Personality Cafe banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
584 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Ok... if you were dating someone long distance and after a year of knowing them they still did not tell you their last name, their hometown or let you take any photos with them, would you assume they were deceiving you?

Now an added factor: You met this person off a BDSM site. They lied once before about not having experience in BDSM when in fact they did.

Does the extreme privacy sound like a personality thing... or like a sign of deception?

At what point would you stop trusting the person?
 

·
私を愛して
ESTJ; LSE; 3w4; Sp/Sx
Joined
·
14,683 Posts
Depends how much this annoys you.
I wouldn't think this is strictly in the pursuit of deception, I think insecurity is the primary motivation; which leads to the act of deception.
For me, I wouldn't date a person if they were secretive about their name and unable to tell me where they lived.
 

·
Registered
INTJ 583 sx/sp
Joined
·
456 Posts
You really caught me off-guard with that BDSM-part.

Yeah, people who date online have proper emotional issues. That's why they're dating online. Period.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
584 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Yeah I mentioned the BDSM part because it explains more of the motive for being secretive. Not wanting to be found out.. but still. I could post this question on a BDSM website for advice... but the person in question follows me account on those kinds of websites. Maybe I should make a anonymous account to ask the question.
 

·
Registered
entj 835 sx/sp
Joined
·
99 Posts
If you've been dating them for a year, you should feel comfortable talking to them, right? So just ask them. Say you'd like to know those things about them and do they feel uncomfortable telling you. If so, why? Open the conversation up for honesty. If they still deflect or obscure things, they're not investing effort into you, and I'd move on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
549 Posts
Sheee-it. I assume someone is bullshitting if they won't Skype me after ten minutes. If they will only talk to you on one particular social media site or on one particular app, s/he is a scam, PERIOD. If s/he won't tell you personal details after a month of talking, s/he is a scam or MARRIED. Let it go, move on, and find someone else.

How to tell if someone is deceiving you: S/he is talking and/or typing. Everyone lies, it's just a matter of degree and on what topics.
 

·
Registered
♂️ INFJ 5w4 // IEI-Ni
Joined
·
2,943 Posts
Dating even a month and they wouldn't do that basic stuff would make me think they're lying or don't trust me and so I wouldn't really want to continue with them.
I wouldn't really get into that position though because I'd only date someone upon having a strong certainty they're genuine. i.e. we've been good friends for a while.

Yeah, people who date online have proper emotional issues. That's why they're dating online. Period.
I date online because there's no one in my small town I want to date. More easier to find compatible people online. Plus I find what's foreign to me more intriguing.
 

·
Administrator
INTP
Joined
·
11,692 Posts
They've got something to hide. If you've met them in person and they won't tell you their full name, they're probably married or similar. They're certainly not seriously pursuing a relationship with you
 

·
Registered
INFJ
Joined
·
26 Posts
Since we are in a MBTI subforum... Any idea of dominating function? Sensor or intuitive?
Being in a fun non-committing relationship happens to anyone, but...
As a Ni dominant, I see how going to the oppside, extrovert Senses, might give strange results, including such one. I almost could see a unhealthy 20 year old me do that... What kind of person is it?
 

·
Beer Guardian
PerC Host, ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE
Joined
·
15,031 Posts
Ok... if you were dating someone long distance and after a year of knowing them they still did not tell you their last name, their hometown or let you take any photos with them, would you assume they were deceiving you?

Now an added factor: You met this person off a BDSM site. They lied once before about not having experience in BDSM when in fact they did.

Does the extreme privacy sound like a personality thing... or like a sign of deception?

At what point would you stop trusting the person?
What made you trust them in the first place? The rest depends on how long you are willing to let this go on. Is this going anywhere, or is it being kept in a "holding pattern" for a reason?
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top