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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
HI even though I’m new to PC I’m hoping you guys are kind enough to help me with my burning question: How can you tell if an ENFP like you in a romantic way or at least fancies you? I am so confused!

Ok so the situation is this. I moved from my house to a house share about 6 moths ago. The landlord lives there to he’s 3-4 years older than me. He’s and ENFP and I’m an INFJ and we get on insanely well. We have loads in common, general stuff…. food music, hobbies, interest. We are matched in our intelligence, creativity and sense of humour, we have the same laid-back attitude, and we always seem to come to the same conclusions on things. He is so playful and I love it. If were not laughing our socks of at each others jokes, were debating, teaching the other something, playfully bickering, cooking for each other, helping each other out with advise or just listening to what the other has to say. We seem to get into a playful zone where the other housemates are pretty astounded because they have no idea what we are going on about! We look at each other constantly and I can often tell what he’s thinking or going to say next.
We seem to be forming a very solid partnership the daily running or the house are done via our behind the scenes partnership

We once had a misunderstanding where we upset each other a little bit; the way we fix it was smooth, efficient, fair and reasonable. He does seem to understand my strange INFJ mind workings or at least he tries! (Wow F-ing wow)
So I like him, considering relationships past that have got to pot, this could be a potential winner! I’m not fizzing with desire because I vowed never to go down the unrequited love rout again, but if potentially the attraction is not unrequited then I’m going for it. If not then im glad to have a great friend and remain unaffected.
Ok potential evidence for (I think)
He has a pet name for his favourite people, I have that name plus he says I am an A* one!
Hes always pleased to see me, if he had a tail it would be wagging like mad
He consults me on a lot of decisions
The strange hug moment we had only known each other for a couple of days.
He’s told me he thinks im very attractive, and intelligent and funny he does try to touch me (but I instinctively pull away a bit)
I get lots xxx on my messages from him, (I think lots of girls do)
He’s likes me to meet and interact with his friends, he evicted this girl at home who made me cry. Hes very strange with me when he’s drunk.
He looks at me a lot and there have been a couple of Freudian slips on his part.
He seem impressed with my general kindness and willingness to help things run smoothly for our house and all that live there. he comments on it, he notices what i do and others dont
Against + complications
He seems interested in loads of girls, he’s a charmer and he’s always going on dates!
He’s in his early 30s and has only ever had 2 relationships that didn’t last long, he’s so set in his bachelor ways maybe he would notice a woman that screams ‘potential winner’ even if she lived with him!! The girls he likes aren’t like me at all. They are very attractive cool party girls. He seems to be very flirty with everyone. He cant get his hair cut without asking the pretty hairdresser on a date, so why not me?
He seems more interested in the way girls look than their personality so maybe the fact that we click means nothing to him.

Im so confused as to whether Im getting clues or not that I keep shelling up. The way he is I would expect that he woud be very forward and clear if liked me in that way but maybe not? I don’t know what the ENFP signs are?
Sorry that was so long. Any thought would very appreciate. x x
 

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I'm not sure about the exact living arrangements but my take on the situation is that he is the owner of the house and he has various room-mates that live with him. If I was the ENFP in that situation I would like to see that there is harmony in the household and I would not get personally or intimately involved with my housemates. He might be the first ENFP guy that you have been close to so you are surprised about how well you click. Being room-mates, you spend alot of time hanging out, making group meals together...this leads to alot of potential emotional intimacy.

My guess is that he finds you interesting and intriguing but he probably doesn't see you in the relationship rhealm since you have a primary financial relationship in that you are his housemate and paying him rent.

