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Discussion Starter #1
As an INFJ, if I come to the conclusion that someone is not worth the effort, or my time in general, I quietly disappear from their lives. I’d still answer if they ask some questions, in order to be polite and not hurt anyone’s feelings, but I keep the effort to the minimum. If someone proves to me that they are actually worth it, I am ready to let them back into my life and change the opinion I had of them. How other personality types react in this situation?
 

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I don't think this'll be tied to type, but to answer as an individual who is an INFP, I'm exactly the same, I just sort of forget that they exist and go and play videogames or something in my now-free-of-that-person life. Though if they were a friend and they've really pissed me off I'll probably kickstart the goodbye with a snarky text or something. When I originally thought I was INFJ I related to the "INFJ doorslam" quite a lot (though I'm pretty sure that isn't INFJ-specific). Though I'm pretty badly guilty of doing that even to people who are worth my time, I just tend to get caught up in a neverending train of things that distract me from all the interpersonal relationships I should be maintaining and completely vanish from peoples' lives as a result, unless they eventually reach out to me again.
But I suck at holding grudges, if a person I don't like re-enters my life later and they seem to have earnestly changed, I'll give them another shot. But chances are I'll probably disappear again afterwards regardless just from my usual habits.
 

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This is defenitely not type related but maybe i could see a little more of connection if it was ennea and not MBTI, since enneagram contains more type info around energy levels while MBTI only suggest types based on our preferences when we process info. This is an energy related problem. A more fiery or direct person who is not afraid of confrontations will just fight or talk it out depending on the situation while a more passive one who avoids conflict will just dissapear or something like that. From what you said above you seem more like the passive kind, whether its their feelings you think of or yours you dont want to hurt.

Well anyway to answer the OP i usually straight out tell them how things are and that my interests lye elsewhere so i need to move on because i cant go on anymore. I find it worse to not explain why you leave someone - leaving them confused trying to understand what actually happened.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I don't think this'll be tied to type, but to answer as an individual who is an INFP, I'm exactly the same, I just sort of forget that they exist and go and play videogames or something in my now-free-of-that-person life. Though if they were a friend and they've really pissed me off I'll probably kickstart the goodbye with a snarky text or something. When I originally thought I was INFJ I related to the "INFJ doorslam" quite a lot (though I'm pretty sure that isn't INFJ-specific). Though I'm pretty badly guilty of doing that even to people who are worth my time, I just tend to get caught up in a neverending train of things that distract me from all the interpersonal relationships I should be maintaining and completely vanish from peoples' lives as a result, unless they eventually reach out to me again.
But I suck at holding grudges, if a person I don't like re-enters my life later and they seem to have earnestly changed, I'll give them another shot. But chances are I'll probably disappear again afterwards regardless just from my usual habits.

Yeah I am the same
 

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Discussion Starter #5
You are right. I am curious, how do you feel if the person you have given an explanation to is passive and doesn’t answer to you?
 

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I am much too forgiving and lenient with other people. I also always care about other people more than they care about me. So I never "let go" exactly. Even when other people get over me, I don't get over them. I've never actually kicked anyone out of my life, but I have grown apart from close friends due to the fact that life is ever changing and people grow up and grow apart... and I'm still not over it a decade later lol. I mean I learn to live with it, but I am VERY MUCH an all or nothing sort of person. I give you 100% or I give you 0%, and if you're a 100%, you're my 100% for life, even if I am not for you.
 

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You are right. I am curious, how do you feel if the person you have given an explanation to is passive and doesn’t answer to you?
If im the one who wants to end it? I dont like it but i end it anyway. I made the decision so going back because she would be hurt would only make things worse. My intentions are clear what kind of relationship goes on if one of the 2 involved shows they want to leave it?

Also i frequently find myself wanting to change people if i see they have some kind of issue so i d rather fill them in and try to propose a solution than keeping silent (im bad at keeping silent when its something that obvious that needs to be voiced out anyway).

And in the end of the day if its over its over, it doesnt matter what i feel about it, I wont continue something that no longer makes me happy.
If the issue is with me ill admit it and ill accept any kind of hate. If the issue is with her ill tell her so she will have input to improve.

It doesnt matter if im hated or not ill just leave after ive said what i judged as important to say.
 

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Everyone's giving similar stories. I think it's safe to assume it's not type-related.

Like most others - once I'm fed up with someone, I'll drop out of their lives. I'm perfectly capable of being polite after this but I won't acknowledge/interact with them if I don't have to. I don't actively set out to hurt them, I'm just apathetic about their existence.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
If im the one who wants to end it? I dont like it but i end it anyway. I made the decision so going back because she would be hurt would only make things worse.

Also i frequently find myself wanting to change people if i see they have some kind of issue so i d rather fill them in and try to propose a solution
What I mean is, what if after you give them your feedback, they don’t react to it in anyway. Would you be upset about it? I mean the reason why I never give people I decided to cut off my life any feedback, is because then I would expect the same thing from them as well and if they don’t react, I feel like they never cared in the first place and so, even if I have decided they are not worth the effort I feel awful.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Everyone's giving similar stories. I think it's safe to assume it's not type-related.

Like most others - once I'm fed up with someone, I'll drop out of their lives. I'm perfectly capable of being polite after this but I won't acknowledge/interact with them if I don't have to. I don't actively set out to hurt them, I'm just apathetic about their existence.
I would maybe need a confifrom other INFJ’s to be sure that it is type related, but for me even if the door from my side is locked, it. An always be reopened if the other person shows me that he/ she is actually worth the effort
 

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What I mean is, what if after you give them your feedback, they don’t react to it in anyway. Would you be upset about it? I mean the reason why I never give people I decided to cut off my life any feedback, is because then I would expect the same thing from them as well and if they don’t react, I feel like they never cared in the first place and so, even if I have decided they are not worth the effort I feel awful.
I think i would be a little upset because they dont care enough to talk it out but in the end if i want to leave ill just leave no matter what they do. I ll mostly feel bad if they dont try to discuss the issue at all because they are stuck in their ways and they dont care for improvement or are too blind to see the problem.

