Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 104 Posts

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
@Swordsman of Mana @Boss

In lieu of derailing the 8 thread (again, lol) I thought I'd bring the conversation here to see how everyone else felt about it.

I made this comment:

When I discovered my type, the clouds parted and small rays of lights shined through. As the sun warmed my skin, I began to hear the angels sing.


^^thats how people think its supposed to feel.




When in reality, you just kind of feel like shit. :sad:
When I was originally mistyped as an 8w7, I thought "This is soooo me" when I first read the descriptions, motivations, desires and fears. However, after talking with SOM, Boss and a few others, we've all concluded that in reality discovering your true type makes you feel like crap.

So, I wanted to ask everyone how finding their type made them feel? How did you know it was right? (Boss and SOM feel free to elaborate:happy:)

This could be your core, or your whole tritype.

I'll start:

I knew that six was most definitely the correct type for my core, because when Boss suggested it to me on my type me thread, it ignited a wave of anxiety within me. It was like opening a box that had been locked and buried years ago and that I had forgotten about. It took a lot to really accept that type 6 was right. I really didn't want to admit it to myself, and because I have an inferior Si, I had a hard time recalling how it was correct, but it felt right. Does that make sense? I could sense that it fit me but apart of my brain needed proof (go fucking figure right?).

So after I said to myself "Chipps, your core type is NOT 8w7 but 6w5", I felt like shit. I really did. Initially I was really pissed off and taken aback. It was a shock to the system. I felt like it couldn't be true. Like those weren't my motivations, fears, desires. I'd created a whole new image of who I was. I was really sad and disappointed for some reason. I thought "I can't really be like that" or "thats not really who I am". Then, once I got over the fact that it was who I really was, I felt better. From accepting my flaws, I was about to acknowledge them on a conscious level and begin to fix what I didn't like and grow from there.

People dislike the 6 enneagram type because it is seen as weak, and anxious, and worrisome, and doubtful. And, as a 6, all of those things have been true for me at some point in my life. What I've learned, is that the enneagram helps you to acknowledge your fears, desires, motivations. It makes you face them. So, when you have people who try to cherry pick and type and apply it to themselves, they are actually missing out on growth potential. You can't fix a problem if you refuse to admit that it exists. When I was mistyped as an 8, I continued to subconsciously engage in behavior indicative of a 6. <---this is the funniest part about enneagram types. Even if you cherry pick one that sounds cool, or better than your actual one, you will continue to subconsciously engage in the behaviors of your actual type. :laughing: I've seen mistypes on the forums "slip up" and talk about their behavior in detail, or reactions to things on numerous occasions, that indicates that they are not the type that they think they are. A lot of my old posts scream type 6 looking back at it now, though at the time you might not have been able to convince me of it.

Anyway, I've been thinking that there are levels of type acceptance:

Level 1:Shock
Level 2: Disgust or Embarrassment
Level 3: Sadness or disappointment
Level 4: Type acceptance
Level 5: Growth

P.s. I've just started getting deeper into the enneagram books, so it if I stole that list from an enneagram expert then Oopsies :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,540 Posts
When I was reading about 3, at first, I laughed--wow that's me. Then, I started to read about the darker, slimier, nastier aspects of my psyche. I started to read about false images and deceptiveness and vanity. I read about failure. And, I read about disintegrating 3s. That's when I wanted to ahem nearly shed some tears.

My first response was: Oh GOD NO! I don't want this. It was just a mix of denial, disbelief and discomfort.

Next stage: This is me. I don't want this to be me, because my neuroses are staring me in the face. But it is what it is.

I just put aside the book I was reading. I didn't really want to focus on it. A conversation between my partner and I was open on my laptop, and just 2 days prior, I had told him that I felt like a broken machine..a nobody..and I didn't want to fade into oblivion. I wanted fame and success, but I felt empty inside (this was my disintegrating phase). I had said a bunch of really 3-ish things.

And reading about it all felt like I was standing before a mirror It was as though I had I seen a gorgeous woman with this proud face. Soon, I started to see the proud face as a mask. Then the mask slowly came off. I started to see inner scars, deception, darkness and vanity. It was ugly. But, it was me. I accepted it, didn't fight it. I realized that it was something I wanted to transcend. I knew that I have to accept it with grace, learn and move on.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,198 Posts
Anyway, I've been thinking that there are levels of type acceptance:

Level 1:Shock
Level 2: Disgust or Embarrassment
Level 3: Sadness or disappointment
Level 4: Type acceptance
Level 5: Growth
Kübler-Ross model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

1. Denial:
No, I'm definitely not that type. This description is soooo not me. Not at all. Of course I'm a different type, you don't know me at all and you have no idea about my motivation.

