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What worked? I’ve been out of the game for a while and dating has become a bit alien to me. Alongside this, i only have a few relationship experiences under my belt, and these are unfortunately, often long distance.

I was wondering what worked for people who are in committed relationships and how they started. I guess what I’m asking for is a description of the wonderful moment you and your partner met, and how you, yourself found this individual. What led up to that moment ?

xray
 

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I've told this story so many times- but here goes . Back in April of 2005- I was 19 at my utmost happiness being single , I was trying on jackets at Hollister ( mall department store ) and I left my phone on one of the stands. A few moment later - some dude found my phone . My mother called my cell phone and some random guy answered the phone telling her he has her phone - his voice sounded young , she thought he was a friend of mine and gave him my house number. He called- I answered and the first comment I heard was " how the hell did you lose your phone?"
We chatted for a while and I gave him direction to my apartment, turned out he grew up around the same area as I did and we went to the same high school ( he's 2 years older and transferred to a different school the moment I entered high school) and we know some of the same people. He was very humorous - joking that he could easily be a serial killer( it was past 9 or 10 pm out side ) . He returned my phone to me - apparently he really like what he saw ( or the way that I talk in real life to be more precise ) he called me after returning my phone to me asking if I wanted to hang out, the second time I saw him - he was more well dress and I thought he was really cute. His approach ( although he's sweet and calm) is extremely strong and aggressive - I was deeply infatuated by him ( head of heels inside out crazy about this stranger) . We hung out walking around talking the entire day - alternating between bantering and deep conversation ( he was both very cunning and deep). He compelled my mind yet soothe me in a weird sense. Towards the end of the night he was at my house playing guess who? With me until my mom gets home. He called me late that night and asked
" so what are we?"
" whatever you want us to be " I replied
" Cool, you're my girl friend now , that's settled."
I said " ok "
Then he laughed " oh my bad, that's not how you're suppose to ask a girl out. AHEM let me start over- will you be my girl friend?" ( very corny to me now but it charmed me )
I'm still with my istp partner:)

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Idk, it 'happens' if I'm OK with the other thinking it's OK. I never think about it.


"what are we?", pretty typical of me to ask.
 

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Only two long term serious relationships each of my daughters dads.

One started with a drug deal. That's how we met. Aw romantic right. It was all down hill from there.(Eh this was years ago now I was still in high school when I met him my eldest is two years from the age I was back then)

The next was out with a girlfriend, mutual friends, a game of strip poker and dancing and him sucking on my tit in front of everyone. I wanted to smack him but he was just so cute. Oh it was also all down hill from there. Also dreamy and romantic huh.

Eh the last dude I dated serious but not long term we met with mutual friends in a cocktail lounge, I pole and lap danced for him.

I know I know I am so classy and graceful, elegant.

Yes true story bro.

So I learned to not buy drugs, keep my top on at house parties and not to give dudes private dance for free :tongue:
 

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I've had good luck with OkCupid over the years. Recently, one friend asked me out - NEVER would have thought of dating her. Another lady I got set up with via mutual acquaintance. One fuck buddy I met on Craigslist turned into a girlfriend for 2 years.
 
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I became aware one day that while sitting in the uni cafe I was continually staring at this girl. I felt so embarrassed and scared the she might have seen me staring. I stopped staring and just had sneaky looks every now and then. I did this every day for the whole term. She was stunningly beautiful. She was also Indian and she looked like one of those beautiful Bollywood actresses, completely out of my league I can assure you of that for I am no oil painting.

Anyway, months later my friend invited me to a barbecue, I said yes only because she assured me that not may people would be there. I arrived and she was there. Eeeeek! I could not look at her, those piercing dark eyes were too much for me to look into.

Luckily for me she was an extrovert and had no problem coming over to me to talk. Don't you just love that about extroverts?

I did not know that my friend knew her and I had shared with my friend that I had been staring at her for months. I still wonder about that friend and what role she played

So, over the next year she came to speak to me quite a lot at uni and after the third time I plucked up the courage and asked if we could meet up for coffee. She said “No, she didn't date white guys” I wasn't going to give up, we got along so well and to this day I realised that the reason I loved her was because of her giggle. Isn't life amazing?

