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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
So I made a thread awhile back on PerC about this:
http://personalitycafe.com/general-...-confidence-reverses-itself-we-get-older.html

Now before any body jumps on me I'm not saying that every high school popular kid turns out to this loser druggie person. I am saying there seems to be some actual science and correlations between this with how confidence is derived from high school to post high school life and I looked into actual science for verification:

Cool kids study shows coolness doesn't equal success - CNN.com
Being Popular In High School Leads To Problems In Adulthood - Business Insider

I'm going to look for PubMed articles for the complete research papers but there seems to be some recent psych studies on this.

Anyway, I was thinking about this since my high school reunion coming up. I was considered a nerdy kid back then and I was not confident in myself. However once I got to college and my focus was puttowards getting my dreams I ended up getting a lot more validated in the sense for my work. The things I valued in high school were extremely validated in college/outside of that and it helped derive a lot of confidence in me.

This was a huge dipole from the popular kids in my high school. There was a lot of focus of them being at the "top". They were used to being at the top and their credentials for being there were more of about the social structure of high school itself. Once high school ended their feeling at being the top wasn't there and many of them seemed to delve into many issues later in life. From what I can tell there confidence from being at the top was no longer there and they found ways to satisfy that but weren't as successful.

My friends and I were talking about it again and we were all considered nerds who were made fun of(me and one of my other friends were joke voted homecoming king and queen). But it's been 5 years since college, and we all did well post graduation, and we noticed that us being the "nerdy' kids helped us focus on things that got us attention in life after high school and we talked about this phenomenon among us and other nerdy kids we met in college. One of my friends is a med student at John Hopkins and the other works at UN and they said how them being nerdy and later getting confidence in college and being validated for their intelligence/work helped them propel forward.

Now before anyone jumps on me going about some revenge of the nerds thing, I'd like to say everything I said in this topic and last is said in those two articles and there are actual studies backing up with what I'm saying. I'll look on PubMed for the research article itself and all I ask is civility and to not insult me over this.

Back on the discussion did anyone notice society and how confidence is derived when we get older? How many of the nerdy kids tend to flourish and the popular kids who based themselves on a top social circle reverse?
 

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To me, this reflects the criterion upon which the person bases their progress almost exclusively.

This means that strength and beauty are the early determinants of confidence and happiness.

In middle life the factors are intelligence and external discipline.

But at any stage of life and usually it is prominent in the later stages of life, wisdom and internal discipline are the real factors which aid confidence and happiness.

Charisma always plays a role so it deserves mention.
 

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i was an outsider to both groups and therefore don't relate to either end of the spectrum really, but i can see how it makes sense.
 
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To me, this reflects the criterion upon which the person bases their progress almost exclusively.

This means that strength and beauty are the early determinants of confidence and happiness.

In middle life the factors are intelligence and external discipline.

But at any stage of life and usually it is prominent in the later stages of life, wisdom and internal discipline are the real factors which aid confidence and happiness.

Charisma always plays a role so it deserves mention.
Can't agree more!

I think intelligence and external discipline do play a role in guiding a young person out of high school into 10 to 20 year hot streak. However, if wisdom and internal discipline were not developed during these 10, 20 years where life is at it's busiest (schooling, career, love, marriage, and child rearing), the house would be built on sandy foundation.

Strength and beauty seem to be the least reliable and the fastest to disappear. ;-)
 
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My friends and I were talking about it again and we were all considered nerds who were made fun of(me and one of my other friends were joke voted homecoming king and queen).
I never understood this...what was the joke part? One of my closest friends I met in college said she was voted homecoming queen as a joke too. How on earth is that playing a joke on someone? :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I never understood this...what was the joke part? One of my closest friends I met in college said she was voted homecoming queen as a joke too. How on earth is that playing a joke on someone? :unsure:
It's not a joke. It's just a way to make fun of some one under the pretense "haha lmao that was a joke man" and try to lighten the situation even though it's not a joke.
 

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Well I think a lot of that comes down to the false assumptions that the people at the top of the high school dung heap made while there. Because they weren't challenged by others they made the grand assumption that they've got life all worked out and hit the fail button repeatedly when they finally got into an environment in which expectations were more adult and based on tangible measurements.

I met one of these people recently in my job. At first I was willing to see her lack of competence as reticence because the environment is new to her etc. But over the course of several days it became apparent that's not what it was. She seriously has an attitude that she doesn't need to put forward effort in life and actively avoids work, has no interest in developing competency on the job and carries a sense of entitlement that she doesn't need to meaningfully contribute in order to maintain her position with the company. Merely turning up is in her head her contribution.

And then when she related her story about how her last boss didn't appreciate her and gave her a chat about her lack of proactivity and working only to minimum standards, it all made sense. But she seriously doesn't see it, she thinks she was victimised. Unless she grows beyond this, then her career will always be lacklustre.
 

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I lacked confidence in high school and I still lack confidence. I was never popular and nothing has changed. I really can't relate to either end of this. Me and my sisters had each other because we didn't fit in.

This studies do seem like a validation for people who were normal like the popular kids but not popular.
 

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It's not a joke. It's just a way to make fun of some one under the pretense "haha lmao that was a joke man" and try to lighten the situation even though it's not a joke.
Ugh. No wonder I did not like high school. Nothing the students did made sense to me haha. I was a nerd/unpopular person too btw. In all those honors and AP classes and clubs and in track and field but not many friends. Gained way more confidence in college and even more after that. Currently working on getting my masters while I see a lot of the popular people from HS on Facebook who aren't doing much except for partying almost every night, so I suppose the studies are true haha
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
Ugh. No wonder I did not like high school. Nothing the students did made sense to me haha. I was a nerd/unpopular person too btw. In all those honors and AP classes and clubs and in track and field but not many friends. Gained way more confidence in college and even more after that. Currently working on getting my masters while I see a lot of the popular people from HS on Facebook who aren't doing much except for partying almost every night, so I suppose the studies are true haha
Oh yeah for sure man. My high school was oddly cliquey and like really messed up in retrospect. One of teachers got fired for having a relationship with a student and is on statutory rape charges. My high school may have been an extreme but I noticed that most of the popular kids in my HS were very rich, very privileged and had very high self esteems coming in.

I think with the fact that their lives were paved a bit helped back up their egos and they liked the feeling of control, but they can't control the teachers so they went after the less privileged people. They had a feeling of control but once high school and that environment ended they wanted to extend that in someway. But the real world isn't like high school and that's where a lot of the issues came up when they tried to get those feelings of control.


After talking about everyone who went off to different things from my high school and the nerds, they said they never want to look back, and really the only people I see still living there are the popular kids.

But in regards to that I still think the mantra stays that particularly privileged high schools that the popular kids get used to the feeling of power, the nerds don't, they go in different directions because the real world is wholly different and it results in the roles reversing.
 
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