2. Anger:
What? FUCK YOU I'M NOT TYPE X! How dare you accuse me! This is not my type and it will not be my type in million years, you... you evil, mean, vicious, hateful jerk! THIS IS NOT MY TYPE!

3. Bargaining:
Yes, when you put it that way, I might have some characteristics of type X... but this might be because my heart fix has a wing which integrates to type X, okay? I don't think I'm type X, I just might seem that way because I'm healthy/unhealthy/in a relationship/single/young/mature/today is raining.

4. Depression:
Noooo... I hate being type X, it makes me a failure, all that I wanted is lost. Noooo.... I so want to be another type, any type but not X. Why why why oh woe upon me!

5. Acceptance:
Hmmm, maybe type X is not that bad. It looks like there are some interesting people who are type X. And if I know my type, I can deal with my problems better than before. Let's crush the stereotypes! Type X is cool too!


I don't know if 7 is my "correct" type. I don't think I know enough... and it contains both "not knowing the theory enough" and "not knowing myself enough". This is the best fit so far, I think, but I'm not opposed to changes.

The funny thing is that when I heard about the Enneagram a few years ago, from a friend, I almost immediately dismissed it. He said that I seemed like a 5 or an 8 - I told him immediately that there was no way I'd be an 8, but I pondered Type 5 for a while. I had a gut feeling that I wasn't a 5, and I didn't even bother with reading the 7 description when I saw "outgoing, party-loving, practical" ;)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,025 Posts
I felt a bit weird. Like "yeah, that IS me... but nah, can't be me". I know the feeling you get when you mistype, as well; it's a sort of exhilaration and a feeling that everything has come together and makes sense. You know it's a mistype, because there isn't any denial that comes with it, either, which you would expect if your flaws, weaknesses, and self-destructive patterns are coming to light.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,486 Posts
I didn't think much of it since I didn't know much about it. I was just thinking, hmm, 9 seems like it might be a better fit than 5. I'm still not 100% sure I'm a 9.

Now I feel annoyed, because I do everything an average/less healthy 9 does. I feel annoyed because it would be better for me to go against what I have become accustomed to doing. I feel annoyed because my life would probably be far more better if I had changed years ago.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
891 Posts
I think reactions about this can vary, and some people will go through this process more quickly than others. For me, I was getting lost in behaviours vs. motivations, and having an anxiety disorder messed up my typing. When I found out, the first thought was, "Oh my god, this was so obvious, and I doubted it all along. This really *is* the problem (for me, perfectionism and needing to be seen as a someone who is not bad/corrupt). What have I been doing to myself? Then I proceeded to have a sobbing fit. When that was done with, I was just *so relieved* that I had figured this out- like a weight had been lifted off me.

Now, I am being hit with all these repressed memories. And I can see 1-ish motivations/themes behind many of them. Whereas before, when things like this happened (i.e. having repressed memories come back to me), it was just a distressing thing with no explanation. Now, I still find the repressed memories to be disturbing, but I am glad to know why some things happened the way they did, and why I took the actions I took at various points in my life.

Edited to add: As for my tritype, I was able to piece that together through the process of elimination. None of the other types fit me in any way at all. And 1, 6 and 4 are my three most dominant types. So for me, it didn't take long to piece that together for this reason.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,338 Posts
I wanted to be a 6w7 so bad, some of my favorite people are 6w7...but I'll settle for 6w5, it has it's "perks".

I do not like my tritype.

I see myself in all the numbers really.
 

·
Maid of Time
Joined
·
14,753 Posts
I didn't really have any response when I discovered my type -- I mean, I took a test, read the descriptions, and it wasn't even really a question, it was a "duh" moment for me.

I've had more issues trying to determine the extent of Nine mixed in with my 5w4, since I do seem to seek peace rather than conflict and have developed a great deal of diplomatic skill if I desire to use it, and can often "stay at rest." But my core interface with the world was always observational and trying to gather/parse information and understand, and I feared to engage because it was a risk and I might not yet truly understand the situation. The directions of integration and disintegration made a lot of sense of me, personally, in my life.

I just didn't have any bad reaction to being Five. it was just like, "Yup, that's me, for the good and bad, and that describes my life." I just took it as, well... information. :) Which is to be expected.
 

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
@Steel Magnolia


Nothing hurts denial more then repressed/distorted memories popping back up. I found that the more I denied it, the more I started to remember specific events or behaviors that pointed to it being right. Which is hilarious since my ability to recall things in depth isn't really that good, but I found myself searching within me and certain "nuggets" kept popping up to the point where not admitting it was overwhelming.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,676 Posts
I can SO identify with the "Oh god no, I don't want to be that !!" I felt kind of.. imprisoned and hopeless, I guess. Limited, but mostly.. ashamed. Like this was my type and there was no way to get out of it, to avoid this about myself. I tried reading up on other types, desperate for a confirmation that I just couldn't be THAT bad, but yeah. That doesn't work out so well, does it?

