Spook - this may be totally unrelated, I mentioned this in another thread. But you may try to seek guidance from a trusted family source. You see I have similar problems to you, and it is a continuous circle I cannot get out of in relationships. I had a 'bad eye' incident happen to me when I was a child, and it is the cause for my problems in feelings and relationships. Thus I am attending a ritual to be performed, to remedy this. I am noticing some similarities, and you have been at this issue for a while, I see, so I thought to put this idea out there. You may want to talk to family and do some research, and find some alternative ways to deal. If your obstacles are serious like mine are for example, you may turn to the divine, and surrender your problems there, somehow. Surrender decreases Ego, because you are asking for help.
Thank you for your response to my post, I will look at what you say and come up with more suggestions / thoughts. I think it is fantastic you have been succeeding at making some changes in your life, i am inspired by you, because I know this is a tough area to tackle. 'Attachments' and 'Expectations' are always keywords when it comes to Ego. I'll maybe post some examples, after thinking about this topic more. I just wanted to share my new happening, I will post if anything changes in my life, but it will be a few months at least before I get the ritual done. 'Supposedly' my partner will arrive in 6 months, but I am in no shape for 'love' after my latest romantic fiasco. I allowed myself to be snowed by a smooth-talker! How cliche, eh?
But I am focusing on internalizing, and moving on quickly. I cannot change what happened, I have to be proud of myself for at least giving a new friendship a try, and focus on the friendships that are working. My armor is rock solid, except for in 'love' situations. Well there is an example, my Ego was hit, because I have too much pride, and cannot tolerate being 'fooled' but I am not the only person this happens to, I have to suck it up. thus unnecessary sufferings are upon me due to my pride.
Attachments brings about so many problems. but as INFJ remember we've got incredible intuition! I recently revived an 'Intuition' Thread, so that I can work on myself further. We can foresee a lot before it occurs, we also have to build the self-confidence to listen to ourselves. this too may decrease some situations that cause unnecessary conflict.