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Discussion Starter #1
I understand that it is an INFJ habit to often take on the personality of others, but how often do you find yourself actively trying to absorb a personality? and how far is enough? not for empathy reasons... perhaps you just find that it benefits you in other ways?

This is open to all personality types that wish to answer, and ill be sure to elaborate in my personal example.

It has always been very awkward for me to fit in enough with a group of people to the point where I feel comfortable enough to contribute to the conversation, so sometimes I think i get jealous of the most liked or most "popular" individual in the group, and I start to be more like them.
This might be okay for a short amount of time, but I often find myself carrying this out for weeks whenever im around others, until I find someone better to resemble. Sometimes i get so comfortable in this persona that my closest friends make a remark on how ive changed, and even get worried about my well-being.

I didnt think much of it at first, but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I almost forget myself sometimes, and when I am alone I feel almost lost because I dont know what to do with myself. even though theres no need for me to continue this when im not surrounded by people, it is as if I continue to reject myself and thus get stuck in this limbo of emptiness. I suddenly dont take interests in the things I usually enjoy doing, or anything at all. I dont care to take part in my usual hobbies...

is this okay? What i mean to ask is, is it healthy? And does anyone experience something similar?
 

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I don't really do this consciously, everyone I interact with tends to slip into me to a small extent so I can interact with them easily, I don't enjoy myself with anything once I've adopted too much of any personality inside of me.

After having a full day out Saturday with having interacted with at least 20 different people in smaller groups, I couldn't 'think' at all without having more than 10 voices in my head clambering over each other, it was like the voices yelling over each other at a small party @[email protected], it was complete chaos in there trying to throw them out of my head and even today there are fewer but some of the 'other' voices are still stronger than my own in that I hear them loudly.

I think in relating with others, empathising with them and trying to interact with them 'naturally' I adopt parts of them and create an internal image of the person so I can adequately interact with them, I don't really do it out of jealousy but out of comfort, forcefully pushing back against 'personalities' take energy and without anything going 'in' me I find it very hard to talk to people I'm not used to.

A lot of the INFJs I know become temporary recluses for hours, days, weeks and months after being around people too long. I do it as well, keeping social contact to a minimum as a means to 'recover' from that multi-personality state.

I was probably more or less what you were describing about a year and a half ago but I found that forcefully maintaining 'myself', even if that might be somewhat stubborn, seen as arrogant or whatever people might want to think is far more healthy for me and often those around me.. since I can't well control myself when I'm effectively not myself, I don't even trust anything I say.

I don't think it's really all that healthy considering you become ungrounded in that state, disconcerted and confused about everything, mostly with yourself. The emptiness is a horrific state to be in, it's lost, sad, longing and painful.

So I always try to do what is important to me and be assertive about it when I can, not what is easiest and creates the least conflict.

I only try absorb maybe 5% of a persons personality nowadays so I can at least continue conversation with them, sometimes I don't need to take on any at all, and other times it's safe to absorb far more because how they're behaving is just another reflection of a part of me that I like, which also has to be a healthy expression.
 

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On a scale of 1-10? I'm about a 9.8 in terms of being comfortable with myself. I don't necessarily take on peoples personalties via mimicry. However, I will subconsciously and consciously mirror some of their body language and their non verbal cues that they give off. Sometimes my eyes will sway or dart for a split second to an area where a person has moved a part of their body and I will quickly evaluate what's it is a potential sign of, and then make a movement of my own in response for whatever it is best for the scenario. In terms of verbal communication I usually craft which words I use depending on the people i'm talking to, how I've been introduced to them if it's a new person i'm conversing with, my cadence, my tone and which words I emphasize.

In other words I'm not taking on their personality as much as managing my interaction style using social tools in my toolbox to foster a good interaction. None of these things I do are necessarily performance as much as it is presenting different parts of myself to others. I like to think of myself as a many differently colored Rubix cube who presents any one side of itself at one time. Sometimes a person will see all one color, other times they'll see different colors put together in a fancy pattern.