I guess I felt that way, because this was the confirmation of all the things I knew about myself deep down, and ignored relentlessly because they were shameful. I remember growing up, I'd engage in what I now know were Four ish behaviors and upon analyzing myself, I'd tell myself that it was just because of the circumstances or whatever. I never wanted to face them, because that signified resigning to it. I can't say I never realized those things about myself before though, because ever since I was young, I intensely analyzed myself.

I suppose even now, going through the Four aspects, I feel like it's some sort of inevitable spiral towards more negative states, like the moment I stop exerting self control and actually embrace my Four-ness completely, that I could never be happy. I read other descriptions, and maybe I'm biased but I feel like the Four one is among the most negative ones. Probably because we emphasize and seek out melancholy so much and we always feel like something's missing, we're almost doomed to succomb to it.

If I was to name the stage I was in right now, I'd probably say.. beginning of acceptance stage :happy:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
891 Posts
@Steel Magnolia


Nothing hurts denial more then repressed/distorted memories popping back up
. I found that the more I denied it, the more I started to remember specific events or behaviors that pointed to it being right.
@Chipps

Can you explain what you mean by "Nothing hurts denial more than represssed/distorted memories popping back up." To me, repression is a sign of being in denial. Is that what you meant to say, or did I misinterpret your statement?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,338 Posts
Why don't you like your tritype?
641 are particular (aka rigid) and fussy, not easily pleased. Can be biting mean if provoked.
I would love to be more easygoing, spontaneous but responsible, go with the flow, more laid back, funny, more nurturing...let's see a tritype 629 would be nice, if that exists.

I like 7s too, but too much 7 can be...well too much. Everyone seems to like them though. 7w6 especially, 7w8 ooh boy.

I like my sarcasm, if others do not, they are not worthy of my time.

Oh and I rather be a So/Sp/Sx
 

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
@Chipps

Can you explain what you mean by "Nothing hurts denial more than represssed/distorted memories popping back up." To me, repression is a sign of being in denial. Is that what you meant to say, or did I misinterpret your statement?

Its when you're in denial about your type and you're thinking, "I've never done that", "This most definitely isn't me" etc. And then slowly but surely, you start to remember numerous occasions when it has been true. When you look back at past behaviors, and reactions to things, you start to recall why you did what you did and how it lines up with the motivations, fears and desires of your type. I thought I couldn't be a 6, until a ton of the unhealthy cp6 behavior rang very true for me. A few repressed memories started to surface, then more, then some more until finally I was like "Okay, okay. I have done that in the past", "I am like that, I admit it." This is why I openly just accepted that I was a 6 because when evidence starts to stack up, I don't really have much of a choice. I can accept being in denial if I don't have to face the truth at all, but when its shoved all up in my face and can't be ignored then I have to give in.
 

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
641 are particular (aka rigid) and fussy, not easily pleased. Can be biting mean if provoked.
I would love to be more easygoing, spontaneous but responsible, go with the flow, more laid back, funny, more nurturing...let's see a tritype 629 would be nice, if that exists.

I like 7s too, but too much 7 can be...well too much. Everyone seems to like them though. 7w6 especially, 7w8 ooh boy.

I like my sarcasm, if others do not, they are not worthy of my time.

Oh and I rather be a So/Sp/Sx
Lol, really?

I've thought that it'd be better if I was X type instead of my actual type, but you know what? I really don't feel that way at the end of the day. I couldn't imagine being one of the Id types (8,7,3 got forbid I was all 3). I have no idea why, but I feel like, in my current frame of mind, that it just isn't who I am. From my POV, being any other type then the ones I am would make me lose my sense of self, and to be honest its really not worth it. I like how I operate. I see benefit in it. Also, I don't see myself as rigid or fussy. Im composed and particular, lol. I do not "flow", nor will I ever be "laid back". I also like things a certain way. Excuse me for having standards, sheesh.:laughing:

I think you just have to accept how you really are rather then wishing your were something else. Once you accept it, being X type isn't bad at all.

