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I have a question for everyone. When you are in a relationship or starting to fall for someone, how much different are you with being considerate and/or willing to change perspectives or go along with the other person? How is this different from just family and friends?
 

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I have a question for everyone. When you are in a relationship or starting to fall for someone, how much different are you with being considerate and/or willing to change perspectives or go along with the other person? How is this different from just family and friends?
Well alternating perspectives is something I do naturally, regardless of who's perspective I'm changing to, as that is one way of verifying whether an idea is valid or not. Whether or not I then go on to adopt the idea fully depends entirely on my conclusion from that shift in perspective. Again, this is regardless of who it is.

I am definitely more considerate with someone I am in a relationship with in that I am more willing to set aside time to spend with them, more willing to do them favours, help them with things and even provide emotional support (to the best of my ability). But this isn't an active decision, where I say: "Okay, I'm going to make sure I am considerate to my girlfriend today". It's more that they are someone who I already deem worthy of being especially considerate towards, as a prerequisite for being in a relationship with them. I don't think I'd even bother being in the relationship if I didn't feel the need to be considerate towards them.
 

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Very considerate with friends more than family or lovers. I'll think about what pleases them, but just because we're screwing around, it doesn't mean I'll go their way.
 
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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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I have a question for everyone. When you are in a relationship or starting to fall for someone, how much different are you with being considerate and/or willing to change perspectives or go along with the other person? How is this different from just family and friends?
I like to change perspectives in general anyway and do this naturally, so I don't really have a good measure of whether or not that's exaggerated in a relationship or not. If a person wants me to do something, I'm much more likely to respond to petitions based on logical reasons (we're going to be in the area, so we should eat at that new restaurant) rather than emotional based reasons. I don't respond well to social pressure at all.

I don't think I'm prone to changing for or around other people unless I haven't evaluated a situation enough to feel confident in it. For example, I might be even more withdrawn and maybe even a bit passive around a new person just because I'm feeling them out and evaluating them for friendship potential. Still, if they ask me the same question that my brother asked me, I'd give the same answer to both. Any sort of fronting just wastes my own time and theirs and doesn't give them an accurate way to view me.

Oh, and about being considerate, I'm very considerate to anyone I've let into my personal life.
- - - - - - - - - -

I see you're an INTP. I've been in a relationship with an INTP for around 15 years. It's a good match for us.
 
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Delphic Seer
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Rather than being “considerate” for its own sake, I favour diplomatic negotiations in order to reach a reasonable compromise which is mutually acceptable. Consensus is often important for stability, balance and legitimacy.
 

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I have a question for everyone. When you are in a relationship or starting to fall for someone, how much different are you with being considerate and/or willing to change perspectives or go along with the other person? How is this different from just family and friends?
When it comes to some interpersonal "consideration," it entirely dependent on how much the (specimen) is willing to compromise/sacrifice themselves. It is unlikely I will compromise my (Fi) to attend to a friend/lover/relative with a fixed / static mindset - nor surrender to a humanoid that is incapable of meeting me half way and never intends to.


First time, it's lust and/or love - which has a rather demonstrably immaculate history of [stupidity/irrationality] tied to it. The second time, it is the benefit of the doubt. The third time, well... there is no third time.

In some interpersonal contexts; I am considerate by sheer practicality. Many relatives / loved-ones (or whomever), really, are not worth the energy... nor the easily avoided highly 'emotional' / psychologically-draining whirlpool conflict nor the future after effects [coming following]. Such as poor coping skills and/or self-defeatist actions/behaviors. It puts too much confidence in the belief most specimens are 'very equal/similar'.

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When it comes to "perspective," changing - it highly depends on the articulation, presentation, feasibility, research and/or (supporting arguments**), and so forth. Not mere consideration, I suspect such specimens that are "hurt," by my lack of acceptance/agreement of (their own perspectives) have something else to be weary of other than me.
 

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Overly considerate if they're close enough, to my dismay. I'm pretty considerate in general, but you have to be worth my time for me to go beyond.
 

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As the saying goes: "Head before heart". If I feel that the person I am speaking with is able to be reasonably convinced and an amicable agreement can be reached, then why wouldn't diplomacy be the correct solution? If I feel the person is of unsound mind, or just (excuse the french) pissing me off, I am just as content to burn the proverbial "bridge" permanently. Such people demonstrate a low intelligence and are easily influenced by the common perceptions and social norms.
 

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i hope i don't deviate too much from my regular self when i'm 'falling' for someone, because imo that sets up false but legitimate expectations and leads to trouble in the long run.

i don't change perspectives. i'll absorb the information about a partner's if it's different from mine. and i'll probably collaborate or accommodate them if it's something i think of as trivial/not my business. but that's a goes-both-ways thing in my mind; i expect equal accommodation/collaboration from them on the issue at hand. not on some trade-off other issue later on down the road. i flat-out don't believe in the 'i give you this and then you give me that' model. to my mind that's not win-win; it's 'everyone loses' to me.

i do use 'who does this matter more to' as one of the factors in working things out. maybe the principal one, but it does depend on various things that are so intangible i don't feel like they can be codified well. i can sometimes insta-decide that what the other person wants is obviously most important, and i can also sometimes perma-decide that it doesn't matter a damn how much they want it; they're not getting it.

and finally: i'll adjust my behaviour. but i don't change my mind. 'now you think this instead of that just because you're with me' . . . it just makes my brain gape. so i guess the answer depends what the question actually means in your mind.

tl;dr: i guess i'd say i'm pretty easygoing compared with most of the people i see. but i'm not turtles all the way down.
 

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In a relationship, I used to do romantic stuff, flowers, whatever, when I was a stupid kid, twenty-something. Now, I don't do jack shit. Anybody who's worth more than me drunkenly leering at them is going to be interesting to me exactly to the extent that they share my interest in mocking square culture.

Of course, that's just for romantic kid-stuff, like sitting down at a very special public trough for Valentime's Day, and stuff you'd find some assholes on TV doing. I learned ballroom dancing as a preteen, but if some lady thinks I'm going to do that, even if it's her favorite thing in the world, she'd be very sorely mistaken. I probably wouldn't poison her dog, if it was really annoying to me, so she'd have that going for her.

Also, how many drivers does a buggy have? That's right, one. I'll swap roles gladly, but if I'm screwing the cat, she can hold the tail. And I'll hold the tail when she's in charge of a task.


For regular consideration, sure, I often spend some time searching out some pieces of information that can help relatives or friends. I assist stranger who are having some kind of trouble I can fix, like getting a car unstuck from the snow or being hard of knowing at something. I'm very considerate to say the correct friendly formulas in whatever social environment, and, if need be, am very good at hiding that I'm actually thinking of my interlocutors roasting on a spit like a pig.
 
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