We met two other times at different social events and I ask her out again on each occasion. On the last occasion we sat up all night talking and I asked her to go on a date with me again. I couldn't believe that she said “YES” Yiiipppeeee!!!

We were married for 5 of the best years of my life.

Sadly life is such a bitch that we could not have children and the pressure of that drove us apart.
 

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i went crazy past the point where i could hide it and landed myself in the mental hospital where we met at the water fountain. i thought he was cute so i stood behind him and said hi. i suppose it's easy to get to know someone when you are in a place locked up with them 24/7. a lot of flirting and friendship first worked out for a great relationship so far it's been almost 8 years. we both have the same mental diagnosis so it helps to have something in common i think. as far as when did our relationship become intimate? the first chance we got though it was at least 11 months after we met as he stayed locked up for all that time. he was actually kind of a violent psycho but he has mellowed out since he met me. (i'd gotten out after two or three months though we were only in the same wing for a couple weeks.) we talked on the phone and i visited him a couple times towards the end of his stay. so i guess circumstance made us take it pretty slow and that i think really helped make a difference.
 

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We met in a math class. My ISTP was socially awkward. It took a few months of me falling for him very, very slowly until the point when I realized I was in love and could no longer control my freaking feelings. I spent weeks hating the love chemicals in my brains. During that time, his grandfather had a stroke and later passed away while I was in Vietnam for the summer. I tried my best to stay in contact with him and support him. It was hard because he would respond to my texts weeks later, and no matter how thoughtful his responses were I always felt like I wasn't needed. I tried the whole summer to drown myself in work at my internship and studying, but at night when I'm not doing anything he would come to mind. All this time I was trying to stop thinking of him, yet to no prevail.

When I came back, one of my friends canceled lunch last minute. There are tons of people I could've texted, but for some reason I decided to text and asked if he was close by. He was, and so I asked him to grab lunch with me. We started seeing each other everyday, mostly me initiating. A few weeks later, his friend asked us separately if we like each other. I said, "I don't know, maybe." He realized he did. So on a Saturday night, he texted me at midnight saying he wanted to tell his family about me, but he wasn't sure how they'd react. That's when I asked myself, "do I love him? Are we doing this?" And looking back at the journey we've been through, I realized there's no point trying to cast my feelings aside anymore.

I told my family of him. They weren't the most supportive of it because they're worried I'd get distracted from college, especially since we were all sure I'd go for an MBA. Also, I'm on the young side because I skipped two years of HS. Which is why I call him my half-bf: we're seeing each other, and we're both exclusive and committed, but it's not "that serious" to my family. I'm planning to make it a serious relationship when I get my BA. As for him, he's going to tell his family on Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm scared lol
 

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In bullet points:

1. We became friends in school.
2. Graduating high school separated our friendship. I started uni, he started work, then he moved to another city. We never knew from each other anymore.
3. After years of not knowing from each other, he moved to my city and found me on okcupid as he changed his location on his profile. Messaged me to go for a coffee and catch up.
4. I thought "Wtf it's been years and I'm not interested in re-living the past" so I rejected him.
5. He sent me a 2nd lovely message asking me for coffee again, and it was so lovely that I thought "Well, I'm bored and I need to leave the house, so he's a good excuse to leave my house". I accepted coffee.
6. After out first hangout we became inseparable for months. We texted every single day and did fun things 2-3 times a week. We were just friends for months and it never occurred to me that I would have romantic feelings for him, ever.
7. But after so much fun together, and bonding, and talking about the stars...
8. One night he declared himself, asked me to be bf-gf and we kissed.
9. I said yes.

So I say watch out for those friends you think you would never ever date. It's happened to me twice already that my best friend and I fall for each other. And I swear that I never saw it coming, ever.
This is why I believe that the friendzone is BS. All the advice of "The friendzone is dangerous! Once you get stuck there, you can't get out!" BS ime. Guys in my friendzone could easily get out of it, they didn't have to play any game of "becoming more of a man" or something ridiculous like that.
 

