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this is what I've been just been asked by my INFJ mother.

She wanted my advice because she can see that I don't care too much about what people think about me and she would like to be able to do the same in this period of her life.

But I didn't know what to answer.
It is simply natural for me.

Well, I care about what people I love/like think about me but they are SO few, and I usually know that they love me for what I am, so it is not a problem.

About the other people it is just that I don't even think about what they can think about me.
I don't care at all.
Maybe it just that I think to be better than them and so I don't need their approval, or that their thoughts don't affect me so I don't care.
Or maybe I simply don't care about others and it doesn't come to my mind that they could care about me.

But I really don't know how I can teach it to somebody else or which advice I can give to her.
It is like someone would ask me "teach me how to have green eyes"

I guess most of you are the same as me, do you have any kind of advice?
 

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It's easy. Thinkers care about objective or logical judgement, not about emotional one.
We are quite used to other people superstitions, superficial judgements and we know that truth is not determined by public vote.

Because for feelers it's more about "relating to" it's harder to dismiss (like for us it is harder to dismiss facts).
If you want to give her advice, I would say following:
- Changing someone's bias is not easy
- Would caring about someone's judgement improve something in your life?
- Do that judgement impact your life enough to even justificate all the attention?
- Finally - people ultimately care about themselves more and quick superficial judgements of others are often just coping mechanisms for their own failure
 

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It's kinda funny how much other types care about other peoples opinions.

The only people I want to think good of me are my friends. But my ESFJ mother and ESTJ father constantly freak out when I act weird in public.

Funny example: After I had been on a date with a really cute girl (later to be my girlfriend, now ex) when I said goodnight to her outside her house she kissed me passionately before I left. This put me in such a freaking good mood I decided to dance and sing aloud all the way home (something I usually only do when I'm alone). When I got home my mother asked my why I was out of breath. So when I told her that I danced the entire way home she freaked out about me embarrassing myself.

I didn't give a single fuck. I had an epic moment of success after my date and I wanted to spend all the energy I got from it.
 

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It probably helps that most of the time, I'm not really aware of how other people feel about me unless they say it to my face. Though, I guess that only helps on the 'social anxiety' issue of worrying that people are whispering about you behind your back. Honestly, though, I really don't care what people think unless there's tangible consequences to it. (If I anger someone big and potentially violent, displease the person paying my salary, etc). I'm not sure how to explain 'not caring' to someone who does, though, other than why it isn't important. But, I've found that doesn't seem to help, really.
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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Put it into a perspective even she would understand...

the world has 7 billion people. 99% of the people will not care what happens to her. @ 1%, that leaves roughly 70,000,000 who would care to judge her. of the 1% of that 1%, 700,000 would not judge her.

At this point, does it even matter? If yes, she has emotional issues to overcome. If no, keep calm and carry on.
 

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I think that if it is not 'innate' trait to someone or reached through critical thinking, it can be reached through developing one's sense of condescension.

The degree of condescension must progressively elevate as it is being stressed.

(I think it is impossible to literally not care, thus, let us assume that "not caring" implies a relatively low degree of care)

My example implies a certain amount of assumptions, thus, it's more "general" than individual.

Ex:

You're the king of a nation.

It is likely that you won't care if a highly-unrelated bandit says; "You are a terrible king, you deserve to die."

Through a degree of condescension, you can filter his comment through multiple routes;

1. He is not biologically related to you. (Bias towards one's own family)
2. He is not of the same race. (Bias towards one's own race)
3. He does not possess the same hair color. (Bias towards one's own hair color)
4. He is not of the same height as you (or a height that is admired). (Bias towards one's physique)
5. He is not your friend. (Bias due to friendship)
6. You consider him to be morally inferior because he has committed an offense. (Moral authority)
7. He is a peasant. (Socioeconomic status)

These are all reasons to not care about what he said, because you place yourself in a position of authority, a position where he is but a mere low-class-felon-peasant that is not related to you, etc.

Basically, the more you admire someone/seek their validation, the more you will care, thus, a tactic to prevent oneself from caring, is to elevate one's own self-perception in order to diminish the importance others have.

Thus, if you are met with a king just as mighty as you, your degree of condescension will be forced to elevate, until you eventually reach "God-like" status.

Of course, this tactic can cause a multitude of issues with social interactions and so on, as well as having a severe 'blacklash' if it is ever dismissed. ("The higher they are, the harder they fall" would be an appropriate saying in this case, just like going from seeing oneself as a God to seeing oneself as a 'mere equal', living in luxury for a long period of time, then suffering poverty. *If it is not progressively reasoned)


I highly doubt one would want to utilize the method provided in the spoiler above.

Thus, I would advise you to reason with her about how everyone has an opinion/subjectivity, etc.
The "You can't please everyone" type of reasoning.
 

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I'd just ask her how she manages to care if people judge her? Aside from her own internal reaction, which only she should be able to control, what else will change in her life? If X says they don't like your decision, what actually happens to you? Unless you are going to spontaneously combust, or everything you hold dear is suddenly going to disappear, there isn't a reason to take someone else's judgement of you personally.
 
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