[infpblog]

I have a belief that all beliefs have to be supported by their environment. If your environment no longer supports that belief, you either change or you suffer.

Moving out on your own is one of the biggest changes in environments. There's a huge difference between doing the laundry and cleaning the toilet because your parents tell you to and doing so because no one else is going to do it for you. You start realizing there's a lot of stupid, menial, day-to-day upkeep things that no one else is going to do for you. So you have to change your how you view those things in order to be able to do them every week without going bonkers. Fighting entropy is a constant endeavor when you're out on your own and takes up a good portion of your life.

When I moved out on my own at 19, what changed about me the most was that I stopped worrying about life meaning or life purpose and what I was going to do for the rest of my life. It wasn't that important anymore because the constancy of having to keep up with entropy. I also took a less me vs them point of view towards life because everyone experiences entropy and that most people have to figure out a way to be okay with it and deal with it because they'll be doing it for the rest of their lives.

So how did you change after you moved out? Did you have any changes in values or beliefs on how you viewed your world and your life? Did you have any beliefs that no longer applied now that your environment had changed?

 

[esoterictimes]

I personally stopped being as decadent (after a while). Partying, etc. It was nice to do what I wanted and when I wanted to do it, but it went too far and caused some slight issues. I had to learn responsibility as everyone does, and also self control. I also became a bit more of a home body since I could feel secure and alone when I went to my dwelling.

I still constantly think about life meaning and purpose though. If not more so. The me vs them thing.......I have learned to see similarities a little more between myself and others, but I don't feel any kind of bond just because we all wash dishes. It's funny you mentioned that though, because I absolutely disdain those activities you'd equate to entropy. I feel as though I shouldn't have to do them and they are taking up my valuable time. It was easier to clean and do chores when I had no major stress in my life.

 

[Ayia]

I learned to be independent. which at 19, was badly needed. And I guess i have become more sure of myself. The downside is that it has alienated me a bit from my family .

I think you are right about us being dependent on our enviroment as having a certain personality. I have changed a lot just by moving in with two other people this last year. Adapt, or die etc

 

[Kaspa]

I'm glad that back then when I lived with my parents, they demanded that I do my part of chores. Therefore laundry, cleaning etc. came naturally in my new environment, But one thing that I had to figure out by myself, was cooking. I never really cooked anything more challenging than tortillas when I lived with them. By now, I can cook from memory a big amount of different dishes.

I'm far more responsible now than back then.

When I lived with my parents, I never felt that I had my own private space. First time I moved out, I moved together with my girlfriend. After our break-up and recovery from the situation, I started appreciate living by myself - now, I would not even move in with a partner! I rejoice my independence.

 

[ethylester]

I left home at 19.

I gained a bunch of weight because I didn't know the first thing about healthy eating.
I had more late nights with boyfriends.
I had more late nights in general.
I skipped class more.
I felt the freedom to come and go as I chose, and I used that freedom. A lot.
I caused my ESFJ housemate some grief because I didn't know shit about sharing and picking up after myself. She set me straight though.
I did eventually become more responsible. I took on all my household's bills and made sure they were paid on time because I realized no one else cared. I was the one who remembered to buy the toilet paper and other shared items in the house and I took pride in it.
I kept my room as messy as I wanted!!
I made more noise.
I did more dangerous things like reckless night driving, walking around the bad part of town at night by myself, forgetting to bring my inhaler with me when I went to my friend's cat hair infested trailer and almost dying of asthma attacks, getting a little too drunk, typical stuff like that.

Oh, and I rarely called home. Unless I got a flat tire. Then I called my dad.
I didn't want any help from anyone. I wanted to be independent. And for the record, once I moved out, I never, ever, wanted to move back in. I would rather sleep in a closet than live with my parents again. Nothing against them, but I really like being on my own.

 

[Saldron]

I really look forward to being independend... want privacy. I'm also worried about it, though. When my parents have left me alone at home for some days everything turns into a mess... eating when I'm hungry, sleeping when I'm tired... waking up at night and sleeping during daylight... not really healthy. I'll have to force my self to do this kind of things some day... but it's really, really hard.

 

[yello]

Are you sure you are an INFP and not an INTP.

 

[Blackbird]

Well, for me it happened less than two months ago, so I don't have much perspective. But I'm pleasantly surprised by just how much more confident (and happy) I feel already. I've always craved independence and I finally have it!! I don't need to constantly explain myself to someone, be home at a certain hour, etc. I can finally stay at the bar until it closes, sleep over at my (male, gasp!) friends' houses, wake up at noon without feeling judged, leave the house at any hour I please to do nearly anything I please - it's a great feeling.

Also - a lot of things I worried about before moving out aren't the huge cause for concern I thought they might be. Making rent has not been difficult (money has actually been accumulating faster than it did at my parents'?!?), I keep my room cleaner than I did at my parents' house, I don't leave dishes in the sink, and I am eating way, way healthier than I did at home. I'm actually really proud of how much care I take in making food for myself, since people used to tell me I'd be eating ramen every night once I left my parents house. Pfffft. Yeah, every three weeks or so I do eat ramen. And I put water chestnuts and fresh mushrooms and eggs and seaweed and bean sprouts in it. Yeah.

Personally, I love my parents but we have a lot of different values, and we see things a lot differently. It's a relief to be able to feel like I can just go about my life for once, and not be judged, or accidentally offend them, or have to put on an act all the time. And as corny as it sounds, I definitely feel like I'm more of an "adult" now. When I was living with my parents I "knew" I'd be able to take care of myself on my own, but to be honest I truly didn't feel like I knew for sure until I'd done it. Before, I felt pretty disempowered and incompetent, and now when something shakes me, there's this sort of quiet certainty I'm aware of, that I can find by turning inwards. I've heard people talk about feeling that way, but never expected to be able to find it on such a consistent basis. I'm psyched to see how things go in the next few months, years.