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Lol, told her I'd wreck her shit so hard she'd have to moonwalk to get back home (I was a virgin pretending that I wasn't)

It worked hahaha

For the other persons it usually was a mix of aggressiveness / coming out strong while being sweet - listening - random

In retrospective I've had the best times when I was cocky. Not so much when I tried the whole vulnerable and whatnot approach

Dating is confusing guyz halp
 

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Lol, told her I'd wreck her shit so hard she'd have to moonwalk to get back home (I was a virgin pretending that I wasn't)

It worked hahaha

For the other persons it usually was a mix of aggressiveness / coming out strong while being sweet - listening - random

In retrospective I've had the best times when I was cocky. Not so much when I tried the whole vulnerable and whatnot approach

Dating is confusing guyz halp
I'll be your wing woman

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We locked eyes. My grandmother and I were visiting his mother, a longtime friend. He started coming over every night for dinner parties, drinking beer with me, bringing me craft brews and I in turn, bought him beer and beef jerky, made cookies.. He had been single for over a decade and never involved with a woman since. Type 5, entj too busy making money. One night he invited me to one of his properties to drink and hang out, I insisted on helping renovate and we have been inseperable a year and a half since.. any drama any attempts to split us only make us closer.

I still help, we always have each others backs and the best part was one day we were making whiskey sours and building a deck, patio enclosed feature together and he called me his "glove" which is his description for soul mate. I went home and cried. I had always been involved with psychopath narc materialistic feckers who wanted to own me for how I look- including a nightmare situation my friends like to call the European version of Rosemarys baby meets American Psycho ..
I had been turning men down for a year before we met. Determined to never be interested in one again at any cost. It was beyond my control. It was my first physical attraction on sight and I had always been with attractive but evil men.

but this is my bestfriend, he knows every damn thought I have and loves me for being obsessed with cartoons and my eccentricities quirks and flaws.

I love having a partner who tells me his dreams and nightmares and comes to me in the middle of the night if something wakes him just to talk about the nightmare or thought.. it is amazing.

Our visit to this state, turned into a lifelong move. Because I could not leave him if I were bribed any amount. Its happened before. haha
 
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At first, it sort of happened-being friends. As for the romantic relationsip part; I planned that shit. I did not expect it work as well as it did.
 

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He was a neighbor who was half my age. For the first few months, we were just acquaintances, but we gradually started having more conversations and we got to know each other fairly well. I often told him (and my friends) that if it weren't for the age difference, he'd be the man for me. He'd respond by saying noncommittal things like "That's good to hear" or "I'm open minded." Or he'd say nothing at all.

Then I read a question in the INTP forum: "If you knew that today was your last day on earth, how would you spend it?" I realized I would spend it with him. So I thought, Why wait?

I felt very nervous about approaching him, but I finally got up the nerve. I told him I had reconsidered my decision (not to get involved), and I asked him to think about it. He said,"I think I will." We saw each other a couple of times after that. Neither of us mentioned that conversation, but it was definitely on our minds. Then we went for a walk together and held hands for the first time. . . .

We knew each other for about 8 months before we became a couple, and now we've been together for 8 months.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
He was a neighbor who was half my age. For the first few months, we were just acquaintances, but we gradually started having more conversations and we got to know each other fairly well. I often told him (and my friends) that if it weren't for the age difference, he'd be the man for me. He'd respond by saying noncommittal things like "That's good to hear" or "I'm open minded." Or he'd say nothing at all.

Then I read a question in the INTP forum: "If you knew that today was your last day on earth, how would you spend it?" I realized I would spend it with him. So I thought, Why wait?

I felt very nervous about approaching him, but I finally got up the nerve. I told him I had reconsidered my decision (not to get involved), and I asked him to think about it. He said,"I think I will." We saw each other a couple of times after that. Neither of us mentioned that conversation, but it was definitely on our minds. Then we went for a walk together and held hands for the first time. . . .

We knew each other for about 8 months before we became a couple, and now we've been together for 8 months.

What Type do you think he is? Are arguments/debates a problem? (being an INTP and all)
 
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