I don't want to discourage you but I'm thinking there is probably low potential for a relationship. If you moved out and wanted to continue with the friendship to see if it blooms into a relationship then there might be potential in that.
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
well my rents cheaper than it should be!!! Im not such a good business opertuninty!
I guess that goes along the lines of if he really liked me he would come out with it. the thing is im so confused!!!
True he is the first ENFP Iv ever met, and i like the friendship, infact he is the first NF Iv ever met. Im the first INFJ hes ever met to.
The living arragneent is we are all very good friends and his little sister who is also my friend lives there to. (5 of us)we all socialise outside the house also. I guess im thinking in that situation if I really clicked with someone it wouldnt matter that they rented a room from me. i would see it as good thing since relationships often fall apart when comes to living togther.
I have to add that he never gets beyond 3 dates with thease girls, because they have nothing in common, and he knows this.
he does it for fun and compliments! I kinda feel a little bit silly for thinking he might fancy me when he's just being nice...

he tells me he really likes me all the time, but i dont know what that means. he doesnt actually need to say it. I say it if i fancy someone. thanks for you reply it was a good point. still confused and gethering eveidence :wink:
 

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Hes always pleased to see me, if he had a tail it would be wagging like mad
He’s told me he thinks im very attractive, and intelligent and funny he does try to touch me (but I instinctively pull away a bit)
These two things tell me he's interested.

I have a very, very close friend who is an ENFP. I know alot about how he "thinks" in respect to girls, flirting, crushes and the like. I can share a bit about what I know at least...

He can come across ultra flirtatious. Unintentionally, even. He loves to have fun and joke around - open up completely - and alot of girls interpret this as "ooh he likes me"...so they poke fun back, get all flirty too, and IF he recognises this, he can either choose to take it further or just keep teasing, now knowing full well. But chances are it was initially accidental on his behalf.

But then there's his genuine flirting. Which is almost indistinguishable. Except he'll tell you that you're attractive from the start.

His choice in women might seem a bit shallow...because he's attracted to attractiveness, and will probably want to date a girl JUST for that. Personality is really not even thought of. He tires of the same thing pretty easily (think ADHD, its just how he is) so if he's not seriously and officially dating the girl, he'll just move on. The biggest internal conflict he has is between his eyes, and his heart - the former can win out alot, to his detriment. He knows, in the back of his mind, that personality is very important...."but omg I don't care look how hot she is!!!"

However...ONCE a relationship develops he takes personality very, very seriously - and it turns out he's an incredibly deep guy, even if it didn't seem so on the surface.

So imo, I think the guy is interested in you, AS WELL as alot of other chics too. They're just not good at making up their minds. But once they do start dating, don't expect anything but total loyalty. They love stability, even if they have trouble making that happen for themselves.
 

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A show of extreme respect from ENFP, at the very least, shows that he likes you as a potential good friend.

As for whether or not he likes you, that's the most counter-intuitive idea with ENFPs (for me, at least):

If he's around you just as much, or more, but seems less social, he probably likes you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
thank you. well I know he's not shallow, but the pretty girl 'oh look another shiny pretty girl' thing is anoying. He tells me Im attravtive and he has done from the start, and whats very sweet was when i was upset and low on confidence i was crying on the phone and confessed i dont think any guy will ever want me he nearly had fit!!!! but then again of corse he cares hes a mate.
its very difficult to tell if hes flirting properly or not. It driving me abit insane and im on the verg of backing off the friendship. I myself am playfull but not flirty. I cannot flirt, I will however I will suduce pretty fast once i have the green light. we spend a lot of time togther, he doesnt even want to go down the shop with out me sometimes. Also hopefully Im not a total back end of a bus to look at. well i hope! may be me backing off is making him think i dont like him? Im stuck on this one. really if he doesnt fancy me and hes not flirty then i find the friendhip to inteanse and want to shell up, if he does then i will do the oposite and have more fun and open up
 

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thank you. well I know he's not shallow, but the pretty girl 'oh look another shiny pretty girl' thing is anoying. He tells me Im attravtive and he has done from the start, and whats very sweet was when i was upset and low on confidence i was crying on the phone and confessed i dont think any guy will ever want me he nearly had fit!!!! but then again of corse he cares hes a mate.
its very difficult to tell if hes flirting properly or not. It driving me abit insane and im on the verg of backing off the friendship. I myself am playfull but not flirty. I cannot flirt, I will however I will suduce pretty fast once i have the green light. we spend a lot of time togther, he doesnt even want to go down the shop with out me sometimes. Also hopefully Im not a total back end of a bus to look at. well i hope! may be me backing off is making him think i dont like him? Im stuck on this one. really if he doesnt fancy me and hes not flirty then i find the friendhip to inteanse and want to shell up, if he does then i will do the oposite and have more fun and open up
I dunno, maybe the ENFPs can help me out on this one, but why not ask the guy out to a serious venue (like a dinner or something).