 

[basementbugs]

I tried to be more responsible and adult-like when I first moved out, but it only lasted a short while. I was already horribly depressed and dysfunctional when I moved, and I was unable to motivate myself to stick with "being responsible" for very long. Eventually I became even more depressed and dysfunctional than I had been living at home. Now I'm married, and nothing has really changed too much. When I'm functioning, I can be very neurotic and perfectionistic about getting everything done, and doing it thoroughly and "right"... and then I crash again and I'm like a little kid; my husband does nearly everything during those phases. :\

Life skills. I have none.

 

[Uncouth Angel]

I moved out to an apartment in San Francisco when I worked on my MFA. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a job once that was done with it, and there was no point in renewing the lease then, so I went back home. I'm with my parents right now, and feeling miserable about it every day. No job still, no niche in the outside world, mounting debt and a useless degree . . .

Grateful though I am for my parents' support, I found that I did not miss them at all when I moved back, and there are some tensions still. They annoy me without trying to, though I can't leave. I desperately want to.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

How did you change after you moved out on your own?
Clothing became optional in my house.... LOL

 

[snail]

I tried moving out once. All that really changed was that I masturbated more.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Almost nothing changed about me beyond some new habits born due to more freedom. I was freer to do stuff my way without consulting anyone, such as decorating & coming & going without having to tell anyone; and yeah the whole "walking around naked" thing was a new option.

But I didn't really learn anything new about myself. I was 24 when I moved out, so I already was independent in most ways. I also grew up in a family that had loose structure, no real rules or assigned chores. We were motivated by the principles taught us & the examples set for us, and as we aged, my parents simply let the reigns loose & expected us to live up to those expectations & examples.

I was never told to clean a toilet or start doing my own laundry, basically. I reached an age where I took it upon myself because I could do it myself, and after that it was left to me to decide when & how to do it (if I wanted to be a pig, then I could be a pig; I guess my mom took it for granted that I didn't want to be & eventually it would be cleaned). So when I moved out, I already cooked, cleaned, paid all my own bills, etc; it was nothing new to me.

The greater freedom was new, but I was at an age where I didn't go crazy because it wasn't everything all at once (I already had most adult freedoms by 24). It was nice to come home late without mom sleeping on the couch waiting up, or to be able to drive on a whim somewhere without having to justify it to someone, but there were no character revelations concerning who I was & what I was capable of. I suppose, I may have become more confident in who I already was, as I saw that I was perfectly functional as an adult. The transition was VERY smooth.

 

[dann]

I realized I kind of like living at home with my parents

 

[Schizoid]

bump

 

[SalvinaZerelda]

I can do laundry and cook pretty well and pay rent on time.

Laundry is still a big deal for me.
I have a phobia that made it a little scary.
It's still scary, but I'm dealing with it.

I never cared about cooking before I moved in here.
Apparently I'm pretty good.
I kind of have to be, though.

Paying rent on time as soon as I get my money means I won't be impulsive.

I don't go out and do things as much though.

I've sort of been doing dishes, like I know how to run a dish-washer now, but I cook so often, that the dish-cleaning is in the negatives.

 

[Watchtower]

I was 23 when I moved out. I felt a sense of relief because I finally felt free. That was the biggest change. We got along in my family but I'm not a pack animal at all, living with other people feels restricting. With my parents, I never had any chores, never cooked, did any laundry, never paid any bills, but I never felt free. Once on my own these things never caused any problems, I just did them gladly because I was doing them for myself. I'm a fast learner, sensible and organized, if I don't know anything I'll look it up online. The transition was surprisingly smooth.

 

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I was 23 when I moved out. I felt a sense of relief because I finally felt free. That was the biggest change. We got along in my family but I'm not a pack animal at all, living with other people feels restricting. With my parents, I never had any chores, never cooked, did any laundry, never paid any bills, but I never felt free. Once on my own these things never caused any problems, I just did them gladly because I was doing them for myself. I'm a fast learner, sensible and organized, if I don't know anything I'll look it up online. The transition was surprisingly smooth.

Oh thank God I'm not a freak. I'm 21 and moved out 6 months ago (well, more like ran away, but still). Same old mood swings, same old overthinking and racing thoughts, but I have more freedom to pursue all of it. The mundanities of self-care aren't a big deal, I can do all that. Self-direction, now there's a problem. But it's mostly not feeling confined, not having to hide all the time that makes living alone so great.

 

Apparently there was an unspoken rule at home that I never picked up on and thus felt victimized by: "As long as you're a dependent, you have no rights or boundaries. I [the parent] can do whatever I want and whether or not you like it doesn't matter. I can make you late for things, wake you up at unseemly hours for no reason, take your things (you own nothing, I own everything because I paid for it, lol), and there's nothing you can do about it because it's my house and I just let you live here."

"...and despite all of this, I'm the only person in the world who loves you and cares about you and can properly guide you to functioning adulthood. The internet is full of lies and any indication that anything has changed from when I grew up is just stupid people trying to keep you down."

Couple this with several years of untreated mental illness followed by some minor breakdowns and yes, I left.

So far I've done alright. I'm becoming more and more self-sufficient as I go on.

 

[Watchtower]

Oh thank God I'm not a freak.

Thanks for calling me a freak. I'm proud of it, you know.

 

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Thanks for calling me a freak. I'm proud of it, you know.

Nooooo, that's not what I meant. I've been getting this idea that there's something wrong with people who don't move out until their 20s, that you're supposed to either take off or get thrown out at 18 - but apparently there are other people who move out later and do just fine.