I will say however that there was a brief patch of time when I was a teenager who mimicked the personality of people around me. Although that didn't last too long, thankfully.

In terms of being able to relate to others, that's a entirely separate and intense topic. Specifically what @zKyuu touched upon is the need to be away from people after being around others all day. I don't know how it is for other INFJ's but I feel like I'am constantly "on" in the sense that if there's anybody around me I can't help but take in info about them and get a sense of where they're at emotionally or mentally. There is no off switch for me when it comes being around other people and soaking in whatever it is that they're giving off. The only remedy for that is for me to be physically alone by myself for an adequate amount of time.
 

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I understand that it is an INFJ habit to often take on the personality of others, but how often do you find yourself actively trying to absorb a personality? and how far is enough? not for empathy reasons... perhaps you just find that it benefits you in other ways?

This is open to all personality types that wish to answer, and ill be sure to elaborate in my personal example.

It has always been very awkward for me to fit in enough with a group of people to the point where I feel comfortable enough to contribute to the conversation, so sometimes I think i get jealous of the most liked or most "popular" individual in the group, and I start to be more like them.
This might be okay for a short amount of time, but I often find myself carrying this out for weeks whenever im around others, until I find someone better to resemble. Sometimes i get so comfortable in this persona that my closest friends make a remark on how ive changed, and even get worried about my well-being.

I didnt think much of it at first, but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I almost forget myself sometimes, and when I am alone I feel almost lost because I dont know what to do with myself. even though theres no need for me to continue this when im not surrounded by people, it is as if I continue to reject myself and thus get stuck in this limbo of emptiness. I suddenly dont take interests in the things I usually enjoy doing, or anything at all. I dont care to take part in my usual hobbies...

is this okay? What i mean to ask is, is it healthy? And does anyone experience something similar?
That is the nature of Fe and probably has to do with enneagram as well. Doing something like learning more about another person - as in studying their interests - to better connect with them isn't unhealthy. We also absorb a lot from the people around us without knowing it. Doing it consciously isn't good though. I know this because it's easy for Fe doms to fall into that trap. I have found it useful to get in touch with my Ti and Ne. Perhaps bringing out the inner ESTP can help?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
around people too long. I do it as well, keeping social contact to a minimum as a means to 'recover' from that multi-personality state.

I was probably more or less what you were describing about a year and a half ago but I found that forcefully maintaining 'myself', even if that might be somewhat stubborn, seen as arrogant or whatever people might want to think is far more healthy for me and often those around me.. since I can't well control myself when I'm effectively not myself, I don't even trust anything I say.
Can you please elaborate on how you manage to maintan yourself? ive been struggling with this for a while now, and at first i thought it would be just a phase but its been years and ive only gotten worse. sometimes i go into this state for months on end
 

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Discussion Starter #7
@Sinnistershell I think that where youre at currently is what im working to get to. You said that you did this more often as a teenager, so perhaps its just a phase for me as well (im still 18 :p) but there doesnt seem to be an end in sight, and so i thought it was time that i started actively working to stop it.

and @Blue Ribbon thank you for the advice! ive never really looked into the components of my personality and the different functions so I don't know as much as id like to, but ill be sure to give that a try!
 

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I never actively try and take on someone's qualities. But I can actively take on the qualities that I want to, in order to get me through a situation with ease. They don't come from other people though.
 

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I've noticed that the less I take on traits of others, the better off I will be. It leaves me free to be whatever I happen to be at any time. If I choose to imitate someone's behaviour, it's a choice, not a compulsion. Similar action, different motive.
 
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In recent years, more on the low end of comfortable.