Wouldn't that clear the waters pretty quickly as to whether or not he's serious?
 

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I dunno, maybe the ENFPs can help me out on this one, but why not ask the guy out to a serious venue (like a dinner or something).

Wouldn't that clear the waters pretty quickly as to whether or not he's serious?
He'll go either way, but he'll be pretty ecstatic if he's into her.
 

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'Accidentally' touch his junk and watch his reaction. Prepare to either apologize profusely or receive reciprocation. Either way you'll know where you stand.

Not comfortable with that? Hard to know with us ENFP, many of us give fewer overt signals to women we are interested in.

I'm not much help here, sorry and good luck.
 

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Based on my limiyed experiences with ENFPs, the minute he realizes he likes you, he'll clam up. I say keep having fun just as you are and if you notice him being a little quieter (not avoiding) then you'll know and you can decide whether you'll want to address it or not.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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'Accidentally' touch his junk and watch his reaction. Prepare to either apologize profusely or receive reciprocation. Either way you'll know where you stand.
Lmao rofpmsl!!

Sea cucumber, you sound like a lovely, sweet girl to me, far too good for the likes of his shallow self. But I understand your turmoil, especially if you think you could have a future with him.

I think the fact that he is an E, and male too, means it's up to him to make the move. He's more than capable of doing that, and you have made your attraction for him clear enough. You are the receptive introvert, your strengths lie in other areas, not in initiation, if that makes sense? And you have been hurt by unrequited love in the past so you definitely don't want, nor deserve, to go down that dangerous path again.

Please keep us posted of proceedings in any case! I hope he does make a move of his own accord, sooner rather than later.
 

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I think the fact that he is an E, and male too, means it's up to him to make the move. He's more than capable of doing that, and you have made your attraction for him clear enough. You are the receptive introvert, your strengths lie in other areas, not in initiation, if that makes sense? And you have been hurt by unrequited love in the past so you definitely don't want, nor deserve, to go down that dangerous path again.
Hey, introverts, you shouldn't sell yourselves short like that! You guys are amazing and you're capable of everything extroverts are. Maybe it's scary to be the initiator when it comes to these types of situations, but isn't it also empowering? If you're passive and wait for others to respond to hints they may or may not be understanding, you're handing all the control of the situation to them and you're stuck waiting and feeling unhappy. If you don't try, you'll never know what could have been...do you want to end up wondering about it later?

On the subject of finding out if an ENFP likes you...well, that is tricky. Personally, when I like someone, I become a lot more shy, as I've started to worry about what I say and second guessing my thoughts before I share them. I'm unlikely to flirt or make my feelings known until I've started to think the other person is open to it. I "clam up" as others have mentioned as well. It's nerves, I guess. :tongue: A more mature ENFP may not have that problem and may still act like their normal self.

If he wants to talk to you and spend time with you more than others, gives you his full attention, and shares things that are close to his heart, those are good signs. I think this guy is unsure of your feelings or how you might react if he were to ask you out, and because of that, he's reluctant.
 

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Hey, introverts, you shouldn't sell yourselves short like that! You guys are amazing and you're capable of everything extroverts are. Maybe it's scary to be the initiator when it comes to these types of situations, but isn't it also empowering?
On behalf of introverts everywhere, I thank you! :happy:

Yes we are capable of initiating, but if it goes wrong and the feelings are not returned - it can hurt us far more deeply than an extravert, and we would have a harder time recovering from it, moving on etc. That is why I think the extravert should take the risk as it comes more naturally to them anyway. If we introverts convey an attraction and give off the impression that we would never hurt you for making your feelings known to us - then that's our job done and the rest is up to you!
 