But if i have decided to leave nah i dont think it matters what they do to show they care. I would have already made an image based on past interactions to see if they care or not. I wont judge that by their last reaction - i know they ll be more emotional then if they cared before.

If they didnt care then its likely i would have left sooner because of that.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I think i would be a little upset because they dont care enough to talk it out but in the end if i want to leave ill just leave no matter what they do. I ll mostly feel bad if they dont try to discuss the issue at all because they are stuck in their ways and they dont care for improvement or are too blind to see the problem.

But if i have decided to leave nah i dont think it matters what they do to show they care. I would have already made an image based on past interactions to see if they care or not. I wont judge that by their last reaction - i know they ll be more emotional then if they cared before.

If they didnt care then its likely i would have left sooner because of that.
And what if they did, want to talk it out I mean, would you still go no matter what they say? I mean are you opened to to change your mind, based on the other person’s reaction or once you are done you are never going back.
 

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And what if they did, want to talk it out I mean, would you still go no matter what they say? I mean are you opened to to change your mind, based on the other person’s reaction or once you are done you are never going back.
im open to discussion but ill consider going back only if what made me leave is fixed or improved. So they need to understand it and be willing to work with me to get past the issues. Though that depends on the situation of course. If the issue is mine or something else entirely (external factor) and unfixable then no matter what they do or say, it wont change my mind.
 

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I'm too forgiving. However on the flip side... I can hold grudges, or.. its hard to forget things that has happened to me.
I usually forgive people for a couple or few flaws in their personality or beliefs etc if I really like them (friend, family, lover etc.) But if its life threatening to me or others and you tick too many boxes on my shit list then... I kind of just... avoid you to the best of my ability. But if I have to be in contact with you I'll still be polite, but there will be nothing beyond that, and I probably won't care if I didn't say bye before leaving the building.

But there are a few traits in people that always put me off especially if they're flaunting it, ie: arrogance, some type of predator.

PS. I do initiate contact with my friends at times, but when I don't.... don't expect to hear from me until like 6 months later. If I think a friendship isn't going to work or progress any further I just kind of slowly disappear, or just cut people off all of a sudden. Depends? Sometimes I don't talk to somebody for a while too, if I'm trying to figure out where we stand in our relationship, because I don't want to bother them in the meantime, if I mean so little to them.

Edit:
I still have people on my facebook who I've met once or twice but don't even really talk to them. But maybe that's just Facebook...
My old work colleagues. We became close, and good friends, and it seems we're drifting apart now, but I still consider them my close friends because of our previous interactions.... but refer to the 6 month thing above lol. I just can't be bothered talking to people sometimes. Hard for me to focus my attention on more than one or two people at a time. Same with my hobbies etc. So if I've been talking to somebody new and we click, then they're my current buddy, my other friends are still my close friends, but its like, I'm too busy talking to my new friend.... I don't know. Its like when you have obsessions and you keep jumping back and forth between them.
 

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I am much too forgiving and lenient with other people. I also always care about other people more than they care about me. So I never "let go" exactly. Even when other people get over me, I don't get over them. I've never actually kicked anyone out of my life, but I have grown apart from close friends due to the fact that life is ever changing and people grow up and grow apart... and I'm still not over it a decade later lol. I mean I learn to live with it, but I am VERY MUCH an all or nothing sort of person. I give you 100% or I give you 0%, and if you're a 100%, you're my 100% for life, even if I am not for you.
I'm still not over about not being friends with my childhood friends anymore. Nothing ill between any of us, its just my family had to move thus we grew apart... They were the best man.... nobody else like them again. Good times.. And probably because we were children the experience seemed more... I think I'm saying they were the best friends I had because the interaction was mostly pure. Its different making friends as an adult, and having a childhood friend stay with you in adulthood. But I don't think I really know what its like to have a friend be with you until adulthood because one of my friends, we grew apart as teenagers and now we're only kind of friends again so.... Even though I've known her for all this time I don't feel very close to her. Well I do in a way but... can't explain.
 

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I am much too forgiving and lenient with other people. I also always care about other people more than they care about me. So I never "let go" exactly. Even when other people get over me, I don't get over them. I've never actually kicked anyone out of my life, but I have grown apart from close friends due to the fact that life is ever changing and people grow up and grow apart... and I'm still not over it a decade later lol. I mean I learn to live with it, but I am VERY MUCH an all or nothing sort of person. I give you 100% or I give you 0%, and if you're a 100%, you're my 100% for life, even if I am not for you.
I still have people on my facebook who I've met once or twice but don't even really talk to them. But maybe that's just Facebook...
 

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Discussion Starter #18
But I don't think I really know what its like to have a friend be with you until adulthood because one of my friends, we grew apart as teenagers and now we're only kind of friends again so.... Even though I've known her for all this time I don't feel very close to her. Well I do in a way but... can't explain.
I can relate, with my best friend growing up, I am not close anymore. I realized I didn’t meant enough to her. We are on good terms and sometimes we get in touch, but it’s notthesamething. I don’t feel it anymore. Butthisiswhat imeant, I realized she wasn’t worth the effort and I quietly disappeared from her life. No hard feelings, but not good ones either.
 
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