If I'm doing something for someone, with someone, or as a favor or act of kindness of some kind, I'm full of energy about it and it's done in a matter of hours. :words:

If it is just me on my own time benefiting only myself, I could literally care less most times, and lots of small projects get delayed indefinitely. :ssad:

There is an old saying that people as a species are not meant to be alone and that enrichment comes from being involved with others.
I can agree with a lot of that in the way that everyday things become much less of a priority when it is just me with 62 hours of time on my hands on my days off.

I usually don't mind the burden of sharing the traits and feelings of others, except when they are a bundle of nerves and stress.
Under those conditions, I would actually choose the alone time. :laughing:
 
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I am pretty comfortable with myself. After a few years I actually like my personality even though it can feel lonely at times. I use some attributes that are not naturally mine to get me through situations, but I don't like changing myself for others. I had a very hard time figuring myself out with I was younger because I got so influenced by others and specially fictional characters. I almost lost the memory of who I was basically. This has made my persona stronger and more grounded. Now if I notice I am not fit for a situation personality wise I just watch from affar and gather as much helpful information to help when it is needed.
 

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I've become comfortable with myself but I also view myself as a work in progress in this regards. Maybe this is also because I gained a lot of self confidence in my self along sense I was young.
 

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i've tended to be comfortable with myself when I'm alone, it is when other people are involved that I start feeling really awkward. Or I used to. now, to be honest I'm very comfortable with myself at home or in the street or anywhere, I'm always the same. But the agony of socializing was legitimately painful for me before.
 

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I've always been comfortable with being me. Other people have/have had problems with me being me. But I'm good with it.

I think it's weird when other people take on someone else's personality.

Watched it play out at work several years ago. There was a 2nd shift employee, Brett (now a supervisor, but not at that time), that seemed to suck people into his orbit, in a manner of speaking. And once they were in his orbit... they started mimicking him. Picking up his sayings, strutting about like he would... just... behaving like him. Like he was their hero or something.

These are adults doing this, too. One of the stranger things I've ever seen, certainly. And they sorta became a... cult... in a way. You were an outsider on 2nd shift if you didn't adapt to this behavior.

I hadn't seen behavior like that since middle school, honestly. And if you'd confront one of the underlings on their aping behavior, they'd flip the fuck out on you and deny they were doing it.

The only think that broke up that little clique was that Brett went off to Afghanistan for a year and when he came back, his group had dispersed and new people had come in who didn't think he was as impressive as he thought he was. That ended that.
 

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I'm not sure, I feel like it fluctuates a lot. My sense of self is pretty shaky.

I like to call what I do 'filling the gap of who is needed/missing'. I don't have a stationary sense of being within a group or with people, except possibly a select few I'm very close to.

I remember when I was younger being jealous of everyone else because they were 'filled with colour'. They seemed like canvases with colour splashed all over while I was a completely blank one. They were 'solid' while I wasn't.

I never consciously try to mimic anyone. It's always subconscious and completely unintended. I also tend not to notice I'm doing it until after it's over or sometime in the middle. In that way, I do somehow 'absorb' who I'm with.

To refer back to 'filling the gap', I subconsciously become the talkative, more outgoing one if I'm with someone very quiet. Possibly Fe doing it's thing of trying to make the other more comfortable, usually by being easy-going and using humour. If I'm in a group (project) and we need a leader but no one steps up, I do it.

Or, I had a friend group before I moved, which was full of very quiet people. I ended up 'extraverting' myself much more than I was comfortable with, but didn't notice the strain until I was around a couple of other friends where I could just 'be calm/quiet'.

This quiet state is probably what I aim for, but I can't really be it around most people. It's always something internal pushing me to conform and rise or fall as appropriate. I'm static, all over the place. With the few I can manage to 'stay still', this static inside me curbs and calms. This is when I feel the most balanced and comfortable with myself.

As for how comfortable I am with myself in general? I really don't know. I strive to get to know myself, but I'm still as obscured in fog as ever.

I guess I generally don't have a problem being me; yes, for the majority of my life so far, I felt 'wrong' and like I shouldn't exist the way I do. But it's increasingly become more of an issue when I'm around people who promote that feeling and (unconsciously) try to get me to adhere to their standards.
 

