being loved by someone unconditionally is an incredible feeling - but given how many break ups and divorces happen, I don't think it's possible for everyone to find it.
Great post, I don't think you are fully aware the many threads you could copy and paste your words and it would be a direct hit, I've been mentioning on several threads how a lot of people don't realize they are following their parents path, or acting on their reflection and not their own (related to the term marrying their list), it's sad how many people in this world can't see the real person. I'm glad you found that great companionship, that great partnership. I have some other things to say but it's late and this is quite valuable as it is,.