Also being So first? **shudders** I don't know why but thats skurry.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
891 Posts
Its when you're in denial about your type and you're thinking, "I've never done that", "This most definitely isn't me" etc. And then slowly but surely, you start to remember numerous occasions when it has been true.
That's interesting. For me, the repressed memories just hit me out of nowhere. I also believe that deep denial often begins on a subconscious level. Meaning, you are not aware for the longest time, until major insights start hitting you out of nowhere (This has been happening to me regarding other issues that are independent of my typing). Unpleasant thoughts/feelings are automatically blocked, at least partially, until they keep recurring and become so prominent that you have to deal with them. At least, this is how the process has been going for me. I remember a childhood pattern of expressing emotion, and then automatically repressing it. It's like I became numb to my emotions after I experience/expressed them (I can't recall when this stopped- I think it may have been in my teens) I also have realized that even though I have showed emotion on numerous occasions, I was not showing them completely. I have only just realized that there is so much below the surface that was not getting expressed. There are many signs that emotional repression has taken place, but one sign storing tension in your body. I've been doing this for goodness knows how long, and it's only in the past few years that I have realized what has been going on. If for instance, you have a tendency to hold onto anger/resentment, then that may end up affecting you physically, and many people don't realize this until they start feeling signs of this in their bodies. The same goes for other unwanted emotions, or impulses.
 

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
That's interesting. For me, the repressed memories just hit me out of nowhere. I also believe that deep denial often begins on a subconscious level. Meaning, you are not aware for the longest time, until major insights start hitting you out of nowhere (This has been happening to me regarding other issues that are independent of my typing). Unpleasant thoughts/feelings are automatically blocked, at least partially, until they keep recurring and become so prominent that you have to deal with them. At least, this is how the process has been going for me. I remember a childhood pattern of expressing emotion, and then automatically repressing it. It's like I became numb to my emotions after I experience/expressed them (I can't recall when this stopped- I think it may have been in my teens) I also have realized that even though I have showed emotion on numerous occasions, I was not showing them completely. I have only just realized that there is so much below the surface that was not getting expressed. There are many signs that emotional repression has taken place, but one sign storing tension in your body. I've been doing this for goodness knows how long, and it's only in the past few years that I have realized what has been going on. If for instance, you have a tendency to hold onto anger/resentment, then that may end up affecting you physically, and many people don't realize this until they start feeling signs of this in their bodies. The same goes for other unwanted emotions, or impulses.
I know what you mean, this is so true for me as well. Though, it was easy to accept the head and gut fixes. I can even talk about how I relate to them and how the manifest IRL. But, I automatically repressed the fears, motivations, and desires or the 4 because I hated it. I still do it from time to time.

I also relate to what you said about repressing anger. Its automatic for me. I don't consciously realize that I am angry or something did bother me initially. It usually just brush it off and move on because I don't like losing my composure and getting mad. However, it does come back to get me. My mood gets so dark and I get a headache when the anger/resentment start to become too much. I don't know how to release it before I erupt to alleviate the pressure. Its like I can only show anger once I've hit my limit, but not a second before.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
891 Posts
I know what you mean, this is so true for me as well. Though, it was easy to accept the head and gut fixes. I can even talk about how I relate to them and how the manifest IRL. But, I automatically repressed the fears, motivations, and desires or the 4 because I hated it. I still do it from time to time.

I also relate to what you said about repressing anger. Its automatic for me. I don't consciously realize that I am angry or something did bother me initially. It usually just brush it off and move on because I don't like losing my composure and getting mad. However, it does come back to get me. My mood gets so dark and I get a headache when the anger/resentment start to become too much. I don't know how to release it before I erupt to alleviate the pressure. Its like I can only show anger once I've hit my limit, but not a second before.
Thank you for sharing that. I have found that with anger, I knew that I had a problem with it, but I've only become aware of just how much. Other people saw me as *extremely* angry, and a few even said I was hateful (for instance, when talking about how my father abused me). Being referred to as "hateful" defintely hurt- because it was true. :( I didn't think- or want to be thought of- in that way.

To quote Riso and Hudson:

Anger, when fully experienced (and not acted out, repressed, or "swallowed") is instantaneous and short-lived. When we allow our anger without resisting it, it usually arises like a wave and passes through us within a minute. When we resist anger or hang onto it (for other strategic reasons of our ego), it perpetuates itself in increasing obsessive thinking, emotional constriction, and physical tension. Even when these thinking patterns have run their course, the anger remains stored in our body, locked in muscle tension and habitual behaviours such as pacing, nail biting, and teeth grinding
From "The Wisdom of the Enneagram", p. 109
 

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
@Steel Magnolia

You were called hateful because of how you felt about your abusive step father?

Also, the excerpt is very true. Sometimes I can repress anger to the point where I don't know its there if the person it was directed towards goes away. However, if I am introduced to them again, it can come flying back. I often wonder why people can't see that Im angry. I get extremely rigid and quiet (which is unlike me when Im in a good mood) so I think that if I was observing it, I'd think that I'd better back down. Sometimes I think people should be able to feel the heat coming off me. Apparently not.
 
1 - 20 of 104 Posts
Top