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shameless, totally devoid of dignity and i consider anyone laughing at me to be a goal in the hole, so by conventional standards i suppose i'm pretty comfortable

huge improvement from when i was a little kid, when i thought other peoples' opinions mattered :cool:
 

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Can you please elaborate on how you manage to maintan yourself? ive been struggling with this for a while now, and at first i thought it would be just a phase but its been years and ive only gotten worse. sometimes i go into this state for months on end
It depends on your upbringing quite a lot, the kind of peer pressures, social and parental are the things you'll have to work around and against; they're the things that become subconscious 'urges' even when those things are no longer repeated to you years later. The only real way you can deal with them is to consciously make a choice to do the opposite of what you're inclined, even if just to see how things play out.

Some simpler things to do would be:

Clear your emotional to-do list so you don't have anything 'weighing' on you, the less you have on your back the easier it is to deal with what's in front of you. I think overall we're susceptible to social influence and it takes a very clear state of mind and heart to be able to keep up

Write, voice an opinion or feeling on your own behaviour or personalities you've adopted, the clearer the distinction between you and them, the closer you come to realising which parts inside are distinctly you and which of your actions aren't. Talk about it, write about it but make sure it comes out; anything left inside tends to stagnate heavily and as you said, it can take months to clear away. Even telling someone you don't feel quite 'yourself' or 'great' is enough to get started, you don't have to say anything in detail and anything you do say is more for yourself than anyone else to hear.

Some more time consuming ones:

Follow your values, where your own 'feelings' come from when you're in touch with them and get used to listening to them, hearing them, noticing them before you do anything and most of all, acting while in them.

Boundaries, the clearer they are, the less anyone will have any influence on you. The way I explain this is usually that if you respect the other person and respect yourself, you'd not allow them to encroach upon you and you wouldn't allow yourself to do the same to them. Every person is a clear individual and if someone tries to make otherwise, it's because they aren't happy with themselves and seek to pull everyone they can into their sphere of control.

Sense of self, what is 'you', what connects you to you, what you can hold onto when around people. It's different for every person but if you follow your values and feelings, you'll find something to hold onto, even if that something isn't 'static' but the fact that your personality is fluid and changes over time.

Self-esteem, self-respect and personal worth. More complicated but if you respect and love yourself, believe that you are capable, worth something and 'see' that your own wants and needs have priority as well there should be no reason anyone could have influence over you without you giving it to them first.

How you get each of these is different for every person, there might be a lot of similarities but you really have to do it for yourself, making your own choices on what to believe rather than picking them up from anyone else to stand indomitably.

Edit: Writing and expressing yourself doesn't work if you spend all your time thinking of how to do it perfect and 'proper', it's just gotta come out the way it comes out and you can write whatever you want as a happy ending, which is usually me analysing it and figuring out what I can do with what I've got.
 

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I generally have my ups and downs for this one, mostly based on my current self-esteem. I've been hugely uncomfortable with myself, going from one extreme to the next. In recent years however, I've become more at peace with who I am and I find it's a lot easier to show more of myself to the world.

It really depends on the group though. With newer groups I tend to unconciously try to emulate the people in the group that I'm closest to.
 

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I really don't relate to mimicking others' personalities. I'm definitely very aware of other people, what their personality is like, what they expect of me, and how they interpret me (I think). But I'm not able to pretend to be someone I'm not or adopt unfamiliar ways of acting. In fact, I often feel hopelessly stuck just being myself when I would rather adapt a little better. I feel like I don't relate to a lot of people I work with... They joke around a lot and try to get me to join in and I sort of know what they expect but it isn't natural to me and I end up just kinda laughing and feeling awkward but I really can't reciprocate how they want me to (but it depends on the person obviously, when I'm with my actual friends I fit in with them just fine, but I can't adapt to a lot of other kinds of people.)
 
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