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If you don't try, you'll never know what could have been...do you want to end up wondering about it later?
Exactly. The threat of a sting on the ego is a small price to pay for piece of mind... or a shot at one of the better MBTI romances :wink:
 

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'Accidentally' touch his junk and watch his reaction. Prepare to either apologize profusely or receive reciprocation. Either way you'll know where you stand.
Hahahahahahaha
 

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I'm not sure about the exact living arrangements but my take on the situation is that he is the owner of the house and he has various room-mates that live with him. If I was the ENFP in that situation I would like to see that there is harmony in the household and I would not get personally or intimately involved with my housemates. He might be the first ENFP guy that you have been close to so you are surprised about how well you click. Being room-mates, you spend alot of time hanging out, making group meals together...this leads to alot of potential emotional intimacy.

My guess is that he finds you interesting and intriguing but he probably doesn't see you in the relationship rhealm since you have a primary financial relationship in that you are his housemate and paying him rent.

I don't want to discourage you but I'm thinking there is probably low potential for a relationship. If you moved out and wanted to continue with the friendship to see if it blooms into a relationship then there might be potential in that.
Ooooh, Damascus is really, really good. This is so true. I have such an incredible boundary when it comes to things like this. I won't date any of my male students, even if they are older than me. I just can't. They automatically go into a different bin in my mind. It's the "off limits". My feelings don't even start to happen because I file them there first. Plus, it is a loss of income for me if I were to date one of my students. Being someone's landlord, I'd be even 10 times more strict. It might not be that hard to replace a student I see every week, but my god to find a housemate I trust? That is really hard.

Also, I can tell you forever that I go shy when I like someone. But the reality is: you just really can't tell if an ENFP likes you. Unfortunately, you're just going to have to ask. We're awful. I admit.

And I'm sorry people. Introverts do not get special privileges when it comes to backing out of approaching a person. INTJs always approached me and so have INFJs. I wouldn't have known they existed if they hadn't. If they like someone enough, they will do it.

Also, it hurts extroverts just as much to be rejected. Just because we can be loud mouths that appear to get along with everybody, it doesn't mean we can't be absolutely crushed by rejection. Intimacy is intimacy. It can be scary for all.
 

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Hm...that's a tough one.

Generally speaking, I think if a man likes you he will hit on you; however, the fact that ENFPs are the most introverted extroverts means that they could be a little shy and quite careful if they really like someone. They don't want to be rejected, of course (who does?) but I think it affects them quite deeply. Does it affect them as much as say an INFJ or INFP though? I wouldn't think so -- we seem to be the types to take this sort of thing closest to the heart.

I would recommend saying nothing, be patient and give him more time. Wait for the opportunity to present itself. In the mean time...enjoy the sexual tension!
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Ha ha you guys coming the rescue I feel special! Great comments and food for thought you guys! The case for Business vs pleasure is interesting but I don’t feel its an issue for the ENFP, more a complication. However dating s student would be morally wrong and I wouldn’t do it either.
I’m going to keep you posted on my carefully recorded proceedings. As two mature adults we seem to be embarking on the biggest ‘will we won’t we, WTF occurring’ song and dance in the history INFJ and ENFP! (If only I could make it into a TV show) Though please post your stories too…..becuse may be this happens a lot.
1. Ok so every body hurts when they make a move that’s rejected. For the INFJ (well me anyway) this rejection will become another brick in the wall of self preservation, the pain is internalised sorted stored and will remain forever an action never to be repeated. Good on the brave souls I and E who go for it, I’m a total chicken an I already have to many bricks I’m like the great wall of china.
My Idea is a series of experiments… this a good idea but not very subtle!
EXP result
Me Wearing a crisp white mans shirt, he calls out to see if I’m in, I come down stairs (hair messy, shirt not done up properly and sexy pants on) I greet him,
REACTION, smile=big eyebrows=raised language= um um genitals =status unknown
RESPONSE him ‘how was your day?’ me ‘lazy and hungerover but I’m fine now’
Him ‘the wedding was good ummmm I need a shower’ I scamper of upstairs.

LATEST OBSERVATION -the strange conversation
At housemates and friends meal last night, it was a surprise birthday thing and I had no idea it was happening. I came in from work clearly tired and red eyes and teary after a shitty day. Ran to room for a wallow and a mini crying sesh. He calls up to see if I’m ok, I clearly lie and say im fine when im not as want to be left alone.
He calls up to tell me were going for a meal. I’m surprised, feel shitty but don’t want to let my friend down so I go anyway.

He’s gentle (as apposed to hyperactive, loud and funny) with his conversation asking about my day, but not asking what’s wrong. During the meal he’s entaining and attentive to me as usual although im a little quiet.
Later on, post meal drinks (sitting together and chatting as normal). He leans in, again with this gentle side thing “you really perked up, I’m impressed (pet name) I know this thing was short notice, you didn’t know you would have to go out did you, this was hard for you’ me smiles ‘no but I’m capable of many things, we had such great a time I wouldn’t want to miss it’ me smiles walls up, goes to bar for a cocktail. this I think is kindness nothing more, but from my point of view quite an intimate poke, was he trying to get me to open up? does attraction make you care more about the friend? I care a lot for my friends but i respect they dont want to open up all the time i wil let them come to me....I beleive this was quite a big poke at me from him.
Now I do think he a noticed I’m delicate and need a gentle approach sometimes, I think he may have been trying to find out why I was upset?
the strange conersation
during the meal:
him ‘did you like the girl that came to see the other room, I might marry her I thought she really nice and quite attractive’
(she’s not the normal type he goes for, she’s a total nerd)

Ok so I hate to judge people on their looks because i would hate it to be done to me I think its cruel, but for understanding perpouses i will do it. ok so hair, dry and mousy, eyes expresive and gentle, smile, really nice and friendly, general face heavy set reaminded me ~Ouch!...of a cave woman..hands rough and manly, dress plain, figure short stocky and on the chunky/manly side. OMG I now feel pretty awafull please forgive me :sad:

the convo carries on
me ‘she was sweet, really nice, a bit quiet for our house though, she had a nice friendly smile’ his sister (ESFJ) ‘yeah she was nice enough I’m not sorry she’s not moving though’ him ‘yeah but do you think she’s attractive?’
sister ‘dude no she is not!, why do you want to date her? she’s not funny, she’s not pretty, she not clever she didn’t fit in’ (tell it like is ESFJ!!! Fit in of F off!!) :crazy:
Friend ‘she’s really nice I did like her and she's ok attractive, but she didn’t fit in she felt uncomfortable when she met us’
him ‘did she?, I thought she did well, just because she’s a bit quiet and were a raucous bunch’
me (and my mind reading powers) ‘she felt uncomfortable the whole time, you in particular didn’t pay her enough attention, because she’ didn’t maintain your attention and was just in the background, she thought your jokes were to rude, im a, massive introvert and I would have kept up and my jokes would have probably kicked your ass, she struggled with the whole experience, I felt her dying poor thing!’
friend ‘I totally agree with sea cumber, especially the bit about kicking your ass, but yeah she had a hard time with meeting us, she was uncomfortable’ him stares intensively at me, gives sister an evil, sticks fingers up at friend and shuts up about the whole thing. about 2 seconds later he was fine we all had a great night
Thank you for reading and dissect if you will…any suggestion on experiments preferably ones that don’t involve me sexual harassing anyone!

next observation will be i think from his friends house party on saterday... theres going to be pleanty pf pretty shiny girls there!:wink:
thank you for reading I know anoying long.....
 

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I know that with enfp's you have to look past the cool exterior and see inside us. If you can make him relax and spill the beans on the way you feel if he's an enfp he'll either make good excuses and feel uncomfortable or if he likes you he'll shut up for just too long and say something like 'well....':happy:
 
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